Damn it. Damn it all.
It had been almost four days since Katniss had called him. He was finally back in 12 and he was weaving around people as fast as humanly possible to get to the hospital. People glared at him as he shoved his way past, but he didn't care.
His old boss from 2 had not wanted to allow him to leave the simulation, especially because Gale was reluctant to explain all the details to anyone beyond the fact it was a family emergency. Everyone else had thought the boss had lost his marbles, but his refusal prevented Gale from leaving. After being told one too many times he wasn't going anywhere, Gale shouted that Johanna was in the hospital and there was no guarantee she would make it.
The boss from 2 sneered at Gale then, mumbled something about how it might be a good thing if she finally managed to off herself, which shocked the whole room into silence.
The whole room except for Gale, who called the man a word he probably should not have used in a professional setting and explained that Johanna had just lost a baby, and then, realizing it was the first time he had said that out loud, fell into a numb silence himself as the whole room looked at him. Very few people outside of family knew Johanna was pregnant.
His current boss from 12 stood up from his seat. "Let's go, Hawthorne. You've got somewhere more important to be.
"You-you can't just leave!" Spluttered the man from 2.
He was ignored besides a comment to someone else that he would be dealt with later.
A few hours later placed Gale pushing open the doors to the District 12 hospital. The over-clean smell hit his nose and the fluorescent lights made him squint as soon as he entered the lobby. The emergency room was off to the left. Was she there? No, no not if she had been there for days. He had no idea where she would be.
He caught sight of he could only assume to be the information desk and walked up to it. A young man sat on one side of the desk and a young woman sat several feet away on the other side. She was pointing something out on a map to an older gentleman.
The young man smiled politely at Gale. "Can I help you?"
"Maybe. I-I'm looking for someone."
"A patient or a visitor?"
"Patient. I'd assume she's admitted. I-I don't know… I haven't heard anything since I got a phone call and I…" he stopped talking. Now he was just rambling. He was nervous, he couldn't help it.
"Hm, what's her name?' asked the young man, moving his hands to be ready to type on his computer. He had a name tag on that read 'Westin'. "I can look up what floor she's on and then they can help you more from there."
"Uh, Johanna Mason?"
A flicker of recognition crossed the young man's face as he glanced back to Gale before typing. "Floor 3. The elevators are back that way. Once you get to the third floor, there'll be a desk where some nurses are sitting. They'll be able to give you more information."
Gale nodded. "Thanks,"
Westin nodded in response, the tiniest hint of a sad smile on his face.
The lobby was painted a light blue and it wasn't that big, but walking to the elevators felt like an eternity. He pushed the 3 button and up the elevator went. Sure enough, when the doors opened, the nurses' station was directly ahead. Above the nurses station hung a sign that said "Women's Health".
The floor seemed quiet. No one seemed panicked. He wasn't sure if that made him feel better or worse.
A nurse greeted him kindly and asked him if he was there to see someone.
"Yes. Johanna Mason."
Her face fell slightly, but she nodded. "She's in 216," She pointed to her right. "Go down this hallway, it'll be on the right."
His heart started to race as he made his way down the hallway. She was okay. She was alive! That was good. She had made it. Thankfully. Physically, she was going to be fine, he figured. Emotionally, he wasn't sure what to expect.
But he was going to be there for her no matter what.
216 was written on a little white sign that hung from the ceiling in front of the closed door. He didn't want to knock, in case she was sleeping, but he also felt weird just walking in. He decided to open the door slowly.
A piece of paper with a butterfly on it was taped to the door right above the handle. He glanced up and down the hallway, there was one door a few rooms down on the left that appeared to have the butterfly as well. No others though. He wondered what the significance was as he slowly opened the door.
There were two people on the hospital bed.
Katniss was sitting besides Johanna, they were flipping through Katniss and Peeta's book, which was massive.
Katniss looked up to the door first and looked relieved when she saw Gale. She looked back to Johanna, who ran her finger over something in the book. "Jo? I'm going to head out. Do you want me to leave the book with you?'
Johanna shook her head as she shut the book. "Take it,"
"Okay," Katniss replied, carefully getting up from her spot on the bed and taking the book off of her friend's lap. "I'll see you later."
"Bye," Johanna replied, turning her attention to the window.
Katniss made her way to the door. She stopped in front of Gale. "She's doing… okay." She whispered. "Glad you could come back."
"Me too,"
"Call us if you need anything,"
Gale nodded and Katniss headed down the hallway towards the elevators.
He took a deep breath. "Hey Jo,"
Johanna looked over to him in surprise.
He shut the door behind him and dropped the bag he didn't bother to drop off at home in the corner of the room as he walked towards her.
"You're… here," She said softly, rubbing at her eyes. They looked red and heavy.
"Of course I am," he answered, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Would've been here sooner if I could've. How… are you feeling?"
She shrugged halfheartedly. She hadn't moved from her place on the other side of the bed. She sat with a pillow behind her, her knees pulled to her chest. There were things on the table beside her- flowers, a card, other little tokens from loved ones that said she was in their thoughts, that she was loved.
They sat in silence for a moment.
"I mess everything up," Johanna muttered.
"That's not true."
She shook her head. "It is."
He reached over and took her hand. "I hate it when you talk like that."
She sniffled suddenly and a tear streamed down her cheek. "I'm sorry,"
"What are you sorry for?' Gale asked her incredulously.
"I know how much you wanted this and I-"
Gale pulled her against him. "It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault."
She only started to cry harder. He held her tighter.
"You have no reason to be sorry," he continued quietly, on the verge of tears. "I'm glad you're alright. That's all I need right now."
"I wish… fuck, I wish this didn't happen." She managed to say.
He could not respond. Instead, he rested his head on hers and held her close.
He had wanted it. He had wanted a kid, to be a dad. He knew Johanna had wanted it to. They were going to figure it out, make it work, be a goddamn happy family and lead a goddamn normal life. But the universe had other plans.
Johanna was still here with him, warm, breathing, alive. He was thankful for that.
She had been through so much. She was clearly devastated about it. Hopefully she would be alright emotionally after a while. He would love her anyway, but he knew she would be upset with herself if she wasn't, and he hated when she was upset with herself. She had been through more in her life than she should've and it wasn't fair that she kept getting dealt shitty hands.
So he cried. He cried for lots of reasons. He cried because Johanna had been through too much, that they would never meet their baby, that she made it and was alive, that they had even had the chance at a kid in the first place.
"Don't leave," Johanna insisted moments later, breaking the suffocating silence and repetitive beeping. She looked up at him. Her eyes were red, her face was flushed and puffy from crying. Her hair was a mess. She looked as torn up as she sounded. And as he felt. He was sure he didn't look much better.
He pressed his forehead to hers. "I'm not going anywhere."