The roar of thunder along with the blinding flash of lightning draws my attention. I pick up my laptop and head towards Sarada's room. Aware that she'll be up soon. She's afraid of thunderstorms. Just like her mother. Although Sakura seems to have gotten over it these days since Sarada told me she goes to her Mama when there's a thunderstorm. Because her Mama is very brave and holds her in her arms when she feels scared. It doesn't really surprise me to be honest. The girl I once knew and loved, she's long gone.
"Papa-" she calls in a sleepy voice just as I open the door.
"I'm here, Sarada," I sit at the corner of her bed. "Don't be afraid." I place my hand on her head, trying to comfort her.
"Papa's hand is big," she comments after a few seconds.
"Hn?"
"Papa's hand covers Sarada's head," she places her hands on mine. They're so tiny even two of them together can't cover it. "More than Mama!"
She talks as if she has just made an astounding discovery.
And all of a sudden, I don't know what to say. When it comes to her, it's not that I don't have anything to say. In fact I do. A little too much. But I don't know how much I'm allowed to say and more importantly, I don't think anyone cares. It makes me feel so muddled. So I go for the easiest escape. Changing the topic.
"Do you know, Sarada, when you were born, you were so small, I could fit your entire head in my hand."
She blinks. And that's just like Sakura. Yes, at first glance, Sarada looks like a girl version of me, but once you spend time with her, she is all Sakura.
"Was it when Sarada came out of Mama's belly?" she asks excitedly.
I chuckle.
"Yes. When you were a baby."
She thinks for a while.
"Cannot remember."
"Cannot remember what?"
"Being in Mama's belly."
"No-one can remember it, Sarada."
"Sarada also cannot remember when Mama, Papa and Sarada lived together and Sarada played with Papa a lot."
Well, that could be because it's not entirely true.
"Sarada, do you want me to read you a story?"
She sits up. And looks at the laptop in front of me.
"Papa doesn't have work?"
"What?"
"Mama told Sarada to be a good girl and not disturb Papa when he is working."
Okay. This, I don't like.
.
.
.
"Look, Mama! Papa bought me doughnuts," Sarada holds up the paper box with a wide smile on her face as Sakura opens the door.
Sakura's eyes travel to me for a moment before returning to Sarada. She pats her head and smiles.
"Isn't that nice, Sarada? Go wash your hands first. Then you can eat it."
Kicking her red shoes off her feet, Sarada runs inside. Eager to have her favourite doughnut.
"I need to talk to you."
Sakura turns to me. She tries not to show it but I can still see the way her body stiffens up at my words. "Please get inside," moving aside, she invites me in.
"Would you like some tea?"
I know that every second I spend inside her apartment is torture for her. And for me as well. Not because I hate her but because I hate seeing how much she despises me.
"No."
"Water?"
"Nothing. Just give her a doughnut and we'll talk."
"Okay," without another word, she heads towards the kitchen.
.
.
.
"I don't want you to tell Sarada things like she shouldn't disturb me and such."
Sakura looks up at me. Her blank face doesn't give any hint of what's going on inside her head. Making me sigh.
"Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. How to educate Sarada. You're far better at it than me. I understand your concern about my work, I appreciate it. I just want her to feel free when she's with me. That's it."
She keeps quiet for a while and then shrugs. "If you say so."
And we fall silent.
"Ah, I decided to make a separate bank account. For Sarada."
I can't help the slight frown.
"Since I can handle her expenses right now, the money you send, I decided to save it for her future."
I nod. Not knowing what else to do.
"Thought I should tell you," she fumbles with the hem of her red top.
"Hn."
And the heavy silence comes back to engulf us, with all its awkwardness.
Moments like this make me wonder how people can change so much. It's her. The same girl I met seven years ago and ever since, have been involved with one way or another. And yet, the woman sitting in front of me feels like a complete stranger.
And the most ridiculous part of it is she didn't seem as much of a stranger when she really was one.
It was my second day at university. I was at the cafeteria, tearing the plastic wrap of the sandwich I had just bought.
"Racist asshole!"
And there I saw her. Standing up from her chair and forcing the other girl to do so by holding her collar.
"Apologise to her."
She pointed towards another girl seating across the table. Who looked pretty shaken. I couldn't tell if it was because of the racist comment or because of Sakura's behaviour.
The cafeteria was packed with students since it was lunch break. And yet, no-one made any effort to interfere. I bet some of them regretted not having pop-corn ready.
I don't know what possessed me because I've always been the type to mind my own business.
"Stop it."
And she turned my way. Eyebrows drawn together, a deep frown in the middle of her forehead, green eyes glaring like they'll burn me right on the spot.
"You'll get in trouble if you start a fight here."
For fuck's sake! It was just the second day of uni. Did she want to get a warning already?
She blinked a few times and then let go of the other girl who seemed to sigh in relief. Sakura picked up her bag and said, "I don't wanna sit here with people like you." And she stomped out of there.
For some reason, it bothered me that she might have mistaken me for an ally of the 'racist asshole'. And I don't know, why did it matter that a girl I didn't know had a bad opinion of me?
Anyway, I went out of the cafeteria to look for her.
It didn't take me long. Because of her hair. Yes, her hair. That was the moment I realised she had a very unique hair colour. During the whole ordeal at the cafeteria, her overall presence was so intense, especially those fiery green eyes, somehow I forgot to pay mind to her bizarre pink hair.
She was sitting under a tree. Arms crossed over her chest. She looked angry.
When I walked to her, a little hesitant and yet unable to stop my feet, she looked up, saw me and said, "I didn't even get to buy lunch and now I'm hungry but I don't feel like going back into the cafeteria."
All at once.
And she pouted.
And instead of asking why she was sitting at a table without having bought anything to eat in the first place, I took one sandwich and held it out for her.
"Here."
She looked surprised. But didn't try to refuse.
"Thank you," she smiled at me and although I wasn't thinking straight at the moment I know I didn't imagine the pink shade on her cheeks.
"Thank you for stopping me there. I got so mad I totally forgot about rules and stuff," she took a large bite of the sandwich.
I didn't say anything. Because I didn't know what to say. And she didn't really seem to care anyway.
"I don't like it when people look down upon others for stupid reasons."
That day, after lunch, we went back to our classes without even asking each other's name. And I more or less spent the entire evening and several evenings after that thinking about the pink haired, green-eyed feisty girl whose name I didn't know.
When I think about it now, it might've been because of how undaunted she was. The way she could act without caring about consequences.
I had grown up under the supervision of very strict parents. And people like me want to rebel, to break free, to test for ourselves the limitations imposed upon us. And yet we feel scared to actually do it.
It still made me shrink when I saw a look of disapproval in my father's eyes. No matter how many times I told myself I could not spend my life pleasing him. It had become like an instinct.
I believe that was why I was drawn towards her. There was a fire inside her.
And I was like a moth drawn towards a flame.
Note: I'm feeling like writing this fic because I just finished the book yesterday. And I still feel very immersed in it and want to write the fic inspired by it.
Their first meeting, I kept it similar to how the characters in the book first met. Because when I read that part, before even coming up with the idea of this fic, I thought 'That's so SasuSaku.'
Anyway, take care.
Love,
June ❤️
[03.03.2020]