It feels like getting hit by lightning. What... is she saying?

I see her fold her knees close to her chest and wrap her arms tightly around herself. And she keeps crying. Without holding back.

"Please... Only hate me."

The fuck is she talking about?!

"Please... Don't blame Sarada... She didn't ask to be born... I... I was careless and... But I didn't intentionally get pregnant to tie you to me... I didn't..." she shakes her head.

I stand there, unable to move an inch as I watch her entire body shake violently with the impact of crying. And three years after separating from her, I realise for the first time.

I was wrong.

It was a little over a year since our marriage. I had turned twenty just two months ago, had the most beautiful and loving wife in the world and had started my third year at uni. My grades were the best in the class which allowed two-third of my tuition fees to be exempted. Life had never been better.

That evening, she didn't go to Tsunade's wine bar. It alarmed me because she wasn't the type to miss work unless absolutely necessary. She loved her work. Especially playing the piano. So, I was kind of worried when I came home.

She was in the bed and the room was dark. I thought she was sleeping so I decided to take a shower and get changed.

"Sasuke?"

"You're awake?" I turned around. "Can I switch on the light?"

"Hmm."

She looked a little pale and tired. And a little... nervous? Was she sick?

"What happened?" I sat on the corner of the bed.

She refused to look me in the eye and spoke in a very low voice, almost a whisper. "I... I'm pregnant."

I was at a loss for words. Because we were using protection. Well, most of the time.

"Are you..." she looked at me, as if a little scared, "Are you mad at me?"

"What? Of course not!"

"You're not... saying anything."

I held her hand and pulled her close so that I could wrap my arms around her.

"That's because I'm surprised. I'm not mad. There's no way I'll be mad at you for getting pregnant."

"What are we going to do, Sasuke?"

"You don't want the baby?"

"I do, but we're not... ready yet. You're still studying..."

"We'll figure it out. We still have time. We'll get ready." I kissed the top of her head and placed my palm on her still flat stomach.

I told myself we'll learn along the way. That it's not possible to learn everything beforehand anyway. Like swimming. You have to get into the water to master it.

It was a surreal experience, seeing how Sakura's stomach grew gradually. She had always been beautiful but those days, she was simply glowing. She smiled a lot and was even nicer to people. And I especially loved it when she conversed with our yet unborn baby. She'd talk to her about everything. Starting from me to the day's weather. She'd tell her how much she loved her and how she couldn't wait to meet her. She made me do it too and although at first I was a little hesitant, very soon I came to enjoy it. I loved it when I'd talk to my daughter growing in Sakura's womb and she'd kick. It felt like she was replying to me in her own way. Making me even more eager to meet her.

When I finally got to meet Sarada, no longer an image in ultra sonogram or a kick from inside Sakura's tummy, but a real baby, living and breathing, I was alarmed by how small she was. It was almost impossible to believe she was also a human being like us. The miracle that I thought our wardrobe was, because my colours and Sakura's colours mingled there, Sarada was the epitome of that miracle. She was a life Sakura and I had created together. She was our child. The doctor taught me how to hold her. Making sure I was supporting her neck. And I watched in amusement as her little head fit into my palm so easily. Her small fists were clenched and as I tried to pry it open, she wrapped those tiny fingers around my index. And she slept peacefully in my arms. Chest rising and falling. She had small chubby baby arms and legs and a button nose and plump pink cheeks. Her soft hair was black like mine. A few drops of tears did escape my eyes. That was the moment I knew we had made the right choice. After all, life was full of challenges. And parenthood was just another one of those. We were going to overcome it together.

Sakura's father helped us pay the hospital bills. Because it was a little more than what we had anticipated.

Soon we realised, it wasn't just the hospital bills. So far, we had been doing fine but now we had a child. Turned out, having and raising a baby required money and we didn't have much of that. Sakura had quit work to take care of Sarada. So now we had one more person to support and one less earning member in the family. I realised things could no longer go the way they had been going so far.

Sakura's father was still helping us from time to time while my father made any help conditional on my leaving her. Of course while getting full custody of Sarada. I was in deep shit. I had to come up with a solution. I couldn't rely on my father-in-law to support my family. Especially when said father-in-law was already under the impression that getting married that young was a mistake. And it wasn't just him. I had been warned again and again, by literally everyone, to not take the steps I had taken. And I had ignored it all. So, I had brought this upon myself. And now I had to take responsibility for my actions. I was a married man who had a wife and a child to support. Even though I wasn't even twenty one yet.

With two years still left at university, I gave up my studies to get some real work.

That was perhaps when it finally hit my parents that among the things I was ready to abandon, Sakura didn't belong. A little too late. My father said he'd 'consider' helping me if I went back to university. But by then, I had had enough. I thought of Sarada, how much I loved her and vowed to never treat her the way my father had treated me. And that was exactly what I told him. That it shouldn't have taken him this long, things shouldn't have had to get that far for him to even 'consider' helping his child. That he didn't deserve to be a father at all and that I was going to solve my own problems myself. Because I wasn't a kid anymore.

So typical of a twenty one year old.

Note: I personally don't like the idea of getting married young. Because I've seen way too many people regret it later. That's why in my stories they're always at least 24-25 when they actually get married or settle down (not counting historical ones). But the fact is, it happens. My own cousin sister is currently dying to get married and we tried to talk to her but she just threatened to elope if the family doesn't agree. So, in the end we can't do anything other than hoping she doesn't come to regret it soon. And this happens a lot. That was why I liked that part of the book. Because it wasn't a very dramatic, special, exceptional story. It was way too normal, too mundane maybe, people get divorced like this all the time. And I thought its emotional side was depicted beautifully in that one chapter. It was real and raw. And this is a fic so they'll end up together again (of course!) but that's not how it goes in real life. People part and go their separate ways. They find love again, the people in the main story did too. But that doesn't necessarily mean the first relationship was a waste of time and they never loved each other. I believe you can love more than once and in more than one ways.

Anyway, lots of love and take care, wash your hands and maintain proper hygiene. Let's not panic and buy all the masks and soaps in the store. Some people are really doing that and it's not going to save you. We need to fight this as a community, not as individuals. If everyone else is infected, you won't be safe either.

June ❤️

[12.03.2020]