My vision gets invaded by pink the moment I open my eyes. And it doesn't even take me a moment to figure out it's Sakura. Even though I haven't waken up to the sight of her for three years now. That's the way my brain works. I see pink, I think Sakura. It doesn't take me any effort. It just happens. Like instinct. She's here, snuggling to my chest, fitting into me like a puzzle piece, her chest rising and falling. I can only see fragments of her face because her hair keeps the rest hidden. I feel a flutter in my chest, seeing the way she can sleep in my arms so peacefully, the way she told me she trusts me.
Even now.
I HATE that I have to go to the toilet, these stolen moments are all I have with her now. I don't want to lose even a single second.
Stepping out, I find Sarada sitting on the floor in the living area.
"What are you doing, Sarada? Why are you up so early?" as I get closer, I see the crayons scattered around her.
"Papa?!" her big eyes go bigger as she looks up at me. I feel like sitting down and caressing her a little but my bladder sends me a signal, reminding me why I left Sakura's side in the first place. "Papa will be back in a moment, Sarada. I need to go to the toilet."
"What are you drawing?" I sit down on the floor beside her.
"This is Papa, this is Mama, this is Sarada and this is Mr. Giraffe," she excitedly explains the picture to me.
That burnt scarecrow like thing… that's me?!
"Does Papa like it?"
"Yes, Sarada, it's beautiful."
I recall my conversation with Sakura. And it makes me feel much better, much much better knowing she's still drawing the three of us together. But no longer from imagination, but from experience. I place my hand on her small head. Her hair is so soft. "Did you have fun yesterday? Sarada?"
"Yes! Yes! Sarada had lots of fun," full of excitement, she jumps into my lap, throwing her little arms around my stomach, "Can I go out with Papa and Mama again?"
"Yes you can, Sarada," I ruffle her hair lightly.
She giggles happily. She's a kid, and it almost amazes me the way something as simple as this makes her so happy.
"Papa," she looks up at me.
"What?"
"Sarada is hungry."
Right! She's been up for a while.
"I'll make you something," I pick her up and place her back on the floor, "Finish your drawing in the meantime."
I find flour on the shelf and eggs and milk in the fridge. I assume it should be okay for me to use Sakura's kitchen since it's for Sarada.
"Do you want pancakes, Sarada?"
"Yes! Sarada loves pancakes. Lots of butter, Papa."
"Hn."
I grab a banana from the table.
"I'll be making pancakes now. But it'll take me some time. Till then, eat this."
"Banana! Yellow!" Sarada says excitedly before taking the banana from me and starts peeling it with full concentration. She even peels the fine strings under the skin before finally taking a bite.
"Good?"
"Ummm," she nods while eating.
"Okay," I grab a bowl and pour some flour into it.
I'm mixing the batter when Sarada drags a chair into the kitchen. "Sarada will help."
This is her recent hobby. She's taken an interest in cooking and whenever she's at my place, she'll always do this while I cook for her. She places the chair in front of the stove and climbs onto it.
"Sarada will make pancakes too."
It's a little troublesome, working while keeping an eye on her but she's very enthusiastic about it. I give her a small spoon since the ladle seems a little too much for her to handle. She takes a few spoonfuls of the batter and makes several mini pancakes all over the frying pan.
"What are you father and daughter doing so early in the morning?"
I turn around and see Sakura there, watching us with an amused smile on her face.
"Mama! I am making pancakes with Papa!"
"Oh!" Sakura walks up to us and stands on Sarada's other side. "They look tasty, Sarada." She pats her head.
Sarada grins happily.
"Chocolate syrup, Mama," Sarada pulls at Sakura's pajama after her tiny pancakes are done cooking. She leaves the kitchen and I get to work and start making the real pancakes.
"You're not going to eat pancakes. Are you?"
"I-"
Wasn't actually thinking about what I am going to eat.
"I'll make you something."
"You don't... have to."
"That'd be enough for Sarada and me," she points towards the batter in the bowl, "Meanwhile, I'll prepare your breakfast."
She makes butter toasts and two sunny-side-up eggs for me. We arrange the food on the table.
"What is this, Sarada?" Sakura frowns as she pulls her chair.
She picks up a half-banana which I recognise as the one I gave her earlier.
"Sarada?" I look at her.
Sarada giggles.
"You didn't eat it?"
"She does it a lot these days. The other day I found a half-eaten apple in my drawer."
Seriously?!
She's getting mischievous as she's growing up.
"Oh! I forgot the tea," as Sakura is about to get up from her chair, I stop her.
"I'll get it."
When we finally start eating, I see Sarada eyeing me and Sakura with somewhat of a strange look on her face.
"What's wrong, Sarada?"
"Mama and Papa are friends now?" Sarada throws the question so randomly that both Sakura and I take a few moments to grasp it. We exchange looks with each other before Sakura reaches her hand with a smile, "Yes, Sarada, Mama and Papa are good friends. Do you know Mama and Papa went to university together?"
"Eeeeh?" her eyes go big in surprise, "Really Papa?"
"Yes, Sarada," I can't help the smile, "That was where I met your Mama."
It brings back those old memories. We've been through a lot, things have been rough. But still, sitting here right now, eating breakfast with Sakura and our daughter, telling her the story of how we met, it almost feels like nothing is wrong at all. Like nothing ever went wrong.
"For Mama," Sarada puts one of her small pancakes on Sakura's plate, "For Papa." She smiles at me as she gives me the other chocolate syrup coated pancake.
So that's what she was saving the last two of her mini pancakes for?
"Thank you, Sarada," Sakura smiles at her and takes a bite of the tiny pancake, "Oh! It's so tasty! Even Mama can't make such tasty pancakes!"
"Very tasty," I follow her.
And Sarada looks like she cant' contain her happiness.
As we eat, I notice Sarada staring at my breakfast. It takes me a while to figure out that she's looking at the eggs. She loves egg yolks. So, I break the yolk from one egg and put it on her plate, "Here you go." She looks up at me with a smile so wide that almost looks like it's going to overflow out of her little face.
.
.
.
"Papa is going home?" the way Sarada looks at me, with tears gathering in her big beady black eyes, I feel like someone is squeezing my heart. I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave her. Or Sakura. Not now. Not ever. But with our current circumstances...
"Sarada," Sakura sits down in front of her and puts her arms around Sarada's tiny body, "Papa has work to do," she talks very gently, never losing the comforting smile on her face. "Papa stayed for lunch because you asked him to. Papa loves you a lot. But he has to go to office tomorrow. And if he doesn't finish his work, Papa's boss will scold Papa. Do you want Papa to get scolded?"
She looks at me. A little confused. The concept of her Papa getting scolded a little difficult for her to accept.
"You want to play with Papa more, right?"
She nods.
"Then, let's ask Papa if he can come here next Sunday too."
Both of them look up at me at the same time and I can't believe my ears. Did she really, through Sarada, mean to ask if I'll come here next Sunday too?
Did she really?
I just stare at her. She gets up from the floor, picking Sarada up in her arms.
"If you can, please come here next Sunday too. We can spend it together."
Her green eyes look at mine. She's beautiful. So beautiful.
"I-"
"Papa will come, Sarada," Sakura gently brushes her nose against Sarada's and smiles.
Sarada watches her and then me in confusion, since she didn't hear me agree.
"Yes, Sarada. I'll come and play with you."
"Really Papa?"
"Yes."
"Papa will make pancakes with Sarada again?"
"Yes."
"And we will play supergirl again?"
"Yes we will."
That game involves me holding her up in the air with both my arms so that she can pretend she's supergirl flying in the sky.
"Yayyyy!"
"Are you happy now, Sarada?"
"Yes Mama," she sounds full of energy all of a sudden.
"Then give Mama a kiss."
Sarada enthusiastically gives Sakura a kiss on her cheek, and then Sakura kisses her back.
"Give Papa a kiss too." She holds her up in front of me and Sarada pushes her lips against my cheek, and it's less of a kiss more of a noise kind of thing. But anyway, it's a kiss from my daughter. So, there's no way I'm not returning the favour. The way she giggles so happily, it makes me want to take her in my arms and hold her close to my heart.
"Mama won't give Papa a kiss?" She asks with innocent curiosity.
"Eh?"
"Mama said Mama and Papa are friends."
"Well... we-" Sakura looks at me, and if I didn't know her so well, I'd think the faint shade of pink on her cheeks is just my imagination. Then it happens too fast, her face gets close and there's a soft brush against my cheek and it's already over by the time I understand what just happened. Just like the first time she had kissed me at the bus stop all those years ago. She never changes.
I feel my face getting heated up a little. So, we're kissing again? In front of our daughter, no less? It's just an innocent kiss on the cheek but still...
"Papa?"
I lean forward and press a soft kiss on Sakura's forehead. Unlike her, I take my time, letting my lips linger there a while, inhaling the smell of her shampoo and remembering how her shorter height always made me feel like her forehead was meant for my kissing. Although she seemed to believe that her forehead is too big. How can forehead be too big in the first place?
I've hurt you, I've hurt you without meaning to. I was hurting too and I... I don't know how I can ever fix everything that went wrong because of my stupidity. I wish I could turn back time and stop it from happening. I'd change it, I'd stop myself from saying those words that night. If I could change just that single moment, things would still be alright. Won't they?
But I can't. No matter how much I regret it, I can't undo the damage that's already been done. But please, please understand that you're still very precious to me. Very precious. My most precious person second only to Sarada.
"Bye bye Papa." Sarada waves her hand at me with a smile.
"Bye, Sasuke."
"Bye. See you next week."
I walk down the stairs, but my heart stays behind. With Sakura and Sarada. And yet, I don't feel as empty as I once used to.
Note: Remember when I said I'll keep the chapters around 1k words? Yeah I talk nonsense a lot never mind me. I'm a clown.
June ❤️
[05.04.2020]