Sarada peeks inside my room from the door.

"Sarada?"

She runs to the bed without a word and tries to climb. Seeing how it's a little difficult for her, I help her, pulling her little body up. She crawls in and sneaks between me and the laptop.

"What are you doing, Sarada?"

She doesn't reply. I expect her to start her mischievous activities, pressing the keys randomly to see what happens. But she doesn't. Instead, she turns away from the laptop and places her head on my chest. And shuts her eyes. Clutching my T-shirt with her tiny hand.

What on earth?

She's been acting really weird today.

I asked Sakura to leave Sarada with me because I had today off. Otherwise she leaves her at her parents. When I went to pick her up, she wasn't as enthusiastic to see me like she normally is. And Sakura told me she hadn't eaten breakfast properly. Coming back home, I made pancakes for her which she barely ate. But at least she drank the orange juice. Then I asked if she wanted to play, she said she didn't. Instead she asked to watch the TV. In the end, seeing there wasn't much for me to do, I decided to study for a while. It hasn't even been twenty minutes.

What exactly is happening?

"Sarada?"

Her eyes are shut tight and her little mouth open, breathing deep. She has fallen asleep.

What's wrong with her?

I put my hand on her cheek and that's when it hits me. She has a fever. Her body feels hotter than usual. I place my hand on her forehead.

Yes. No doubt. She has a fever.

Shit!

Should I call Sakura?

No. I should take her to the doctor first. If it's nothing serious, then no need to get Sakura concerned.

I push the laptop away and get down from the bed holding Sarada carefully.

.

.

.

"The doctor said it's nothing to worry about. It's just because of the changing season."

"I know," Sakura pushes away a strand of hair from Sarada's forehead, "This happened last year as well. And the year before."

Really?

"You... have been doing this all by yourself."

She turns her face to look up at me.

I put my hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

For a few seconds, she just watches me in silence. Then, a faint smile appears on her lips.

"Shall we talk outside? We should let her sleep."

"Hn."

.

.

.

"Thank you," she breathes in the scent of the tea.

The couch sinks in a little as I sit down beside her.

"The first time she fell sick like that, I got so scared. I thought I had done something wrong, didn't look after her properly, that's why she got sick. I stayed up by her side all night. And I kept getting weird thoughts, like..." she smiles bitterly as she takes a sip, "What if something happens to me? Who's going to do this for her?"

I feel guilt stabbing at my heart once again.

"I... Thank you, Sasuke. Thank you so so so much. You don't know what this means to me."

"What what means to you?"

"Knowing that you love her and will do everything I'll do for her."

"You're thanking me for loving my own daughter?"

She laughs a little, "I know it sounds strange. But that's what I had started to to believe. I thought I was all alone in this. I felt this huge weight on my shoulders. I just..." she looks me in the eye, "Knowing she has you, even if something happens to me, she'll still have you. You know why I believed you when you said you love her?"

"Why?"

"Because you said there's nothing you won't do for her. That's exactly how I feel. That's why I understood you. Because regarding that one matter, we're the same. We, both of us, are her parents. That's why, I feel so relieved."

I keep quiet for a while. Guilt eating at me from every corner of my core.

"It was hard. Wasn't it?"

"What?"

"Doing everything on your own?"

"Uh huh. Very hard," she nods, "But the hardest thing was... I couldn't break down. I had to keep going even when I was crumbling inside. I couldn't cry when we were at my parents'. Because I knew it'd make Mum and Dad upset. After we moved from there, I thought I could finally let it all out. But because of Sarada I couldn't. I thought she was a kid, she won't understand. But whenever I'll cry, she'll come sit on my lap and hold me tight with her tiny hands and she'll cry with me." She wipes away the few drops of tears escaping her eyes, "That's why I stopped crying. Because it made Sarada upset."

That's so like her. Trying to be a good daughter and a good mother, trying to not worry anyone and just drinking her pain in.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there." My voice is almost choking, almost a whisper.

More like, I'm sorry I put you in that position in the first place.

"I'm sorry I wasn't a good wife, Sasuke. I tried. I did."

"NO." the word comes out much louder than I intended. Making her look at me, her eyes a little wide. "No."

I put the cup on the coffee table and hold her hand in mine. "Don't think that. Ever. You were doing everything you could, Sakura. It just... things were just..."

I was mistaken. I was young and at that age, love seemed like the answer to everything. If you have love, everything will be alright. If you have love, you can overcome all the obstacles. If you have love, there won't be a single thing to worry about, you'll live happily ever after.

But sitting here with her knowing everything I know now, that's not quite correct.

"I've been watching my brother and sister-in-law. Because they have such a perfect marriage and because ours was a, it ended up the way it did. And I realised something. Things aren't always going smoothly for them either. No. They have problems too. Some big some not so big. But they have them."

She watches me without saying a word.

"That made me understand, problems will keep coming. Because that's how it is with life. The thing that worries you right now, a day will come when it'll be gone and you'll feel relieved for a while until something else happens. They just keep coming and going one after another. Good things and bad things, both. And back then, I was too young and inexperienced to understand that."

I take a deep breath.

"Things were too hectic and my mind was screaming that it wasn't the life I had wanted. Because we had love. So, we were supposed to be happy. We were supposed to be this picture perfect family. Things were supposed to go well for us. So why was it happening?"

Sakura casts her gaze down.

"But well, love isn't a magic spell. It can't feed you, clothe you, provide you with a roof over your head. For that, you need money. And we didn't have that. As simple as that. So, please, don't think for a moment that you were responsible for any of this. You weren't."

I wait for her to say something. But she doesn't.

"Also, maybe I don't have the right to say this. But when you're feeling low, if you find it okay, you can come to me."

I see a hint of a frown on her forehead.

"I mean, we've already been through the worst. So, in front me, you don't have to be so considerate. All the messy things that feel a little too much, just share them with me. Save your best, perfect self for everyone else."

She chuckles a little, "Isn't that what I did? After all this time, you were the one I could cry out to. Although it needed an entire bottle of wine to get me there."

"Yes. Thanks to the wine and to Sarada for taking out my keychain. I never would've found out." I pick up the empty cup from the table. "Do you want a refill? I'm gonna get one."

"Umm, okay," she gives me her cup.

With the two cups in hand, I get up from the couch and head towards the kitchen.

Note: Did. You. Guys. Watch. Today's. Episode? I never expected this shitty animation studio to make any content that'd portray Sakura in any positive light. But maybe this is their redemption arc? Or maybe they figured out that staying in our good books is what's best for them. I mean, the officials still talk about how Sasuke Retsuden was a bestseller.

Anyway, our lockdown got extended. Really don't know where this ends. I'll just keep studying and writing and fangirling over SasuSaku. You guys take care too. Not just of your physical well-being but also take care of your mental health. It's very important during times like this.

Lots of love,

June ️❤️

[12.04.2020]