As Lonely as a solitary tree

Something was different after Lady Izaiyou's passing, it wasn't overtly manifest nor did anybody spoke about it, but it was just palpable.

Lady Inutaisho seemed ... lost. Strange as it sounds, Kagome and Kaede felt it. All those years, all the displaced and mixed feelings suddenly lost their centre. Lady Inutaisho seemed to have lost a habit ,a reluctant friend and the fuel to her pride and somehow a competition of sorts. There is a void in her heart, a loneliness and a lament

'You follow him, even in death. You beat me to him'

Sesshomaru declares a nationwide mourning. He even sends a messenger to Naraku asking to expand on Negotiation time due to the recent woes that befell the kingdom.

Inuyasha is resilient and Kagome doesn't know if this resilience is a good or bad thing because ever since Lady Izaiyou passed away he refused to show any sign of grief inspite of everybody knowing he was deeply mourning. Inuyasha was sad and maybe for the first time in his life lonely, so lonely.

'But not alone' Kagome thinks.

Inuyasha sees to his business, he trains hard and sits through counsel sessions but he doesn't banter or object ... he stopped being difficult and being seemingly difficult was a quientessential part of who he is.

'You know you can talk, if you want to"

"Talking is something you do in harems, Kagome, with all the time you have on hand. It fits you, but it doesn't suit me"

Whatever ounce of ruefullness she formerly felt for him dissipated after his condescending remark.

Whatever stayed was anger and a 'Why did I ever care for him in the first place' kind of thought.

Miroku pulled him aside whispering under his breath that whatever he said was rude to which Inuyasha didn't seem to bother, at least not in that point of time.

"She was trying to be nice" Miroku said

But it will bother him, later. Miroku knew it and he knew it, in the pit of his gut.

Inuyasha knows he shouldn't shut her off like this but he has to.

It seemed like fate conspired to keep her as near to him the longest as possible, so near yet so out of reach.

The messenger has reached, requesting they extend negotiation time, for Lady Izaiyou has passed away and the kingdom was mourning. He could have simply refused ... in fact, it was much more sound to refuse, they could simply be 'buying' time.

He couldn't deny though, he started this fire, he waged this war thinking he was fully cured of her love, thinking he was immune to her charm ...

Whatever torture he suffers now is retribution for his own recklessness, the heart was nothing to mess with.

Kikyou was distressed, when she heard the news. he could understand yet there was something he could read in her eyes, something that hurt him, stroke his ire

'How is he taking it? Inuyasha, how is doing?'

And there is part of him that wants to be in his place.

"How come, that the lady Kikyou and the great general Inuyasha haven't married yet?"

The question was mean, sneaky and terribly misplaced in terms of time and circumstance, but it was also good offensive strategy judging the almost sneer in her face .

And he was nothing but vile in the first place.

Naraku learnt that Kikyou tackles things she doesn't like with Ignorance and he expected her to ignore the question altogether or brush him off

What he didn't expect was her answering

"Most people think we are terribly mismatched, that we don't belong with each other, Tell me Naraku, what do you think? are they right about this?"

She challenges him to answer with a smile, a mocking wry smile.

'I think, you belong with me and I think, you don't belong with me, I think you are too good for me, yet I can't let go, I am so a lowly selfish bastard that I can't let you go'

In a role reversal that would become common in the foreseeable future, He is the one who ignores the question.

Kikyou won this round.

They meet at twilight.

Miroku has gone lengths to convince both Lady Inutaisho and Sango to let them meet.

"What do you want?" Sango was sharp, irritative, he could remember times before when she wasn't. She was nice, gentle and always smily.

But things changed, after her father's death, and Kohaku's capture .. she wasn't the same .. but he .. he loved her the same.

"I know you aren't fine"

"Kagome told you"

"Well, maybe she hinted .. but Sango, I know you, have known you for a very long time. Despite being at odds most of our lives, we have always looked out for each other. we have always felt each other"

His words seemed to appeal to a special place in her heart, one she reserved for memories, fond memories of her family, of Kohaku and the awkward 'new ward' who had an inflated self confidence and a pervert attitude to cover up for his sadness at having lost his family at war. In sense, Miroku and Sango were similar now.

They were both alone, alone and foreigners. Neither Miroku nor Sango were from this region. They were both taken in by the Inutaisho clan after years alternating between peace and conflict.

But during the recent years, many changes have occurred, the Inutaisho clan was close to ending the feudal wars, to bringing together a one unified Kingdom after so long and with their clans dwindling and their people tired it was time to pledge allegiance to this House.

And Honestly, the Inutaisho House didn't disappoint.

But still, there was Naraku, Rasetsu and Koga of the wolves clan, Koga was reluctant to pledge his allegiance to Sesshomaru, but he still maintained he doesn't want war. In fact, he hadn't sufficient resources to fund a war and being able ally with Sesshomaru on occasion protected him from both: Rasetsu and Naraku.

The mortal enemies.

She felt despondent, that negotiations for her brother's release were delayed. She loved lady Izaiyou, truly did but she coudn't but feel bad about the timing, so unimpeccable

'Like she had a saying about it'

"Don't worry, Sesshomaru will resume negotiations soon. Kohaku is already a done deal, the real problem is negotiating Kikyou's release"

"I know, I just feel ... he is now in the hands of a monster and every passing second I keep thinking he is in Jeopardy, I can't help wanting him back"

"We all want him back, trust me we all do. How is Kaede holding up?"

"I envy her mettle, really. she goes around as usual but something tells me she knows more to the story than she lets on and it scares and comforts her in equal measure. And Inuyasha, how is he faring?"

"He is hurting. Inuyasha feels he has lost his only support. He feels like a true Orphan now, that in terms of his mother's passing but a word between us, he is also confused, so very confused and he is directing his confusion to war. Inuyasha may truly wage an entire war to get Kikyou back"

"And is this something new?"

"No. But his motives, they are different now."

She waited for him to further explain on his statement but he didn't. Instead, It was her who had taken to further cue on the subject.

"And Kagome? from what I have seen, they have grown very close over the course of those months"

"Everybody senses that yet I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. Inuyasha is torn between Loyalty to Kikyou and his new found fondneess for Kagome"

"It wasn't that they had parted on good terms really, Inuyasha and Kikyou."

"What can I say, they were always capricious"

The conversation was headed to a blunt pause before Miroku stated "I missed you .. talking to you, I mean."

Sango didn't reply, not that she didn't miss him too but that was giving away too much and as much as she loved Miroku, she blocked off those thoughts. She can never love freely when her brother was captive.

Not to mention, Miroku's lecherous pursuits.

"I heard you keep yourself company ... Oh, the infamous Miroku-san"

In his defense, he blobbed his head in negation

"Not anymore. I am trying to be a good boy. But that doesn't mean that I don't want a specific some."

Sango lowered her gaze, she knew what he meant but she had nothing to reply with.

He felt she was lighter now. This conversation it achieved its goal and now, it was time to leave, the sky was getting darker and Lady Inutaish specifically stated they both turn in before night time.

But before they parted he had to tell her something

"After Kohaku returns safely, after this war is over and after you deem me trustworthy enough for you, I will make a home for us, Sango. I will wait for now, will understand your silence until the time comes"

'And I will be ready then, I will be ready for you'

Sesshomaru valued peace and quiet. and he had little of either since he captured the prisoner. The last week, during the funeral's proceedings, Kagura tried to escape.

Something that both angered him and lady Inutaisho to no end.

Lady Inutaisho insisted she be transferred to a prison cell, although he tried to object .. she wouldn't take it any other way.

"But mother ..."

"She betrayed our trust, she belittled us, she disrespected we were in mourning .. she should be made example of" she firmly said, then she eyed suspiciously "Why are you objecting this so much? Is there something you want to tell me?"

"There is nothing, mother" He knew his mother suspected something since his fight with Inuyasha and that her suspicions weren't quelled, not even a little.

He could swear she had eyes around the palace telling her what he was doing.

"You are getting attached, son. And it is neither proper nor acceptable. Let me remind you, she is only here to trade for Kohaku and Kikyou, nothing more ... then she returns to wherever hellhole she came from."

'Hell hole' she'd agree with you on that

"Sometimes, I think I should have prohibited you from visiting her altogether"

"I am too old to be prohibited from doing things, Mother" he smiled tightly. He felt tired sometimes from having to remind her he was now an adult, a ruler of vast land and though he loved his mother dearly, she had a domineering trait to her that annoys him to no end.

"Then act like it"

But that doesn't overpower his want to see her, to chide her and even punish her for her attempt to escape.

He took a chance on her, she undermined him. It feels personal and so he decides he should visit her, one last time before negotiations begin.

The dungeon, it is dimlit. The humid and mouldy smell fills the air. It is ghastly different from the chamber designated to her before and Sesshomaru knows she must have felt the difference, the humiliation of the demotion

But, it was all her fault

"Come to revel at seeing me here, great lord Sesshomaru"

he looks at her, then looks around ..

"You should have been chained to the walls, flogged even"

"I am sure your lady mother will do this next time .. next time you see me"

"There is no next time"

Her eyes widen at his statement

"Next time, you will be handed to your brother in place of Kohaku. Until then, you stay here. and obviously I have no business here at all"

"You ... You will come. You won't give me back to him. I won't let you"

"You have no saying in this. You have obviously mistaken my clemency for weakness and you tried to escape at this time of all times ..."

"So that is it then. It is your pride that has been bruised, but forgive a captive like me for thinking little about your pride and trust whilst thinking about earning my freedom"

"Well, you seem to have lost both" He said with finality as he strode away from her.

And with every echo of his footsteps, Kagura could feel her heart crack just a little.

And maybe his heart was getting a little more empty for his liking.

He over exerts himself, devises plan after plan, rescuing Kikyou is becoming an obscession, Miroku notices, Inuyasha's coping mechanism, a distraction at best.

"You do realise" Miroku asks "That you are over exerting yourself and that everybody notices, right?"

Inuyasha doesn't answer, he has no desire to go through with the conversation

"And you do realise that most of your plans will probably go to waste?"

It still got no rise from him.

"And you do realise that your incessant occupation with saving Kikyou probably arise from guilt?"

Inuyasha flinched at that.

"I mean, to be honest, you have been anguished by Kikyou's capture for a very long time but something is different these days. It is like you do the same things you do but for a different purpose"

"and pray tell me, genius what do you think is wrong with me?" Inuyasha mocked

"You feel sad and guilty. My theory is you are so incessant about rescuing Kikyou because you are starting to feel strongly for Kagome. You feel it undermines your nobilty and your self respect, so you push off Kagome and you force youself to think about Kikyou"

"You are a delusional Idiot, Miroku"

"You can keep denying it all you want but it will still be there"

He mulls about Miroku's words. Inuyasha can't ascertain they are true or not, he is too confused!

He is tired.

He misses his mother.

He was young when he lost his father, even then he barely knew him. Yes, he had fond memories of him, but they were waterwashed and unclear. Most of the repertoire for his father was formed through his mother's stories and other people's recountings of the great lord Inutaisho.

Sesshomaru was the eldest and he spent relatively longer time with Lord inutaisho as sucessor. When he passed away, Sesshomaru and lady Inutaisho took reign and while part of him looked up to Sesshomaru and hoped he would be as kind to him as his late father, he was rapidly disappointed. Sesshomaru was groomed and primmed by his mother to be stoic and distant and soon enough it was clear the bastard would never be anything more to him than a nominal brother.

Sure, Sesshomaru has matured and has signficantly softened (as much as can be for someone like Sesshomaru) but it was a little bit too late.

So it was his mother whom he leaned upon the entire time, when he was angry, sad or ridiculed. When people would look down upon him as the half breed, the unsignificant brother.

Now, he lost her and he feels like an orphan all over again.

When Kagome sees him again, she doesn't start the conversation.

Although she can't but notice, he looks tired, so freaking tired.

She looks at him with desdain that doesn't quite reach her heart. Kagome isn't confused, unlike him. She is just angry at him for pushing her away always. She only wants to be his friend.

She knows she can be nothing more however much she wants to. He is so hung up on Kikyou and she isn't without an ethical code.

Yet there are things she can't control.

Kagome is smitten with Inuyasha.

"Kagome"

She ignores him, it is well deserved in the context of how their conversaton went last time.

But again, it is short lived for He calls her again.

"What do you want, Inuyasha?"

"I want to talk"

"I thought you wanted nothing to do with talking"

"I am so ... " he stops, Inuyasha he is probably not apologising for the life of him "I am willing to make an exception"

His puppy eyes win her over and she finds herself giving in to listening to him, all those oathes of teaaching him a lesson gone with the wind.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I .. I don't want you to ... nevermind, see you later, Kagome"

"Don't" Kagome finally snapped "Don't just start something then leave like this, Inuyasha, I don't ... you don't get to take all decisions yourself, you started this conversation with me, you end it with me, by mutual consent. So don't just go, stay and let's end this talk"

Inuyasha looks surprised at her outburst and unwillingly a comparison is drawn into his head. Kikyou, she doesn't snap, never snaps and that was always part of the problem, her anger was cold yet biting, Kagome's is searing but mangeable because at least he can tell/know she is angry but with Kikyou as rare as it was getting her angry, earning her forgiveness was almost unattainable.

"I amnot feeling well, I miss her, that is all I can say and It is strange you are the only person I am telling this to."

Kagome doesn't know if he is talking about his mother or Kikyou for what matters, but there is something in his eyes that speaks volumes, that says don't judge me, don't pull me closer or push me away and most importantly, don't leave me alone or break me and for the moment she could pretend she doesn't care less whom he is talking about.

"I understand, Inuyasha. You are tired, you are sad, you are confused. you feel like it and you look like it and you don't have to say further. It is ok. I feel frazzled as well. I feel ... I don't want to lose your friendship Inuyasha, I will fight to keep your favor, just stay"

There are lots of things hanging between them, untouched, untold yet Kagome knows it is such a great leap for Inuyasha to come so openly to her.

"And I will never do anything to lose yours, Kagome. I promise."

She looks at him like he is whole, the wholest thing in the world and he isn't used to that. He was the half breed, the one who had to fight all his life to earn recognition but she, she sees him under the best of light and part of him cringes when he realises she might be too good for him. Kagome never saw him at his worst and he wondered if it might change her perception of him.

But for the time, he prefers to sit with her, in silence mourning the mother he misses so bad, the mother who brought him to her, who trusted her to keep him reigned in.

Naraku thinks all his wars, he has won them in her name.

Before meeting Kikyou, he had no real motive to win anything, before Kikyou he was just a fugitive, running for his life ... muttering empty threats to his adversaries but after meeting her, he barely lost a single battle ... save for one.

Kikyou gave him the strongest purpose to live for, to fight for.

But she never knows this. She will never know.

The food in front of him stays forgotten, Naraku stares longly at her, the way the thirsty drink water, it has become a habit of his, one that she dislikes so much but Naraku doesn't care if she does and will keep doing this to get a rise out of her or so she thinks.

It isn't like he can't stop.

"You are such a cruel person, Lady Kikyou"

His remark, it takes her by surprise

"You are so beautiful like a star, like a Goshinboku, a solitary tree swaying in the wind, so beautiful that people's hearts ache in your presence. But you are so aloof, so lonely and so alone. Worst part, you don't even realise any of this, Kikyou."

It was the first time he had spoken to her like this.

"I don't think your words have any truth to them"

"So, you were never lonely? No, I think Inuyasha fills the void well."

Kikyou doesn't answer.

"I find no reason nor need for you to speak this way, Naraku"

"Of course"

"Were you ever lonely yourself, Naraku?"

"Me, never" he shrugs at her suggestion knowing fully well, he is lying through his teeth

or maybe he isn't, for she is always there, her shadow at least.

The rest of the time, they sit in silence. Kikyou wonders though if her loneliness shows that much or if he is just perceptive.

But Naraku still looks every once in a while and the remnants of his mad heart still aches.