"I removed the blanket cause she's sweating." I set the two cups back on the table.
"Huh?" she looks up at me, a little confused.
"I went to check on Sarada," I take my seat beside her on the couch.
"Oh." She picks her cup up and takes a slow sip. "The tea was just an excuse, wasn't it? You wanted to go check on her."
My hand with the teacup pauses midway.
"I can tell these things about you," she giggles, "And when she fell sick for the first time, I was like that too. Didn't want to leave her side even for a moment." She turns to me, offering me an assuring smile. "Don't worry, she'll be okay."
Defeated, I hang my head down, turning the teacup in my hand.
"I was so puzzled when she just came to me and fell asleep on my lap like that."
"I always keep her close when she's sick. I think that's why she wanted to stay close to you when she wasn't feeling well. She didn't want to be alone."
A warmth spreads inside my chest, allowing a smile to find its way to my lips.
"I talked to her."
"About what?"
"Our... situation. Explained it to her as much as I could. Told her she can be more free with you. All this time, I had taught her to be a little... careful around you? So, I explained to her that she doesn't need to do that and can ask you anything she can ask me. That you love her just like I do."
"Ah! That's why."
"Huh?"
"These days, her behaviour has changed a little. In the past, she stayed away if she saw me with my laptop. I only figured out recently that it was because she associated it with work and didn't want to disturb me. But now she comes to me and asks questions, also starts messing with the laptop. Pressing the keys here and there. Now I have to back up everything because just in case."
Sakura chuckles a little, "She's very mischievous. I think she's starting to show you her true colours now."
"I'm not complaining though."
"Still, we need to discipline her," she tilts her head a little, "But I'm glad you two have a normal father daughter bond now. In fact, she has always loved you and she would've been more open with you had I not taught her otherwise. I'm not saying it was a good thing to teach her but I had my reasons. You see, being a parent, it has its fun parts and its not-so-fun parts. And I didn't want to force the not-so-fun parts on you. Since I didn't..." her words stop midway, "Anyway. It's all in the past now."
For a while, we sit there in silence, sipping our tea.
"Do you think..." she starts as if unsure, "We'd still be together if we had money?"
"I don't know," I really don't, "Maybe we would or maybe there'd be a different issue. I can come up with a thousand 'what if' scenarios, but none of it really happened and it's a waste of time."
I offer her a bitter smile.
"I know I said I'll do it all over again. And I mean it I do. Sarada means the world to me, I don't think of her as a mistake. Don't get me wrong."
She turns her face to me. A small frown on her forehead.
"But what we did was very immature. Very immature. One of my co-workers has a disabled son. He needs a shit ton of money just to keep him alive. Just to keep him living and breathing. That boy will never be like other kids. He won't be able to run and jump and talk. They can't dream of sending him to school or about his future. Because they don't know if he even has a future. All they want is for him to live. Just that. Every time I see him, I hear this voice inside my head telling me that I was extremely lucky Sarada was born healthy. If she hadn't, I don't know how I'd have kept her alive, I was struggling to provide her with the bare minimum. I couldn't even afford a larger apartment where she could have a proper room. It was a store room for fuck's sake. That was the best I could give her," I stop talking when I feel my voice starting to choke.
"Hey," Sakura leans close to me and places her hand on my back. "It's okay. She was born healthy. Yes, we're very very very lucky but she is a healthy baby. And you did everything you could. You gave your everything both for her and for me. So, don't blame yourself. Didn't you just say thinking about 'what if's is a waste of time?"
Just how can she?
"Why don't you blame me?"
"For what?"
"For... this whole mess? I divorced you and turned your life into a living hell."
"Technically, you asked me for a divorce and I agreed."
"Just stop it!" The words come out a little aggressive. "Why do you try to make it look like I did nothing wrong? Why don't you hold me responsible? For anything?"
"Because it won't solve a thing," all of a sudden, her demanour changes completely. She looks so determined with this fire in the depths of her green eyes. "Say I blamed you. I decided everything was your fault, and I was just a victim there. Would that have made my situation any better?"
I find myself unable to come up with a reply.
"It wasn't important whose fault it was. That was like the least important part. What I needed to do was to get my life back in order. And my life is no living hell. Where did you get that idea? I got Sarada from you. There were difficult times, but I made it out of there, didn't I? I didn't want to be bitter. Yes, I married too young and like many had expected, it didn't work. But I didn't want to regret it. And I still don't regret it. I don't regret having loved you or married you when I was only eighteen. I don't regret having Sarada that young. The only thing I've ever regretted? Having dragged you two into this mess."
She sits there, breathing heavily. She still is that same feisty girl I knew, huh?
Then she moves away. Grabbing her bag from the corner of the couch, she pulls out her planner. She returns to my side and starts removing the outer cover. After a while, it comes off and there's something. A postcard?
She moves a little close to me and holds it in front of my eyes.
The photo we had taken back when we got married. Our 'wedding' photo. Me in a light grey T-shirt and dark blue jeans and her in a white sleeveless top and a red skirt. It was the only white outfit she had and she had decided to wear it that day for our marriage. We look so happy in this. So young and carefree. Completely unaware of the storm slowly approaching to tear our lives into pieces.
I don't know how long I stare at the photo, holding my breath. Then, it occurs to me.
"How do you...?"
"I went to the studio and got another copy."
What?!
"Why?"
"Because I wanted to keep it."
"Then why did you leave it behind?"
"I... didn't know how you'd react... How you'd feel seeing I was trying to keep our wedding photo, after turning your life into a mess... I didn't want you to hate me even more..."
It takes me a while to process all that.
"I brought it with me."
"Huh?"
"That photo," I smile. I don't know why because all I can feel right now is pain and emptiness, "And the two coffee mugs you left behind."
Her eyes go wide in surprise.
"The mugs got broken though."
And the broken pieces are still lying there in my cabinet. But I don't mention that to her.
She just stares at me, her big jade eyes bright and shining in the warm light of my living room. Her lips slightly parted. Does she have lip-gloss on? She has changed her hairstyle over the years. Now she has shorter hair that she parts on the side. And a fringe that wraps around the left side of her forehead giving her a very soft look. Before I know it, my fingers have found their way behind her ear, tucking a strand of hair that didn't even need tucking in the first place. I think her breathing gets a little heavier. I don't understand how she looks so innocent and so seductive at the same time. I feel her hand on my cheek, a gentle touch against my skin. I hear myself gasp and then I feel her warm breath on my skin and the next thing I know, her lips are on mine. She kisses me and I kiss her. After so long. So so long. I pull her close and she just comes along, making herself comfortable on my lap. Her hands link around my neck only to move up and latch to my hair a moment later. I close my arms around her, caging her into me. I can feel our racing heartbeats mingle and I just forget about the world and kiss her. It feels like finally finding a fountain after walking through the desert for ages.
"Stay."
I try to keep my voice clam as I watch her getting flustered and pulling at her clothes, trying to get it back to its former uncrumpled state. Standing two feet away from me.
"Eh?" the face she shows me is completely red. I doubt mine is any different. Not after that kiss, the aftereffect of which I can feel in my pants. "No... I... Sarada... My work..."
"I'll take tomorrow off and look after Sarada. You don't have to worry about her. It's late. Stay here tonight. You can take the bed. There's lock on my bedroom door. You can... Well..." I shrug. I mean we did spend the night on the same bed the other day but this was a different development today and I don't know how it's going to affect things.
"That's- I Don't need a lock... It's you."
It's such a serene feeling, a relief washing over my entire being.
She hangs her head. "Do you..." she starts pulling at the sleeve of her lilac coloured dress once again. This time, more forcefully. "Do you..."
Okay. This is making me anxious.
"You don't..." her voice drops to an almost whisper, "Have a girlfriend. Do you?"
Wha-
"You are the only girlfriend I've ever had."
Let there be no room for any further misunderstandings. I have enough on my plate as it is.
She lifts her face instantly. That surprised look is kind of adorable. And it gives me some confidence. So, I get up from the couch, standing tall in front of her. Startling her a little.
"What about you?"
"Uh?"
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
She doesn't say anything but her eyes go wider than I've ever seen them and she shakes her head so vehemently it almost looks comical.
"Ah. Good."
I smile. The familiar cherry flavour of her lip-gloss on my lips.
"I... will need to check Sarada at night."
"I'll do it."
"Huh?"
"You have work tomorrow. I'll keep an eye on her. You've been doing it all this time anyway. This time, let me."
"Oh," she blinks a few times, her long pink eyelashes brushing against her skin, "Where are you going to sleep?"
"I'll be with Sarada. And if I need, I have this couch. It's convertible."
"Uh," she nods slightly.
I feel a flutter inside my heart as for the first time since I moved here, this apartment feels like home to me.
Note: The way this was supposed to be a one-shot lmao.
About the piano, the topic will come up again but they're not rich and they have different priorities now. So, it won't be very romantic. I'm from a middle class family and I have to carefully plan out where to spend my money. That's why people in my stories are like that too. I prefer to write what I can relate to.
Also, thank you for all the love.
June ️❤️
[13.04.2020]