Tales of Love, Monsters and Princes
They are on cordial terms now and it scares her.
She feels like he is winning, like she is waning. Habituation is it? Or maybe pity? She doesn't want to get used to this but somehow she is despite herself.
Kanna has started to tell her about him, his past and she can't deny her empathy, her fascination. He strived so hard ... In a way he reminded her of Inuyasha except he wasn't him. Inuyasha is and will always be the better man, the better general.
But again, Naraku is the better politician. he has resourcefulness and guile and an ability to bend people to his will. Amoral as he might be, he was efficient, very efficient that you could tell he is heartless.
Except Kikyou feels he isn't.
He terrifies her, to say the least, in his civilty and his rage, in the way he looks at her that invokes all kinds of panic.
This man whatever he calls himself: Onigumo, Kagewaki or Naraku, sometimes looks at her like she is the moon's incarnate, like life, death and resurrection depend on her. He looks with such ferociousness, fondness and gentleness that almost mellow her, that almost touch her heart.
He looks at her like he is almost in L...
Inuyasha looks too, Inuyasha looks at her but somehow he doesn't. Why does she always feel like he is looking at a Kikyou in his mind, a faultless picture he imagines rather than the real her?
Yet, the monster in him, no, the monster that is him, looks with a vengeance, a desdain that would freeze the blood in her veins. He looks at her the way a captive looks at its jailer, its torturer. And however strong she is, whatever courage she musters, whatever facade she maintains, she has to admit, it scares her, its unpredictabilty, its lust for everything .. for power, for strength, for company and if she would be honest enough .. its lust for her.
But what scares her the most: She is beginning to like it.
"And once his eyes laid on her, a fire sprung to life inside of him and Magatsuhi was born. Before Midoriko, before seeing her he was nothing but a man, a simple man with no desire or ambition ... one who would have merely lived a quiet life and died without much mark, yet .. when he saw her, a mad man was born, one that will eventually turn into a monster who would dishonor and defile her, Midoriko would be the death of him, one who would kill him and him her."
This is a spiel, a tale passed down in their region about priestess Midoriko and the dragon demon, Magatsuhi of Shikon .. the ancestors of Kikyou. one he laughed off the first time he heard, never thinking he would live the story and ponder so much on it. Kikyou, it seemed had Midoriko's charm, her beauty, her kindness and penchant to create monsters that would chase them for life, or maybe they just awaken the dormant monsters in men.
There were other tales: Tsukuyomaru and Shizo, Hoshiyomi and Tsukiyomi ... all fiery, all passionate and quintessentially tragic, all stories he looked upon in cynicism yet Magatsuhi and Midoriko's, it stuck with him somehow and now he wonders how much rage did Magatsuhi have? How much desire? Did he love Midoriko or was it simply a consequence of him warring against her, wanting to prove his might and to humiliate her?
And most importantly, did she harbour any love for him?
The story never specifies if they ever had any peaceful encounters, it never tells how they both felt and he doesn't know any source that would solve all those questions he asks himself neither does he know any healer who would quell the rage, the sadness and the desperation in him.
He could never love in a normal honourable way nor can his love be reciprocated.
It is Kikyou amidst all the rage, Kikyou and Inuyasha. he wonders if Inuyasha was never there, would he stand a chance? and the query itself is enough to knock all common sense out of him. Inuyasha and the inevitable comparison between them, both scioned by concubines yet one cherished and the other mistreated, one legitimised and the other wasn't, One loved and the other scorned.
Yet, he was willing to give it all up, his envy and malice, if Kikyou would look at him once the way she looks at Inuyasha.
She will never.
She will always look upon him in desdain like Midoriko looked upon Magatsuhi.
But recently, being in her proximity is too much for him, the ramblings, the insinuations of his inner demons are getting louder. He had Kikyou in his hands. Her beauty is calling to him and sometimes he can't but think what would happen if he would indulge her a little more.
A war would break out? be it .. it wasn't a novelty in the region and he was selfish enough.
She would hate him?! Oh, she loathes him already, there is nothing there to lose and she would never spare him a chance.
He would die?! he was already dead, long ago or so he thinks. but if his heart has to stop beating ... if his blood needs to be spilt and his breathe held captive in his chest ...
If all so for good, he would rather have it done, by her ... for her at the very least. No regrets.
After all, he knows how it tastes like, when she takes his breathe away .. when she messes with his heart . She almost kills him when she looks at him or calls his name be it in hate, anger or inquisition.
It wouldn't hurt to die leaving his mark on her, baptising her in his name.
It wouldn't hurt to die for good, leaving his name on her lips, be it in love or loathe.
However, what stops him from the carnage that brews in his mind, what reigns the Magatsuhi in him is when he thinks about what this might do to her. He imagines her body, lifeless in his hands, battered and bruised. He imagines her tainted with blood, dead in his arms and it is then and only then when his racing mind stops. After he is done, this wouldn't break Kikyou, this would kill her.
And He can lie to himself all he wants but whatever left of his heart can't stand the mere thought of her dying, Not yet.
'Not ever'
They agreed to exchange prisoners and resume the negotiations in the wolves' land much to Inuyasha's chagrin who had hope for the last minute that Sesshomaru would change his mind.
"He hates Koga, the wolves' leader" Kaede clarified
"what for?"
"Personality clash, suffice it to say, they both have massive egos"
"Oh"
Koga, the wolves' leader .. Kagome wasn't so familiar with him. It was Kaede who let her on the basics regarding Koga and his clan. She did know that the Wolves' tribes influence was in fact waning and their numbers dwindling and that they suffered immense losses during their wars with both Rasetsu and Naraku, losses that were capable of wiping them off existence and terminating their line forever ... Had it been for Koga.
Koga wasn't the strongest, the smartest nor the most courageous of leaders, yet he was level-head and keen on his people. He could cope with the new reality well, something his predecessors couldn't do.
Something hers didn't.
So he formed an alliance with Sesshomaru, strived to end the war and was working on uniting different branches of the tribes together, through trading, hunting and inter-marriage.
He was succeeding.
"The number of troops, what had they agreed on?"
"A cohort of Hundred each"
"too little"
"No, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru think it is fine. Koga is their ally in addition, we have a close station point."
"But Naraku does as well"
"He doesn't have as much troops as we do. He lost a great deal in his war against Rasetsu. In all cases, he is out numbered. That is why he is so reluctant to leave his territory or venture deeper than necessary"
"But he still raided Shikon. He still assissted in the fall of my homeland. How can you be so sure he wouldn't try something or lure us into a trap?"
"Kagome, he needs to stay on good terms with Sesshomaru. In fact, he respects Sesshomaru that much."
"What for?"
"Sesshomaru didn't ally against him when his house was ousted. In fact, it has been circulated among the council that he only ever assissted in raiding your home as retribution for when your house warred against him. Anyway, He holds Sesshomaru's stand in reverence and he wants to maintain a certain allowance if he ever needs to align with Sesshomaru"
"Attacking Shikon doesn't fit that strategy"
"Shikon" Kaede stressed "is a whole different story"
Kagome couldn't help but notice the darkness that swept over her features. Kaede, she felt knew something they didn't know. Kagome realised why lady inutaisho held her and Kikyou in high regard. Kaede was perceptive and if the rumours were true, that Kikyou surpassed Kaede in physical and mental form .. then She certainly was a force not to reckon with.
'That is why he loves her so much' she wistfully thought.
Sango was seething. This, she never expected this. Their captive, everybody knew who she was now and everyone was stunned.
Kagura, Naraku's sister has been in the palace all this time and Sesshomaru never told them, never bothered to.
Had it not been for this ...
Miroku walked over to her, he knew he shouldn't but he would rather have her vent it off on him instead of anybody else.
"You knew?"
"I did, I am sorry"
"Who else?"
"Inuyasha, Lady Inutaisho and of course .."
"Sesshomaru"
She didn't speak afterwards .. their silence stretched before he started again
"I am sorry"
"Why the hell hadn't you told me?"
"He didn't want anybody to know. he was scared someone would try an attempt on her life"
"Oh! like someone didn't. and pray tell me why he didn't tell us, his wards, his allies, his friends .. does he think so low of us?"
"No... he didn't want to hurt, anybody. He didn't want to leak the news like how it happened now"
"He was scared I would lose it, right? Or ..." Sango's eyes widened, if Inuyasha's words were of any truth .. "He didn't want to humiliate her, he might have even took her for concubi.."
"No, he didn't" Miroku promptly negated, the first part of her statement though, he couldn't cross it off entirely.
"Oh my god, all this time, Inuyasha was right"
"Sango .. get your mind out of the gutter. He didn't. Sesshomaru is an honourable man"
"Which honourable man would do what he had done? Tell me Miroku"
"One who thought was doing th best for everyone."
"So, he doesn't care for her?!" she asked incredulously "Because as much as everybod was trying to hide it, Sesshomaru seemed awfully distraught"
"He is a taciturn"
"That doesn't answer the question"
"It isn't mine to answer" he firmly stated "But before you judge him so bad, before you give way to your anger .. think of it this way: Sesshomaru is a man who can't do what he likes, what he wants to .. he has so many people hanging onto him, so many he is responsible for. He has Lady Inutaisho watching his every move and Rin to take care of. His heart, it has been sealed for so long. Even if he cares for Kagura, he knows the right thing to do. And as councellor, I can attest he didn't falter in his attempts to free Kohaku or Kikyou, he hasn't been lenient, not for a second."
Over the course of their conversation, he kept getting close .. too close for her likening that now she had to shove him off, literally.
"Sango, Had you known .. it wouldn't have made a difference. Now, we need to keep a hundred eyes in case someone sneaks in and tries to finish her off. If that happens, all previous negotiations, everything will be annulled"
"Will the date be set back again?"
"No, it won't .. everything must end as soon as possible"
"How bad was it? How bad is she hurt?"
Miroku doesn't know exactly from where her question stems: compassion, curiosity or cruelty. He is inclined to think though, it is a mixture of the later two.
"Nothing too dangerous, a few cuts, deeper than minor scratches though"
"Who did it?"
Miroku could never answer that.
Kagura remembers those moments in her mind like a summer haze, a grogginess and a feeling that she is slipping away.
She managed to secure a small knife during her transfer from the chambers to the prison, and she figured out it was time to put it to use. It was time she used it.
'I am a sinner, yet I seek your clemency, Oh dear god, If only I can see him, just one last time'
Time keeps passing, slowly then slower, before she starts hearing a hurdle of noise and footsteps ...
Then she sees him.
At that time, she didn't know if it was him, the real him or if it was a vision, a figment of her imagination, some devil torturing her in his form ... he stood high, rising above her, he didn't stoop or lean or move yet his eyes were different. There was something at the back of his eyes, a sadness, a loneliness and she wondered if they were always there hidden behind the stoicness and indifference.
His eyes, she figured out too late, were beautiful.
"I still owe you an answer" He said, voice as sturdy as ever
"So, you are coming here to taunt me still"
"No, I came here to see you"
She doesn't remember much afterwards .. she blacked out then. Maybe that was it, maybe she was dead at last.
She wasn't
She woke up, he was there, sitting a healthy distance away from her
He craned his head towards her, once he heard her stir, his mouth a straight line, his face as unreadable as ever.
"Sara Asano was nothing like you" He said "She was delicate, lenient and kind. She loved me"
"And you don't think I .." she doesn't follow through with the sentence, he doesn't let her
"You think so little of me" he said "so little, I am insulted. Yet, what you did the other day .. it .. What were you thinking?"
"I .. I never think little of you. Never did, never will do. But I know this .. you will never think of me more than a captive. You will never love me Sesshomaru, the way I do. Even if you do, there is a vast distance between us, one that is unconquerable. And I don't want to be with anyone other than you,now that I have known you. I don't want to lose myself, my freedom or you. If I return, Naraku will use me as a pawn, will trade me off to one of his generals or allies and I don't want that"
And there she was confessing love for Sesshomaru who wouldn't even budge, much less think about her.
"He is your brother"
"It isn't how you think. He is sick, beyond sick even. and his sickness, his madness destroys anything that it comes in contact with"
He stood up, then walked towards the door. he was leaving, she could guess.
"You said that now, while you are alive there is a distance between us, an unconquerable distance, right? Had you died, how long would that distance be in your opinion? Would it be conquerable then?"
He had a point. Oh god, he is even proud in the way he scolds her.
He turned his head slightly towards her, as he opened the door.
"I am no wallflower prince, no moping monarch .. I am a warrior prince and a good one at that, so have a little faith"
Then he left her.
"You will save her, I know"
It was twilight when Kagome ambushed him. He was sitting alone, lost in thought away from the palace, from sour-mood Miroku, away from the bustle and chaos Kagura caused.
Inuyasha wasn't at peace and he didn't need more havoc on his mind right now. He had enough issues and currently one of them was at hand.
She always happened to come right as he was thinking of her.
He knew he was smitten with Kagome but Kikyou .. and he knew he can't love both or keep both and if he even attempt he will lose both and he doesn't want to slight any of them.
"Why do you always speak like that?"
"Like what?"
"Like you really want me to save her"
"I really do, do you ever think otherwise?"
She reminded him of Izaiyou, his mother.
"Do you like me?" he said bluntly, harshly even that she flinches and she doesn't know if it is his honesty or his brashness that throws her off guard
"I .. I" she stumbles upon words, she wasn't even prepared for this
"Stop being so damn selfless, Kagome. Show off some anger, some jealousy, some selfishness .. anything that would make it easier for me not to ..."
He stopped mid sentence
"I can't. I am sorry, Kagome. I really can't just give up on the past. Not right now at least. I need closure so I can really know what to do but ... I don't want to lose you now that I found you. I really don't"
"Inuyasha?"
She turns to him and in a gesture that nobody has done in so long, holds both his hands
"Yes"
"I only ever want you to be happy."