The heart is a straight road, the mind is a labyrinth

It has been so long since he looked at himself in the mirror.

Maybe it was shame, the speckles of guilt lingering somewhere in the crevice of his soul or maybe he was just scared of himself, of seeing the extend of what the scars and the burns had done to him.

Either way today, he decided to look and what he saw surprised him in some sense.

His features were now mature, more mature than they used to be, His eyes sharper, his cheekbones more defined, yet he retained some of the former softness, at least so when his features weren't contorted in anger, mockery or evil for he doubted he ever sports that face when his enemies tremble in fear in front of him, the sleekness of how his facial contour runs, the fact his face wasn't as hairy as he would have liked it to be .. and a piece of his mind betrays him, maybe he wasn't so hideous ..

Yet, the slivers of his scars, they stare back at him, quenching that little bright voice in his head, his scars were still shadowing his face somehow despite having his hair grown to hide them, the contracted skin was bordering his face, tongues running to his cheeks. He lifts his hair to the side, his neck is heavily scarred, mutilated even, the contractures pulling on his head, tilting it a wee bit, his shoulder blades and upper back were burnt as well ..

Still he was lucky, it could have been much worse, after all, that was what it meant, being captured and tortured.

He wouldn't have cared much for the aesthetics though, yet in comparison to Inuyasha, it did give him a disadvantage.

He felt like a freak, an ugly man, unwhole in a sense. Maybe those burns, those scars were repulsive.

He throws his hair back to hide them.

He never stood a chance. He thinks about smashing the wretched mirror to pieces yet Kanna ambushes him before he is carried away.

"I see you are preening"

He turns his back to the mirror deciding to drop it off altogether

"Is there something you want, Kanna?"

"I doubt it has to do with the guest"

"Prisoner, you mean"

She looks at him wryly, her eyes speaking the question on her tongue 'What kind of prisoner do you forgo your own chamber for?'

"Anyway, I thought you should be on your way to the wolves', along with the troops and Kohaku"

She was impatient, excited even, Kanna wanted Kagura back. They were close, very close. In fact .. Kanna loved and looked up to her elder sister, the one who tried to soften all the blows they had back when they were fugitives, back when it was only loneliness, sadness and despair around them.

"Sesshomaru and his troops haven't moved yet."

"How do you know that?"

"He maybe watching his capital and palace like a hawk, capturing whatever spy we had sent .. yet I still have eyes on the roads and passages."

"Oh.."

Kanna looks at him still, intently even. Naraku was starting to soften, to turn back to his former self, he was starting to resemble Kagewaki more and more under Kikyou's influence and that thrilled her.

Kagewaki was a sweet, gentle boy.

"Anyway, you don't look half as bad" she smiled.

This was rare, Kanna in high spirits and an elated mood .. smiling rather than brooding and for once he decided to smile back, it felt natural, good even..

Abruptly though, she asked him "Do you know the best way to woo a woman?"

"What?!"

"That means you are surprised or that you don't know .. anyway, I heard you can start with tokens, gifts . Jewellery is a good pick, clothes ... "

"You are so happy about Kagura's return that you are going crazy"

'There is only one crazy person over here, one love fool.'

"It wouldn't hurt you trying, big brother"

Kikyou was withering, she felt that much. Something in her was breaking, she was tired of this, depleted. She doesn't want to stay here, she doesn't want anything anymore.

He was trying to be kind or maybe she thought he was but it was wrong, something was terribly wrong in all this. It was worse than when all he showed was disdain, mere disdain but now that she doubts it all stems from more than she had originally thought of, more than he had originally shown, she can't but feel put off. Her hatred for him, the fire that kept her alive was being consumed in a way she doesn't know how to stale.

Even Inuyasha, she thinks, she no longer remembers him in a way.

The only thing that maybe is of worth to her now is Kaede. She just wants to see her sister again, even for the briefest of time, even if it was just a dream.

An entourage was in preparation, and everybody wanted to go, that included Sango and Kagome, much to Inuyasha's displeasure.

"You shouldn't be going"

"You shouldn't dictate me what to do"

He was annoyed, exasperated even. He wasn't in the mood to argue or refute.

He will have to settle this with Sesshomaru then.

"She did ask me to come"

"And what did you tell her?"

"That I will think about, Sango insists on going so it wouldn't hurt for her to have a companion."

"I can't believe it, Sesshomaru. Don't you think it would be dangerous for them?"

"i know, but they want to. I can't deny Sango at least, she wants to see Kohaku desperately. Miroku doesn't disapprove, either."

"It is a different thing with Kagome. We could be attacked, Sango, she knows how to fight but I doubt Kagome has any experience or Idea about fighting or combat. She would be an easy Target if anything happens"

"So, you are worried about Kagome then."

"I... Just don't let her go, Sesshomaru, for whatever's sake"

"I will tell her she can't go, but she will probably figure out the influence. It will not work in your favour. Anyway, Do you have any idea why does she want to go?"

"No"

"Then why don't you talk to her? Try to figure this out?"

In some perspective, Sesshomaru knew where his brother's agitation was coming from, fear, fear of losing Kagome like he lost Kikyou, like he lost his mother.

His brother really sucks at putting up tough fronts as hard as he tries. No one beats him at this.

There is a story Kaede thinks she will take to her grave. A story about a man, a monster who became obsessed. Naraku,, or Onigumo, as he called himself back then had a look in his eyes that scared her, terrified her even and truth to be told, she always knew he hated them, he made no effort to hide his hostility until .. She realised he didn't.

It was the day Kikyou left him in her care while Inuyasha was visiting.

That day, he told her he will finish Inuyasha off, tear him to pieces. He told her he will have Kikyou scream, scream his name.

He told her, he will make Kikyou his.

Yet, the very same day when Kikyou fell off her horse, when she was hurt … the man, the man in him couldn't mask his worry, his concern and for the rest of the upcoming days when she couldn't see him, he was going mad.

In a way, she didn't understand him, but Kaede had this insinuation, that this obsession, this imbalance in him was dangerous.

And now that the days have turned, she wished she had told Kikyou.

"You are so deep in thought"

Kagome has been observing her friend, Kaede seemed distraught, yes she was hiding her sadness around Sango, but Kagome could feel.

"Nothing .. It is just, I do remember things, things that would have made a difference back when they happened, back when there was a chance .. I miss Kikyou, my only family, my friend and sister. I miss feeling happy and light as well."

"You are such a strong noble person, Kaede. I now understand why both you and Kikyou are so valued and dignified among the courtesans. But you don't have to carry all the weight alone, or hide your fear all the time. You can talk to me."

"I know Kagome .. It is just somethings are too painful to say, too painful to recount."

"You know much more than you let on"

"No, only a little bit"

"About?"

"Naraku"

Kagome was waiting attentively for her to proceed, but Kaede was hesitant. They were sitting in the gardens, and supposedly the weather was fine but .. even at the mention of him, the whole demeanor seemed to darken a considerable bit.

In the end, Kaede started to speak, after all her biggest regret was not telling Kikyou of what she had known earlier.

The tale appalling as it was for Kagome, has in a away interpreted the whole ordeal, Kaede's reactions and Naraku's Ambiguity about Kikyou's fate.

"He doesn't want to let her go, maybe even incapable"

"Does Inuyasha know?"

"No, you are the only one who knows"

What they both didn't notice was the shadow of Miroku as he retreated back to the palace.

The weight of what he knew, Should he tell his friend, add one other burden upon his back or should he leave him in oblivion ...

This Naraku, he realised is much more complex than they had all initially thought and that was scary.

He has a box of trinkets, an old jewellery box made of the finest Mahogany, It used to be his late step mother's box, if he can ever call her so.

He traces the box, Echoes of Kanna's words in his head .. a fantastical part of his heart wants to offer Kikyou something, he wants to see her reaction, wants to live the fantasy of being in love, of singing and writing poetry and offering tokens and having all his feelings reciprocated but he knows better than this.

'It wouldn't hurt you trying, Big brother'

For now, he pushes the thoughts back for he will be leaving soon, once Sesshomaru and his trope do.

Being away from his kingdom scares him, for anybody could attack. Anybody could try to usurp him. Yet, he must go himself this time.

He must Negotiate Kikyou's release with Sesshomaru one on one.

He wants Shikon .. the city. He might have raided it, but he couldn't maintain footing and Sesshomaru's troops pushed him away, past the city's borders.

Now, he wants it back.

He knew his bargain may never come to pass, after all it is a hefty sum he is asking, too hefty to be true, yet he has to test their limits.

And in a way, it was the least to ask for the soul that he was going to forsake and the heart that was never his in the first place.

Kagome was enraged, she knew he was behind Sesshomaru's change of heart.

'That dog' She fumed 'I am going to kill him'

She found him swords training with Miroku on the training ground.

"Inuyasha, What the hell did you tell lord Sesshomaru?"

At the sight of her, he dropped his sword. Admittedly, an angry Kagome was a scary sight to behold.

"I will let you two settle this" Miroku said as he withdrew from place.

"Kagome, What are you talking about?"

He feigned Ignorance, it further stroke her ire.

"Going with you to the wolves"

"I ... As his general, I advised him against it. Having too many people, especially untrained people is a liabilty to our cohort"

"but you are taking Sango ... Kaede might go and ..."

"Sango is a very well trained fighter and Kaede knows the basics about being a healer, you?"

"Kaede has been teaching me about apothecary and had you asked me, you would have known I was trained in archery"

Inuyasha seemed to be surprised at that ..

'What a coincidence. Kikyou too was an ..'

"Still though, you are probably no match to them"

At this, she was offended .. he knew she was. By now, Inuyasha has figured out, he just blurts out the most stupid of words.

Kagome spots a bow, hung on the walls of the training ground, it was unkempt .. the bowstring was slightly loose, the arrowheads blunt, yet ..

'Still, It will do'

She took the bow off the wall, stood against the target plan, then lifted in firing position ... She had to clear her mind, she had to overcome the stiffness of the bow, the looseness of the string and the difficulty of the target in order to aim right.

Her muscles were taught, her nerves were sharp .. Inuyasha stood mesmerised .. this girl in front of him was Kikyou .. this girl was Kagome ... the tension in his gaze, the panic rose across as the tension built in the bowstring ... releasing the momentum as the arrow flew to hit target.

"I told you, I am good"

"Kikyou was good as well, still she got caught."

"So, this is why you are so adamant against this, you are afraid I might be captivated"

"Yes"

He shrugged his answer like it is the simplest thing in the world.

"I want to go because I don't want to leave you alone."

He stared her in the eyes, this Kagome might someday break his heart .. or maybe the other way round and in both cases he wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

"Will you help me convince Sesshomaru to rescind his refusal?"

Her eyes were hopeful, shining a stark contrast to how she first came in and the soft spot in his heart couldn't bear to break this light.

"I will"

"Thank yo..."

"But Know this, Kagome. If anything happens to you .. anything, I won't be able to handle it, the rage, the anger .. nothing, nothing will hold me back anymore, nothing will be able t o contain them."

This was the closest admission to caring for her, to loving her that she will ever get out of him.

"Nothing will happen, I promise. We will both take good care."

'Hopefully' his mind sadly echoed 'Hopefully'

Something was seeping out of Kikyou, he knew that much, but he didn't have the audacity to ask. He looks at her, her eyes are downcast and hollow, her face impassive, there is no ease, no anger, no sadness or even malice. It is as white as a bedsheet.

This captivity was finally taking its toll on her mind. He was seemingly winning, he should be happy but why does he feel so bitter?

'This isn't the Kikyou you know, this isn't the Kikyou you love'

"You miss them that much?"

She doesn't answer, the answer was so apparent yet he was trying to get her to talk, to snap her out of it ... He was a fool, a contradictory fool, he knew that much.

"I want Shikon, I will negotiate your release on this term. As long as Sesshomaru gives it back to me, I will let you go"

"He will never do."

"No, he will. Your Inuyasha will convince him"

"Inuyasha will tear you apart rather than negotiate."

"So, he doesn't care that much, does he?"

"It isn't that .. "

"Tell me Kikyou, now that you have been gone for months now, If you go back, will you find things the same way you left them? Will you find him the same way you left him? He might have found somebody, you know."

"No, Naraku. I won't but still the worst that can be there is better than your best here."

He must have struck a nerve for her to respond that aggressively.

"Anyway, let me assure you something, Kikyou. Nothing ever stays the same. Hearts are fickle things"

'Things change, feelings either diminish or heighten'

"Well, I don't think Kaede has changed much though"

"I beg to differ, she must have gotten used to this like you have gotten used to being here."

"I might have been forced to get used to this but in the end my feelings about this never change. I hate every minute of it."

"Well, there is nothing I can do about that, is there?" He coldly smiled, cursing himself mentally. It wasn't supposed to go like this. This conversation wasn't supposed to be like this.

"but let me tell you this, I don't hate you being here, Kikyou. That is problematic, isn't it?"

"Naraku, I don't want to play mind games today."

"I am not playing any games Kikyou, believe me, I am not messing with your head."

"Then what is it that you have doing all this time, Naraku? Pray tell me"

He doesn't answer.

"I have to leave, If you will let me" She rose from her seat across her and turned away, walking towards the door.

Her hair was flowing like the night before him, tempting, endless and suddenly the ideas he tried so hard to suppress started to float to the surface.

That night, he would knock on her door, he would ask her in and he would hand her something 'for old time's sake' then leave her dumbfounded than ever before.

'A gift?!' She thought 'a hair pin?!'

Kikyou just held her head in her hands, whatever this Naraku does, be it evil or as good as he was capable of is just going to kill her.

'Enough with the mind games' her teeth clenched

He wouldn't sleep that night either, thinking everything through. Dearest Kagura's return, Securing the kingdom and ... no, he wouldn't say her name.