"Sarada does not want to eat," with her cheeks puffed like that, she looks even more adorable.
"If you don't eat, how are you going to get better?" I lower her on the chair.
"Sarada does not want to eat," she shakes her head. Pouting.
I draw the bowl close and open the lid. Letting her see the content inside. She leans her head forward, watching the fuming chicken soup.
"Do you want to eat?"
"Papa made soup for me?"
"No. Mama did."
"Mama?" she turns her head around, from one side to another, like a little bird, looking for Sakura.
"Yes, Mama. She made this soup for you before going to work."
"Mama came here?"
"Yes. Because you are sick," I plunge the spoon into the soup and blow on it a few times before holding it in front of her mouth. She eyes it for a while, as if not sure if it really was made by her Mama. When Sakura said this is the only thing she eats when sick I didn't think it was that serious. Finally she opens her lips and takes a small sip from the spoon. I see her eyes going wide. "Mama made this!"
"Didn't I say so?" I hold the spoon for her to finish the rest of the soup.
"Mama came to see me?"
"Yes. She was here last night," I take another spoonful of soup which she swallows without any reluctance anymore.
"Did Mama give Sarada goodbye kiss before going to work?"
"Yes. She did. Two on your cheeks and one on your forehead."
"But Sarada was sleeping. Sarada did not give Mama kisses," the way her face turns so sad, just like that. It's very heartwarming, how important this is to her.
"You can give her kisses when she comes home," I feed her another spoonful.
She thinks about it for a while.
"Yes. I will give Mama kisses when Mama comes back," she smiles widely. Swinging her little legs. "Sarada loves Mama a lot."
I know, Sarada. I know how much you love your Mama. I just wish someday you'd love me like that too. I just wish I'd be allowed to take a step inside this world full of love the two of you have created.
"Papa."
"What?"
"I want to tell Papa a secret," she waves me with her hand to come closer.
As I comply, she lifts her tiny hands around my neck and gives me a kiss on the cheek, "Sarada loves Papa a lot." She grins happily.
"Sara-"
Did she just read my mind? How does she know?
"Papa loves you too, Sarada," I put my arm around her and kiss the top of her small head. "Papa loves you the most."
"Does Papa love Mama?"
Huh?
"I... do. I love your Mama a lot."
"Mama loves Papa too."
"Huh?"
"Mama told Sarada. Mama loves Papa a lot," she looks so happy. So happy. And I feel her happiness reach me as I wipe the drop of soup from the corner of her lips.
.
.
.
"I don't know what to do."
"Hn?" Itachi pours the water into the bowl.
"I've hurt her so much."
"You have. But you can also look at it like this. You were trying to save yourself from getting hurt."
"Don't take my side."
"I'm not. I'm not taking anyone's side. I'm just stating the fact, an objective view. Because you are very much guilt ridden right now. And from what you told me, Sakura too." He switches the stove on.
"I... want to get back together with her."
"You've made that very obvious."
I roll my eyes.
"And even though I haven't asked her directly, I think she isn't opposed to the idea either."
"Then what's the problem? You understand where things went wrong last time, you two still love each other and have a daughter you both hold very dear."
"Don't you understand? We're a divorced couple. It's different dating someone, it's totally different dating someone you've divorced once."
"Why do you think about it like that? Think of it as a new beginning?"
"I can't do that. I can't pretend that it's a new, fresh, flawless thing because it's not. We've been through the worst once, we're like... damaged goods. You can't just unbreak something that's been broken once. It doesn't work like that."
"Huh."
He opens the cabinet. Almost getting on my nerves with the way he acts so casual, like I'm not talking about something very crucial here.
'What's this?" He brings out the familiar fabric bag, a frown on his face.
"Coffee mugs. Put it back."
"Are you sure these are still mugs? Because it clearly doesn't feel so."
"..."
"Guess I'll mind my own business." He puts it back in.
"It's those coffee mugs."
"Those coffee mugs?"
"The ones I brought back from my old apartment."
"Ah. Those matching pink and blue ones?"
"Yes."
"I see," he pours the hot water into the cups and dips the tea-bags in. "Can't throw them away even if they're broken now?"
"Well... I..."
"Damaged goods. Aren't they? Already broken."
"What... are you trying to imply?"
"Nothing," he shakes his head with a chuckle, "Absolutely nothing."
He walks to the table with the two cups in his hand. He places one in front of me and takes the chair next to mine.
"Izumi showed me something very interesting the other day. Want to hear about it?"
.
.
.
It's late. It's a little too late. For her to call me.
"Hn."
Hn?
Seriously? Is that a way to answer my phone?
"Ah, were you in bed already? Did I disturb you? I can-"
"No, I'm very much awake. What is it?"
"Well... I... The thing is... You see..."
What's wrong with her?
"Actually..."
"What happened?"
For some reason, my mind screams that I was too late and she has already found a boyfriend.
Fuck!
"Actually... This... Mum and Dad just told me this Wednesday... That apparently... My..."
She stops talking. She stops like all of a sudden she doesn't know what to say. Like she lost her voice for some reason.
"Sakura?"
"My biological mother. She has been looking for me."
Her what?
Biological mother?
The one who gave birth to her?
But more importantly, the one who abandoned her on the steps of a church?
"She's been coming to the church where she left me. At first they didn't take her seriously, but she keeps coming back, asking about me. Mum and Dad are still in touch with their old acquaintances in Suna. That's how they found out. And they told me, saying if I want to go see her once. Since she doesn't look like she's going to give up. And because she is..."
"Your mother?"
"My Mum is my mother."
"Then?"
"I... Don't know how to put it into words, Sasuke. I love my Mum and Dad and they always have been, always will be my parents. Nothing's gonna change that. But you see, before Sarada, all my life, I've never known anyone who's related to me by blood. And at times, it's just... So scary... It bothered me so much. I couldn't tell Mum or Dad because I was afraid it'd hurt them, it was just this strange feeling. And now that I stand a chance of getting to know my birth mother, my roots, I don't know how I can explain this to you."
She sounds really frustrated.
"It's okay. You don't have to."
"What do you mean?"
"You don't have to explain anything to me. If you want to go meet her, just do it. If it can give you answers to certain questions. It's all good."
"You think so?"
"Yes. Go see why she started looking for you all of a sudden. I mean, it's been twenty five years."
She keeps silent for a while.
"Sasuke?"
"Hn?"
"I... It's somewhat... It makes me very nervous... Doing this by myself..."
Huh?
"I don't know why... I don't think I have the courage to go stand in front of her all alone... After all, she abandoned me when I was a baby, she just left me there. When I think about it, I feel so powerless, so vulnerable... I..."
"Are you asking me to come with you to Suna?"
"I'll totally understand if you can't. I know you're busy. It's just that I can't think of anyone else I can ask."
Are you kidding?
"Of course I'll come with you if you want me to."
"You will?" she sounds like she got her life back after it was drained away from her.
"Just tell me when we're going."
"I was thinking maybe next weekend? That way we'll only need to take one day off."
"Okay. Done."
"Thank you, Sasuke. Thank you so much."
"Didn't I say you can come to me when things get too messy for you to handle alone?"
She doesn't respond.
"Is Sarada asleep?"
"Yes. I called you right after putting her to bed."
"Hn."
"She's been in very high spirits lately."
"... Because of us I assume?"
"Yes. For the first time in her life, she feels like she has both of us. Like she doesn't have to choose between her Mama and Papa. These things affect kids more than we understand."
"We really did that to her..."
"It's no use, Sasuke. Let's not fuss over things that went wrong in the past. And she's still young, it's not late yet. We can fix things for better now that we know our mistakes."
"Fix things for better, huh?"
I remember my conversation with Itachi from earlier.
"I'll hang up. I'll check the flights. And I'll take care of hotel reservations too."
"That'd be a great help!"
"Hn. Bye then. Goodnight."
"Goodnight Sasuke," she says happily. And in that moment, she reminds me of that Sakura I knew all those years ago.
Note: I skipped a meal two days ago and my tummy has been hurting like crazy since that afternoon. I'm taking medicines but it takes some time to recover completely. This has happened several times before. But I never learn. So now I'm in so much pain I can't get anything done but at the same time I feel guilty for not doing anything so here you have me posting a chapter.
Take care everyone. With the way our government is acting, soon it'll come to survival of the fittest. Try to stay safe.
Love,
June ️❤️
[23.04.2020]