The Carnage that is breakpoint

Everything smells like blood ... He can almost taste it, he could feel it , viscid, warm, a sheer opposite to the coldness of his hands.

He has got to see her.

Sleep which has evaded him the beginning of the night came to haunt him with vengeance, a cruel fleet of scenes, of visions he would have never wanted to see.

But that wasn't a novelty.

He is still in trance, he runs like a wounded tiger to his chamber ... He opens the door, she is sleeping . He approaches, watching her breathe, she starts to moan, to wake up as he hovers dangerously over her face. once her eyes open, she is startled ... she is horrified but he doesn't care, right now he doesn't. He drinks her in, stares at her with all his might.

This thing was real. This thing felt real ... the way he held onto her cold dead body in his sleep after he killed her .. the way her eyes lost their luster .. In his dream, she was with Inuyasha, she had him in bed and he couldn't watch, couldn't bear to ... In his dream, he kills him without remorse, but her, he kills her but then ... he dies thereafter.

He stabs himself the moment she falls dead on the ground.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She is pinned against the floor by him a man in simple breeches in the middle of the night, it is all too improper, too lacking in propiety and admittedly, she is scared, scared of his madness. She wouldn't stand a chance against him. No... she wouldn't.

This wasn't the first time, he dreams of her. He always does, the blissful times are in Shikon when she used to tend to him ... the nightmares which is what his sleep mostly comprises of occur here, in this chamber. Sometimes, he hurts her, sometimes she lures him in a position so similar to this one, and as he gives in, as he whispers her name, as he is about to indulge her, she stabs him in the gut, she taunts him, how pathetic he was, how ugly before he finally wakes up gasping for the air knocked out him ...

But it never felt worse when it finally was the other way round, when he kills her, this time in particular.

"Naraku" she shouts, hoping he would budge off her but he doesn't instead he holds on her shoulders, he shakes her like a ragdoll, it hurts.

He backed off, propping her up so she sits facing him, he stares her in the eyes .. his eyes mirror her terror, something that shocks her, this man was as equally terrified as she was, was it her that scared him or perhaps himself?

Her terror dissipates, this wasn't the monster coming to get her this night, this was a man , a terrified man seeking her refuge, her clemency.

He puts his arms around her in an embrace, the way a drowing man hangs onto his only rescuer and all she finds herself doing is whispering his name, chanting to him that everything is fine, no need to panic, he was fine now and she starts to remember the way they used to be in Shikon, when she had been nursing him to heath ... he might have been acrid but still, there was something in him that called out to her kindness ...

His mind was starting to grasp whatever it is that was happening, the tension in his arms was easing, and he could feel his body slipping away from his control again, his body was starting to react to Kikyou now, but not in terror, comfort maybe or whatever this is, it wasn't a good sign ... he promptly jerked himself away from this embrace, away from her.

He rose to his full height now, walking stealthly to the shoji ,opening it and standing against the crisp late night breath.

"Forget it, whatever happened .. Forget it" He mumbled "I will send Kanna to sleep with you for the rest of the night"

"No, don't wake her up at such late hour ... just leave"

She doesn't have to say it twice, he turns and walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him as he plunges into the darkness alone.

And right after, his legs give away and he stays put right against the door.

'Your Face, It doesn't part from this mind,

How far will I fare in your pursuit at the end

My woes of pain are stronger than they had ever been in my chest

Parting away from your love is the only thing that hurts

You are the moon, whose beams reach everyone,

It reaches but never reaches at the same time ..

your memory as painful as it be, it flows in my blood,

where it reaches my heart but doesn't reach nonetheless

You pass me by, you linger closer than a breathe but you never spare me a glance

Look at me, despite my despondence, my darkness, Look at me

Shine your beam on me, just once' *

She doesn't return to sleep that night.

She sat at the other end of the door, Kikyou was baffled at all that occurred, the sheer panic in him ... that fear. A part of her empathised, a part was willing to offer comfort to the man.

At first, she thought he was drunk, he was blabbering like a drunkard but somehow she knew he wasn't.

'That hurts' she thought.

But whatever his state of mind was, that was a trangression, a dangerous evolution in how they dealt with each other. This man had no qualms about entering the chamber at midnight while she was in there, and holding onto her so intimately in a way others might have interpreted as scandalous and worst she accepted so, she was starting to become receptive to all of his approaches and that ..

She had to put a stop, an end to all this.

Something transpired in the palace before their departure. Lady Inutaisho was tense, lord Sesshomaru was exceptionally distraught and despite seeing him off as they left, their farewell was slightly off, it wasn't in their formal tepid way of conversing .. this time it was soft, almost apologetic.

Rumour has it ... an argument between the obediant son and his wise mother has finally occurred.

Some maids have heard voices for the first and probably last time in their lives, coming from Lady Inutaisho's quarters, brief .. muffled but such novelty to ever hear anything coming from there.

Inuyasha knew the details of this incident will probably be taken to the grave but he could still guess the reason for it all ...

The solemn look on Sesshomaru's face told him everything he needed to know.

"I can't let you do this, Sesshomaru. I can't. This is far beyond acceptable .. this .. I thought you knew better."

"Why do you deem it so unacceptable mother? It isn't like i am doing anything wrong .. I jus"

"You are just letting your heart get the best of your common sense, you are risking this kingdom, our status by seeking an alliance with those thugs .. I can't let you put all we have been building, all what your father has been building at stake, I can't let you give into this whim."

"Mother" his voice is level, calm unlike hers, which hasn't gone that high since a very long time "Have I been anything but an exemplary son?"

She moved her sharp accusatory eyes away from his now.

"Have I been anything but an exemplary Lord of this house? Have I ever forsaken the principles of this house or your former? Mother, Have I ever put myself before this kingdom?"

Lady Inutaisho knew the answer to her question very well

"Answer me mother, Had I ever ever gone against a single word you said? Marrying Sara Asano? Warring thereafter with her house, when her father had gone rogue ... Did I ever blame for anything? When i lost my arm during this battle with him? When she died Heartbroken, Did I ever say anything?"

"You know it was all for the good of these lands. You know how much Sara Asano loved you and that there was no peaceful way to get around her father."

"I know mother, I know. I followed your every word willingly, because I bellieved you, because I trusted you and Because I love you mother."

"I .. I want the best for you, even when I never show it, I just want what is best for you"

"I know, great Lady Inutaisho, daughter of noble clan, wife of honorable Lord Inutaisho. But don't you think it is time you let me do something the way I want mother? Don't you think I am entitled to after all this time?"

"As my son, you are. As Lord of this hous..."

"As lord of this house, I am willing to form this alliance for the best interest of it. Whatever happens it won't be as bad as what happened before with my former father in law"

"I pushed so much, right? So hard you are rebelling now of all times .."

"Mother, I am a grown up man, now. This is not a rebellion although being pushy ,It is part of who you are, part of how you function. But we loved you, all of you nonetheless."

She knew he wasn't just referring to himself, he also meant his father by his words as well.

She looks at him, he might have grown up but traces of her young son were still there. The one she imagined along with his father what a great man he was going to be, the one who would conquer, the one who would reunite their realm.

And Sesshomaru didn't disappoint, up until now at least.

"I will never be able to dissuade you from this, won't I?"

"I am willing for your consent, your blessing and council nevertheless"

"Then, you will have it, Sesshomaru, like you have always had it, dearest son."

"Is there anything you need to tell me?" Inuyasha managed catch up to him, snap him out of his thoughts.

'Inuyasha' another weight he had to carry now that he has 'this' particular plan in mind.

How will he break it out to him without effectively risking him going rogue? He doesn't want to take him by surprise either but ..

"I was thinkiing about Kikyou. What will he ask for her return?"

"Money, probably and we are prepared to give as much as he wants"

"I wish it could be that simple but everything hints it is way more heftier than that"

"What could he possibly want?"

"Territory, maybe?"

"He is way past delusional if he thinks we will ever .."

"Inuyasha, of all the people, you know who he has as captive. You were prepared to wage a war for her .."

"And am still"

"Point is, Whatever he asks, it will be a heavy price to pay and I was thinking maybe we can level with him .."

Inuyasha eyed him skeptically, Sesshomaru has a plan he doesn't want to disclose and he knew it would be fruitless to try to lure it out of him.

But leveling with Naraku, that is a thing he doesn't want to accept.

"Leveling with him?! After all what he has done"

"If it brings her back safe and spares us potential war, will you let your pride get the best of you at this matter?"

Inuyasha doesn't answer him

"In time, Inuyasha. we will see about that in time."

Inuyasha may have not perceived what Sesshomaru was trying to say but Miroku had a hunch about what his lord was about to do.

'I hope it doesn't end in a bloodbath'

Words reach him of their departure, the cohort and its number, the notable people on the entourage and an interesting piece of information about Inuyasha and new companion whom he circles more so often. A companion wih an eerie resemblance to the Lady Kikyou.

"Lord Sesshomaru, he kept his word. There is nothing suspicious about their entourage. In fact, if we ust want we can take them by surprise and .."

"Bankotsu, If you do so, you are no short of a fool, an inexperienced miserable fool"

Bankotsu, his first in command, looked quizically at him.

"Inuyasha and Sesshomaru alone can wipe out half our sentry without much effort. All the villages, all the towns along the roadbelt are loyal to their house, they can summon them anytime to their defense. The wolves are a tad close to pledging allegance to them. All those will come to hound us if we try to betray them. Then, We will be throttled between them and Rasetsu."

"So ..."

"So, we have to be true to this deal."

When he storms the room, he finds her on her knees, hands clasped together, she is praying at the opposite end of the room ... he stands his ground, ruminating her in her act of worship but not for long, she turns her head towards him and rises to her feet signalling the end of her prayers.

'Maybe she was asking god to rid her of the demon that is you'

It doesn't escape his notice though the hairpin he gave her, being neatly discarded on a table nearby.

"You don't like it" he gestures over towards it

"I bet you aren't here to talk about this. are you?"

"You refused to see me"

"I don't know why do you find this so surprising, Naraku"

He knew she was refering to the events that transpired the night before

"Additionally, this arrangement is going to end soon, you should better get used to it"

"You shouldn't have encourged its progression so far"

"You speak like I had a choice" She sneered

"So you didn't enjoy my company at all, did you?" His lips curved into a mirthless smile

"As much as captives enjoy the company of their jailers"

"You look down upon me so much because of Inuyasha, isn't it?"

"I fail to see where Inuyasha fits in this entire ordeal"

"You love him, you love him so much you can see no one except him" His voice was betraying him, rising above level, he was incensed "Let me tell you this, Lady Kikyou, he has found a replacement, someone new ... she even looks so much like you"

"You don't know what you are talking about" She doubted herself, as much as she tried to show otherwise, to convince herself he was only goading her.

"A little bird on the road told me and by god, you know I am not lying this time. Do you feel hurt? betrayed? Do you loathe him? tell me what is it that you feel right now?" He marches closer to her, a step closer for every scale rising in his voice.

"Dread" he smiled triumphantly only to be instantly robbed of his assumed victory "For you, only for you. I will never hate Inuyasha, not for the life of me."

Her words were enough to tip his already flailing balance off

"Really, what is it that he has done to you? Hh, what more than I have done? Answer me, what is it that he has more than me?"

"Many things .. You,... you will never compare to the man Inuyasha is" she spit

Unwittingly, in her own fury, Kikyou further ignited his .. those words, those ones alone had sent him down a morbid path .. the green eyed monster with all his rage, anger and frustration has only ever needed them to rise.

"Oh, I beg to differ, I can be a better man, I am a better man to you" He was closer now, closer than he had ever been, she could see the monster going berserk, rising from the depth of hell, flashing in his eyes, in his contorted features and all of a sudden she is reminded of Magatsuhi .. the demon who killed her ancestor ...

Before she could step back, his lips crashes into hers, then suckles so hard, so passionately ... he is vehement, carnal in his approach,. His hands , they clasp her ... that is it, the end of their game, she feels, the end of the mind games, he was going to break her .. the way Magatsuhi broke Midoriko. Her entire body was paralysed with fear, her eyes were hardened .. but his hands they loosened just a bit, they started to move, to roam ... he was dragging her down, he was ...

'Kikyou, snap out of it, Do something'

Her eyes, they start to water ... her mouth, she tries to scream, it comes out muffled, ironically like a moan ... she tries to push him away, he is stronger ... She feels like she is going limb, all her dignity, all her pride crumbling to dust, turning to ashes under the weight of the monster.

He was aroused, his senses .. all his senses were clouded, were shutting down, that was past control of the man ... that was ...

His eyes snap open, this couldn't be real, he was dreaming again, but no .. her eyes were open, her eyes were full of fear, full of hate, her eyes were overflowing with tears.

He breaks away from her ... the tables were turning, he was the one going limb, she was pushing him away.

He recoils off her, as though struck by fire … panting, trying to recompose, to reign in the current of lust that washed over him.

'Nothing happened, nothing happened' his mind sang like a mantra, a false reassurance. He pulled off last minute but that doesn't mean no damage was done. He almost broke her, almost … but she was hurt, he had hurt her beyond he could conceive and at that moment, he was stuck between the monster who lost control and the man who loved and loved to no avail.

"Whatever I do, you will never love me, Kikyou. I repulse you that much" he said softly, voice laden with shame, sadness and heartbreak. He felt a sting in his eyes, a moisture .. a bleariness.

His head bows down. His face, he covers it with one of his hands.

She was a wreck, a weeping wreck on the floor.

"I don't blame you, I really don't. Who would love a fiend like me, a disgusting monster .. an illegitimate scarred half breed whose reputation is forged in deceit , madness and cowardice. I thought I made my peace with it. I thought I was rid of your love, I thought I only wanted power as I thought I would never hurt you ... but apparently I was wrong. That day, I came running to you because I couldn't stand the thought of hurting you, even in dreams but here I am doing the same thing I have been running away from all this time"

He quietly retreats now ... This hurricane, spurned in fury, it was over. He lost .. he lost her.

All those little pieces that were flimsily held together have broken apart.

He vigourously washes out every trace of her that lingered onto his body, every desire, every shame ... after he is done, he stares at himself in the mirror ... Pristine?! how ironic, a demon like him looking so clean.

He smashes the mirror in anger, and for the first time in so many years ... he falls down on his knees. His head, it cranes up to the heavens above as he roars

"Rid me of this madness, Rid me of this love ... Can't you see me suffering? Can't you hear me?"

His tears well up. His voice dies down "Just please, oh god, let her love me, even though I don't deserve her, even if it costs my life"

But he was a sinner, the worst type of sinners and he doubted heavens would answer to his prayers.

Once her mind has warped itself about what has happened, what was about to happen and all the things that has been said, all those left unsaid .. she was furious .. she was sad.

Kanna was hurled to by servants, their 'prisoner' has been thrashing the master's chamber .. Naraku, he didn't respond to them when they tried to tell him, he just told them to piss off and now Kanna stood by the door, terrified as Kikyou wrecks everything in the room ..

She was starting to pity him, she was starting to believe him .. she was a damn fool who had committed the same mistake twice.

On the ground, lies a hairpin she thinks she knows, destroyed, stomped on a million times.

Kanna is too scared to stop her, so she just watches the mayhem unfold, wondering what triggered Kikyou into that destructive spree.

"Kikyou ... Kikyou" she gently calls the woman, who looks her way. Kanna sees something in her eyes, a feebleness, a brokeness and she starts to think that the worst has happened between Naraku and their captive .

"Naraku .. Naraku"

Kanna furiously calls as she marches uninvited to his living quarters. It isn't much better than his room though .. shards of glass scatter on the floor .. her brother, he sits on a chair though. He is drained, tired and consumed in a way she had never seen him before and on any other occasion she would have been concerned .. Damn she is concerned about him right now but the way Kikyou was just muffles down everything in comparison

"What have you done to her?" She screams "Whatever the hell have you done?"

"Kanna, Go away" His tone was flat out, his anger was building up and she was risking him blowing up in her face ...

"Naraku, you didn't ..?"

He seemed to transcend into a world of his own

"Naraku .." she gritted

He started to laugh, maniacally

"I did what I am so good at ... I ruined her, the same way I ruin everything I touch"

"Oh my god, oh my god ..." Kanna was perturbed, shocked .. she had encouraged this, she was at guilt .. House Inutaisho will wage war after war to avenge Kikyou and ... Kagura , she was still at their mercy ..

"You are a monster" she spit "you have destroyed everything .. you ..."

"I don't care"

"What, you just set fire to the entire region and you don't care .."

"Kanna" Another voice intercepted this conversation, his head rose instinctively to who it was. It was Kikyou "Enough"

"Kikyou, I am .. I don't know what to say .. I .." Kanna knew no apology could ever remedy the horror she has been through.

"Nothing happened"

Kanna's eyes widened, all this and ..

'She must be lying, she just wants to make sure a war doesn't break out, that he doesn't hurt her futher'

"Kanna, I know what you are thinking but your brother, he hasn't done anything"

"Kikyou .."

"Your brother, he has you, a sister. He understands well the atrocity of it all. He is responsible enough"

"Then, what was this all about?"

"It was the bargain's price, Power, wasn't it? Kanna, suffice it to say it was nothing at all."

He could feel every word she is saying, a lash falling onto his back.

"Kanna, we need to leave, now. I will stay with you if you allow it. The room is uninhabitable in its state now."

She led the younger girl away, outside the dark of his room, but not before looking him pointedly in the eye, a dagger aiming at him, drawing blood out of him.

Then averting her sight away .. away from him

But he knew nothing, nothing he felt would compare to whatever she was feeling right now and that was death by itself.

'My vision, it is overflowing with blood,

By You who is worth my own eyesight

Blinded as would be,

Bloodied as would be,

Oh my beloved never part ways from my exhausted sight*

For the first time in many years, Kagewaki cries.

* translations of various poems.