"What… is this?" she asks as we sit at the table. A little too small for three people.
"Open it and see for yourself." Sakura gives her a mischievous smile.
Her mother stares at us for a while, before opening the flap of the envelope. Her movements stop, like a film paused in the middle, as she sees the photos. One of Sarada, in her red skirt and white shirt and red boots, smiling at the camera. The other one actually is a selfie of the three of us. From our zoo trip. Sakura is the one who took the photo, she's the one closest to the camera, covering almost half the frame, a little behind her is me, Sarada on my shoulders, both of them wearing their brightest smiles. As for me, a faint upward curve can be seen on my lips if observed carefully. And the giraffe is also there, making a cameo in the background.
"This-" as she looks back at us completely taken aback, I see tears in the corners of her eyes.
"We had to wake up early to go get the printouts. Don't say you don't want them."
"I-" she wipes away the tears that escape her eyes in spite of all her efforts to hold them in, "Thank you. I'll keep it safe. Thank you... Thank you..."
Her voice fades away and she starts crying again. Prompting Sakura to pat her back gently, trying to calm her down. I've seen her do the same to Sarada at times.
The lunch is simple. Very simple. Rice and a broth. With meat, cabbages, carrots and potatoes. Although the meat has more bone than meat. Still, I know it took her a lot. But for once in her life, she got to prepare a meal for her daughter. A son-in-law came as bonus though.
Which reminds me, technically I'm not really her son-in-law. But I understand why Sakura doesn't want her to know. She doesn't want her to worry. She wants her to know she's happy, doing fine, living a good life. In our world, break-ups, divorces, having a kid out of wedlock, it all happens. Maybe not encouraged but it's quite common. But in hers, it's not. And especially since she herself got ditched by the man she had fallen in love with, the man who fathered her child. So, I too, think it's alright. It's a harmless lie. If it can give her some peace, some assurance, a relief from her years long distress, I don't see the problem in it.
After lunch, the two of them wash the dishes together. Having a small girls talk.
Before leaving, Sakura tries to give her some money. Which she refuses. Saying she's fine, her work is enough for the life she lives. She doesn't want luxury.
"You coming to see me is more than anything I could ask for. I don't have those papers, the ones you need to go outside the country. If you hadn't come here, I won't ever be able to see you. I'd have to live with this pain for the rest of my life. So, thank you. For coming to see this," she hesitates for a second, "mother of yours who abandoned you when you were a week old."
Sakura gives her a tight hug.
"I'll come see you again. And I'll bring Sarada with me."
She hugs her back. Holding her tight one last time. "I'll look forward to it."
"I'll be writing to you. So that you don't miss me too much."
"I'll miss you anyway."
"By the way," Sakura releases the embrace, looking her in the eye, "I already have a Mum. Would you mind being my Mama?"
She just stands there. Not saying a word. Just her green eyes get filled with tears bit by bit until they spill out. Flooding her cheeks.
"You sure cry a lot. I finally get who I got it from," Sakura says jokingly as she wipes away the trail of tears. "I'll send you a photo of Sarada with the doll. Wearing the bow of course." She giggles.
She stayed up all night to make a small red bow for her granddaughter she didn't know existed.
She gives me a hug before we say our goodbye.
"Thank you for taking care of my daughter. I'm glad she found a nice man like you."
I'm not the nice man she thinks I am. I've hurt her daughter in ways she isn't aware of. I'm far from the perfect husband we tricked her into believing I am.
But also, who is perfect in this world?
.
.
.
"It's… complicated, you know," she speaks, her head resting on my shoulder as the plane takes us back to Konoha, "It's not like I forgave her one hundred percent. I mean, I understood why she did it. But just because I understood, doesn't mean the pain goes away. Those nights I spent wondering why I had to be abandoned on the steps of a church, what I had done wrong, insecurities I couldn't share with anyone even though they were eating at me, it doesn't go away just like that."
She sighs.
"But it's because I met her now, after I became a mother myself, that I understood. Had I met her ten years ago, it wouldn't have gone so smoothly I'm sure. But now I can understand how much she's already hurting. She won't ever forgive herself. Never. Her life is just… so sad. And empty…"
I don't say anything. Just latch our hands together.
.
.
.
There's a sudden wave of nervousness overflowing all my senses as we stand there in front of the heavy wooden door. Sakura senses it and holds my hand in hers. "It'll be alright." She gives me an assuring smile.
The door opens and I see my father-in-law's, my ex father-in-law's face there on the other side.
I didn't want to run away. And more than that, I didn't want to look like I was running away. But most importantly, I was missing Sarada terribly. I couldn't just return home without seeing her. Besides, now that I've made up my mind to work things out with Sakura, I'll have to face them. Better sooner than later. Acting like a thief only affirms the suspicion.
"Dad," Sakura throws her arms around him. He pats her back gently. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, Dad. I'm fine," she smiles.
"Mama!" I hear Sarada's excited voice. "Mama!"
Sakura drops her bag on the floor and sits on her knees, allowing Sarada to run into her open arms. She pulls her into a tight hug. And showers her with kisses. Sarada kisses her back. That scene automatically draws a smile out of me.
"Were you a good girl, Sarada?"
"Yes, Mama. Sarada was a good girl," she nods. A smile on her face. Then she sees me. "Papa!"
She extends her little hands towards me. I lean forward, taking her from Sakura's arms.
"Papa!" she giggles, and kisses my cheeks. Then looks at me with expectant eyes. I understand what she wants but purposefully hold back. Wanting to tease her a little. I see the way her expression changes, and it's funny until I see the tears gathering in the corners of her big innocent eyes. To her, kisses equals love. So, seeing that her father isn't giving her kisses, I can tell what her mind is formulating right now. So, I give her a kiss on the forehead. She smells like baby cream. Then two more on her cheeks. "Don't cry." I wipe the tears away. "What did you do while we were gone?"
"I made cookies!" she says, as if remembering all of a sudden. Then wiggles to get out of my hold. I lower her onto the floor and she runs back inside.
"Grandma! Grandma!"
We take this time to get inside the house. I bow a little to Sakura's father in greeting. Bracing myself for the inevitable.
Sarada appears after a while, with two cookies in her hands. "Mama! Papa!" She runs to us, but then stops. Her eyes narrowing a little, "Did Mama and Papa wash hands?"
"Oh? No!" Sakura replies, "Thank you Sarada. We'll wash our hands right away."
After washing our hands, our daughter finally lets us have the cookies. It's a sugar cookie with 'P a P A' written in blue frosting. Sakura's has 'M A M A' in pink.
"It's soooo beautiful, Sarada! I have to take a photo," she takes her phone out and clicks a photo of the two cookies. I see the proud smile on Sarada's face.
Sakura bites into the cookie. "So tasty! Did you learn the recipe from grandma? Can you make these cookies for me when we get home?"
"Yes," she nods confidently with a smile.
Really?
I watch the cookie in my hand. A sugar cookie. With frosting. Absolutely not my type of thing. But Sarada made this for me. So I take a bite nevertheless. It doesn't taste… too bad.
"It's tasty, Sarada," I ruffle her hair a little.
"Papa likes Sarada's cookies?"
"Yes. I like it a lot."
She giggles and runs to my mother-in-law who wasn't here until a moment ago. She holds onto her skirt. "Grandma, Mama and Papa like my cookies."
"Isn't that great, Sarada?" she smiles at her patting her head. Then she looks at us. "Lunch is ready."
"I helped grandma make lunch," Sarada announces excitedly.
"And helped grandpa fix his bookshelf." Sakura's father adds.
What?
Fix his bookshelf?!
"Dad?!"
"Don't worry. I was watching her of course."
Still…
Fixing a bookshelf? Doesn't that involve nails and hammers and drilling machines?
Without any further delay, we sit for lunch. It reminds me of the first time I came here. That dinner. I was nervous, really nervous back then. And I'm even more nervous right now. And somehow it feels like doing it all over again.
Note: It's been a while and my life has been a mess. A whole fucking mess I don't remember the last time I had such a tough time. I try telling myself things will get better and they do. For a while before turning even worse. At this point I feel like someone is testing me to see how much it takes for me to break. I swear I'd love for it to stop already. And the thing is, just because there are issues doesn't mean life stops, you still have responsibilities and I can't fucking catch a break. Yesterday I was cleaning the room while crying cause I can't take it anymore, like wow so beautiful! I haven't had internet and I was writing, hoping to do a mass update when I get it back. My brother told me we have internet late at night. So, here I am, posting this chapter. I don't know there might be a few errors please point them out but I wanted to post something before I lose internet again.
Guest whose parents got back together after being separated. I'm… So happy? Like so fucking happy you have no idea. I was doing yoga when I saw your review (don't ask me why I was checking my phone while doing yoga) and I was literally grinning ear to ear. And the fact that this story makes you think of them, damn I haven't felt this touched in a long time. Thank you so much. You made my heart do somersaults.
Anyway, I hope you guys aren't having it too hard. I really want to believe things will get better.
Love,
June ❤️
[23.05.2020]