A/N: Holy smokes you guys! My inbox was freaking out with your comments/reviews. Thank you so much for your kind words. It really means a lot to me to know that you're still reading this fic and enjoying it huhu.
Special thanks to my lovely Beta, as always, lozipozivanillabean, who'd been editing like crazy for the past few days!
Again, this chapter is the last of Hermione's summer before fifth year. Enjoy!
xiv.
no doubt in my mind where you belong
(Make You Feel My Love by Sleeping at Last)
August 20, 1976
"Oh, Hermione, a letter arrived for you this morning."
The brunette quizzically looked at her mother, who was busy bustling around the kitchen to prepare for their supper that night. She met Peter's eyes, who merely shrugged and then slipped inside his bedroom.
Both she and Peter had just come back from Diagon Alley after shopping for their new books and school supplies. Peter had to order new robes because he'd grown taller yet again - his previous school robes were already hanging in the middle of his shins. It was mighty unfair how boys his age shot up like bamboo; even his friends were already towering over her, when Hermione's growth spurt seemed to be taking a really long time. It unnerved her a bit, because she and Harry were almost always the same height every time they come back for the next school year. Ron was just a delightful anomaly in their group, all arms and legs and basically towering over everyone in school.
"Who's it from?" Hermione asked, absentmindedly depositing her new things on top of the table and glancing at the letter.
"I didn't really read the name," Anya said, "but I think it's from one of your friends."
Worry instantly bloomed in the pit of her stomach. Lily rarely wrote to her during the summer because her Muggle family restricted her owl post. They were living in a Muggle neighbourhood after all. Severus was never much of a writer, opting to dump everything that had happened to him during the break, once they met up on September 1st.
Deciding to quell her curiosity, she grabbed onto the letter and recognised Lily's neat handwriting. She slowly flipped the parchment open, her eyes quickly roving through the letter. By the time she was finished, her face was very pale.
"Did something happen to your friends, sweetheart?" Anya said, noticing her daughter's face.
"It's Sev," she murmured. "His mother died."
August 21, 1976
Hermione fidgeted with the itchy collar of the black robes she was wearing. She never really had anything formal and black for a wizarding funeral. The dress she had worn during her father's funeral was too small for her already.
So, Anya rummaged through her cabinet and pulled out the dress Hermione was currently wearing. It was something her mother used to own when she was a teenager, and the way Anya's eyes appreciatively glittered when she went down and showed her the dress brought Hermione some discomfort. It was a stuffy dress, admittedly elegant though and screamed Pureblood aristocracy, but it was itchy and Hermione was uncomfortable wearing it.
"Hermione, stay still, Merlin," Anya tutted, reaching forward to brush some of her hair away and to clip it neatly to keep from falling over her eyes.
Anya held both of Hermione's hands and fondly smiled, beholding her daughter with sparkling eyes. "I'd forgotten why I wanted a daughter in the first place," she said with a chuckle. "Your father only wanted one child, and don't get me wrong, I love Peter more than the stars above, but I always imagined myself taking care of a daughter too."
"Mum," Hermione complained. "I'm attending a funeral, not some bloody fashion show."
"Language," she clucked, and smoothed down her dress robes. She then looped her arm around Hermione's and sadly smiled. "Send Severus my love. I'm sorry for his loss."
The brunette merely nodded. She wasn't entirely sure how Severus felt today. Lily's letter had been brief, telling her about their best friend's mother's passing and an invitation to attend her funeral. Severus never sent a letter telling her about his mother's passing, which admittedly hurt her quite a bit because they were still best friends. But she brushed it off, accepting that Sev and Lily's friendship was always different than their friendship with her. Besides, they lived near each other so she didn't doubt that Lily had heard about his mother's passing, even if Severus had never explicitly told her.
"I'll side-along apparate you," Anya offered, cutting through her worried thoughts.
Hermione's eyes widened in surprise. "You will?" she gasped.
Her mother looked at her with a bemused smile. "Darling, I think sometimes you and your brother forget that I'm a certified witch too," she said. Hermione sheepishly smiled in apology, but Anya only laughed. "Come now."
Hermione readied herself as she felt the familiar squeeze of apparition in her belly button. They materialised almost immediately under a busted streetlamp. Anya expelled a soft gasp upon seeing the poor state of the neighbourhood. Rows and rows of identical, dilapidated brick houses lined the whole street. Hermione noted that the streetlamp they were standing under wasn't the only one with a broken bulb.
It was a silent neighbourhood, save from the ripples of water coming from a small, dirty lake not too far ahead. Hermione spied an ominous building with a huge chimney, which didn't spout any smoke.
She was grateful for her dress robes, for the street was thick with a chilly fog. Hermione could imagine Severus growing up in such a dreadful neighbourhood, but Lily – who was so full of life and warmth – would seem terribly out-of-place on a street like this.
"Owl me if you need to get home, love," her mother murmured and brushed a kiss on top of her bushy hair.
Hermione whispered her goodbye and Anya was gone once more.
The brunette suspiciously eyed a post with the street name on it, standing erect beside a streetlamp - the blurred words Spinner's End written in a stiff font. As she passed through the empty alley, Hermione had a newfound appreciation for her warm neighbourhood. Although they were isolated by those in their neighbourhood due to their nature, at least the street was bright and liveable.
Lily had specifically told her that Snape's house would be distinct from the others, because its gates were made from wrought iron, giving it an image of a prison cell.
'He didn't exactly have a happy childhood,' Lily added after showing Hermione the depressing simile.
Lily was right, after all, for Severus's house was the only one that projected an image of a prison. The wrought iron gates were rusting from time and nature. Some weeds were wrapped around the metal bars, prompting Hermione to sigh with a heavy heart.
The house itself didn't look liveable, each nook and cranny whispering memories of neglect and unhappy childhood. Severus had commented once that Hogwarts felt like home more than his house had ever done, and now Hermione understood clearly what he meant.
Swallowing down the sympathy she knew Severus would scoff at, Hermione pushed the iron gates open. It gave a loud creak that made her flinch. She then trudged through a pathway made of uneven stones until she stood in front of an unimposing, simple wooden door.
Hermione tentatively knocked thrice and waited. She heard heavy footsteps from the other side before it swung open, revealing her Slytherin best friend. Severus looked worse than the last time she'd seen him, with dark bags under his eyes and sallower skin. His hair was surprisingly clean today, even parted neatly with the wavy end of his hair tucked behind his ears.
Her eyes watered a bit as she threw her arms around him. "I'm sorry, Sev," she whispered against his ear.
Severus sighed and lightly pulled her away from him. "You shouldn't have come," he darkly muttered under his breath. "I didn't invite you to come."
"She should have come," Lily's voice drifted from behind. Hermione craned her head above Sev's shoulder and saw her other best friend. Lily was wearing a simple black Muggle dress, her red hair held away from her face in a low bun. Her emerald eyes were dimmer today and the smile she gave Hermione was a tad too sad. "Hello, Hermione."
"You look like a proper Pureblood," Severus suddenly commented, glancing down at her uncomfortable dress robes.
Hermione blushed and fidgeted with her collar once more. "It used to be my Mum's," she explained, noting the teasing glint in Lily's eyes. "Back when she was a proper Selwyn."
Lily suddenly leant forwards and slapped the back of Sev's head. "Let Hermione inside, you berk," she snapped. He craned his neck and glared at the redhead, but stepped aside and let the brunette in.
She took that time to survey his home. The walls were lined with huge bookshelves brimming with different genres of books. There was a dimly lit lamp hanging from the ceiling, illuminating a small sitting room with few, tattered pieces of furniture scattered around.
"It isn't much," Severus said slowly, his high cheekbones turning pink under her rapt observation. "But it's home."
"Hogwarts is your home," Hermione said before she could stop herself. Her eyes widened in mortification and immediately glanced at him. "I'm sorry. That wasn't very polite."
A hollow laugh escaped from Sev's lips. "You aren't entirely wrong, Pettigrew," he murmured, a dark shadow full of bad memories clouding his face. Hermione tried her hardest to stamp down the sympathy, but it was increasingly getting difficult now that she was in his house, which had no semblance of love hidden in the corners. She instinctively reached for his hand and gave it a tiny squeeze.
They sat on the only couch in the room, cramped tightly together because Severus had grown ridiculously tall over the break too. He offered them tea, which the girls accepted politely, and they all basked in the silence as they let their thoughts run away from them.
"What time will the funeral be?" Hermione asked, breaking the silence.
"In an hour or so," he clipped.
"Will there be visitors?" Lily softly asked, peering hesitantly at the brooding wizard sandwiched between them.
Severus frowned and tiredly rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'm estranged with my father's family," he said with a casual shrug. "I did send them the news, but they never really bothered to visit us when both of them were still alive. As for my mother's family…" He trailed off for a bit, clenching his jaw with raw tension. "Let us just say my mother had the same fate as your mother."
"Purebloods really do love disowning their family members," Lily said with an eye roll.
Hermione laughed. "Tell me about it," she said, once again absentmindedly scratching her itchy collarbone. "Imagine if I was raised like a proper Pureblood witch, though."
Mock horror appeared on Severus' place. "Merlin, that would be a disaster," he muttered.
She lightly swatted his arm. "Berk," she growled, but secretly, she was relieved that he was still able to be snarky like his usual self.
Severus was surprised that some of their neighbours had dropped by to pay their respects. "My mother was not exactly a pleasant woman," he whispered under his breath as he pasted a fake smile on his face and thanked the well-wishers.
There were only a few, however, and by the time the last soil was placed on top of her buried coffin, it was only Lily, Severus and Hermione who were left behind. The two witches steadfastly held Severus's hands. Normally, he would have scoffed at their ridiculous show of affection, but Hermione knew he needed comfort that both she and Lily could freely give.
There was no love lost between him and his mother, that was for sure. Lily had hinted before that when she and Sev had met up over the summer to hang out, she'd notice weird bruises on his wrists and arms. Hermione was instantly reminded of her abusive father, and the bruises he forcefully decorated on her mother's skin.
"Sev," Lily gasped, tightly clutching onto his arm.
Hermione glanced at Lily, who had gone paler as her green eyes stared somewhere near the direction of Sev's house. The brunette curiously turned around and followed Lily's line of vision. A group of three, black-clad people came striding towards the tombstone. Their attire almost rivalled Hermione's in terms of stuffiness and they held their heads high like everybody was beneath them. The sullen look Severus always wore was mirrored on the eldest of the group, her stance commanding attention that almost seemed to follow powerful, aloof Purebloods in their wake.
Severus had gone very still as they finally reached the trio. They were undoubtedly wizards and witches, the discomfort on their faces upon being surrounded by Muggles evident. The eldest matriarch disdainfully glanced at the frozen wizard.
"Severus," she silkily greeted, her lip curling with thinly veiled disgust. "It's been a while."
"More like thirteen years," the young wizard drawled, his back snapping ramrod straight and his chin lifting to match her glare.
"I see," she scoffed. "Still as insolent as ever."
His hands curled into tight fists. "Why are you here, Mistress Prince?" he spat his address towards her like he was drinking poison.
The witch – Mistress Prince – lightly glared at him. "It came to my knowledge that Eileen has passed away," she said coldly, her black eyes briefly flicking towards the gravestone over his shoulder. Hermione frowned at the sudden display of emotion, of raw anguish and guilt and sadness, that flashed in the older witch's eyes. But it was gone once she had slid her gaze back towards Severus. "We came to pay our respects."
"I thought," he drawled, a nasty sneer now growing on his face, "that she wasn't family of yours. I remember clearly how my mother begged to be recognised as a Prince once more, because her bastard husband left her and their son almost close to poverty. And I remember, how you, Mistress Prince, spat on her face and said that you do not have a daughter."
The silent wizard behind Mistress Prince shot forward and bared his teeth. "Show your respects, Blood-Traitor," he hissed.
Hermione's eyes almost popped out of their sockets. Severus's jaw tensed at the slur, but he resolutely held their gazes, utter loathing colouring his already dark eyes.
"Forgive me," he snarled sarcastically, "for I've never known how to properly show respect, remember? You looked at me for the first time, told me I would grow up to be like my father – insolent, bastardly, impertinent – because his blood courses through my veins and it disgusts you" – he took a deep, shuttering breath – "it disgusts you so much how his filthy Muggle blood mingles with your beloved pure blood."
Mistress Prince's face had gone pale, but Severus wasn't done. "You called me an abomination," he bitterly spat. "You told me I should never have been born. You told me that if you could, you'd do whatever it takes to wipe me off that pretty, family tapestry of yours. You told m—"
His words were halted when the furious witch suddenly raised her hand and slapped him sharply across his pallid face. The force was so great, Severus accidentally bit his bottom lip and now had pearls of blood – red blood – dripping down his chin.
"You have no right," Mistress Prince shrieked, her eyes blazing furiously in unsuppressed rage. "You will grow up just like him. Just like your father who was worthless and irresponsible, a person beneath us in all ways. He tricked your mother into running away with him and it was because of him that you are penniless. Looking at you right now disgusts me because you look like him, so much like him and every day, as you look in the mirror, you'll realise that you were as worthless and irresponsible, bound to fail at everything and die like a penniless fool. Just like your father."
Severus was breathing hard, his eyes shining bright with a myriad of emotions Hermione couldn't decipher. The blood from his lips still flowed, undoubtedly exacerbated by his constant grinding.
And then… and then Lily, with all of her green-eyed, red-haired glory, slid in between the older witch and her furious best friend. She stood tall and proud, her green eyes sparkling with so much energy even Hermione could feel it with just a touch of her hand.
"Severus is not worthless," she thundered, her infamous temper making an appearance. "He is nothing like his father. He is intelligent and responsible and one day, one day, the whole world will hail him as the greatest Potions Master we have ever seen. Not even you can then deny how successful he will be, and you will spend your dying days full of regret, for not making amends, for neglecting him all these years. Severus will prove that he didn't need you at all, that he would never need you at all. Severus will prove to you that he has everything he needs – friends that will stand beside him, die for him, who believe he is worthy of something."
Hermione gaped at Lily, flummoxed by the words formed by her sharp tongue. Mistress Prince, and her other two companions, looked just as gobsmacked by the Muggle-born's words as the young witch was.
But Severus had the most amazing reaction to their fiery best friend. She didn't realise someone could feel so many things in such a short span of time, but Severus proved her wrong. The shock was brief, before it melted into indignation, perhaps embarrassment by the fact that he was being defended. Then the indignation morphed into mild amusement, watching as the colour drained from Mistress Prince's face until she was stark white and mortified. The amusement then changed into deep respect, for a witch who could ramble ferocious words to a supposedly respectable Pureblood.
And lastly, all of these emotions merged until there was love, pure love, written clearly in Severus's eyes. If Lily could only turn around, if Lily could only stop her tirade and look at Severus, she'd realise how much he loved her after all these years.
Hermione's eyes watered at the raw vulnerability in his eyes and she was unable to blink the tears back when Lily's eyes were also shining, steadfastly defending her best friend to this complete stranger that never even took an effort to truly know Severus.
"I think it is time for you to go, Mistress Prince," Lily harshly spat, a single tear sliding down from her bright, green eyes. "You've overstayed your welcome."
"How – how dare you?" the wizard floundered, his face turning purple as he stepped forward and tried to smack her face. Severus was suddenly in front, his wand pointed threateningly under the man's chin.
"Leave," he boomed, his voice cracking with so much emotion. "Leave. Now."
Mistress Prince's eyes narrowed in abject disgust. She finally turned on her heel and stomped away, her two companions quickly matching her pace.
They stood frozen, waiting for them to disappear, and once they had apparated with a pop, Lily threw her arms around Severus and hugged him fiercely.
"You are not worthless, Severus Snape," she vehemently declared even when tears steadily slid down her face. "You will not become worthless. I will make sure of it!"
And Lily was sobbing loudly against his shoulders, pulling him close like she needed the comfort more than he did. Hermione shakily smiled at her endearing best friend, watching as Severus melted against Lily's hug and wound his arms around her. She had never seen him wear that expression before, an expression that softened the hardness on his face, brightened even his black eyes, and she knew that Severus would only reserve that expression for Lily.
Only Lily.
"We really should change the colour of the wallpaper, Sev," Lily admonished, her nose wrinkling as she surveyed the peeling decorations on the wall. "It's depressing."
"Thanks, Lils, I never really noticed it before," he snarled sarcastically.
Hermione sighed and smiled at her best friends in amusement, wondering how they could so easily slide back into their normal, bickering selves.
After composing themselves, Hermione suggested they should go back to Sev's house and get some rest. Lily by then had a newfound vigour as she tore through the house, pointing numerous things that should be discarded, removed, or changed. It was like she was trying to flip the house over, to strip away all of the bad memories Severus had encountered in every corner, and to make it as bright and lively as she was.
And Severus, despite the constant rolling of his eyes or the sarcastic quips escaping from his lips, appreciated what they were trying to do. He quirked an eyebrow when Hermione casually lit his uncomfortable chair on fire, promising to send over a lovely spare couch stored in their attic back home. It was still quite comfortable and cosy, and the only reason why they stashed it away was that it didn't match Anya's new decorations at home. Lily followed Hermione's lead and had been ransacking Severus' house, Evanesco-ing things that wrinkled her nose, until all that was left were the handsome towering bookshelves, his coffee table, and an armchair that was quite worn, but squashy enough to sit on.
This happened all afternoon and by the time they were done, the trio was spent. Severus transfigured the comfortable armchair into a divan, large enough to accommodate them all and flicked his wrist towards the fireplace to start a fire.
Lily, the chatterbox, went on and on about her new misadventures with Petunia and her new fiancé – previously her boyfriend – Vernon Dursley. Severus sneered and laughed at the right moments, offering insights when Lily demanded him to do so, and disagreeing with things he didn't deem agreeable.
Hermione was silent most of the time. Severus pointed out that she wasn't herself today as she wasn't spouting ridiculous facts that no one wanted to hear, but she merely laughed and contentedly watched as her best friends interacted as they always had.
"Maybe we should get some takeaway," Hermione quipped when Lily voiced out how hungry she was.
"Shouldn't you be going home now?" Sev grumbled. He was now sprawled on the couch, his head comfortably lying on top of Lily's lap. The redhead was absentmindedly running her fingers through his hair, her fingernails scraping through his scalp, making him hum appreciatively.
The brunette stared at the small, oval window near the door and noted that it was already sunset. "I can still spare a few more hours," she said with a shrug. "I finished all my homework anyway and I'm already half-packed for Hogwarts." Her blue eyes landed on the redhead. "Lils?"
"I can still stay for a bit," she said with a casual shrug. "Oh! I know a decent Vietnamese place near here. They sell a mean pho. We should try it tonight."
"Sounds good to me," Hermione said. When she questioningly looked at Severus, the raven-haired boy merely shrugged.
"We'll be back soon," Lily promised. Severus reluctantly lifted his head to let Lily stand. The redhead instantly hooked arms with Hermione and uncertainly looked at the Slytherin. "You'll be all right?"
Severus rolled his eyes. "Blimey, Evans, what am I? Five?" he spat.
Lily expelled a humongous sigh and pulled Hermione away, darkly muttering under her breath that worrying for an impossible wizard was a huge waste of time.
Their journey towards the restaurant and consequent buying of food did not take too long. When Lily and Hermione announced they were back, they weren't able to hear Sev's gruff greeting.
They entered through the door and saw that Severus was already fast asleep. He was using his arm as a pillow and he looked obviously uncomfortable. His eyebrows were knitted at the middle, his face twisted in discomfort, and he was murmuring words that didn't make sense.
"It has been a tiring day," Hermione whispered, fondly staring down at the Slytherin.
Lily wordlessly placed the paper bag on the coffee table and strode towards the divan. She daintily shifted Severus's head so that it could rest on her lap. She then fixed his blanket, tucked the exhausted wizard underneath, and incessantly fussed with the edges until she was sure it covered every part of him.
There were tears in Lily's eyes once more when she softly rubbed a finger between his knitted eyebrows until he relaxed and grew silent. One lone tear slid down from her eyes and landed on his hair, buried until it mingled with the strands.
"Hermione," she softly croaked, lifting her head to connect her shining eyes with the brunette. "Sev needs us now more than ever. Do you understand?"
"Of course, Lily," Hermione said in a heartbeat, tears already forming in the corner of her eyes.
The redhead gave her a shaky smile and looked down at the sleeping wizard once more. Severus looked peaceful this time, as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he could finally, finally be himself.
Hermione's blue eyes travelled back to Lily's face and she felt her throat run dry. She could recognise that gaze in an instant, because it was what Severus always wore when he was looking at an oblivious Lily. Hermione's heart clenched at the look, because she now understood that Sev's feelings might not be one-sided after all.
She was torn whether to be happy or horrified at that conclusion. She loved her best friends more than anything in this world – except for her mother and brother, of course – and she wanted them to be happy. Really, truly happy. Something that neither Ron nor Harry were able to achieve in her past life. But if it meant they were to be happy with each other… well, what was Hermione supposed to do? Lily's eyes belonged to Harry Potter, but if Severus got in the way…
'No,' a voice whispered inside her head. 'Not today, Hermione.'
She shouldn't worry about such things for now, because Severus's mother had died and he needed a friend. And that was what Hermione would be to him today.
"Severus had a really terrible childhood, Hermione," she continued, sniffing daintily as she swiped the tears from her eyes. "Petunia was a monster, but Sev's parents… they were different, entirely different. I don't know how he was able to survive all these years."
But Hermione knew. She knew that if he hadn't have stumbled upon a small, inquisitive redhead, with eyes as green as the trees surrounding him, he wouldn't have been able to push through all the hardships he'd been through.
"You've really been beside him ever since, haven't you?" Hermione whispered. "After everything he's been through… after everything he will go through, you still stay beside him."
Lily's eyes sparkled with such resolution it almost knocked the breath out of Hermione. "Always," she said. The redhead gazed tenderly over Sev's sleeping face once more and brushed an errant strand of hair away from his peaceful face. "Always."
It had been an emotionally draining day, which was why Hermione had no qualms wrapping her arms around Anya when she spotted her waiting at the apparition point.
"How is Severus?" Anya asked, fondly brushing some stray tears away from her daughter's eyes.
"He's managing," she replied with a soft sniff. Hermione tightened her grip around her mother's waist. "He will be okay, I'm sure. He has Lily after all."
"And you," Anya added.
Hermione merely smiled, the expression on her face a tad forlorn. She knew Severus appreciated her, considered her as a close friend, and had sought for her company often. But she knew, deep inside, that even if she wasn't there to stay beside him, Lily was enough.
Lily in his eyes, was colossal - his everything and more - and if the world crashed and burned down around them, just as long as she was there, holding his hand, then Severus knew nothing else would matter.
Lily was enough.
A/N: And that's the end of Hermione's eventful summer! Terribly sorry for the lack of Jamione in this chapter but you see, I did say this will be a slow burn-y romance. There will be more interactions between them in the future, I promise, but expect to be very frustrated hehe.
Also, I love Lily so much and I want to write about her more. And, I tried to research about Sev's mother but there wasn't enough background info regarding Eileen Prince, so I just made this up ahaha.
So, anyway, the next chapter will be set in Hermione's fifth year already! It'll consist of 4 chapters so do watch out for my next update. That's it for now!
With love,
WickedlyAwesomeMe
P.S. Follow me on tumblr! (kimmy-writes) I made character mood boards because 1) I'm bored, 2) for my sanity's sake whilst writing this monstrous fic and studying Surgery at the same time lmao.