The heat rises, and my heart throbs violently inside my chest. There's this familiar tightness in my pants and my head starts to get foggy, forgetting everything in the world that isn't Sakura as her tongue plays with mine, her fingers digging into my skin through the barrier of my T-shirt, her small soft body against mine, moving in perfect harmony.
She parts from me for a moment. Her lips already red and swollen, hair a complete mess, and her red dress full of creases. Did I do that to her? I watch her out of breath as my lungs struggle to catch up.
She watches me, panting, and then reaches out, holding the hem of my T-shirt, intending to get it off.
And that's when I remember.
Shit!
"No-" I hold her hand before she can lift my T-shirt. Maybe my protest comes out too strong because she looks startled. Then I feel her fingers retract.
"I- I'm-" she looks down at her lap as she struggles to find words.
"I..." fucking seriously?! Seriously? "I... forgot to buy condoms."
I don't know if the silence lasts a few seconds or a few hours before Sakura bursts into laughter. Almost falling from my lap.
"You what?"
"I got too caught up... Cooking."
HOW THE FUCK did I forget? I went to the store three times today and I forgot to buy fucking condoms?
"I don't care," she speaks against my mouth, licking my lips, her hands back at my T-shirt.
But I hold them, again. Stopping her. Much to my own body's frustration.
"I do. I can't risk getting you pregnant now. When things have just started to get better."
I can't mess it up all again.
She watches me, just silently watches me for a while.
"It's okay Sasuke. I'll take a morning after pill."
"But... don't those pills make you nauseous?"
"Yes, they do. But I don't care. It's been so long and I just... want you. Do you get it? So, now for god's sake, don't try to interrupt me again."
It feels good. It feels great. To see her so desperate for me. And just for the fun of it, I hold her wrists again as they move to my T-shirt.
"Aren't you getting a little too impatient? You managed three years fine and now you can't wait three minutes?"
"No I can't. Okay? I can't. And what are you going to do in three minutes anyway?"
"Carry you to the bed?"
Her eyes go a little wide. Then her cheeks turn red and she puts her arms around my neck, tucking her face in my chest. "Okay."
By the time I drop her on my bed, I've already taken care of the zip of her dress. Teasing her is fine and all, but I'm running out of patience as well. It's been just as long for me and now every second I have to spend without being connected to her feels like torture. I never imagined I'll be here, doing this with her again. I thought images from the past were all I had left. All I was ever going to have left. And I played those pictures in my mind, like some old record you can't get enough of no matter how many times you play it. It was so frustrating, even when I was convinced that she never even loved me, even those days, she was the only one I could think of in that way. Touching myself in the loneliness of my bedroom the way she used to. And yet, it never was the same. Because my hands were not hers.
I watch her, lying under me, chest heaving, bare and beautiful, green eyes looking at me like I am the most breathtaking sight she has seen in all her life. And all of a sudden, I get a flashback. Of that time we had sex for the last time. And...
"Sakura," I tug at her hand. Making her sit up.
She complies, but looks somewhat confused.
"What's wrong, Sasuke?"
"You... You're not doing this... for... You want to do this. Right?"
It takes her a few seconds to make the connection. But she does and smiles. Holding my face in her hands and giving me a kiss. A long kiss. Then, she takes my hand and puts in on her naked breast. "I want you to touch me, Sasuke," she presses herself against me.
It feels like a dream, just like my dreams, Sakura moving on top of me, not losing eye contact for a moment, our fingers latched together, her pink hair cascading over her shoulders, the sweat on her skin glistening in the faint light, trembling and making all those sounds that make me lose my mind, biting her lip, calling my name... It feels too good to be true. Too good. Too overwhelming.
.
.
.
"You've gained weight."
She lifts her face, looking at me with a frown.
"I'm glad you're healthier now," I lock my fingers in her pink tresses, now damp with sweat as I smile at her, my other arm still wrapped around her waist. The scratches she left on my back starting to hurt a little now that I'm down from the high.
She goes back to resting her head on my chest once again. Listening to my heartbeats. Her old hobby.
.
.
.
"Good morning."
She's wearing my T-shirt. A little too big on her. Pulling at the hem to cover more of her thighs where the red marks on her skin are still very visible.
"Breakfast is almost ready."
"Uh huh," she nods, awkwardly, her face red like a tomato and pulls a chair.
I feel my cheeks getting hotter as we sit down for breakfast. And the way Sakura refuses to look anywhere near me, shyly eating her scrambled eggs in complete silence, it feels a little...
Isn't this so stupid?
This makes no sense!
We were married. Sleeping together was our lifestyle. For fuck's sake, we have a kid together. So, what's with us acting like blushing teenagers waking up after a one night stand?
"Ah!" I remember all of a sudden. And get up from the chair.
"Huh?" Sakura looks up at me. Confused.
I walk to the kitchen counter and take the paper pack.
"Here."
"What is this?"
"Your pill."
"O-oh."
She blushes harder.
"Thank you."
"Hn."
It feels kinda weird but at the same time I can't hate it. It's almost like we're back to square one. Doing it all over again.
She offers to do the dishes after breakfast. As she's busy washing the plates at the sink, with her messy pink hair and long legs on display, I sneak behind her. Locking my arms around her narrow waist. She almost jumps.
"What- What are you doing?"
"What does it look like?" I whisper in her ear. Pressing myself against her harder.
"I- I'm doing the dishes."
"I can see."
I pull the T-shirt, and then suck at the exposed skin at the junction of her neck and shoulders. Making sure to leave my mark there.
"Mmmm," she lets go of the dishes, her hands searching for mine. And she stretches her neck, giving me better access. Making me smirk.
"You're enjoying it," I turn her around, holding her captive between me and the sink as I lick the sensitive skin of her neck, "Was this what you had in mind when you offered to wash the dishes looking like that?"
"I- My dress isn't-"
"You took my T-shirt out of the closet. You could've grabbed a pair of sweatpants if you wanted."
Her face goes completely red.
"You know I have a thing for your legs." I playfully trace the soft skin of her thigh with my fingers, feeling her shiver against me.
She opens her mouth to say something, but then closes it again. Her pretty little mouth. I lean down and kiss her, while letting my hands wander around her body, not leaving any nook untravelled. She moans into my mouth.
"I love it when you try to seduce me," I say against her lips and grab her, lifting her from the ground. She wraps her arms around my neck, maybe expecting me to carry her to the bedroom. But instead, I put her on the kitchen counter.
"Since the day I moved to this apartment, I've dreamt of making love to you here."
Her eyes go wide.
"Not just here by the way."
There wasn't a place where I didn't make love to her in that tiny apartment of ours. On the kitchen counter where I first needed to make space by moving some items to the dining table before I could put her on it. In that narrow shower where I felt claustrophobic just by myself. On the floor of our bedroom where there wasn't a carpet so I had to throw in some clothes from the laundry basket to make sure she didn't scrape her knees. And that bed, yes. Of course we did it in that small bed. That's a given.
We used to daydream, of having a better life, a bigger place, where we wouldn't have to make constant compromises.
And ironically, when I finally got my hands on it, Sakura had already left my life. And my bigger, better apartment felt like it was laughing at me. It was as if I was dying for a photo album to put some of my treasured photos in. And in the end, when I finally got my hands on one, I no longer had the photos. After all, it's the photos that make an album special, not the other way around.
That's why that cheap back alley apartment feels more precious to me till this day.
"I want to make love to you everywhere in this apartment."
I've been holding onto the empty album for too long... Far too long...
She wraps her legs around my waist, her hands getting rid of that oversized T-shirt already.
Note: I decided to use Roman numerals for the chapters because I thought it'd be cool and I expected this story to have ten chapters maximum. So now, when posting a new chapter, I'm on Google like '23 in Roman numerals.'
And, regarding Sakura's mother being harsh, she's been dealing with Sakura all her life. She has had enough LOL. I kinda used my own mother as inspiration. The way she has completely given up on me and doesn't really try to stop me anymore. But in Sakura's mother's case, she is concerned about Sarada. So, she draws the line there.
Anyway, I hope y'all are okay. 2020 isn't playing.
Lots of love,
June ❤️
[12.06.2020]