Donna's head rests against my thigh. I run my fingers through her soft hair, watching as the strands fall like water after every pass. The TV's on, but I have no idea what we're watching. She seems content from her prone position on the couch and that's all that matters.
There's nothing more that I want than to be in this moment with her. To be with her in any moment. To just be with her.
I almost lost this.
What would my life be without her in it? I need her like I need air. No—it's more than that. If I didn't have her, having air wouldn't matter. Maybe it's not healthy to be this tangled up in someone, to not know where you end and she begins, but it's who we are. Our lives have been intertwined for so long that trying to separate them would be next to impossible.
Spending the rest of my life with her is more than I deserve.
She shifts a little, pressing her head against my stomach as she slides her left hand under my thigh, wrapping her arms around my leg. Her engagement ring sparkles in the light of the TV, making my heart thump painfully. We're so close.
My fingers leave her hair and my hand trails down her side until I can rest my hand on her hip, giving it a squeeze. "Can you believe it?"
"Believe what?" she asks, her voice soft, a tired edge to it.
I give her hip another playful squeeze. "That we'll be married in less than a week. Five days to be exact."
She lets out a soft laugh—I can feel it more than hear it. "Yeah."
Not the ringing endorsement I was hoping for, but after the way I've behaved, I don't blame her. I've been trying to be the guy she needs me to be—hell, the guy I want to be—since our blow out more than a week ago. Other than one night when I was in a meeting that ran past midnight, she and I have been home by seven every evening, making dinner, spending time together, and going through last minute wedding details. Unless I'm in the Sit Room or something has come up with the President, I've been going to our meetings with the wedding planner. It was a shock to realize just how little was left for us to deal with because most of those meetings have been to cover final details and to check in with us to make sure we have all the things we need for our day. I've been amazed at how much work Donna's put in for this in such a short amount of time, and I feel like the world's biggest ass for not helping with anything the last couple of months. It's our wedding and I've left it all to her. It would have been one thing if she'd desperately wanted to be the one to plan everything, and even then I should still throw her my support, but this was something we were supposed to do together, and I almost ruined it.
It actually breaks my heart to think that she's not excited about her own wedding, that the thought of marrying me this Saturday fills her with trepidation. I did this to her. I let my own insecurities and fears take over and instead of talking to my future wife, I nearly let my relationship with Donna end. So, no; I don't really blame her for being insecure about this and, well, me.
Still, I have to keep trying. I owe her that much. "Are you nervous?" I ask.
"A little," she answers with a shrug.
My stomach twists a little, but if I can get her to talk about this…"How come?"
"It's a big commitment, Josh."
"I know that. I like to think I've been pretty committed to you for a while now."
"You have. Of course you have. It's not that…"
"Then what? We've been together for a couple of years, and we've known each other even longer. Our lives are meshed." I know that, if nothing else, there can be no doubt of my overall commitment to this woman. The last month or so aside, my entire world has revolved around her for two years.
She sits up, effectively dislodging my hand, and scoots to the other end of the couch. Her wide, expressive eyes are so sad, so lost. "It's a big legal commitment."
I snort a little, unable to help myself. "You make it sound so appealing."
She shrugs and looks away, her eyes focusing somewhere beyond the TV in front of us. "This is more than us living together or sharing a checking account. It'd be messy but most of what we have together could be undone with minimal interference. Marriage is different; it's a legally binding contract that can take years and thousands of dollars and lawyers to undo."
"I'm not gonna want to undo it," I promise, scooting over to her a little.
She keeps her face turned from me but at least she doesn't get up and move. "It's not something we should take lightly."
"I'm not taking it lightly."
"It's a big deal."
"Donna, I know. Why are you bringing this up now? We both know what goes into marriage. We've been talking about this for a long time."
"I'm just saying."
"What are you saying?" My insides turn to ice, my heart almost stopping.
"Just that…it's easier to get out of it now than to change your mind in a month. There's no paperwork involved now. I mean, the only thing we'd lose right now are some deposits and things"
"I don't want to change my mind!" I exclaim, moving closer to her.
She finally looks over at me, her eyes bright and shiny, and I curse myself for making her cry yet again. "I guess it's just jitters," she all but whispers, standing up and moving awkwardly over to the bookcase where she pretends to look for something to read.
"This is more than jitters," I answer, slowly following her over to the books. I make sure I stand so she can see me out of her peripheral vision. "You still aren't sure about me, are you?"
She keeps her eyes focused on the books but her hands clasp without her seeming to notice, her fingers twisting her engagement ring. "Everyone gets nervous before their wedding."
I let out a sigh and rub my temples. All I want to do is fix this. I truly thought we were well on our way. I thought I was doing what I needed to do to make this better. Clearly, I've been missing something. Even though I've done nothing but spend all of my available time with Donna, it seems I'm still not paying enough attention. "Talk to me," I beg, gently grabbing her forearms and turning her toward me. "We're getting married in a few days. If you have doubts, please tell me."
She still won't look me in the eye, opting instead to keep her eyes trained on my feet. "I don't doubt that I want to marry you. I've wanted to marry you for a long time. It's just…it's a big deal."
"I know."
"I don't want you to question that."
"I don't want you to question my commitment to you, either. I want to do this. I can't wait to do this."
"Josh…"
"I've really screwed everything up, haven't I? Donna, you have to know that I never doubted that I wanted us to get married and to spend the rest of my life with you. I only doubted my ability to not fuck everything up. Unfortunately, it seems I was right on the money. If you can't trust me, do you really want to marry me? We can still postpone it or…call it off completely if that's what you want."
She finally looks at me, tears spilling down her pale cheeks. "I don't want to be without you."
"But if you can't trust me, why should you marry me? What kind of life is that?"
"I feel like I'm overreacting." She sniffles and I reach out, wiping at her tears with my thumb.
"I treated you horribly," I whisper, cupping her cheek in the hope that she won't turn away again. She looks so small right now, so frail. Her shoulders are slumped, her entire body seems to be turned in on itself. I feel like I'm towering over her right now and considering we usually see almost eye-to-eye, the difference in her posture is alarming. "You're in no way overreacting. I don't blame you for being nervous about me. I just don't know what else I can do at this point. I can grovel, but all the apologizing and begging in the world won't help if your heart isn't sure. I definitely don't want you to marry me because it feels easier than the alternative but…you've got to know how much I love you. I'm in this for keeps. You're my soul mate and if me saying that doesn't prove what you mean to me…well, I'm happy to make more over-the-top declarations. I've loved you for such a long time and if I wasn't the world's biggest idiot, I would have married you five years ago."
She blinks at me in surprise. "Five years?"
"Well, six, at least. I should have proposed to you the moment President Bartlet was elected the second time. No one would have cared and I doubt they would have been surprised."
New tears spill down her cheeks, but for the first time all evening, there's something hopeful in her expression. "You wanted to marry me then?"
"Donna, I think I've wanted to marry you for as long as I've known you. If I was half as smart as I want to believe, I would have tried to snap you up instead of sabotaging your dates all those years."
"You were sabotaging my dates? Seriously?"
"How could you not know that? I never wanted you going out with those losers. Yes, I work better with you around but if you'd been anyone else, I certainly could have spared you for a few hours or even let you have a full evening off."
"I just thought…I thought my personal life was so incidental to you…I thought you didn't care."
"Honey, I cared way too much about your personal life. Keeping guys away from you was one of my top priorities. You have to know this. We've talked about this."
"You've told me that you hated me going out with other men, but you never told me you actually sabotaged my dates."
"Whenever possible," I answer proudly. "It was sick and twisted, but if I could find a reason to scare the guy off, I'd do it. It wasn't just about me keeping you close at work. I was terrible and inappropriate on a whole different level."
She actually laughs at that, thawing the ice in my veins just a little. "I thought you didn't want me to split my attention."
"Nope; I just didn't want to see you going out with another guy. It killed me."
"Then why did you help set me up with Jack Reese?"
"Because you asked me to," I tell her simply. "You'd never asked me to do that before—not really, anyway, not like that—so I knew you must have really wanted to get to know him."
"Yeah, but you could have sabotaged that, too, right?"
"I just wanted you to be happy, and I hadn't seen you smile like that for a long time."
"Sure, but—"
"I was in love with you. I may not have been able to say it or admit it, but I love you and all I wanted was your happiness. If that meant setting you up with Jack, I did it. It killed me but I did it."
"Josh…"
"And I still should have married you that night. Or, you know, asked. For sure I should have during the inauguration. After that creep let you take the fall for him…well, I wanted you to be with someone better than that. I thought I could be that guy. I should have asked. Right there, in front of your apartment in the snow. Donna…"
"I would have said yes," she breathes, almost knocking the wind out of me.
"You would have?"
"Absolutely. I knew I love you then. If you had asked me that night, it wouldn't have mattered that I'd just broken up with Jack. I wouldn't have been on the rebound. I would have said yes with all those guys watching us."
"I'm an idiot."
"Maybe so…but you're my idiot. Forever."
I feel a kernel of hope take root in my chest. "Forever?"
"Yes," she answers, straightening her spine, her entire demeanor changing.
"So, what does that mean?"
"It means that on Saturday I'll be walking down an aisle to marry a man I've loved most of my adult life."
"I'll be there. You'll never have to doubt me again, I swear. I promise I'm going to be better about talking to you. Even if I can't tell you what's going on, I'll tell you that something is going on. If I get scared again, I'll tell you. I promise."
"I'm going to hold you to that."
"Donna, I can't wait to be your husband. I don't ever want you to be sorry that you married me."
"I could only be sorry if we were apart. We're going to get through this. Remember—you're my idiot. For better or for worse. We'll figure this out."
Tears prickle the corners of my eyes and I nod vigorously. "For better or for worse. Donna…my life is so much better with you in it. No matter how it seems, I've never forgotten that. You're why I get up in the morning. You're why I want to make the world a better place. You make me want to be a better man."
She sniffles and tilts her head, leaning into my hand that's still cupping her cheek. "You are a good man, Josh," she tells me softly. "You're the best man. I love you so much it makes me dizzy, and I want to be your wife. I want to get married and I don't want to wait any longer. If we could find a judge to do it right now, I'd be okay with that."
I feel my pulse pick up out of excitement, and for a few long minutes I try to figure out who we could wake up that would perform the ceremony for us before I reconsider. "I love that idea, but let's wait until Saturday. I care less about the money than that we deserve a celebration. I like the idea that it could be just for us, but kind of like even more the idea of all of our friends and family bearing witness to it. However, if you really want to get married right now, I'll make it happen."
Fresh tears spill down her cheeks but for the first time in weeks she gives me her brilliant, megawatt smile. "You really would, wouldn't you?"
"I really would. I promise you I will do anything to make you happy."
She steps into me suddenly, her hand going to the back of my neck as she pulls me to her. She kisses me deeply, thoroughly, and I'm so stunned for a few moments that I almost miss it. I grab onto her waist and pull her close. We've done a little bit of this in the last week, though it's been closer to chaste than anything else, and mostly limited to "good morning" and "good night." Sex hasn't been on the table and I'm okay with that. I absolutely want her to take the lead with this and when she's ready, I'm ready. Her comfort is the most important thing.
She ducks out of my arms suddenly, leaving me stunned as she goes back over to the couch. She grabs the remote and turns off the TV, walking back over to me shyly. Still, she doesn't hesitate as she takes my hand and leads me down the hall to our bedroom. Once we're inside she pushes the door shut and turns off the overhead light, leaving just our bedside lamps. My breath catches in my throat as she grabs the bottom of my t-shirt and pushes it over my head.
The long awaited (?) sequel to Fourteen Days. I'm still working on it all, but I want to give fair warning that the next part will be adult-oriented. I'd like to keep it all as one story, and I'd like to keep the rating as is so that everyone can find this if they want to read it. I think there's probably some stuff that'll be worth reading in part two, even if you don't go for adult content, but you should be able to skip it without missing much. I'm hoping for a third chapter to this, too, that'll be family friendly to wrap it all up, so stay tuned.