*Here be dragons. This is the steamy chapter. I'm going to try to leave the rating as is so it can still be found but I'll change it if it's an issue for anyone. There should be another chapter after this that's family friendly*
"Donna…" I whisper as I help her with the rest of it, feeling oddly exposed in just my jeans. My mouth dries out completely when she pulls off her own shirt, reminding me that she very rarely wears a bra while at home. "Are you sure?" I manage to choke out as my body responds to her painfully.
She doesn't say anything. Instead, she steps closer and takes my hand, laying it gently over her breast. My knees turn to jell-o. It's been a really long time since we last did this. Despite the time, her body is familiar to me. I know her curves and how she fits into my hand. I know everything about what she likes and dislikes and it makes our sex life anything but boring. It makes it richer, more fulfilling.
She steps into me again, pressing her lips to mine. I release her breast for just a moment as I push at her yoga pants until they slide past her hips. She shimmies a little to work them down her legs and I bend my knees, wrapping my lips around her nipple. She gasps softly and threads her hand through my hair. I pull at her gently, not wanting to come on too strong. I switch to her other breast, showing that nipple the same treatment, and my hand comes up of its own volition to gently massage the one I just left. I only allow myself to stay there a couple of minutes before I kiss my way up her chest, suckling at her neck for a few moments. I come up for air, cupping her face in my hands.
"Are you sure?" I ask again. "I can wait as long as you need me to."
"I don't want to wait anymore," she answers, and I pull her to me for another kiss. Her hands slide down my chest until she gets to the fly of my jeans, struggling to pop open the button. My hands join hers, playfully tussling with her until we manage to push my pants down my legs, too.
I kick the jeans away from me, waiting for her to make the next move. She sighs and puts her hands on my hips, stepping close to me again. I breathe in sharply at the contact; I'm already painfully aroused. Her chest is heaving, and if I'm not mistaken, her entire body is shaking just a little. I wrap my arms around her, leaning in to kiss her again. Even if we just do this all night, I'll be ecstatic.
I yelp and jump a few seconds later when her cool hand wraps around my erection, sending electric jolts through my entire body. She snickers—not that I blame her—and gently pumps her hand. My eyes roll back in my head. She uses her free hand to shove my boxers down my legs and I drag myself out of my stupor. I grab her wrist and remove her hand before I explode, guiding her toward the bed. She sits down without hesitation, scooting back against the headboard. I kneel on the bed in front of her, hooking my fingers under the edge of her panties. She lifts her hips to help me pull them down, watching with what looks like amusement as I toss them over my shoulder.
Very carefully, I lower myself on top of her, both of us shifting until she's flat on her back. Neither of us says anything, though we watch each other for a few long moments. I try to re-acclimate myself to this feeling, with the way her body lines up perfectly against mine, how soft she is, how fragile and strong she is, all of it. I reach up and stroke the backs of my fingers against her cheekbone then move over to trail my fingers through her hair. She shifts a little, moving so her thighs bracket mine, and I have to close my eyes for a minute. I drop my head until it's buried in the crook of her neck. This is how we really fit together. It's such a perfect feeling that I'd swear we were actually made for each other.
Her fingers stroke my back, running between my shoulder blades gently. I lift my head and press my lips to hers, kissing her until we're breathless. I come up for air for a few seconds before I dive back in, kissing her again. She's trusting me with this part of her again and I don't want her to regret it for a second.
Her hips undulate against mine, making me shudder from head to toe. I want nothing more than to bury myself inside of her and just get lost but…this is too important to rush. With that, I lift my head again, framing her face with my hands. She gazes at me in return, and I can see lot of things in her eyes. I don't think she realizes how expressive her eyes are. I can see love, and I can see passion and lust, but I can also see that she's nervous, and there's still some sadness underneath it all. I hate myself for it. I never want to be the one to put that look in her eyes again. "I love you," I whisper.
"I love you," she answers, her lips curving up in the slightest of smiles.
I give her another kiss, forcing myself to keep it simple, before I move down to her neck. I take great care to make sure I don't leave any marks on her skin—I'm sure the last thing she'll want to deal with on our wedding day is trying cover up a bunch of hickies. I only spend a few minutes exploring her neck before I kiss my way down to her chest. I move my tongue over one nipple before moving to the other, looking up at her as I go. Her eyes are hooded, her cheeks flushed, and she's starting to bite her lip. I smile in return, finally taking the entire nipple into my mouth, tugging at it the way I know she likes. She whimpers a little, but when I glance up at her, her eyes have fallen shut. I take that as a good sign. I switch breasts, devouring her as best I can. I make sure to cup her other breast, fondling it gently so it doesn't feel neglected.
Honestly, I could stay here for hours. She has fantastic breasts and she likes when I pay attention to them. Since I haven't been doing my job with that lately, I feel like I should make up for lost time.
Though…there are other areas I've been neglecting as well.
I finally move on, kissing my way to her stomach, pressing my lips to her hipbones, making note of just how much weight she's lost lately. These bones have never been quite so prominent, and I know I'm the reason she hasn't had an appetite lately. I sigh as I caress her, disappointed in myself again. The damage I've done to this poor woman is unacceptable. I can't believe she's willing to be here with me right now. It's a testament to her strength and commitment to me that she's still willing to consider forever with me.
She's more than I deserve.
I shift myself further down her body, kissing the top of her thigh before moving it so her leg is draped over my shoulder. She puts her hand on my cheek, making me look at her. "Josh," she says softly, her voice deep and scratchy with desire. "You don't have to."
I turn my head, kissing her inner thigh. "I want to."
"I want this to be about us."
"It is," I answer, turning to kiss her other thigh. "But I want it to be about you, too. You deserve this much." I kiss her hip, scraping my teeth across her skin. "I want to show you how much I love you." I kiss her thigh again. "I don't want there to be any doubt." Her other thigh. "I want to make you feel good." I look up, resting my chin low on her pelvis. "But I won't if you don't want me to. Your call." I maneuver one of my hands until it's between us, running my fingers over her carefully. She shudders a little and I'm almost done in. She feels so amazing, and it's almost unbelievable to me that she's actually turned on.
She swallows heavily, watching me for a few long moments before nodding her head just a little. I move her other leg so it's also draped over my shoulder and lower my face to her slowly. I'm hit first by a wave of Donna. I know this is one of the spots where her pheromones seem to be the strongest, but it's been a really long time since I've been down here and it is intense. I take a few deep breaths, trying to re-center myself and also to take in as much of her as possible. Finally, I let out a sigh and gently run my tongue over her.
She whimpers again, her head falling back against the pillows. Her back arches against my touch and her fingers dig into the comforter beneath her. What I really want to do is bury my face between her legs and go at her relentlessly until she's had five or six orgasms and is nothing but a quivering mass of limbs, but I know I need to exercise self-control. This isn't the moment for that. Sure, if I could make it happen she'd probably enjoy herself, but this is for us to reconnect and rediscover. I should have time for all my other fantasies later. Still, it takes no small amount of control to run just the tip of my tongue over her again.
She tastes incredible.
I wrap my arms under her thighs and pull her closer to me. I move my mouth over her slowly, trying not to put too much pressure on anything just yet. I do want to explore her for a while—for as long as she'll let me tonight.
I try to keep my eyes on her as I work, taking in the way her hips undulate against my face, the way her stomach quivers when I hit the right spot. I watch her back arch off the bed every time I do something she likes, and I watch her tug at her own nipples in response to my touch. I watch her mouth fall open as she breathes heavily, her forehead furrowing in that wonderful, mysterious way that means she's getting close orgasm and isn't sure just how soon it's going to happen.
I move my mouth against her faster, my tongue lapping at her in quick, firm strokes, and her thighs clench around my head for a few seconds. "Ohhhh," she groans, pushing against me, moving her hips faster to increase the friction.
I'm more than happy to oblige. My tongue flicks against her bundle of nerves. Her hand grabs mine suddenly and I look up, but she seems to have done it without noticing. I move even faster, sucking her into my mouth when my tongue isn't in action. My free hand slides across her body, caressing every part of her I can reach. Her skin is so soft, with just the faintest hint of sweat beginning to form.
Her other hand flies out suddenly, grabbing the back of my head and holding me in the place. Her head snaps up, her eyes unfocused. "Right there right there right there," she breathes, pushing against me a few more times before her entire body goes taught. I continue to move my tongue, watching as she turns pink, holding her breath, her mouth open, her eyes screwed shut. I'm just about to get concerned when she lets out a low, keening wail, her hips thrusting wildly against me. I can't help but smile. I really do love watching her come. Nothing makes me feel more invincible.
A smile forms on her face as she moves, her breathing still labored. That smile at the end of an orgasm can be better than almost anything else. It means she's happy, satisfied, and that she can't help but grin at the sensations. It's good for my ego, but it also lets me know the mission has been successful, so to speak.
I don't stop moving my tongue, though. I change directions a little, hoping to either prolong or give her new sensations; I know she'll tell me when it's too much. The expression on her face changes again, the furrowed look coming back, and I feel my eyebrows lift in surprise—she's going to have another one?
Excellent.
I move my entire face against her, suddenly desperate to give her more. I can't do this all night if she wants me to. I will do this all night if she wants me to.
Her fingers clench in my hair, flexing in time with my tongue. I readjust our joined hands so that our fingers are linked and she immediately squeezes me, using our hands to brace herself as she thrusts.
I look up at her again, watching her face, trying to make sure she's okay, that what I'm doing works for her. She's biting her lip right now, biting it so hard it looks like she's going to draw blood. I feel her ankles cross behind my back, pulling me to her. Her body twists to the side suddenly, almost dislodging me, and she starts panting, thrusting her hips in sharp little motions.
Her fingers fist in my hair, yanking it hard enough to make me wince a little. The sound of her moaning fills the room. She flies into a seated position for a few seconds, her thighs squeezing me almost painfully before she drops back to the bed, her body undulating in frantic waves as she comes. I'm overcome with a wave a love for this woman, marveling over the fact that after everything, I'm here right now. She's so beautiful, and I get to spend the rest of my life with her.
Her leg muscles relax, falling so that her feet are on either side of my head, and I finally ease back on the pressure, slowing my motions. I don't want to over stimulate her and have it become painful, but I'm not quite ready to leave where I am yet.
Her hand finally unclenches, releasing my hair, and she reaches up to push her own hair off of her face, sighing even as her chest heaves. Her skin is still flushed, all of it glowing with a sheen of sweat. She looks radiant. Finally, she pushes at my forehead a little and I take the hint, taking a few last passes at her before I come up for air. I scrape my teeth against her inner thigh, running my tongue over her salty skin, and she laughs softly. I smile in response, beginning the slow process of kissing my way up her body. I nibble at the skin beneath her bellybutton for a few moments, moving up to her ribcage. When I get to her sternum, I can feel her heart thumping beneath my lips. I brush the undersides of her breasts with my mouth but she tugs at my shoulders before I get too distracted by her nipples again.
She grabs my cheeks and pulls my face to hers, kissing me thoroughly. Her tongue rubs against mine slowly, sending shivers down my spine. I let my body rest on top of hers for a few moments before I slide off to the side, pulling her body close. She nestles into me, her legs and feet rubbing against mine.
"How're you feeling?" I whisper against her lips. I kiss her for a few more moments as she smiles, moving to press my lips to her chin, her cheeks, her forehead, the tip of her nose.
"Good," she whispers. "Pretty good." Her hand trails down my chest and stomach, her fingers stopping just before my erection. It still drives me wild. "How are you?"
"I'm perfect," I answer honestly. I pull back a bit so I can see all of her face, cupping her cheek. Her eyes look a bit clearer now, which I find reassuring. She runs the backs of her fingers over my ribs, moving to my back. She shifts a little, draping her leg over my hip. I shudder at the contact, her heat almost overwhelming me. "Donna…are you sure?"
"Why wouldn't I be sure?"
I let out a ragged breath, my eyes falling shut for a few moments as she pushes against me a little. "I don't want you to feel pressured."
"Josh…you've never pressured me into having sex. Why would this be any different?"
"Because it's been a long time, and a lot has happened in the last week, and our emotions are high, and I don't want you to regret this if you're not completely sure about…me."
She sighs, burying her face in my neck. She stays that way for a long time, and if it wasn't for the feel of her fingers stroking up and down my spine, I'd think she'd fallen asleep.
"Joshua Lyman, I want you to listen to me," she finally says, her voice muffled until she lifts her head. "I love you with my whole heart and soul. I wouldn't be marrying you this weekend if I wasn't completely sure about you. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know that you won't freak out again at some point. I don't know anything except that my heart is yours. Forever. What you do with it is up to you. All I can do is trust you not to break it."
I look at her for a long time, amazed. Being entrusted with someone's heart is such a huge responsibility and with anyone else, I wouldn't have been up for the challenge. I can't promise her that I won't do something stupid again, but I can promise her that I will always, always love her. She's beautiful and brilliant and funny and could have any guy she wants, and she wants me. All I have to do is not be stupid. Easier said than done, probably, but as long as I don't do something awful again like neglect her and make her think I'm leaving her, it shouldn't be a problem.
Shifting my weight, I move us until she's on her back again and drape myself over her—not completely on top of her, but enough so that our limbs are fairly twined—and kiss her. I kiss her for a long time. My hands slide gently over her body, trying to touch as much of her skin as possible. Her arms tighten around me, trying to pull me completely on top of her. I let her, but I push myself up onto my palms, keeping our bodies from pressing together.
"Is this way good for you?" I whisper, breathing heavily. "We could change. I mean, you can be on top if you want."
"This is good," she answers, pulling my shoulders to get me close again.
I almost let myself fall into her before I pull away again, hopping off the bed. "Hang on."
"Josh," she says, sounding exasperated.
"Hang on," I repeat. I grab the edge of blankets beneath her and pull gently, working until I dislodge them from under her body. She gives me a curious look as I settle on top of her once more, covering us over a little. "It's the middle of winter and I know you'll be cold as soon as we're done."
She sucks in a breath, her eyes shiny, and I panic, wondering if I said or did the wrong thing. She just reaches up, though, stroking her thumbs across my cheeks before pulling me back for a kiss. I finally let myself relax on top of her, our bodies molding to one another. My erection, which had deflated a bit in the interim, pushes against her, creating friction, and it's enough to completely revive me. The blood moves south so fast it makes me lightheaded for a few moments. Donna inhales sharply, unable to miss it or the way my erection presses against her insistently. I shift until I can get a hand between us, stroking her softly. Her hips lift a little, pushing closer to my touch. Very carefully, I push a finger into her, happy and somewhat relieved to find her still wet. I push another finger into her and stroke slowly, watching her face. Her eyes fall shut and she lets out a sigh, her body responding to my touch.
When she opens her eyes, she gives me a shaky smile and pushes at my arm. I withdraw my hand slowly, trying to savor the way she feels. The moment is short-lived, however, when she wraps her hand around my erection. My eyes slam shut and I take deep breaths, trying to make sure I don't come instantly. She strokes me gently, her fingers somehow delicate and strong. I shift again, moving so I'm back on top of her. Her range of motion is shorter but she keeps stroking me, the sensations making my head spin. Nothing can compare to the way she feels; no other woman I've been with does what she does to me. No simple touch from another has ever sent me reeling the way hers does. It's one of many reasons I know I'm supposed to be with her. The thought of breaking her heart makes me want to die, and I know that I have to keep my head out of my ass with her. I can't put her through something like this again. I never should have done it to begin with. I want to spend eternity with her and I need to make sure she never regrets a moment of it.
She moves her hand, going to hold my side, and pushes her hips against mine just a little, our bodies sliding against each other sensuously.
"Are you ready?" I ask softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
She nods, shifting until she can place a kiss on my neck. "Yes."
I shift again, pulling back to position myself at her entrance and guide myself in. I let out a shuddering breath as I feel her surround me. My eyes fall shut and I drop my head to her shoulder. I tighten my arms around her, breathing deeply as I slowly sink into her. She makes a noise and hisses, making my head jerk up. Her eyes are screwed shut, her lips pulled tight in a grimace, and her body is tense beneath mine.
"Oh, God!" I exclaim, immediately stilling myself. I push myself up onto my elbows, trying to give her some space. "I'm hurting you, aren't I?"
"I'm okay," she whispers, keeping her eyes shut.
"Donna! I don't want to hurt you!"
"I'll be okay," she insists, tightening her hold on me as I try to move away.
"This isn't supposed to hurt," I whisper, feeling tears prickle the corner of my eyes. I may be a fairly common, grotesque guy that likes to brag about the size of his equipment, even to the woman who has extensive knowledge of it, but I have no illusions that I'm hung like some porn star. As far as I know, the only time sex has been anything even remotely resembling painful for Donna, at least when she's been with me, was the first couple of times and she told me that was because it'd been a while since her previous encounters. I know enough about women and sex to know that if it's hurting her, something is extraordinarily wrong.
She opens her eyes, trying to give me a smile. "Josh…"
"No. I'm not doing this if it's going to hurt you."
"Just go slow," she whispers. She moves her hand to the back of my neck, running her fingers through the hair there. "I don't want you to stop."
"I don't want to hurt you," I answer.
Her hand moves, cupping my cheek. "You won't. You aren't. Just go slow, I'll be all right."
I open my mouth to protest but she clenches herself around me, making me groan. "Donna…"
"I do want to do this. I just needed a minute." Sure enough, I can feel her body relaxing beneath mine. Her thighs fall open a bit more, draping her feet over the backs of my thighs. "Go slow anyway," she adds in a whisper, pushing my hair off my forehead.
I nod and lean forward tentatively, kissing her gently. I lower myself down to her again until our bodies nearly meld into one. Her arms wrap around me loosely and she tilts her head, deepening the kiss. I'm still afraid to move my hips, though. I don't ever want to see her make that face again, especially not during sex.
She doesn't seem to mind the kissing, though, and hasn't indicated she wants more. I can still feel her muscles unknotting as she gets more comfortable, and I suddenly sink into her completely. She gasps again and I look up, ready to stop if she looks like she's the least bit unhappy but…she looks okay. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes are open and clear, and when she notices me watching her, the corner of her mouth quirks up just a little.
So, I take a chance and move. I take it very, very slowly, pulling back until I'm almost completely out of her and sinking back in with just as much care. She lets out a long breath, readjusting her legs around me, so I do it again. I lean down to kiss her, moving mouth against hers slowly as I try to mimic what my hips are doing. Finally, though, I come up for air, sliding my arms under her, my hands cradling her head, and watch her. She smiles a little, her body moving slowly against mine.
I'm home. It's such an insane concept to feel as if you belong within someone else's body, but it's the only way to describe it. Maybe it's not that I feel like we should be having sex constantly and I should be inside of her that way, but…in a strange, metaphorical sense. I'm in her and she's in me. We're part of each other. We always have been.
And suddenly, we fall into our rhythm. I still take it slow—because I do want to savor this—but we fall in sync with each other. We move together and against each other and fit together the way we're supposed to. My heart actually aches with the enormity of it.
This isn't about sex, not right now. This is about reconnecting. This is about finding each other again. This is about us spending the rest of our lives together.
This is about me and the love of my life. This is about actually making love.
Donna doesn't say much. Granted, she's not necessarily chatty during sex, but she's doing a lot of watching. She's breathing heavy, sometimes her eyes roll back in her head, but mostly, she just watches me. It would be unnerving if I could stop staring at her. I want to see her. I want her to see me. I want her to know that I have no reservations, and that I'm in this for keeps.
Her eyes fill with tears and I falter for a few moments. The tears roll down the sides of her face but she smiles at me. I stop anyway. "Everything all right?"
She nods even though the tears keep coming. "More."
My eyebrows shoot up. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
I readjust my arms until I can wrap them under her legs, hitching them up until they're over my upper arms. She gasps as the angle changes, and I can't help but shudder from head to toe. Once I get my bearings, I start moving within her again, a little faster this time, and she lets out a quiet moan. Her hands grab onto my elbows and squeeze, her hips thrusting up to meet mine. There's no hesitation or resistance on her part. I prop myself up on my hands, changing the angle again, and we both gasp at the sensation.
"Better?" I ask, grunting with every thrust.
"Mmmmm," she answers, biting her lip.
I lean down to kiss her, pressing our bodies together again. I press my forehead to hers as we move. Her arms wrap around my shoulders, her nails digging into my skin just a little. "You feel so good," I pant.
"You do," she answers just as breathlessly.
I stop again, breathing heavily against her face, a little worried when I see that tears are still escaping her eyes. I kiss her again, trying to let her know how much I love her. I carefully move her legs and sit up on my knees, bringing her with me. She looks a little surprised but doesn't question it, adjusting herself around me. I lean in and kiss her neck, trying my best to be gentle. I make my way down her chest and she arches her back for me, giving me easier access to her breasts. I lick my lips and dive in, suckling on one side before I move to the other, then back again. She wraps her legs around my waist and starts rocking, effectively distracting me from her nipples. I grab a hold of her hips, moving my body to meet hers. Her head falls back and she wraps one arm around my shoulders, her other hand digging into my bicep.
I start to move in earnest. She moves faster. Her head comes up and she smiles at me just before her mouth drops open. I reach one hand in between us, making sure to keep the rhythm, and rub at her with my thumb. Her entire body jerks, moving against me in sharp motions for a few seconds. "Ohhhhhhhh," she moans, her fingers tightening against me. I move my fingers faster for a few moments before I grab her hips again and move. Every time she thrusts down on me, she rocks her hips, moving them in a circle, clenching herself around me.
My head starts to spin. I hear a faint ringing in my ears. I realize in that moment that an orgasm isn't far off for me but...I want her to get there first. Maybe she won't even have one, though. She's already had two tonight and I know sex for a woman, particularly for Donna, is at least ninety percent in her head so if she's not in the right mind space for it, it won't happen. I know we have a good track record for this, but tonight is very different than most of our other encounters.
She whimpers, drawing my attention. I push into her faster, guiding her hips into me. She tightens her legs around me and starts to grind her pelvis against mine. I swear I see stars. "Oh, shit," I groan, burying my face in her neck for a few seconds. Her breathing is heavy in my ear. I want to talk to her, I want to ask her how she's doing and see if she's close, but I've lost my words.
I lift my head and find her lips, kissing her as hard as I can. Her hand comes to the back of my neck, holding me in place. We push against each other frantically.
"Josh," she whispers. "Josh! Oh, God!"
"Are you…are…ughhhh," I manage to choke out, unable to string together anything that makes sense.
"Mmmmmm," she answers, her head falling back again. I move my hand between us again, rubbing at her frantically, and her head snaps up, her eyes wide, and time freezes for a few long seconds. Our eyes connect, and I swear something snaps back into place. Her fingernails dig into my skin and everything goes back to normal, her body moving unevenly as she comes, my fingers pushing against her to enhance the sensations. She moans softly, burying her face in my neck as she rides me.
I'm so close right now. It's taking everything I have to hold off right now. I just want to make sure she's good. "I love you," I whisper into her ear, and she tightens her grip on me, whimpering, her hips still pushing against mine.
She lifts her head, sucking one of my earlobes into her mouth. "I love you, too," she answers, clenching her inner muscles around me, and I explode. I hold onto her hips with both hands, pounding into her unevenly. The edge of my vision goes dark. If I couldn't feel her wrapped around me, I'd pass out. I let out a shout—I might have said her name, I might have thanked a god I'm not sure I believe in, or I might have spoken absolute gibberish. It doesn't matter, and I couldn't control it right now if I wanted to.
She grabs my face suddenly, kissing me senseless as I try to return to this plane of existence. I never want to leave this moment we're in. Donna's body is so warm around mine. I tighten my hold on her, the last swell of an orgasm rushing through me before I go limp. I slump forward, actually tilting us toward the bed. She lets out a surprised noise as we hit the mattress, our limbs tangling together as we try to stay as close as possible.
I kiss her for a few long moments before I have to breathe, actually gasping for air. We shift a little, I feel myself slip out of her body, and I tuck her head under my chin so I can hold her.
"I missed this," I tell her, stroking the sweaty skin of her back, and I can feel her nod her head a little.
"Me, too," she answers softly, tightening her arms around my middle.
I could easily fall asleep right now—God knows we're both exhausted and the next few days aren't going to be any shorter—but I don't want to miss a moment of this with her. I want to be awake if she wants to talk. I want to be aware that I'm holding her. I just want to be with her.
I'm so busy basking in the afterglow that it takes me far too long to realize that Donna's shaking. "Hey," I say, tickling her back a little. "You all right?"
She nods but I hear a sniffle so I pull back from her in alarm, horrified to see that she's crying again.
"Oh, my God! Donna! Seriously, are you okay?"
She nods again, trying to take a deep breath, but all that comes out is a sob. "I'm sorry!" she exclaims, burying her face against my chest. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry," I answer, feeling my heart start to race again, though for significantly less pleasant reasons. "What happened? Are you sure I didn't hurt you?" She lets out another sob but tightens her hold on me, so I don't know what to think. "Honey…please. Please tell me what's wrong."
It's some time before she can answer. She cries against my chest—horrible, heartbreaking sobs, sobs that make want to crush whomever or whatever made her cry like that. Which means I really want to crush myself.
"So much has happened," she finally mumbles, keeping her face close to my neck. "These last couple of months have been…I thought I'd lost you! My heart was breaking. You wouldn't look at me, you wouldn't talk to me, you didn't even come home at night. I was so lost and so scared and I thought I was going to have to start my life over again and it was overwhelming. It's been so hard, and I've been so angry at you but…I just love you so much. It doesn't matter how mad you make me, I love you with my entire heart and soul. Making love to you tonight was just…overwhelming. I have a lot of feelings right now and I don't know where to put them."
"Donna…" I choke out, feeling a sob bubble in my chest.
"You're still the only thing I've ever been sure of, Josh. The whole world can turn upside down, left could become right, it doesn't matter, and I'll still be sure of you and what I feel for you. I know I'm a wreck right now but I've been holding onto so much emotion for so long that it has nowhere to go but out, but I'm more certain than ever that I want to marry you. There's no doubt in my mind that we're supposed to be together forever."
"I love you so much," I whisper, the words coming out watery. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her back to me, and we cry. We cry for a long time. I don't remember ever crying this much in my entire life, and maybe that's why there's so much now. Donna's the only one who's seen me like this, and who will probably ever see me like this, because she's the only one I trust with this part of me. Just like she's not much of a crier in everyday life, she has no trouble letting go in front of me.
It's cathartic. I didn't realize how much I needed the release until this moment.
We hold each other until our sobs die off, soft sniffles filling the air. We hold each other when our sniffles have petered away and there's nothing left but us. Her body slowly relaxes and we're eventually able to lie in bed together the way we normally would after sex.
I kiss her forehead, letting my lips linger on her cool skin. "What're you thinking about right now?"
She starts a little, chuckling to herself—for whatever reason, she's always amused when I want to know what she's thinking, especially after sex. I just like to talk to her, I like to hear her voice, and it's become a habit of ours to try not to just drift off to sleep after we make love, but to take time to check in with each other. "I'm thinking about how much I don't want to get up to pee even though I know I don't want a UTI on my wedding day." I chuckle in response and she tilts her head up so she can see me. "Being a girl is the worst."
"Probably," I answer, "but I'm really glad that you're a girl."
A smile dances across her lips, making my heart feel a bit lighter. "I'm also thinking about how emotionally unprepared I am for our parents to get here the day after tomorrow, and that if we want to have sex again before the wedding, tomorrow morning or tomorrow night are probably our last chance."
"But our parents aren't even staying with us," I answer, confused.
"Do you really think we'll have a moment's peace once they arrive? The fact that I managed to convince any of them to wait until the Wednesday before our wedding to show up is a minor miracle, and the exchange will be that they will want to be around us constantly. Your mom's going to be emotional because her baby boy is finally getting married, and my parents will be emotional because their spinster daughter will no longer be in danger of becoming the crazy cat lady."
I can't help it—I burst out laughing. "I don't think you were ever in danger of becoming a cat lady."
"It was questionable for a few years, Josh. Even though those cats belonged to my roommate, my mother was always concerned that a glaring was in my future."
I turn on my side and prop myself up on my elbow so I can see her. "First of all, aren't both of your parents cat people? And second of all…what the hell is a glaring?"
"It's a group of cats," she answers, her eyebrows lifting at me as if it's the most obvious answer in the world, and I suppose it is, to someone with a mind like Donna's. "My parents have no problem with cat owning in general, just when it comes to their only daughter and the possibility that cats may be the only thing to keep her company in her advancing age."
I snicker again, draping my hand over her hip as she props herself up, too. "Okay, so you're right—our parents will be here and emotional—"
"That's not to mention my brothers and their families, my grandparents, our friends, and all those dignitaries we got roped into inviting. Even if we don't get to all of them before the wedding, we'll have to deal with enough of them, and we'll be stretched pretty thin. That doesn't even include the fact that we have to work at some point in there, too. Seriously, our lives are about to become one hell of a shit show."
"But at the end of it, we get to be married," I remind her, giving her hip a squeeze.
"Yeah," she answers, her lips curling up at the corners. "At the end of it, we get to be married."
We lean in to each other, our lips meeting in a slow kiss. I lower her carefully, draping my body over hers as we explore each other for a few long minutes.
"You know," I breathe, pressing a little kiss to her chin. "When I asked you what you were thinking," I pause and kiss the tip of her nose, "I kind of imagined you'd be thinking about how magnificent I am in bed."
She snorts and reaches up to cup my face, pulling me back for another kiss. "I'm always thinking about that," she answers, kissing me again. Finally, she sighs and pushes at my shoulder, and I move off her. "All right. Bathroom." She tosses off the blankets and I watch her until she disappears, closing the door most of the way behind her.
I flop onto my back, feeling extremely content. Other than all the crying we did, the sex was pretty phenomenal. It was amazing to reconnect like that. Things probably still won't be a hundred percent between us, but it feels like we crossed a major hurdle tonight. I think we've officially moved out of "if" we're getting married territory and back into "when" we're getting married. It's a huge relief to know that I haven't ruined things with us permanently, that Donna loves me as much as she does despite what I put her through. I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure she doesn't regret this decision.
"Josh?"
I look up to find Donna standing in the bathroom doorway, completely, unabashedly naked, and I have trouble focusing on much else. I'm so focused on all of her skin that it takes me far too long to realize she's asked me a question. "Huh?"
She smirks, her expression entirely smug. "I'm going to take a quick shower. Do you want to join me?"
I blink at her stupidly for a couple of seconds before I leap out of bed, running after her. In fact, I'd love to join her.