This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Word Count: 654

Title: Just Me And My Bike

Note: AU, no war

Warnings: suggestive content, crack fic.

Beta: Aya Diefair

Hogwarts

Assignment 4: Flying Lessons: Other Methods of Flight: Task #3: Flying Motorbike or Car: Write about Sirius getting/enchanting his flying motorbike.

"What are you doing?" James asked, but Sirius hardly looked up, he had parts of a motorbike all over the floor of the garage, and he had grease streaks over his face.

"I'm busy," Sirius said.

"I see that," James responded, grinning.

"I'm building an enchanted motorbike," he added in a off-hand way.

"Do you really think that's the best idea?" Remus asked, having just come in through the door to the house.

"It's the best idea," Sirius said. "I have always wanted a motorbike, and now I can make it fly."

"That's illegal, Siri," Remus said.

"Not if they don't see me using it," Sirius insisted. "I did read that statue of secrecy book, I am well within my rights."

"Oh dear, he read a book," James teased.

"So, you two can either help, or get out." By the sudden silence, it seemed like his friends had gone with the latter option.

Sirius had to go through quite a process to put the bike together. He couldn't just assemble the beautiful machine and then charm it to fly, no, that wouldn't do. It would make the charm wear off too quickly, and if it wasn't done properly, a surface level spell could cause the bike to be topheavy.

So, he had to embed the magic into each part, and it took lots of love and dedication. The engine, the wheels, the gears, even the fuel tank was charmed. As for the size of it, Sirius could have gone with any motorbike, but he wanted the biggest and most bad-ass looking bike to ever see the streets of London, or more accurately, the skies.

"What's that horrible noise?" Lily asked from the living room.

"Sirius is enchanting a bike, piece by piece," James explained.

"Couldn't he do it a little bit more quietly? We have neighbours."

The redhead was slightly annoyed by their roommate's constant ruckus. It wasn't like this would be the first time people would complain about the noise.

So she decided to take it upon herself to enter Sirius' new sanctuary and insist he charm the walls to be soundproof, at least to passersby.

The unfortunate side effect of not being able to hear what was happening in the garage occurred when James opened the front door to see his best friend lovingly using a velvet cloth and polish to rub down the body of this now fully built monster bike.

While Sirius was rubbing cloth against it, he was murmuring things like, "Yeah, you gorgeous girl, you like that? Want daddy to give it to you?"

James was horrified, and went inside to share his roommate's latest level of fixation with his friends.

"Um, Remus, he was asking the bike if she wanted daddy to give it to her? That's not normal."

"Oh, come on, James, lighten up! These things happen."

"They do?" Lily asked.

"Of course, there is nothing weird about it," Remus insisted. They weren't entirely convinced, but they took their friends' word for it. After all, there wasn't much that they could do, was there?

"That is where I draw the line! James! If you don't talk to him…" Lily said.

"What happened now?" James said with a small grin. He knew it must be about Sirius and his bike again, but he couldn't imagine what the big deal could be, it couldn't be worse than the dirty talk he heard, could it?

Lily seemed like she was too horrified to repeat it, and her face turned the same colour as her hair. "Just, go…"

That was when James saw something he would never have believed if his wife had told him. He felt like he had walked into a foam party. Sirius was buttnaked spraying foaming soapy water all over him and the completed motorbike, then rubbing himself against it.

"Oh, Merlin," James exclaimed. Lily was right, it might be time for an intervention, after all.