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BUCKY POV

I didn't quite know how to feel as I walked down the stairs of Eden's apartment and made my way back to Steve's. The last couple of hours had been the most relaxed I had felt in….well, the last 70 years I suppose.

I was sitting on the bench that night, the events of my appointment with the doctor still playing through my head. I always felt a bit on edge after meeting with Dr. Peters. The therapist insisted it was a good thing to talk about my feelings…my nightmares…and the fuzzy memories that were trying to resurface.

The nightmares were the worse. Sometimes I was strapped in a chair, Hydra doctors standing over me…I knew the pain was coming. I would wake up covered in sweat, my heart pounding, the uneasy feeling making me sick to my stomach. I could tell by the dryness in my throat that I had been screaming in my sleep.

Steve had proven time and time again that he truly was my best friend. There had been several nights when the nightmares got so bad, Steve would try and wake me and I would attack him. My metal hand would reach out to snatch him by the neck and squeeze. I would snap out of it as soon as I realized he wasn't a threat, he wasn't the one trying to hurt me. Before I could even begin to apologize, he would always throw his hands up and tell me it was okay. He would spend the next hour talking through things with me and assuring me that my days as the Winter Soldier were over.

I trusted Steve. I trusted ONLY Steve.

The last two months, he had been trying to help me remember who Bucky Barnes really was. He took me back to our old neighborhood, none of it seemed familiar. When we visited the Smithsonian to see the Captain America exhibit, I spent the entire day staring at pictures of myself...some with Steve, some with my fellow comrades…trying to remember those moments. Bits and pieces were slowly coming back but it was frustrating.

It was hard to remember Bucky Barnes.

It was even harder to forget the Winter Soldier.

I had killed people…a lot of people. Steve insisted that it wasn't my fault. I had been brainwashed, tortured and experimented on. Those memories were clearer in my head and every day I lived in a daze, regretting everything I had been forced to do.

Some days I was angry about what had been done to me.

Most days, I felt nothing at all...just completely empty.

I had expected the pretty blonde to just jog right past me, not wanting to stop by the strange man with the metal arm on the bench….not this late at night, not with no one else around. I was shocked when she stopped to rest and even more surprised when she actually spoke to me and apologized for bothering me.

Don't let her leave you idiot!

She didn't even hesitate when I slid over and said she could sit down. I noticed her obvious pain from running but she tried hard not to show it and took a seat on my left.

I had frozen when she pulled back the hood of her sweatshirt to reveal herself fully to me...I couldn't help but stare. She was quite a beauty. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a long ponytail and she had big blue eyes that lit up. She could only be 5'5, a tiny thing. The Winter Soldier could easily snap her in two if he wanted...not that I wanted to. My only desire at that moment was to keep her talking as long as possible and enjoy her company.

She didn't seem afraid of me. It was the first time, outside of the members of SHIELD and the Avengers, that I had met a person who didn't flinch away when they saw my left arm was completely metal.

Eden Page

That was her name…I heard it repeated in my head, over and over again.

She had a sweet, soft voice. She began to tell me about how she moved here after college and started up a business designing websites for companies. She told me everything about herself…me…a total stranger.

At one point, she leaned closer to me and I smelled something so familiar….a floral scent coming from her. I closed my eyes and struggled to remember.

Mom's flowers!

Yes that was it! My mother! She always liked to have fresh flowers in the house. As a child, I would watch her arrange the flowers in a vase on the table. Afterwards, she would always smell like flowers.

I instantly felt my body relax…I kept my eyes closed, savoring the memory that this woman had arisen from me. I listened to her voice and enjoyed how warm and comforting it was to hear.

When she suddenly apologized for talking too much and slid into silence, I wanted to beg her to please continue.

"I like listening to you, you have a calming voice", I finally spoke, staring intently at her. She let her head drop and I heard a soft laugh. Her hair fell into her eyes and I watched as she brushed it away and tucked it behind her ear. She had missed some and it still lay on her cheek which was now bright pink. I kept staring at it and had the most overwhelming urge to brush it away from her face just so I could touch her skin.

She looked back up and I locked eyes with her. I could feel something inside of myself, something burning. I wanted to be close to this person. I wanted her. She was the first person, other than Steve, that I felt anything for at all besides disdain.

What is it about her? Well it doesn't hurt that she is gorgeous…and sweet…and her lips…whoa BUCKY! Get it together man!

I was just reaching my hand out to move the hair from her face when a sudden burst of laughter across the street drew her eyes away from me. I clenched my fist tightly and bit the inside of my cheek in anger.

Stupid kids, ruining the moment!

I saw her look down at her watch and begin exclaiming about the time… apologizing once more.

"You apologize too much, it was a pleasure to sit and talk with you" I said, smiling at her.

I saw her jump to her feet to head home and I could tell by the look on her face and the small gasp that escaped her lips, that something wasn't right. She began to fall over and my reflexes took over. I slid my arm around her waist and pulled her upright quickly. I must have moved too fast because she clutched onto my chest with her delicate hands to steady herself.

I looked down, staring into her blue eyes. The floral scent invaded my nostrils, mesmerizing me. She fit perfectly in my arms.

I saw pain in her face, small tears forming at the corners of her eyes. She must have gotten a cramp in her leg from pushing herself too hard on her run.

I offered to help her home and she agreed. She just lived across the street….in the building right next to Steve's in fact, which delighted me to no end. I could have just helped her limp home but a cocky voice in my head said, "Pick her up Bucky, sweep her off her feet".

She looked surprised the moment I scooped her up in my arms. "Put your arms around my neck" I said, barely getting the words out of my mouth, nervous she would insist I put her down that instant and limp away from me in disgust.

To my surprise, she did exactly what I asked and I felt her body relax in my arms.

You still got IT Bucky!

I carried her to the front of her building noticing how she weighed barely anything. As we reached the entrance, I saw her struggle to pull her keys from her pocket. I didn't want to let her down, it felt too damn good having her in my arms. She smiled and told me I would need to let her down so she could open the door. I obliged grudgingly. The moment the door was open I lifted her back in my arms and asked which apartment.

I carried her up the stairs until we reached the door to her apartment. I wanted to bury my nose in her hair...the floral scent was coming from those blonde locks of hers.

After letting her down to unlock her door and flip on the light switch, I picked her up and carried her into her living room and sat her down on a comfy looking grey couch.

"Water?" I asked.

"Yes please, in the kitchen, through that door"

I turned and headed into the kitchen. It was spotless and smelled freshly clean. I headed to her fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. I couldn't stop myself from looking around. Stuck to the door of her refrigerator were several local restaurant menus and a picture of her and an older couple smiling in front of a lake. She seemed so happy.

What are you doing here Bucky? This girl is too good for you, too pure. There is no way she will ever want anything to do with you. Give her the water and get out while you can.

I took the water back to her and she drank, obviously thirsty. I couldn't help but feel the sadness. I would probably never see this girl again after tonight. As she continued drinking her water, I asked her questions, anxious to learn as much as possible about her before I left and never saw her again. Once she had finished her water and looked like she felt better, I stood up to leave. I didn't want to go, not at all, but I knew that I was definitely not what this woman needed in her life.

"Thank you Bucky, I'm glad you were around" she smiled at me as she sat her empty water bottle down.

She's glad you're around Bucky, she didn't have to say that.

I felt the smile spread on my face, I couldn't help it. "Any time Eden. You shouldn't push yourself too hard...I might not be around next time to save you"

Her hand went to her stomach, "Well, I definitely do need to push myself a little harder. I'll just have to make sure you're there to rescue me" she said coyly. The girl was obviously completely blind to how beautiful she was.

As I turned to leave I heard her call my name and ask about my plans for the following day.

She wants to spend time with you…what are you waiting for? Tell her YES!

She was stammering, obviously thrown off by me not giving her an immediate answer. I put my hand up to stop her and asked what time. The smile she gave me made my chest swell.

I would get to see this lovely woman again….Noon tomorrow couldn't get here quick enough.

I was still in a daze when I walked through the door to Steve's apartment. He was still up watching TV when I entered. When he saw me, he looked at his watch and realized how late it was.

"Hey Bucky! I was starting to wonder what had happened to you." He said, sitting up straighter. Steve was always concerned about me but he tried really hard not to be too pushy. It was one of the reasons why I stayed with him even though the Winter Soldier inside of me told me to leave and never come back.

"I was sitting at the park" I said, sliding down into the recliner opposite the couch.

He cocked his eye at me, "For the last 2 hours?"

"I was talking to someone, she got a cramp in her leg and I helped her get home." I said, smiling at the thought of Eden in my arms. I remembered how good she had smelled and how her body had been pressed tightly against my chest.

"Her?" he said smiling at me "I knew the real Bucky would make his way out eventually, you always were good with the ladies. Please tell me about the woman who has made my old friend smile like a kid on Christmas day."

I told him everything…not a single detail was left out. He sat listening, nodding his head, smiling like a goofball.

"Did you tell her about yourself?" he asked slowly and full of caution.

I knew what he was getting at. He wanted to know if I told her who and what I was. Bucky Barnes…froze for decades, molded into the assassin known as the Winter Soldier. How was I supposed to tell her those things? How was I ever going to be able to hide those things from her? There was an entire portion of the Captain America exhibit dedicated my Bucky Barnes: childhood friend of Steve Rogers who died during WWII, a member of the Howling Commandos.

Like always, Steve talked me through it. We debated for an hour on if I should tell her…what I should tell her…how I would tell her. I didn't want her to know the truth but I was smart enough to realize that there was no way I could keep it a secret for long. She would begin to ask questions…she would want answers.

So it was decided. I would tell her everything. If she didn't run away screaming, then she was worth getting to know better. If she ran for the hills….well….I guess it was better to squash that hope for a normal friendship earlier rather than later. Not that I wanted just a friendship from Eden...no, I was hoping for far more than that.

I was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Steve knew I was tired so he turned off the TV and headed to bed. His apartment only had one bedroom and I had been sleeping on the couch. He had talked about getting a bigger apartment, one with two rooms, but I had insisted I was fine sleeping on the couch. I had slept in much worse places when I was the Winter Soldier.

I lay there, thinking of her nearly the entire evening, remembering every detail of our interaction.

Eden

I fell asleep with a smile on my face. It was the first night in a long time that I had no nightmares.