I woke up to the smell of fresh coffee brewing and the shuffling of papers. I peered out of one eye to see Steve sitting at the table in the kitchen going through the latest HYDRA files they had uncovered on his last mission. The few remaining members of SHIELD were determined to hunt down every last member of HYDRA and put an end to them.

I had begged Steve to let me come along, to get justice for all that had been done to me. I had approached Director Fury and requested permission to join the team. He had seemed interested until Steve got involved and flat out said no. Fury was in charge but even Captain America had a little sway over the decision. He told me I wasn't ready…that I may never be ready. I didn't argue with him…part of me knew that being exposed to HYDRA once again may bring the Winter Soldier back out of me. I was struggling as it is to get my old life as Bucky Barnes back.

As soon as he saw me walking into the kitchen, he closed the files. He didn't want me to see anything that might elicit a bad memory of my Winter Soldier days.

Typical Steve….always trying to protect me. I had vague memories of it being the opposite way, with me always protecting him.

"Good Morning Bucky, ready for your big date today?" he grinned as he got up to pour me a cup of coffee.

I groaned and sat down at the table. It was true, I was excited to see Eden again today but I didn't need Steve poking fun at me. He sat down my cup of coffee and I lightly punched him in the shoulder with my left arm.

"Jerk" I said with a smile.

"Punk" he replied back.

He sat back down, rubbing his shoulder, before taking a sip of his own coffee.

"So you have it all planned out? I mean, how you're going to tell her?" he asked.

I immediately felt the rush of panic slide over me and I fumbled to get the words out, "I was thinking maybe instead of telling her right away, I could wait until the end of the day…let her spend some time with me…or maybe a few weeks…months…ugh I don't know Steve!"

All the good feelings about Eden were struggling to battle all the negative feelings of knowing that I had to tell her the truth about me…and that more than likely she would tell me to leave and never come back.

"Bucky…man, we talked about it. You agreed it would be better to get it over at the beginning. If you spend more time together first, it will be harder on you if she doesn't take the news well."

"I know Steve, I know. But she's not going to want to see me again after she finds out all the bad things I've done. Normal people don't want to waste their time with someone as broken as me. I'm a monster!"

II felt the anger washing over me. It wasn't fair. Bucky Barnes had been a good person. I had joined the war to fight for my country and do the right thing. I had wanted to come home a hero, find a wife and start a family. HYDRA had taken all of that away from me. They had turned me into this monster. An assassin who didn't deserve someone like Eden….who didn't deserve to be happy.

I felt myself losing it. I was breathing heavily and I clutched my fist together. I stood there, fuming…completely motionless, extremely dangerous.

Steve was used to seeing me this way when I got really worked up. He knew not to touch me, just talk me thought it.

He gave a soft sigh, "Bucky, you're not a monster. This girl may be your savior. She might not react the way you think she will. From what you told me, she seems like one of the special ones."

I nodded, unclenching my fist and letting out a shaky breath.

Eden was special. I thought back to the night before, the way she hadn't hesitated to sit next to the stranger on the bench and start up a conversation. She wasn't afraid of me, of my arm.

A metal arm is one thing Bucky, telling her you're a former assassin who has taken countless lives is a whole other story.

"Come on Bucky, it's still early. We have time to go a couple of rounds at the gym. Boxing with me will help you get rid of some on the tension."

I nodded again. We changed into our workout clothes and headed down the street to the gym on the corner. The owner waved his hand and smiled when Steve came through the door. It was good for business to have Captain America using your facilities. He glanced away quickly when he saw me. I was used to it, people felt uncomfortable around me. One time, a very rude waitress had told me I had dead eyes and it "freaked" her out.

We went several rounds. Steve was good. I was better. I had been trained relentlessly. My reflexes were sharp. The days following the incident with SHIELD, I didn't train at all. It took Steve a week to locate me, he found me at the Smithsonian staring at a picture of the two of us, our arms thrown over each other's shoulders. I was mess…confused and angry. They had me locked down at a safe location until they thought I was no longer a threat. What they didn't understand is that I would always be a threat. I could go months without any training and be just as deadly.

Steve always fought fair. I was trying to break him of that habit. Sometimes you have a fight dirty in order to win.

After an hour, we stopped…both drenched in sweat and breathing heavily. I glanced at the clock to see it was 11:00am.

"I need to head back to the apartment and shower Steve. I told Eden I would be at her place at noon." I said between breaths.

He patted on me on the back and gave me a small smile, "Things are going to work out Buck. If she doesn't take it well just come home and we will talk it out man."

I nodded, gave him one last jab to the shoulder and jumped out of the ring. I jogged back to Steve's apartment and up the stairs. I took a long shower, just standing under the hot water while it flowed down my back. After toweling off, I looked at myself in the mirror.

Steve had told me that I was always good with women when we were growing up. He said there was no woman who could resist Bucky Barnes.

You better hope Eden feels that way, maybe it will keep her from kicking your ass out of her apartment once you tell her the truth.

I ran my fingers through my long hair, pushing it back and out of my face. "You can do this Bucky" I said aloud to my reflection.

I grabbed a pair of jeans and a black button up shirt…the long sleeves covered my metal arm. After slipping on my black boots I glanced at the time.

11:51

Okay Bucky, it's time to do this.

I grabbed my wallet and the cell phone that Steve had given me when I moved in. After locking the door I headed down the stairs and over to Eden's building.

11:55

I stood outside her door. I couldn't make myself knock. I turned to leave. I would just go back to Steve's…wouldn't it be better to have Eden think I just stood her up rather than think I'm a monster? I got halfway down the hall before I stopped and turned back around.

Stop being a chicken shit Barnes! The girl deserves better than that.

I was going to do this. I was going to go in there and tell her everything. She wouldn't be able to deal with it but at least it would be over and done with.

11:59

I knocked twice on the door. I heard Eden scream. The fear rose quickly in me.

Someone is in there, hurting her, hurting MY Eden!

"Eden, are you okay? Open the door. EDEN!" I pounded on the door. I was ready to knock it down if I had to. I could feel the training taking over. My mind was going over the layout of her apartment. Once I busted the door down I would head into the living room, then the kitchen, busting every door open until I found her.

I decided to knock one more time before I kicked the door in. She flung open the door before my fist had a chance to make contact. I froze.

"Are you okay? I heard you scream…I thought…" I stopped talking and frowned.

You thought what Bucky? Hydra soldiers were torturing her, that they sent someone to hurt her?

She smiled at me teasingly and asked the same thing, "You thought what, Bucky?"

I finally took a look at her. She was wearing jeans and a low cut navy blue shirt that made her eyes seem ever bluer. She had eye makeup on and it made her eyes pop. Her lips were a soft shade of pink. She was gorgeous. I didn't deserve her, plain and simple. Knowing this made me feel the anger start to rise again.

"Nothing" I grunted. I tried to be cold…emotionless.

She invited me in and I headed to living room. I could feel her eyes on me.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

I felt my body tense up, my hands curling into a fist.

No I'm not okay, I'm about to ruin any chance of being friends with you by telling you the truth.

"Yes"

"Are you sure?" she added.

My heart was pounding but I needed to keep it together.

Frustrated with myself, I replied, "I said yes!"

She tried to turn her head before I saw it but I caught a glimpse of the hurt in her eyes.

Dammit Bucky! What are you doing?

She began apologizing again; spouting nonsense about her understanding if I didn't want to have lunch with her. Me not want to have lunch with her?!

"You apologize too much" I replied, unsure of how to start the conversation.

She had her back turned to me but I saw her nod, no words came from her.

I sighed….I had to tell her now, explain myself.

"Eden"

She didn't turn around…just stood there with her back to me. I had to get her to look at me, I had to see into her eyes.

I called her name again and reached out to turn her around to face me. She had her eyes down, staring at her hands. I was scared to touch her but I wanted her to look me in the eye when I told her my story, so I could see her reaction. My hand reached out and I lifted her face to look up at me.

The hurt in her eyes hit me like a punch in the stomach.

Do it Bucky! Tell her!

"Before we go any further, I need to tell you something…about me."

I saw confusion in her eyes…worry.

I took her hand and led her to the couch. I sat a moment, gathering the courage to say what needed to be said.

I began, "Do you remember the incident a few months ago…"

I told her everything, every single detail. When I got to the part about falling from the train and my "death", she gasped and put her hand over her mouth. I told her about the experiments HYDRA performed on me, replacing my damaged arm with the metal one. She had reached her hand out to touch mine and hold onto it as I continued my story.

When I got to the part about terrible things I had done as the Winter Soldier, she didn't scream and tell me to get out. She just nodded and swallowed hard, I wasn't able to figure out what she was thinking.

On and on I went. She asked questions. I answered honestly. Four hours later, it was over. I had told her everything. She knew it all.

I stopped talking and we sat in silence for several moments.

"I can leave if you want, I won't bother you again." I said quietly.

She said nothing. She was just staring at her hands.

My heart sank.

What were you expecting Bucky?

I breathed out, "I'm sorry Eden."

I got up to leave. As I turned to head to the door I heard her whisper something that I didn't quite catch.

"What did you say?" I asked.

"But…we didn't have lunch yet….." she said again, finally raising her face to look into my eyes.