Bucky let his weight settle onto the edge of the bed, heard the wood and thin mattress groan under the weight. He sat carefully, not sure if he could trust the frame although it was close enough to the floor that he'd barely notice the drop.
The bed was old, the frame and the mattress passed their best but he was happy to take it. As creaky as the bed was, as much as his feet hung off the edge and despite the mice that had moved in he was incredibly lucky and felt every ounce of it.
The small apartment, a couple of storeys high and only really having two rooms if you didn't count the sliding partition door for the bathroom, could have been a palace for how it made him feel, how much relief it gave after the past six months.
He took a moment, sitting on the edge of the creaky bed and looking out at the vague shape of the city through the shabby lace curtains. There was a large hole which looked like it had been slit with a knife before mice had trimmed the edges. Through this hole the last of the light was shining into the cramped apartment, a red haze hung over the rooftops outside, the sun slowly fading from view. His emotions seemed to follow the cycle of the sun, the fading away of his happiness and relief coming at the end of the day when he remembered it all.
Until they had quite literally crashed back onto American soil Bucky hadn't given too much thought towards Steve, and it wasn't until they were here, until he realised he hadn't been thinking as much about his best friend as he should have, that Bucky learned the truth.
Part of him wondered now if he had been deliberately shutting out his thoughts and memories of Steve Rogers, perhaps he had kept his mind focused far from the war because he knew many men that had not come home. Steve wasn't even supposed to be there, he was told he couldn't join up, and then because of his genuine good heart Steve had become a superhuman and, in true Steve fashion, he had sacrificed his life to save others.
When Peggy Carter had shown up at the New York hospital, at this point he hadn't known where he was specifically, only the accents assured him he was home, Bucky had expected her to be accompanied by his best friend. He hadn't known that he expected to be introduced to Peggy Rogers side by side with her husband until this did not happen. Even then he hadn't really taken it in, his heart screaming to stay at the side of Natalia and splitting into shards to hear her trying to fight off the nurses and doctors around her.
When Peggy first approached Bucky's guard had been so high he nearly punched the woman in surprise.
She'd managed to coax him away once an injection was given into her thigh - something in a large needle which caused Natasha's fight to leave her body, forcing her into a chemical sleep. His eyes had not wanted to leave the young girl, she looked so vulnerable in the bright whites of the hospital in a country she didn't belong in and speaking the language she had learned from film reels. He had struggled to see the handcuffs restraining her wrists and similar metal links holding her feet to the bars of the bed. They thought she was dangerous, and that had been the first time Bucky had looked at her and seen her powerless.
Peggy had taken him to the canteen, they had sat over a pot of bad coffee and the agent had slowly teased information from Bucky. That was when he learned Steve was really gone, but he didn't feel it then.
A charge additional complaint from the bed brought Bucky back to the present, his eyes flicking to the side just as a soft arm wrapped its way around his shoulder.
'You're thinking about him,' Natasha didn't ask, she stated, knowing she was right. He nodded his head once, then turned his body away from the window towards the girl he had escaped for, stolen a plane for, and the one that brought a light to his life which had been missing for near ten years.
He looked her in the eyes, seeing the exhaustion in them, the green seeming more bland, lacking the vibrancy after all that had happened. The tiredness, the slight slimming of her face, they didn't match the red colour in her cheeks, or the volume and shine in her hair. He was glad of these small indicators that she was healthy, that they had got to a hospital in time to reverse the infection which almost took her life. Still, he kept a close eye, watching and waiting for something to go wrong, old habits die hard.
'You're tired, you need to get some sleep.'
Natasha shook her head, forcing the bed to creak once again as she twisted her body to bring her feet from under her to place them on the floor.
'Can't,' she replied, struggling to hide the need to wince as a sudden pain gripped hold of her spine. She had woken in the morning with the pain in her back, twinges which took hold now and then, it was likely due to the bad mattress, but he was sure it was better than sleeping in hay barns.
It had been one of those hay barns, the type of place belonging to an espionage contact who was happy to give them a place to stay the night but wanted them gone before trouble followed, the hay barn where he had become sure. Natasha had been toying with him, trying to suggest there was an easier way to stay warm than just lying together. It was when she had crawled over him that his hands on her waist had felt the definite swell in her stomach. The mood of the evening changed dramatically when he had explained to Natalia that the swelling in her stomach was not from hunger or bad food but that it meant she was carrying a child.
A child which Bucky believed to be his, there was a small chance outside of him but that was something he refused to contemplate, the way Natasha had to seduce men for information sickened him, and the chances were high in his favour.
She had been the greatest light in his monotone days before they had escaped before the possibility of becoming a father had hit him but knowing she did carry his baby within her had solidified that light and happiness into the love he believed it was becoming.
Bucky's hand slid onto her lower back, gently rubbing the spot where the pain seemed to be at its worst. She smiled in sleepy gratitude, leaning to the side and placing her head on his shoulder.
'I don't know what it's like to lose someone close to me, I've never been close to anyone really, not like this. Not like the friend you had, but I don't want you to have to feel pain alone.'
Bucky smiled, though he knew the young women curled against him wouldn't see it. He kissed the top of her head, letting his lips sit for a moment on the parting of her red roots, breathing in her scent and feeling his lungs fill with a calm that she brought.
Letting his lips leave her head he spoke again, thinking aloud,
'I have you, I won't ever forget Steve, damn I don't even know if I'll ever not miss him but I have you,' he paused, moving his hand from her back to place it on her belly,
'And I've got this little thing too.'
Natasha sucked in her bottom lip, biting it, with a mutter,
'Yes, don't think there's much longer to wait for that.' She held her breath in for a moment longer, Bucky held his too without a thought, both breathing out together.
Only after he had let go of his breath did Natasha's word click into place in his mind. His eyes widened and Natasha laughed, nodding her head.
'You mean, this is it, the baby's coming, christ Natasha, how long have you known? Should we get to the hospital, who do I call?' the questions spilled from his mouth, eyes wandering to the little crib sitting in the corner of the room, realising that it wasn't yet ready, the pile of donated knitted clothes and the unfolded diaper cloths not prepared. They had known it would be soon but it was hard to know when the baby had been conceived so a date of arrival had been even harder to find.
The more his thoughts raced the more Bucky felt the shock and brief panic give way to sparks of excitement and joy. They would be parents soon, their child would be here in their arms and finally safe.
'About four hours,' Natasha shrugged, responding to the first question, as she pushed herself up to her feet, her hand taking the place of his against her stomach.
'Given I think my waters gave out a few minutes ago, or at least I gather that's what it was, first rodeo and all that, and, your last question, yes, I think it's time to call Peggy, get someone with a car over here.'
She stopped again, standing and watching him quizzically, trying to find the words she needed.
'James? There's a good chance this will take more than three hours, do you know what tomorrow's date is?'
Bucky knew, he knew very well what day it was, and the thought of it made his throat clench back tears.
The tears would come, though they would be later. They would come after Bucky had drunk three or perhaps four coffees after he had paced the floor of the maternity ward waiting room enough to have either put holes in his shoes or holes in the floor. The tears would wait until after a nurse had come to his attention, standing smiling at him as she announced he had a daughter.
It wasn't until Bucky stood in the hospital nursery cradling a tiny baby that was so small and so beautiful he felt glued to her from the first moment he saw her. She had been squirming in her little hospital crib, trying her best to kick and punch her arms and feet from the blankets. She was a fighter, which wasn't surprising to anyone. When the nurse had lifted the little thing to place her in his arms she had begun to relax, quickly falling asleep with her face turned towards his chest.
Viktoria Ivana Barnes. Vika; she was so new, so innocent and young, she had no idea of the cruel things which lay in the wider world, of the things which had brought her into being. She would have a love and security her mother never had, she would be warm and fed, she would have a life beyond the pain, beyond the suffering and anger and everything else Bucky knew so well.
He stood for a moment, just holding the weight in his arms and taking in the past few hours, remembering the past six weeks since he and her mother had landed in the US, scared and thin, with Natasha suffering a severe infection which could have killed both Natasha and their baby. He would take Viktoria through, bring her to meet her Mum properly for the first time, bringing together their new family, their new world; their new life.
He glanced at the clock on the wall, spotting the time and glancing back to the small card in Vika's crib. That was when he felt tears form in his eyes, she had held on to the early morning. It was the fourth, she shared a birthday with Steve Rogers, and Bucky knew there was no better connection to be made between the godfather that Viktoria would have had and the world she would grow up within.