Falling Down
Chapter 13
No matter how he tried, he could not move his arms or legs. It should have been frightened, but it just annoyed him. His eye lids were just so heavy. He tried to concentrate, tried to order his eyes to open. Finally they crept open. Things started to make sense. He was in a hospital, his legs and arms were strapped to the bed. He could see an IV attached to his left arm, the tube extended back out of his line of sight. He didn't have the umph to lift his head and look up.
The last thing he remembered was, and he groaned. Beckett. She had called and he'd fallen asleep during the call. She was going to be so upset with him, she often teased about killing him, this might actually rise to the level of a capital offense. He was just so tired at the time. He wanted to talk to her, but didn't have the energy.
He wondered how he'd gotten to the hospital. He thought about his hotel room, and closed his eyes again at the thought, what a mess. He was so sick.
A new sensation stuck him, thirst. He tried to wet his lips to even speak. His tongue felt like it was glued to the roof of his mouth. After several tries he freed it and was able to swallow.
He tried to call out, but it came out so faint, "Hello?" He cleared his throat and tried again. After several attempts the door to his room opened.
"Mr. Castle, you're awake."
"Thirsty...so thirsty."
"Let me get some ice for you suck on. It will help. I'll give you small pieces, we don't want you to choke."
In less than five minutes he was back to sleep.
XX
It has been a just a few hours since she called to check on Castle. She'd spoken with his mother, the hospital, left a message with the FBI contact person, sent a follow-up email to them, called her Captain, showered and packed. On the way to the airport she made a quick stop at the loft, and of course, she'd booked a flight, that was scheduled to leave in less than three hours. She paid for the flight with her credit card, not his.
After assuring Martha and Alexis, she made a list of things to do during the cab ride to JFK. She needed to call her dad, call Lanie and leave Dr. Burke a message that she'd have to reschedule her session which was set for later in the week.
She was surprised at how much traffic there was, as well as the crowd at the terminal. Where were all these people going, in the middle of the week at nearly midnight? After a quick check-in, since she only had a carry-on bag and her purse, she sped off to TSA.
The clock on the wall says, 11:29, her plane was to depart in a little over an hour. After stopping at a Starbucks kiosk for a bite, she plopped into a chair and took a deep breath. It was her first full stop in hours. She held the coffee cup under her nose and took in the aroma, groaned, ah, she was alive.
Her dad's phone went to VM, "Dad, it's me. I wanted you to know I'm going to be out of town until Sunday. Castle got pretty sick on his trip to the Galapagos, I'm going to get him and bring him home. They think it was caused by his chemo meds. I just wanted to let you know...I love you Dad."
It was 11:40 and she wondered about calling Lanie this late. She reasoned , if she was asleep it would go to voice mail. The ME answered on the third ring. Her voice a groggy, "Girl do you know what time it is?"
"Lanie I'm sorry, I was just going to leave a message."
"Well you got the real deal here, what's up."
Beckett paused, "I'm at JFK...I'm flying to the Galapagos."
The ME's voice was now very clear, "Wait, this is the 'I can't go Detective,' going to the Galapagos?"
"Yes! It's me, and yes, I'm going...in about an hour."
"Lordy, Lordy...miracles still happen."
"Funny Lanie. Don't you want to know why?"
"Wait, wait, let me guess. Its starts with a 'C,' and...has blue eyes?"
"Boy oh boy do you wake with some spunk, and yes it's Castle. Why else would I fly to the middle of nowhere?"
"Hey the Galapagos aren't the middle of nowhere...they're like the geological center of...I don't know. Why are you going?"
The levity was gone instantly, "Castle was hospitalized, they are guessing it's due to his chemo meds. He was vomiting, dehydrated." She paused, "He passed out while we were on the phone...I had to call the hotel, and..."
"Whoa Kate! Take a breath. Why do you think it's the meds and not the flu or something like that?"
"He's gone from bad to worse over the last few days. He thought it was the flu, but his symptoms are almost, by the numbers for side-effects of the medication."
"Yeah, makes sense, those meds can be a killers. Is he still in the hospital?"
"Yeah, its a small place, they said they'd keep him for at least 24 hours, get him hydrated and try to feed him. I'll be there by nine or ten tomorrow morning."
"Did you talk to him?"
"Just briefly, but not since he passed out."
"Where are you going to stay?"
"I'm not sure, thought I'd take his room until he returns then I'll get my own."
Lanie was silent, waiting for her friend to slow down. "Lanie, did you fall asleep?"
"No. I'm waiting for the rest of this story?"
"What story?"
"The one where my best friend flies half way around the world, to save her boyfriend. Did I say that, I meant her partner. Oh wait that doesn't sound any better."
"First, it's seven hours, not half-way around the world...and he's not my boyfriend."
"Really? You keep telling everyone that...but you know it just ain't so… and speaking of not so, when are you going to be honest with him?"
It was Beckett's turn to be still.
"Come on Kate, talk to me."
"Lanie..." The ME heard a deep intake of air, when her friend spoke her voice was thick, "I cannot risk that…cannot let anything come between us...I'm living on the edge of anxiety, just thinking about his diagnosis...I need him...need him around… I don't want a run at love to break us or get in the way." There was another deep sigh, "Do you understand why I can't?"
"Kate, I'm sorry honey, I think you're wrong...that man is crazy for you...you have to see that. He feeds you, brings you coffee, worries over your lunches, drags you home to dinner and practically gets himself killed following you around. There is no risk here. Your forgoing love to guard friendship, you can have both. He wants both. Trust me."
"I'm just not sure...and I'm just not willing to take the chance."
"Let me tell you a story about my grandfather...the Southern preacher, my greatest fan and the dearest man in the world. When I was little we'd go to visit and of course always go to church to hear him preach." Beckett could hear the smile in her voice.
"You've never told me about him before."
"Hush, let me finish. He'd always stretch out the names of the Trinity, you know,
Father, Son, and Holy Ghost." She laughed, "The younger people would say, it's not Ghost, it's Spirit, he'd just wag his finger back and forth, "Ghost is a better word. Much more akin to the Mystery. Then he'd go on and say, and this is for you Sweetie, 'We are like the Father and the Son, but the Holy Ghost cannot be seen, he is the Unseen. The Mystery. He is the love that binds the Trinity into one.'
She paused for moment, "He always said it was the same with people. They could be with each other, and not realize that the mystery was amongst them. What they had wasn't just friendship, they had love. They'd never seen it, but it was there, always there, from the beginning. I think your in love with Castle, and I know he's in love with you. Maybe you don't see it, but you both know… or at least you know it in your hearts. Maybe you've known it from the beginning?"
"Lanie..."
"Shh, let me finish. If you tell him...Castle I want more! I want to be your friend, but I need to be your lover too. You think he's going to say no?" Lowering her voice, "Beckett, sorry, I prefer a platonic relationship I don't want to hold you, don't want to kiss you, I just really don't want to jump your bones!"
Beckett let out a laugh. "How can you talk about church and bone jumping in the same sentence?"
Snapping back, "It wasn't the same sentence. I'm trying to make a point. Take him by the hand and tell him you're worried sick about him. Tell him to hold you...to chase away the fear…tell him I said to kiss you...then call me in the morning."
She laughed again at her friend, "Like take two aspirin and..."
"You got my point! But let me tell you now...you won't need any aspirin."
XX
After the call with Lanie she had only 25 minutes until she boarded. She quickly called Dr. Burke's office. The exchange answered, it was not a voice mail with Dr. Burke's. She explained she'd unexpectedly been called out of town and would need to re-schedule when she returned next week.
"Thank you Ms. Beckett. If there is anything urgent, I can see if the doctor is available."
She smiled at the offer. There were few people who took their work so seriously that sleep came second to someone else's needs. "No, I'm good. I'll call next week."
"Thank you letting us know and have a good evening."
After the call she was drawn back to her conversation with Mike Bishop and the current investigation. She sensed a similar mind set with him. Each of them had the ability to sympathize and to also connect. They had walked in the shoes of the victim. It made a difference.
The death of her mother took so much from her, but it also gifted her with an unspoken connection with the survivors in her work as a homicide detective. It was a connection no one would ever wanted, but it was there, forced upon them. While she felt it, she was equally aware of her inability to offer any answers. She hadn't found them for herself. She was painfully aware of how such loss could crush a person, and could never take that lightly. The dead had names. They were mothers, fathers, siblings and often mates and even children. They were never a John or Jane Doe to those who had lost them.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the call to board. She took a deep breath, wondered how this would go. Wondered if it was time to come clean, to put her cards on the table. She'd have to play it by ear.
XX
It was early on Tuesday morning when Castle awoke again, he was still in a fog. He told the nurse he never wanted to take sorafenib again. He'd see his doctor when he got back to New York. She smiled and said the doctor here at the hospital thought that would be the case.
"When I can be released...I'd really like to get back to seeing your beautiful islands?"
"The doctor believes you'll feel much better by tomorrow. In the meantime, we'll keep you on an IV and a bland diet to give you some strength without upsetting your stomach."
He nodded, and was already struggling to stay awake, "That makes sense, I'm really tired...and thank you."
She smiled, "Get some rest."
XX
At 6:20 am on Tuesday, Beckett was awaken by the touch-down and the plane's jet engines reversing to slow down. She didn't remember dosing off. She had a two hour lay over in Guayaquil. From there it was less than an hour to fly to Baltra Island, the largest of the Galapoges Islands.
She'd never been to Ecuador before, it was an exciting prospect, she just wished it had happened under better circumstances.
The airport at Baltra was very small, it reminded her of the airport in Maui, when her parents had taken her as a child. Like the Islands, the first thing to greet her was the blast of tropical air. Warm and fragrant. This was not New York.
Her first task was to arrange a ride from Baltra to Island Santa Cruz then onto the
Hospital Republica del Ecuador in Puerto Ayora. It was a mere 28 miles, but took nearly two hours.
At 10:55 am local time she stepped into his small hospital room. He was asleep, she slid into the chair next to his bed. She sat and stared, it make her smile. She had made it. His color was good and he appeared like he was napping on his sofa at the loft.
After a few minutes she laid her head on the bed next to him, wanting to be close and just rest her eyes for awhile.
XX
He wasn't sure what drew him back to this world. He thought it was scent, a familiar fragrance, tugging at him. Again, he struggled to open his eyes, but he forced them. Next to him, a woman was sleeping. She'd crossed her arms and laid her head down. She was sitting in the chair next to his bed, but bent over to rest her head. Now he was certain, it was a dream, the shoulders and the hair were Kate Beckett's, but she was thousands of miles away. Still how could this woman, whose face he could not see, use the same shampoo and appear so similar in size. One arm was under the other, but part of her hand and fingers lay on the white linen, they looked so much like Beckett's. He started to speak, but didn't want to interrupt this wonderful dream, he smiled and closed eyes.
XX
She didn't know how long she had slept and didn't see a clock. Her back hurt. For some reason, she'd leaned over and laid her head on the side of his bed and fallen asleep. She felt strangely content. He had been gone for only a ten days, it seemed like an eternity. She missed him terribly and worried about him constantly. She'd been a wreck, which was not her, and had never been. But not at this moment. She was happy just to be near him. To sit and wait while he slept.
After watching for few more minutes she decided it was time to take a short walk. The flight had taken it's toll. She would need to get some sleep, but it was still to early. She also needed to figure out where she could find a room near the hotel, or simply go to his if it wasn't to far. For now, she would simply sleep in the chair next to him. But for this moment, she needed to stretch, maybe find some coffee.
As she exited the small hospital, she asked directions for the nearest coffee place. She was told it was down just a block from the hospital.
The islands were lush with plant life. Deep green against the blue ocean. The temperature was warm, but not unbearable. She strolled and window shopped and sipped at the hot coffee. It began to feel like she was waking up, shaking off the travel fatigue. Still she needed to get back, it had been long enough. She hadn't not come this far to sight see, she was here to see him, to be with him.
XX
When he woke up, he recalled the dream. It was so vivid. But the woman was gone, yet her scent lingered. He guessed he was crazy, another side-effect from the brief use the grazed medicine. He chuckled to himself, he was probably the first known case of insanity by chemo.
He laid his head back on the pillow. He wanted to stay awake, wanted to get back to his, trip. He only had five days left. Since he'd stopped taken the meds, he was already feeling better, although still tired. He didn't want to waste the time, time getting well. But the nurse had told him tomorrow. His hope was he could go sooner. Get a cab, head back to the hotel and finish his recovery, according to his own accelerated plan. His thought were interrupted by voices and then his room door opened, Kate Beckett stood and stared at him.
"Hey Castle." Her voice calm, but warm, like he just walked into the Twelfth.
He decided he could play it cool too, "Beckett? Happened to be in my neighborhood?"
She smiled, like game on, "Yeah Castle, needed a cup of coffee, thought I'd drop in and check on you."
"Really, is that what brings you to," he pause for effect, "Where are we? Oh, I remember, the Galapagos Islands." He smiled, "So...what really brings you to this neighborhood?"
She walked to the foot of the bed, "Funny you should ask." She beamed at him, "I have this partner," shook her slowly, "He drives me absolutely nuts."
"That so?"
"Yeah, nuts. Let me tell you what happen." Placing her hands on her hips, "I call him, you know to see how he's doing...and get this, he passes out on the damn phone."
"Sounds like you need a new partner."
"No, I just need to beat the one I have."
"Wow, that bad! So what'd you do after he passed out?"
"Freaked! Started calling people. Fortunately the hotel people checked on him and got him to a hospital. You know, like this one." Waving her arms like she was presenting a stage show.
"Then what happened?"
"I flew half way around the world, got on a bus, then a ferry and finally, a cab, and here I am."
He went silent. His eyes glistening, "I am so happy to see you Kate. I thought I dreamed it."
She walked around to the side of the bed, reached out and wrapped her arm around his neck, "I'm just glad your feeling better." Then kissed the top of his head.
"You smell so good Beckett."
She let go and stood, "No I don't. That is gross, I need shower...need to change. I stink."
"No! You smell like you...just a little..."
She swatted at him, "You say ripe, and you're dead."
He laughed softly, "You smell wonderful to me...can still smell your shampoo."
She shook her head, "Did you hit something sharp when you passed out...cause you sound ridiculous."
He humphed, "Just glad to see you," then paused, "You know I have an empty room up the road. You're welcomed to use it. Get cleaned up, take a nap, relax. I'm not going anywhere."
"Thank you, but I'm going to hang here with you for awhile. I slept on the plane for a few hours, and then...on the edge of your bed. I'm OK."
He laughed, "So it was you. I woke up and saw someone asleep...but your face was turned away...I thought I was dreaming."
"No it was me."
The were both quiet for a few beats, he spoke first, "Do you think you can get me out of here? I've sleep a lot...and feel much better since I stopped taking that crap. I'm just tired. I don't need to be in a hospital room to sleep."
"No, I cannot...I want you well and not going, whats it be called," putting index finger to her chin, "Medically rouge?"
He laughed, "That's terrible. How about just AMA?"
"Castle," Her tone now hard, "you are not running out of here against the advice of the doctor."
"I wasn't planning to run. I was going to lean on my partner, get in a cab and go back to the hotel." He shook his head, "No running...anywhere."
"No! Bad idea."
"Just ask," He whined, "You know, in your cop voice."
"Castle, I am not a cop here. Just another crazed...I don't even know what I am, but the answer is no!"
"Beckett, give me break, go out there and do your best hate stare. Tell them I need to leave." He grinned, "You know… a police emergency."
She shook her head, reached down to her purse, pulled out a paperback, and sat in the chair next to his bed. Once comfortable she turned and glared, "Shut-up and sleep."
He smiled and closed his eyes. A happy man.
XX
Neither Beckett or Castle spoke to the staff about him leaving the hospital. Later that afternoon, fate intervened. Beckett had decided on another walk and to grab some more coffee. When she returned one of the staff approached, "Mrs. Castle, do you have a minute?"
Beckett flinched at the title but decided to not correct the lady, she was kind enough to be speaking English, titles didn't matter. 'Sure."
"We have just received a call, there's been an accident involving a tour bus or van, we're not sure. As you can see, we don't have much space here..."
"And you're wondering if Mr. Castle could leave earlier than planned?"
"Si, I mean yes, that would help us. He's improving quickly and since you arrived, he has improved even more. I have seen this over and over, it helps to have those you love around." She smiled broadly and added, "It seems to me like men should not travel alone, they need us around to keep their lives in order."
She laughed, "If you only knew, this one really needs a keeper."
"Oh I do understand, I have one like him at home."
Beckett smiled back, but the last thought of nurse hit a nerve. He would have been better off with her along, "I'll go call the hotel and make sure they're ready for us."
XX
He had stopped the constant napping after sleeping well last night and through most of the morning. But the need to rest was quickly being replaced with a sense restlessness. He knew he would need to find a medication that would work for him. It was not sorafenib. He and Dr. Plenty's would have to figure it out. One thing was for certain, he wasn't taking it anymore. It had been almost 48 hours since his last pill. He'd Googled the dosage. It had a half-life of 14 to 58 hours, which meant it should be nearly out of his system by now. No wonder he felt so much better. The rub was that he wasn't taking it to feel good, but to live. He shook his head and mumbled, "We'll sort it out."
He thought about Kate being here with him. He smiled. Although he seldom called her by her first name, he always thought of her in that sense. Close, personal, important, even intimate. But with that thought he cautioned himself. She was here as his partner and he would do the same for her. She had declined traveling with him. She had a life, which he vowed to honor. More than anything, he simply wanted her around, wanted her as near as she would venture. He would allow nothing to mess with their balance, not even his heart. He would always love her. Life's bargain was that he could have her near, but his love would never be requited. She would remain his friend and partner, it was a deal he could live with. The door to his room opened and instead of her, it was one of the nurses.
"Mr. Castle, how are doing?"
He smiled, "I'm feeling much better. I really appreciate the help you've given me. Thank you."
"You are welcome." Seeming a bit embarrassed, "I was speaking with Mrs. Castle and explained our situation."
He laughed softly at the 'Mrs. Castle,' a funny irony in this less than pleasant detour from his vacation, but did not correct the nurse, "She hasn't said anything to me, what is the situation?"
The nurse nodded in understanding, "There was an accident involving a tourist bus, we have a number of people with injuries, it doesn't sound to bad, but we have…
"Limited space?"
"Exactly," and smiled, "So Mrs. Castle said she could take care of you." A pause for another tentative smile, "We think in the next 24 hours you'll be fully recovered."
"Yes she's a wonderful wife. I'll get up and shower." Pointing towards the small bathroom. "But, I have a problem. I don't have any clothes. Could I borrow a set of scrubs? I'll return them tomorrow."
They were interrupted by Beckett entering the room. The nurse turned, "Ah Mrs. Castle I was just explaining to your husband about the accident. I'll leave you two."
After the nurse left, he just smiled, "Well Mrs. Castle..."
She laughed and tried glare, but not to successfully, "Yeah! You want to walk the seven miles to the hotel, or ride in a cab with me? It seems you don't have either money or clothes...wise guy."
"Well well, my dear! You've always have just the right words, to make my heart flutter."
"Castle, lets get you up and ready."
Thirty minutes later, they stood at the curb in front of the hospital. The scrubs fit pretty good. His arm was over her shoulder, leaning more heavily upon her than he wanted to. Laying down for nearly 24 hours, didn't make standing very easy. The world was gently spinning, but he relished her presence, along with the arm around his waist. Her grip was strong and he clung to her.
AN: Thanks for reading. Madreag