Falling Down

Chapter 17

Gina Cowell sat and stared at her phone. She'd sent Ronnie to take a few shots, to sort out what was going on with Rick and his Detective. She got far more than she bargained for.

First she swore, dropping the phone on the sofa beside her and spit the words, "You have got to be kidding me." She briefly studied the photo, Kate Beckett appeared to have him pressed against a wall, hands at his waist...was she biting him?"

She got up and walked around the room. She was now seriously worried, all her plans were failing. The FBI was a bust. Her contact had confirmed Beckett declined the offer to interview, citing personal reasons. There was no doubt in her mind that it was not reasons, but one reason, Richard Castle.

Now her approach would have to change. This was the final evidence, all plans that did not include Kate Beckett, would not work for her writer.

After their lunch, weeks ago, she'd actually felt the Detective understood her point. Her reasoning for letting Rick down easy, but fast. He was sick, time was of the essence and he'd do fine without her. So let him go, for mercy's sake and make it clear she was not part of his future.

As the pictures continued to pop up on her phone, all she could do was groan. This was bad. He looked like a puppy, a lamb off to slaughter. She shook her head. She recalled that Beckett did not have anything bad to say about Rick, she was in fact terribly pained in their brief discussion over his disease and his uncertain future.

Still he'd been single since their divorce. No other woman had captured his heart. She liked to believe that he'd never gotten over her. Maybe they would grow-up and patch up the mess. She hoped that all their successes in writing would outweigh her spat of foolishness. The plus side of the ledger was greater that then minus. But now there appeared to be only one ledger, and her name was nowhere in it.

XX

It felt different. It was new, actually she was new. The Kate Beckett that had denied her heart was gone. She wasn't doing some dance and twirling around on the threshold of his life. The last week had changed all that. The rejection and foolishness was in the past for them. But there were others and for them, she didn't know what to expect.

She had been happy at Alexis' embrace and apparent acceptance of them at the airport. It had been gnawing at the back of her mind. But now she had to face a bigger obstacle, his mother.

She, Castle and Alexis burst through the front door of the loft. All talking, all laughing at the same time. Martha beamed at their arrival, hugs all around. Once done it was time for lunch. They dove in.

"OK dear ones, I have out done myself," her son raised an eyebrow, "Fine, some poor kid in the back of some kitchen did, but I'm taking the credit.' Swaying her hand at nothing, "Still I labored over the take-out menus, and speaking of menus, Richard you need to organize those better."

More laughter and story telling throughout the meal.

When she and Castle cleared the table, she seized the moment for a hug. They'd kept things neutral through out the meal, until they could sit a spell and tell Martha. As he rinsed a plate she stood behind him, draped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his back.

"What are doing back there Detective?"

"Holding on...just holding on, I..."

She was interrupted by Martha's voice, "Well well, what's going on here in the kitchen? You two have something to tell me?" Wagging her finger back and forth, "Not that it wasn't obvious...I'm may be old kids, but I'm not dead!"

He dried his hand, turned and pulled Kate in, "Mother, sneaking around again?"

"In the kitchen? You're reaching my son." She smiled.

"I...we do have something to tell you." He pointed to the steaming coffee maker, "Lets do coffee and sit down."

Beckett interrupted, "First I need to run to the restroom, be right back."

"He didn't let go immediately, she turned to looked at him, "Through my office, into my room, on the right." She nodded.

As he turned to face his mother, Alexis walked up. "Dad, I forgot, I have a school thing and I need ride. Can you run over to Nikki's place?"

"Who's Nikki?"

"You know the tall blond girl who had coffee with us a few a weeks ago."

He couldn't remember, "Not sure, but give me a minute."

As he walked into his office and sat at his desk to grab the car keys, Beckett exited the bedroom.

"Hey, what's up?

"I need to run Lex over to a friend's house. She says its not too far, I'll be back soon. Can you wait for me?"

"I've waited a long time for you..."

Before she could finish he pulled her in for a kiss, "Really? Is that so?" She laughed.

They heard Alexis call from the living room, "Dad! Come on."

XX

When the door slammed shut, Beckett found her self in a very quiet space. The only sound was the clink of glass, then Martha Rogers came into the room with two glasses of wine.

"Well well my dear, it looks like we've been deserted." She lifted up the two wine glasses like she was toasting, "I took the liberty of pouring you another."

"Thank you Martha."

"Sit, sit. It always takes Richard longer than he thinks and it will give us a chance to chat."

Beckett took a sip of wine and smiled, agreeing, at least as much as she could. She'd planned to have 'the chat' with Castle along for moral support. Now she was on her own.

"So Katherine, tell me how you ended up in Galap...whatever it's called?" Although she knew most of the story because their interactions before Kate left.

She laughed shyly and then down to her hands for a few beats, then up to meet the older woman's eyes, "You probably know he asked me to go with him...and I...declined."

"He said something about that."

"Well when the hospital, which was really a clinic, called...and he'd listed me as his contact person for emergencies..." She stopped speaking and returned her gaze to her glass of wine.

"Are you OK Katherine?"

"Martha, I feel terrible that I'm his emergency contact person, and not you. Honestly I didn't ask him to do that...he's just..."

"Bull headed?"

She laughed, "Yeah, he is that."

"Katherine you never have to apologize for my son placing his trust in you. It says a lot about both of you."

"I'm not sure what you mean?"

"Richard is not someone who easily trusts people. Oh he's outgoing and generous, but on his own terms. He has many acquaintances but very few friends. The fact that he trusts his life to you...puts you in a league all of your own."

"I feel like I'm intruding on things...far to personal."

"Then I must not understand things...you two seem...very personal."

She smiled, "Ah, yes we are...together."

"Yet his health issues seem too personal?"

"They did when he asked me a couple months ago." She shook her head, "He told me he needed someone, 'cool headed and not emotionally vested.' I don't think he understood how important our relationship was to me."

"Did you ever tell him?"

She shook her head indicating she had not, "We...haven't been the best at communicating those kinds of things..."

"But that's changed?"

"Yes. It has changed."

Martha was silent for awhile, Beckett had glanced away, and again back to face his mother. She could see the woman was now far away in her thoughts, "I find myself… confused as of late. Richard's...health. It's hard for me...to accept that this unseen thing is going to steal my son from me." She paused again, still deep in thought, "I have heard over and over that a mother should never have to bury a child, I never dreamed I would have to live and learn that terrible truth."

Not sure what to say, "Martha, I know what burying a parent is like...at the wrong time, the wrong order...not sure I have ever recovered. But this is not that day, you have time."

"I know Dear, but what is coming weighs heavy on me. Like a dark fog, just out of sight...but I feel its cold fingers."

It was again, time for silence. The topic too heavy for mere chatter.

Martha broke the still, "When I was a child I knew I wanted to be an actress. I dreamed of it. I loved stories. Loved the way a story and sculpted conversation could tell things that were bigger than just words. How the pace, and delivery, even silence could paint a thousand ideas in the audiences mind." She turned to attention to the wall of glass behind Kate, "I remember going to a small church with my parents. I'd listen to the stories and think about staging them. The Bible, like all books of wisdom, has a way of delivering…very deep truth to the listener."

"I had not thought it in those terms."

"Oh yes, you need eyes to see, but it's there. One story that sticks in my head, probably because I'm a mother, is about a woman who cannot have a child. A prophet grants her a wish, she asks for a son. The child is born and grows tall, but one day...I think the child is about twelve years old or so, he becomes very ill and dies."

"That's not a very pleasant story Martha."

"It's only half of the story. The woman runs to the prophet, refusing to be consoled and falls at his feet. She is angry, deeply hurt and rails at him. In the story he is at first silent, as she accuses him and God, of offering hope...and then, in an act of cruelty, taking it away." After another long pause, "It is one of the most crushing stories I know. I understand hope, and the loss of hope. I understand, like the woman, it is better to never to have hope, than to have it for just a season." Silence.

She felt like the story was not just any story as the room closed in on her. There was more to come and she was the topic. Was Martha suggesting that she was the brief season of hope for her son, that she would disappear and leave him in despair. The accusation made sense. But it hurt. Her eyes stung.

"Katherine. You know he loves you?"

When she went to speak, her voice was weak, "Yes...I know."

She let out a small laugh, "His eyes dance when he looks at you! Do know that too?"

"Yes."

"He has lost the one thing we all take for granted...unlimited tomorrows."

Her tone masked in sadness, "I know."

"I am afraid Kathrine. Afraid. Honestly fear is not an emotion that I've spent much time with. But now, it seeps into my nights, nags at me during the days." She shook her head slowly, in resignation.

"Me too."

Martha's head came up quickly, "You mean being afraid?"

"Afraid, yes. No good nights..until this last week...I hadn't sleep...in weeks. It was part of the reason I went." She paused and the tears began to follow, her voice now clogged with emotion, "I had to see him Martha...had to touch him...just needed to know he was alright...I couldn't let him out of my sight any longer..."

Martha stood, grabbed a tissue and sat beside Kate, handing it to her she wrapped her arms around her shoulder. "I'm sorry Dear. I'm sorry this is hurting you so much."

Beckett tried to stop the flow, but they continued dripping off her chin.

Speaking softly, "I was going to tell you it's not too late to step away. You've still got time and he can learn to live without the hope of you. But if you stay, you're signing up for some troubled waters, hard days. I know the statistics and they're not good. There's heartache ahead my dearest. For both of us."

Beckett's shoulders shook, Martha held tight. "Time, oh Martha... I've wasted so much time. I didn't want to be one of his…but I needed him near. He became my closet friend." Her voice halted, she drew in quick breaths, "I taunted him, with the I guys dated, I saw the hurt..."

"My dear, all is fair in love, you had no idea...none us did. We can't see around the corners in life."

Haltingly she stuttered out, "Feel like...I've committed...an unpardonable sin...wasted time...precious time..."

There was the sound of the key, and the front door swung open, he called out, "Hey Beckett?" Turning he saw a scene he was not expecting. His mother had Kate wrapped in her arms as the younger woman huddled against her, tears coursing down her cheeks.

XX

Fifty-five minutes earlier he had left the loft to drop off his daughter. He expected to be back in fifteen minutes. The five minute drop off took much longer. Alexis had other ideas. Questions about the hospital, what the doctors were like and finally what happened when Detective Beckett arrived.

When he pulled to the curb he turned expecting her to run off to the meeting. She didn't move, but turned to face him. Her body language told him she wasn't leaving yet. He turned off the car.

"Alexis is there something on your mind?"

Without pause, "Things have changed with you and Detective Beckett, a lot?"

"They have."

"That's it? They have?" Her impatience evident.

"Well that's the truth, things have changed."

"And you're happy with...the changes?"

"I am."

"Is that it? Two words is all I get?" Now sounding mostly hurt.

"Pumpkin, you have some place to be, and so do I. We can talk about this later."

She ignored him, "Dad why did Detective Beckett push you against the wall like she was arresting someone? And...did she bite you?"

He laughed, "Alexis, its hard to explain." He paused, "Suffice to say, she was upset."

"Dad, do I look like I'm three years old? That," leaning forward, "That Dad was way beyond upset! What did you do?"

He sighed, how could he tell his daughter the Detective was part woman and...part tigress. He couldn't. "Pumpkin, we'd had a...disagreement and she...wanted the last word."

"What were you arguing about?"

"Alexis it was really nothing, she just didn't appreciate my….my ideas on some things."

"Well that was evident." Sounding like, how stupid do you think I am?

Then without thinking, "You should have seen her on the plane, thought we were going to get tossed off?"

The girls head snapped, "What do mean?"

"We had a...brief misunderstanding on the flight, the attendant thought….we were too loud."

"The flight attendant had to break you guys up?"

"No that wasn't it, let's leave it for another time...you need to get in there and I need to get home. If you recall the fine Detective is alone with my mother."

Again ignoring the suggestion, "I just worry about you Dad."

"Don't worry, I'm good. We're good, we spent a lot of time together...she was having a tough time with, my health issues."

"We're all having a tough time with that Dad."

She went quiet for a few beats, "Are you going to marry her?"

"Where did that come from?"

"Well, you guys are pretty lovey dove...I just figured..."

"My love, I don't think marriage is in the works for me…"

"Dad, you don't know that...you don't know what will happen," her voice suddenly stumbling on emotions, her head dropped along with her shoulders, "Plan Dad...plan on forever. Please!"

He reached across the car and squeezed her hand, "We'll see, my love, we'll see."

Twenty minutes later, he slumped back against the seat, as the car door shut and his daughter ran to the front door of the house. Before he could start the engine his phone rang, he grabbed it and answered without looking, sure Beckett was thinking he'd gotten lost.

"Hello, I..."

Gina Cowell's voice cracked on the line, "Richard, when did you get back?"

Seriously how had Gina found him so fast? "Just a few hours ago Gina. I just dropped off Alexis at a friends and I'm heading back home."

"I understand you had a pretty tough week?"

"Yeah, I think one of the meds didn't work to well for me. I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow."

"Alexis told me you had to spend some time in the hospital?"

"I did. But Beckett came down to help."

"Detective Beckett flew to South America to help?" Her voice sounding incredulous.

He wondered why she feigned ignorance, did she really think he and his daughter hid things from each other, "Yeah, they called her. She was...a bit upset and decided to make the trip."

"Hmm, that surprises me."

"Why?"

"Well how would they get her number?"

"Gina, stop pretending. You know all this. And yes Beckett is my contact person. So, what are you calling for?"

"I'm just checking on my best writer. You've been gone for two weeks...and your work stopped arriving almost seven days ago. I was worried."

"Like I said, the hospital thing was a surprise, not my idea of a vacation...and then Beckett was there..."He listened to dead air, "Did I lose you Gina?"

"No, I'm here." She drew in a breath, "And how are things with you and the Detective?"

"Gina, again, why are you asking questions, that feel like, you already know the answers to?"

"Richard," Trying to sound indignant, but failing, "What does that mean?"

"Let me guess, you had somebody watching us at the airport?"

"Don't flatter yourself, why would I do that?"

He was tired and had no interest in a game of cat and mouse. "I have no idea Gina, we're just fine. I'll call you tomorrow." He didn't wait for a response and ended the call."

XX

"Mother, what's going on?" He moved quickly to the seated women, then knelt beside Kate, putting his hands on her knees.

She sat up, eyes red and puffy, cheeks tear stained, "It's not your Mother, it's me...got a little emotional..."

He stood and pulled her up into his arms, "Come here my love."

Martha remained seated on the sofa and looked up at the couple. She started to move but settled back and watched as the two people melded into each other. She felt more calm than she had in days. Her son was safe in the arms of this woman who clearly cared deeply for him. Strangely it made her feel safe. She knew Kate would be there for him, and in some sense, for her.

After a good minute, Beckett stepped back, straighten up and pecked his cheek, "I'm a mess. I need to go wash my face." Pushing the tears away with the back of her hand. She looked down at her feet, avoiding their eyes.

He took her chin and lifted it up, kissed at the edge of her eyes, the a brief kiss, "You know where it is."

After Beckett had left the room, he slumped in a chair let his head lay against the back.

"Richard, we were just talking, and then...we were crying. I was not trying to upset her, honestly my Dear." She cleared her voice, "She cares for you, and worries...be gentle with her."

"Mother? What do you mean be gentle with her? You make me sound like a wife beater."

"Don't be ridiculous! I meant handle her heart with care. This is not easy for her."

"I know Mother. I know."

AN: So pleased there are so many of you enjoying this story. Thank you for taking the time to read. Thanks for you comments, followings and favorites. Also just received SR Garrae's newest Death in Sight from Amazon. This is a wonderful series, buy the books, enjoy the ride. Madreag.