It was a girl. She arrived too soon but no worse for the wear, seemingly arriving with an agenda and just wanting to get on with things, like she needed to make up for lost time. She wriggled more than Clint did when he was excited about a new bow.
Laura Barton was the most unshakeable person Natasha had ever met. Her talent appeared to be innate. She was married to Clint. That alone was a testament to her patience. She had absolute faith in her husband's abilities and appeared to be completely unfazed by his line of work. Natasha also knew she was as sly, cunning and intelligent as hell and if SHIELD put her and Phil Coulson in charge, between them they would have announced world peace by the end of the week. Part of Laura's breath-taking efficiency was her mastery of the art of delegation, in which Natasha had become an unwitting apprentice. Often, on her visits, Natasha would find herself barely through the doorway before a sling would be unceremoniously affixed to her front and a squirmy infant tumbled inside. Natasha, by now used to this reception (and, very secretly, intimidated enough by her friend's aura of quiet control that she didn't dare refuse) would happily arrange little limbs into some semblance of order and carry on her day with the little firecracker strapped to her front. The first time Laura had casually thrust a baby Cooper at her Clint thought she was going to burst a blood vessel. He'd seen her defuse bombs with less worry.
As soon as Lila was vaguely mobile she became an absolute menace. Anything that could be opened was opened. Anything that could be undone was undone. Straps, buckles, handles, buttons. Natasha ditched the sling when Lila managed to unclip it for the third time and fell out sideways and had to be caught before she hit the ground. Fortunately, Auntie Nat had exceptional reflexes and now just planted the toddler firmly across her shoulders where she would attach herself like a limpet. After the initial terror of Clint and Laura willingly handing her, a child soldier and lifelong assassin their firstborn to look after had abated, Natasha had, like everything she attempted, become adept at babysitting. She couldn't say then that she loved Cooper – she did not know what love felt like so as consequence was unable to use the word itself. Tolerated was the word that sprung to mind when she had first been introduced to the baby, though now could confidently upgrade that to care and adore.
The arrival of Lila however had affected Natasha in a way she had not anticipated. There was something about her stubborn and independent little demeanour which endeared her and whenever the girl was propped on her shoulders she found the voices in her head quietened to a whisper and the constant jagged itch beneath her skin faded to almost unnoticeable scratch. Laura had of course observed all of this, it was one of the reasons she would push her second born on to her so often. Natasha would arrive at the farmhouse, ragged and broken, wounded, or just generally exhausted from her decades-old battle between being a good human and a good soldier and Laura would take her trembling hand and guide her to bed, shuffle her over to one side, leave, and then come back with a sleepy toddler in her arms. The effect was instantaneous. Even when Lila and Natasha had their eyes closed they would find each other and attach like magnets. Laura would slide in, keeping Lila safely between them and watch as the muscles in her friend's face would finally relax. She would almost see the cogs decelerating and the fortifications coming down. Lila too would sense she was needed and refrain from getting into mischief whilst they rested.
"Hey kiddo." Natasha said, standing at the base of the tree and looking up to the platform where Lila was perched. Without responding, Lila turned on her bottom haughtily, arms crossed, until she was facing away from her and scooted herself inside the treehouse.
Natasha pursed her lips. No matter. Laura had warned her about the tantrum rapidly approaching from the horizon.
"Can I come up?" She asked politely, hands on hips.
This time she received a huff. "No grown ups allowed."
"I'm not a grown up. I didn't get the badge."
She saw Lila huff again in the doorway and crossly bring her folded arms down on to her knees – irritated, but still just a bit too young to come up with a counterargument.
Taking the silence as reluctant affirmation Natasha made her way up on to the platform. When she reached the top she crouched down in front of the child-sized door and knocked.
"Can I come in?"
Lila was shoved in the corner, scowling, face flushed from tears.
"Please?"
Eventually Lila nodded, secretly wanting her auntie, and Natasha manoeuvred herself through the doorway and into the little treehouse, thankful for her gymnastic background with every contorting shuffle. There was just enough headroom for her to sit almost comfortably with her legs poking out the doorway.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Natasha prompted. Laura had given her an outline. Cooper had been riling her up. Then he'd told her that mommy and daddy wanted another baby and they wanted a boy because they didn't want another girl because girls were annoying. Hurting because she would feel unwanted and outnumbered Lila had given Cooper an almighty shove, knocked him to the ground and hit him until Laura had pulled her off.
"No." She replied sullenly, not looking up.
"Ptitchka?" Natasha drawled, not believing her for a moment.
"Maybe." Lila huffed at last. "I don't want another brother." She whispered, eyes fixed firmly on the floor.
She was still trying to be angry but Natasha could see her lip trembling which would signal more tears.
"Why not?"
"Brothers are stupid." She said in it a grumpy rush, but her lip wobbled even more and Natasha knew she was trying to hide the real reason for her outburst.
"Brothers aren't stupid." Natasha countered. "But they can be a little bit annoying sometimes." She admitted.
Lila couldn't hold it in any longer and she gave out a little shuddering breath. "What if…what if they don't want me anymore?" She stuttered, her face all hot and messy again.
"Of course they want you little bird. They love you. We all need you."
Lila hiccuped and twisted her hands in her t-shirt. Her breathing was getting heavier as her mind raced with more bad thoughts.
"Breathe for me milaya." Natasha put a hand on her own chest and encouraged Lila to follow likewise.
"Then why did he say it?" She whined, her hiccups softening slightly after taking several slower breaths, mimicking Natasha's actions.
Natasha curled herself into the small space to wriggle a little closer, giving herself time to think of an acceptable answer. Childcare hadn't been covered in her education.
"Cooper wanted to wind you up. I'm sure your mom and dad are talking to him right now too. And, maybe," she tucked her hand under Lila's chin to lift her head up towards her, "maybe Cooper got a little bit worried about another baby. Maybe he thinks he won't be loved as much too, or there won't be as much time to play with your parents, if there are three of you."
Now Lila was calming Natasha had her undivided attention.
"You two are a team. It's okay to not get on sometimes and you're both allowed to have bad days. And Cooper still loves you even though he said those not nice things. Just as I am sure, little firecracker, you still love him even though you hit him." She added a little emphasis to her last statement which made Lila go bright red. "Yeah I know about that too. We've talked about that before haven't we?"
Lila shuffled herself along the floor and flopped herself on to Natasha's lap, arms and legs clinging around Natasha's waist, and rested her head on her auntie's chest. Natasha stroked her back.
"Yeah, 'm sorry Aun'ie Nat."
"I know little bird, it can be scary. But your parents love you very very much and if you do ever have a little brother, or sister, nothing in the world will change that."
"So it was just Cooper being stupid?" Lila mumbled tiredly.
"Lila." She warned. "Not stupid, maybe just thoughtless. And maybe a little scared too, but he certainly doesn't mean what he said. Brothers can be silly sometimes."
"How do you know that?" It came out muffled as Lila still had her face pressed into Natasha's chest.
"Because." Natasha answered, placing a kiss on Lila's head. "I had a brother."
Lila shot up, her face looking like Natasha had just told her she had been to the moon. Still only just about to finish pre-school (shut up Cooper I am not a baby) Lila was too young to really understand where Natasha was from, she just sort of, was. And always had been. If she needed a cuddle, Auntie Nat had been there. If she wanted to be spun until her tummy felt funny and mommy got mad, Auntie Nat was there. It hadn't ever really occurred to her that Natasha might still exist outside of the farmhouse limits.
"Oh. A big one or a little one?" She asked, interested.
"A little one." Answered Natasha, feeling her head go fuzzy. This is your sister, little cub. Her name is Natalia. "His name was Misha."
"Misha."
"Yeah."
"That's pretty. Did you like being a big sister?"
"Of course. I loved him lots. Though he did spend a lot of time crying when he was a baby." Natasha said with a smile. She furrowed her brow, hearing a very faint echo of a wail somewhere in her head.
"What's he look like? Can I hear all about him? Can I meet him?" She stared up with wide eyes.
"He had very curly red hair, and no, ptitchka, you can't." She will always protect you. "He went to heaven."
"Oh." Lila said quietly, laying her head back down and bringing her thumb to her mouth. Natasha eased it back out and held it instead, stroking her fingers.
They sat in silence for a while, Natasha absently rubbing Lila's back, soothing her own self with the gesture. Red hair. Died in the snow. The sum total of her memory – Lila did not ever need to know that. MR 1930-1932. She was eventually brought back by the sound of a soft snuffling snore coming from the child in her lap. She wiggled her legs to wake her up.
"Kiddo." Natasha whispered.
A huffy groan was the response. She was definitely Clint's daughter.
"Hey, kiddo, come on." She wiggled a little harder until Lila looked up and focused on her. "You okay now little bird?"
"Yeah." Lila whispered, twisting her hands again.
"We love you very much okay?" Green eyes stared into brown.
"Okay."
"Good." Natasha said giving her a squeeze. She crinkled up her face into a smile to let Lila know she was planning some mischief. "Wanna test out your spy skills and see if you can steal us some cookies?"
Lila moved with such speed Natasha nearly got clocked by a flailing leg. Spies was her favourite game.
Natasha somehow managed to fold herself up and extricate herself from the treehouse, emerging on to the platform next to Lila, who was now crouched down on high alert in her 'spy pose'.
"Agent Barton. Do you accept your mission?" Natasha let a little of her work persona bleed through.
"I'm ready Agent Romanoff."
"Climb up. Let's go."
Lila flung herself on to her auntie's back and clung on as Natasha dropped them back to the ground. A quick nod at each other and then they were off on their mission.