"Turn it on." Ordered Ivan.
A small grunt slipped past her lips of its own volition as she felt metal puncture flesh. Within seconds her skin was alive – crawling, clamouring, pulsating, burning and freezing her from the inside out, making her want to scream but too afraid that the current would bubble in her throat and drown her. Teeth burst through her bottom lip in an attempt to stem the tide she felt inside, the brief stab of pain grounding her and bringing back into focus his godforsaken face.
He tsked in disappointment at her weakness and she registered his shake of the head as a grey-haired blur.
"We talked about this Natalia. About listening. Remember? You should listen when we talk to you and believe what we say, otherwise you make us do this to you."
She jerked feebly in response, held down on the table by a series of leather straps.
"I care for you Natalia, I want to make you feel better. It hurts me, little spider, to see you so upset at night. This is why we tell you what to do, so you don't have to listen to those upsetting thoughts of yours. Yes? So why don't we put these little bothersome memories of yours out of your head to help you focus on what we told you?"
She scrunched her eyes closed. She was hurting. She was upset. He could stop it. But, wasn't he the one that caused it? She couldn't remember. She couldn't think. She just needed it to stop.
"Yes Master." She forced out, hoping for mercy.
"Well done." He pushed her damp fringe back from her sweaty forehead.
She thought that sounded like something a parent would say. A parent. She once had those, hadn't she?
"What is your name?" Ivan began softly, one hand pressing down on her shoulder to lessen her twitching.
"Natalia Ali-ugh." Her answer was cut off with a grunt as a spike of pain ran through her.
"Romanova." Ivan prompted, as if addressing a small child instead of a grown woman. "Natalia Romanova, remember? Just the two names."
She had three didn't she? There was another one, she was sure, named for someone she knew. If she could just get the pain to stop she would remember. She wanted the pain to stop. Maybe if she said what he wanted it would stop.
"Natalia Romanova." She managed. "Master."
As if reading her thoughts the current diminished at her correct answer and she gasped heavily with momentary relief.
"Who is your mother Natalia?"
"Mother Russia Master." She answered automatically, riding on the euphoric crest of painlessness she was experiencing. Mama! "Wait. Ugh. No. Ma.." Again a sudden jolt of electricity interrupted her outburst and she found herself straining against the straps, heels and shoulders her only contact with the table.
"No Natalia. You see? It's hurting you. You have to stop and listen to what we tell you. These thoughts are why you've been having nightmares again and we want to help you. Do you serve Mother Russia Natalia?"
She nodded and gasped, trying to breathe her way through the pain. At his mention of 'again' part of her was horrified that she had been here before, when she was younger, and that she couldn't remember. Another part of her wondered if it was a blessing.
"Yes sir." She cried. "moth..my…"
He frowned at her and she winced.
"I serve Mother Russia Master. I am hers." She eventually recited mechanically, hoping to placate him.
"Good." Her control pleased him. "We are your home, Natalia. You fight for us, to help us. Do you understand?"
Her teeth chattered as the fought against the low current buzzing through her, lips trying to form the words he wanted to hear.
"Home." She managed, stilted. "Fi..f..fir-f-ugh." A jerk. "Fight..fi..fire..fire – fire." She screamed as the voltage was increased beyond anything she had felt before, gasping harshly as her brain tumbled out memories and images, a feeling of burning, then freezing, then blackness.
"Increase the voltage." He addressed the man beside him, his tone casual.
A scream tried to rend itself from her throat, burning in her mouth as she frantically aborted the noise on seeing his hardened face. He tutted at her weakness once again and she felt chastened.
"No Natalia, these are your nightmares. They are not real."
They were! Weren't they? The blaze. Then the snow. She saw it at night when she closed her eyes, when they finally allowed her to rest. She couldn't think. All she could do was writhe helplessly.
"Please." She begged with a gasp, willing to reduce herself to pleading knowing it was forbidden and would bring further pain, just wanting a release.
He smirked at her surrender. "Will you listen, Natalia?"
"Yes! Yes Master I will listen." There was a ringing in her ears, she wasn't sure if she was even speaking out loud.
"Good spider. Your name is Natalia Romanova." He prompted, wanting her to repeat.
"My name is Natalia Romanova." She recited.
"You fight for Mother Russia. You serve Mother Russia. You are her weapon. You are her soldier."
The pain diminished with each sentence she repeated, leaving her in a slowly lifting haze as her training took over and mind responded to her master's words. The lesson went on, each response she gave getting more automatic and unfeeling.
"I am a good soldier." She finished, body stilling completely. "I will listen and comply."
"Better, Natalia." Ivan placed his hand on her head. At his nod the man pulled the electrodes from her skin and released her.
She lay still. She had not been given permission to move. She was theirs. A weapon. She did not need more. Remembering made it hurt, and she did not want to hurt. She wanted to comply. She was a soldier. She did not need a family, or an age, or feelings. She should listen and learn and she should obey.
"Stand up."
She knew that tone. It was the one with the hard edge that made her comply. Made her hold her hands in open flames if he wished it. She stood straight before him, any fatigue, anything at all which would displease him and bring punishment locked away.
"Will you listen, soldier?" He asked coldly.
"I will listen Master." She answered without hesitation.
He eyed her closely and she focused her gaze respectfully downwards. He ran his hand roughly over her face to swipe away the blood dribbling from her lip.
"Get to your lesson. You don't want to be late."
She bowed stiffly and retreated, clearing her mind for whatever her next instructor would throw at her. A good soldier.