~Chapter 6~

Elsa

Hearing Anna outside the library with Kristoff hurt me a bit. I was embarrassed and felt like a tremendous burden. I understood it was beyond my control, but words still carried such a weight on my mind. The critical comments I have heard whispered around our growing new kingdom often consumed my thoughts. Much of it was concern over such drastic changes to the kingdom and my signing the throne over to my sister. She knew what was best for Arendelle more than I could. I was a woman cursed with powers of ice and I wish there was a way to make it stop.

Dinner with our grandmother was awkward. Anna tried her best to keep conversation rolling, but I just picked at my plate with no appetite to eat. I don't remember what my life was like before, I was reminded of that every day, but one thing that weighed heavy on my heart was the fact that I didn't belong. As everyone said their goodnights, I overheard Anna telling Kristoff about getting me to a glacier I didn't even know how to pronounce tomorrow afternoon. She had mentioned that name when briefly telling me about the events leading to my lapse in memory, but it started at that place, why would I need to go back? Kristoff left and it was my sister and I heading for bed, but I had questions for her first.

"What were you saying to Kristoff about tomorrow afternoon?" I asked sitting on the edge of my bed.

"About going on a picnic with Sven and Olaf?" Anna replied.

"No about that place Ah-to-whatever."

"Oh, Ahtohallan?"

"That's the one." I nodded.

"It's a beautiful place, Elsa. It's an ancient river full of memories of the past and I wondered if taking you there would help you."

"How so?"

Anna hesitated, she was hiding something, I could see it in her face.

"Just trust me, we won't know until we try, huh?"

"I guess."

My sister settled under the covers in the bed opposite mine and blew out the candle on her nightstand. My stomach was in knots and the nausea kept me from eating much dinner. I grabbed the candle from my nightstand and stood up heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" Anna asked.

"Need some water." I shrugged.

"You know, you could make yourself a snow cone and melt the ice with your candle fire to drink. Too bad Marcus can't help, it would probably make his day."

"I guess. Though I don't want to use my powers unless completely necessary."

"You've been doing fine with control." Anna persisted as I reached for the door handle.

My hands balled into fists as ice began to grow on the knob.

"Yeah Anna, when I'm calm, which is rare right now. Lay off! I'll be right back, alright?"

I snapped at her harsher than I intended and I regretted the look left on her face, but I quickly left as a slow growing trail of ice emerged from the floorboards with each of my steps. I didn't want water honestly and I wandered the halls a bit. When I wasn't even paying attention I wandered outside Marcus's room. I hesitated going inside for a moment, but soon opened up the door. Timidly, I approached the bed where he was sleeping. He was under thick covers with one arm draped across his chest. He looked so peaceful and serene even though I know he was in this state because of me. The guilt was hard to ignore. I looked at his face as I knelt by the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry I don't remember you." I whispered to him, "I hope you wake soon."

I leaned forward barely brushing my lips across his forehead. His skin was warm to the touch. As I stood back up, his arm looked funny. At first I wondered if my eyes were playing tricks on me this late hour. His arm looked pale and I carefully grabbed it curiously to examine what I thought I saw. The arm wasn't pale, it was becoming translucent, almost like he was fading away. Nervously, I dropped his arm letting it fall to his side though still exposed. Ice began to grow out from my feet and slowly crawl up the bed posts. I jumped back and quickly headed for the door before my ice approached Marcus. I reached for the door handle and before leaving, I glanced back at Marcus apologizing again.

The trail of ice followed me as I went down the hallway to return to the room I shared with my sister, but I hesitated. I wasn't the least bit calm and I was leaving an icy trail. Now wasn't the time to be near anybody. My candle went out as soon as I left Marcus's room. I didn't bother to relight it, my powers would only snuff it out again. Besides I knew where I needed to go to relax and calm down. My eyes adjusted to the darkness as I walked quietly to the library. Tonight I'd have to find some sleep from the comforts of a chair. I went inside and sat down immediately to try and focus on calm, steady breathing. Then I grabbed a leatherbound book from the top of a new stack of books off the floor. These weren't here yesterday, Kai or Gerda must have brought them in. As I started to read through the pages, I discovered this was a journal of my fathers. Anna told me many of our possessions were lost because of the flooding in old Arendelle. Clearly some things were saved.

Entry: November 1840

Elsa and Anna are growing up before my eyes. Iduna and I treasure every moment, though with Elsa's powers getting stronger by the day, it makes parenting all the more-challenging. After Elsa was born and we discovered her power, we asked Pabbie to seal her power until she came of age to learn to control them. Six years of ease until finally Pabbie had to undo the seal. As we taught our daughter about control, Iduna told me that once Elsa got older, we could look for a place known as Ahtohallan. It might be a source of answers for us. I can only hope.

I didn't remember them, but one desperate thing I wish I could do was apologize to my parents for being a burden. At least Anna was normal. Again, that place Ahtohallan was mentioned. What was the big deal? I read through a few more entries trying to find out more, but father didn't go into detail. Many of his entries discussed me and concealing my powers so I wouldn't hurt anybody else again. Turns out as children, I was playing with Anna and Marcus and struck the both of them with my ice. I'm honestly glad I didn't remember that, but it stirred up my feelings of guilt once again as the binding of the book began to freeze from my tense grip. Though before long, my eyes felt heavy and I dozed off.

Suddenly my heart was racing as I was running through unfamiliar woods with leaves that were colored by autumn. Hues of red, orange, and yellow whizzing by me in various directions. Soon everything around me blurred like I was running through a colorful tunnel and at the end I saw Anna and Marcus. He reached out his hand toward me and instead of taking his hand, a blast of ice magic shot from hand and engulfed the two of them in solid ice. I screamed and the ice shattered.

Then I woke up to find my sister shaking me.

I screamed at her to get away, but she resisted as I pushed against her. Disoriented as I gradually woke up standing up from the chair feeling panicked.

"Woah, easy Elsa. It's going to be okay." Anna said calmly.

I looked at her with wide eyes and everything in my gut was telling me to run. I could feel the tension building up in my veins and I knew what would come shortly after. Anna grabbed me by the arms trying to get me to calm down and breathe, but she was only making it worse. Harshly, I shoved her away as I bolted to the door getting into the hallway. Anna kept yelling my name, but I ignored her. I could hear her footsteps chasing after me, so I turned.

"Stay away, Anna!" I yelled, trying to sound assertive and maintain composure.

An involuntary energy released from my palm and it hit Anna at her feet freezing her to the floor.

"Elsa!"

"I'm sorry!"

What else was there to say in this moment? I ran as hard as I did in my dream last night. I had to get to old Arendelle and find a ship from the port. Guilt and shame were my enemy. After what I did to Anna, and probably Marcus as well, I had to get out of here by any means necessary.

The ruins where Kalde palace once stood was Arendelle's new home, so it was a bit of a hike to the port of old Arendelle. The Great Flood wiped out our former docks down there, but Anna made sure to replace those for people coming across the fjord. Arendelle still had trade partners and economic deals to make. Since the ruins of Kalde were up near what Anna told me was known as the North Mountain, all I had to do was blast a slide of ice down into Arendelle. I broke up the descent so the slide down wouldn't be too intense, but I made it down to the coast of the fjord within an hour. In my haste, I tripped up on my landing off the slide falling with a clumsy set of rolls instead of landing on my feet. How embarrassing. I got scraped up a bit, but nothing serious, I stood up brushing myself off. Suddenly I heard a voice calling to me nearby. Curiously I spun around and a tall man with auburn hair and long sideburns approached me. He wore a crest of a nation that definitely wasn't that of Arendelle. Freckles etched his skin from his cheeks and across his nose. His green eyes locked with mine nervously as he crossed his arm over his chest bowing toward me.

"Queen Elsa, I know I'm the last face you ever wanted to see, but it's about time we buried the hatchet, right?"

I didn't bother correcting him about my station because clearly he had no idea I wasn't the queen. He wasn't from Arendelle, so how did he know me? Of course from before. I didn't even know his name, but he was my ticket out of here.

"Hans, do you want men to accompany you to Arendelle?" A man from the docks called out.

At least I knew his name now. Hans waved at the man refusing his request.

"Queen Elsa, I humbly ask, as a request of my father the King of the Southern Isles, to accompany me to my home. My father requests your presence in person."

I hesitated to respond. Of course, stranger danger was a concern especially given my unique circumstances, but of course nowadays everyone and anyone was a stranger to me. My hands began to glow as I nervously pulled them behind my back out of sight.

"Lead the way, Hans. I accept your request." I answered, "Get me out of here."

Hans looked surprised by my reply, but then led me over to his ship as I quickly boarded walking up the gangplank behind him. Within minutes, the anchor rose from the murky depths of the fjord and I was leaving the shores of my home behind.