Falling Down
Chapter 20
She pushed up the armrest that separated them and leaned against his shoulder, crowding him as much as she could. The plane from Vegas to New York was full, but in Castlesque fashion, they were being spoiled in first class. It wasn't as luxurious as the private jet, but it was still very comfortable. Still she squirmed a bit.
"Beckett were there fleas on your side of the bed last night?"
"No, why would you ask that?"
"My mother used to tell me when I squirmed, like you are now, that I had ants in my pants, I thought fleas had a more lady like appeal." He laughed at himself, she shook her head, "So what's with the ants my love?"
"I don't have ants, I'm just excited." She reached up and kissed his cheek. "A man asked me to marry him last night."
"Really, and what did you say?"
He smiled to himself. This energetic, playful Beckett was a change from her serious cop side he had seen so much of. She could be funny and light but she held it in reserve most of the time. But not with them. Not anymore. He wondered where she was going with this.
"Told him, he'd have to pass the physical before I'd answer."
"A physical?" He raised his eyes. "And what does that entail?"
She squirmed, her eyes dancing, "First I have to tell you a secret."
"And what is this secret you've been keeping from me?"
She moved closer yet, and whispered, "I'm a doctor on the week-ends!"
He let out a laugh, louder than he planned, but quickly covered his mouth, "And where is," clearing his throat, "Dr. Beckett's office?"
She rattled off the address, and added suite "B."
"That's your apartment...Doctor!" He shook his head and chuckled, "And Suite B?"
She leaned in close, "It also serves as my bedroom."
He was now smiling so hard it hurt his face. He was back to his earlier thoughts. Listening to her being prankishly playful, swathed in happiness and love, letting the inner-child run loose.
"How many patients do you have Dr. Beckett?"
"Oh, just one!"
"What is Dr. Beckett's specialty?"
"Love."
"Well let me say, who ever he is, he's one lucky guy." He pointed his finger and beckoned her close. She smile, eyes dancing again, "I have a secret too."
In a conspiratorial tone, "What?"
"I happen to know Dr. Beckett, and I've seen her...naked...and," he rocked his head up and down.
"You like?"
He pulled her close, "No! I love…she is just...so hot."
XX
They had taken off around 3pm, with the time zone changes, a five hour flight was eight hours long. After a light meal, midway through the trip, everyone calmed down. It was dark out the windows the sun setting behind then as they flew east.
He squeezed her hand, "I want to talk to you about something...I know when we tell everyone about us, someone will bring it up."
"Bring up what?"
"I want you to know I'm sorry about my comments at the hotel," he took her hand and kissed it, "really sorry Kate. I don't want to hurt you, no ifs ands or buts. So what I'm telling you, is from the head...not from me feeling sorry for myself."
"OK,...what do you think they'll ask us?"
"Some will say, 'He doesn't have forever,' maybe Lanie, my Mom, I don't know, and who ever it is, it doesn't matter. We are on a different time table, that's just reality, so I want to talk about money..."
"Castle, I don't want to..."
"Wait, let me." She leaned back and shook her head.
"We, Kate! We have lots of money. We Kate."
She smiled at him, "That was three "we's" and two "Kate's".
He smiled back, this was not going to be as hard a conversation as he feared and he liked that."You're a fast learner. Haven't I told you, since the beginning of the Nikki Heat series, that if it weren't for you, I may still not have started writing again."
She shook her head, "We'll have to agree to disagree on that, I think you were in a slump and I, or Nikki, just came along at the right time. If not me..."
"OK, I'll leave it at that, but, I still think I owe my life to you. The point is, in my world, in my head, everything since Nikki, is community property."
"What?" She turned sideways to face him, "What does that mean?"
"Half of everything I have, since I walked into the precinct three years ago is Katherine Beckett's, soon to be Katherine Beckett-Castle."
"Hey, you just hyphenated our names. Did you decide that without me? I thought married people do things together?"
He held up his hands to her, "It was an example. A suggestion...I love the name Katherine Beckett, I would be happy to hyphenate with you." He smiled like the Cheshire Cat.
"How can you make a simply word sound so...tawdry?"
"I think you're mixing nates Detective!"
She shook her head, "Finish you're pitch."
"Not our friends, not our families, but people, will say terrible things and I want this good with us from the start."
"We could do a pre-nup." Her eyebrows dancing.
"Sure! Good idea, let grab this napkin for the first draft. He pulled out his pen and wrote. When finish, he drew two lines for their signature and handed it to her.
She looked at the writing and shook her head, just three words, Kate gets everything. "Really Castle, you call this a pre-nup. You do have a Mother and a daughter."
"Our pre- marital money, from Storm, will take great care of them. It's all done." Another smile.
She shook, "Wait, our pre-marital money? How can there be our money, before we're together."
"Everything in my life...was getting me ready for you." He pecked her cheek, leaned back and looked at her, proud of himself. But his smile disappeared as he watched her eyes well up. As a tear skidded down her cheek, he reached over and gently wiped it away, "What did I say?"
She looked down at her hands, "Castle," then reached over and pulled him into a hug, "I don't deserve you."
"No, you are so wrong." He laughed softly, "It's I who don't deserve you."
She sat quietly for a few seconds, calmed down. "Castle my Dad's a lawyer, we have a couple of homes, I have money from my Mother." She paused, he remained silent, "I have a good job with a good retirement. I don't need your money, or your things."
He responded in almost a hush, she leaned close, "After the Naked Heat I set up a trust for you. Half of every I've earned is in there, being managed by my, our, broker. I've spent some of mine, but no a dime of yours, you're doing really well."
She frowned, but not very well, "When were you going to tell me?"
"First, although I hoped, I never expected for you to be with me." The frown she offered was a mix of sadness and acceptance. "Second I didn't expect to have to take on this cancer thing." He shrugged leaving it aside. "I figured you'd throw me out of the 12th or Montgomery would, or you'd get married and bid me adieu. But..."
The last few words brought her straight up, "You were going to give me half of your earnings, as wedding present...when I married someone else?"
"Kate, you earned this, it's yours. It wasn't a bribe to marry me. It's yours. You can tell me to get lost, fall in love with a taxi driver, run off with a perp...its yours. I'm not being a nice guy. In Nikki Heat, your are my partner. Without Kate Beckett, there's is no Nikki Heat. That's just the reality."
"Castle, you give me way too much credit. You would have found a cop, a story...it would have come together, it's not me, think Rick."
He just shook his. Not angry, not worried about losing the argument. Then he smiled, "You don't get it. It all came together in you. But for the child of Jim and Johanna Beckett, I would not be who I am. Yeah I would have continued on, I would have found something to write about, but you know, of course you know...that Nikki and Rook are all about my love, respect and admiration for you. I'm weaving a story based on the most extraordinary, incredible person I've ever met."
"If you're trying to embarrass me, it's working." She looked down at her folded hands.
He shook his head, "Not trying to do that. I just want you to understand the why...and, that all I have is yours – accept my love, my admiration, and come on Beckett, our money."
XX
They had been back four days when she received a call from Mike Bishop, the mission director. He wondered if she had time to visit the facility, he had a couple of regulars who had heard some chatter.
"What kind of chatter?"
"About a guy trying to pawn off a gold cross."
"Gold crosses are pretty common."
"The one he described sounds like, Bobby's, or very similar."
"Do you know this guy?"
"Not sure, but the regulars are pretty territorial, I think they can help. It sounded like Bobby's, and its the first I've heard of since his death.
"I can be there in forty-five minutes."
After she hanging up, she had second thoughts about going herself, maybe sending Ryan or Espo would be prudent. She mumbled to herself, "And why is that?"
Castle was not in today. She had hoped he could meet Bishop but he had things to do. But there was more, Bishop bothered her. He either forced, or reminded her to think about things, bigger things. He was living out what he believed, living at the bottom of Manhattan's world, which may not sound that bad, until you took off your $500 sunglasses. He was working with those lost in drugs, alcohol and mental disease. He expressed no desire for the a change of venue, or the next big thing. He wasn't looking. Said you could only find, by losing.
As she drove past the older building of brick, and glass, only two or three stories tall, these were the runts of Manhattan. She hoped this case would come to an end, and soon.
Bishop was waiting for her with two men. They sat on the stoop in front of the mission's front doors. As she walked up the men began to noticeably fidget, Bishop said something and they immediately calmed.
"Detective, thanks for coming." He stood and shook her hand. "This is Shorty and Tiny, they reside with me at the Mission, most of the time."
Beckett was momentary confused. Before her was an aged looking African-American man, probably six feet five inches tall, thin as a rail. Next to him a Latino male, five eight or so, at least 300 pounds. She reached for the tall man first, 'You must shorty?" He gave her a toothless smile. Then to the big man, "Tiny. Nice to meet both of you."
Over the next fifteen minutes the men told about 'a guy' who'd being trying to sell a gold cross. They both thought it looked a lot like the one Dave had. The guy wanted a hundred bucks.
Since Tiny spoke the most, she asked, "So how did it end? You didn't buy it, right?"
"I asked if he'd trade for a couple of iPhones...I found. Told him I thought a cross could bring good luck. He said no deal, cash only.
"Was that it?"
"Nope, told him I'd try to get it together...see him on Thursday.
"Why do you think it was Dave's?"
"I saw it on Dave a couple of times. You could tell how he talked about it that it was important."
"What time will you see him Thursday?
"I told him, I might have a chance at some trash hauling during the day, so I'd see him around seven or eight, over by the underpass." He pointed down the street, the overpass was seven or eight blocks away, high above the adjacent buildings.
The two men agreed to meet with Bishop and the cops at 6 pm.
When the men where gone, Bishop spoke first, "I hope this leads to something."
"Yeah," Beckett replied, but she was already drifting mentally. She forced herself to refocus, "There are many times...its just a small thing can make a case break open. We'll have to see."
"Detective can I ask you something?"
She nodded.
"Please don't take this wrong...are you OK?"
She felt her eyes sting, not characteristic of her. She paused, letting the internal emotions pass. "I think so," trying to sound upbeat. "Why do ask?"
"You seem...distracted. Not a word I would use to describe you in our previous meetings."
She mentally paused, but heard herself say, "I am."
"What's up?"
"It's my partner, he's sick...cancer...I'm really having a hard time with it."
"When you say partner, do you meant work or..."
She cut him off, "Both, at work and home."
"I'm sorry, that must be very hard."
"Harder than I ever believed." She shook her head, "Have you ever feared losing someone, or something? And you cannot stop it."
"I have feared losing almost everything."
"How..." She looked at him. "How do you get beyond that? How does the losing...not steal what you have?"
He did not speak immediately, then he began softly, "It's one of the great dilemma's of life. People get sick, and the doctors tell you, the time will be," holding his hand at shoulder width, his palms facing each other, "this long. But in fact they live much longer." He demonstrated with his hands as wide as they could go. "Still we don't take hold of what we have, but fear what we won't have."
"Yeah, I'm there." She paused, he remained silent, letting her have the time she needed. "I want to run home and just hold him. I am so frightened of it all the time." Again she shook her head. "As a cop I have never worried much about harm. If you focus constantly on being safe, you can't do the job. It has risks...I accept that. But this… this is beyond me. How do we fight the enemy, when its our own body?"
"I don't know. But as you were talking I thought about a story we studied in seminary. You probably know it, Abraham and Issac, the one where Abraham is told to offer up his son."
"I know the story, saw it on TV."
"For me the story is about losing what is irreplaceable. That is what was asked of Abraham. He had waited for this kid, and now he was being told to offer him as a sacrifice."
"Irreplaceable?"
"Abraham was old as dirt, so was his wife. The kid was a miracle." It was Bishop who went silent for a few beats. Beckett waited. "I think if you ask anyone, what is irreplaceable in your life? The list is very short. Most people hardly need to think." He looked up at her, "We all know."
"What does knowing mean?"
"First it tells us what is most important to us. It forces us to focus, to push aside those thing which aren't worth our time, not worth the investment of our heart."
"The answer is easy for me, he's the one thing in my life that's irreplaceable. I can't..." But her throat closed down, no more words. Bishop said nothing. Simply let her have the space to bear the ache. "So what does knowing do for me?"
"The point of the story is the second part. The relationship between Abraham and God wasn't mature yet. He liked God, was willing to do things for him, but he didn't have his heart. He didn't trust love, didn't really trust the most essential nature of God. That he was love. The lesson was that he had to trust that which was irreplaceable with something he could not see."
"I don't understand."
"Abraham believed that his son's welfare and protection were best handled by himself. God thought otherwise. He wanted Abraham to trust the that irreplaceable thing to him. The child could be no safer than in the hands of God."
"Killing the son, to force Abraham into love's hands?" She shook head.
"No. Love would not demand or accept such. Killing in the name of God, is just murder in religious drag."
She smiled and laughed, tension slipping, "Religious drag...no wonder you work in a mission."
"The point is, those irreplaceable ones in our lives are only safe when we wrap them tightly in love. It is the most powerful force in the universe. You must trust your partner to love...trust there are answers, things you cannot see...that love will protect, sustain and hold you together. There is power in love Detective, it moves things, it changes our perceptions, rearranges our values. Give your all to each other...see what love can do."
They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. She pushed off the side of her car, "Thank you. I'll see you on Thursday."
"Take care."
XX
As she drove back to the precinct she wondered what had just happened. She'd poured her heart out to a...priest. She wasn't sure she even believed in God. She investigated the dregs of life. The Cain's raising clubs against the Abel's, over and over and over again. Week after week, where was God in that?
It dawned on her that she was driving the wrong direction. Four minutes later she was parked in front of the loft. She knew Castle was home, he sent a couple of texts, wanted to know if she could to meet for lunch.
She opened the door and could hear the tapping of the keyboard from the office. She strolled up to the door and leaned against the frame and just watched for a few moments.
"Hey Castle." He jumped.
"Kate! You scared me to death." He stood and moved towards her, "You need to make more noise when you sneak in like this."
She moved across the room, wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in, burying her head in the crook of his neck.
He whispered, "Are you OK?"
"Just needed to see you. Hold you for a bit."
"Well, that always works for me." Kissing the top of her head.
He waited as she rocked gently back and forth, almost like rocking a baby. He whispered in her ear, "Beckett, you sure you're OK?"
She rocked several more times, then disengaged. He watched as she took a half step back, smiled and held both his hands. After a few seconds, she dropped one hand and headed towards the bedroom, dragging him along.
"We're we going?"
Three steps into the bedroom she paused, and stepped out of her shoes, she let go of him, shucking her jacket. Walking to her side of the bed she looked at him, then pointed to his side. "I need you to help me..."
He smiled and obliged her. They folded back the comforter and slid it to the bottom of the bed. Beckett tugged out her blouse top and plopped onto the bed. She patted his side.
Castle kicked his shoes off and then laid down beside her. Rolling on his side so he faced her, "What-ca doing Beckett?"
"I need to lay here beside you...feeling a little…"
"A little what?" Taking her hand in his and kissing it.
He watched as her eyes pooled. With a thick voice she whispered, "I love you so...just need you to hold onto me."
He pulled her against himself, "I can do that..."
AN: As always, thanks for taking the time to follow and read my tale. Madreag