I stood on that rooftop for nearly 20 minutes after the helicopter was out of sight. I couldn't force myself to move from that spot. Eventually, one of the men who had seen me bust through the doors earlier made his way over to me.

"Ma'am, I'm going to need to escort you off the rooftop now" he said in a stern voice.

I glanced up at him and he looked taken aback at seeing the tears on my face.

He eyes softened and in a surprisingly compassionate voice he said, "Do you know who that guy is? He's a legend. He is one of the most well trained fighters I've ever seen and he just left with the top three SHIELD agents, you don't have to worry about The Winter Soldier. Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton are the best at what they do…and the Captain…well…" he let his sentence trail off.

"He's name is Bucky" I whispered.

He nodded and gently took my arm and led me off the roof. I was numb. I don't remember the drive home. I don't even remember unloading my suitcase from my SUV. All I remember is the flood of tears that came the instant I entered my apartment…and the gut wrenching sense of loneliness I felt. I made my way to my room and crawled into my bed. Eventually no more tears could fall, and I drifted off to sleep.

Time passed slowly. I didn't leave my apartment; I didn't dare step away from my phone. I waited.

I cried and slept, in that order…the nightmares started the first night Bucky left.

I could see Bucky strapped to the chair. His shirt and gear removed….his lovely chest bare, covered in sweat. His hair hung in his eyes…a look of both pain and terror etched onto his face. He struggled against his restraints and I could see blood begin to flow from a wound I had not previously noticed. There was a jagged gash, close to where the metal met his shoulder, right over his heart. I could hear one of the doctors saying something. "He's been compromised; we'll have to remove it."

"Remove what? Get away from him!" I shouted. No one turned my way, they couldn't hear me, couldn't see me, and I soon discovered I couldn't move to stop them.

"Fine, wipe his memory and then remove it" another doctor said, he faded away from sight as he walked away.

"No, please don't. Don't wipe his memory!" my screams fell on deaf ears.

A machine was lowered to cover his head and his screams of pain filled my ears. When the machine was raised, Bucky sat there, a blank look on his face, his blue eyes void of emotion. A doctor stepped in front of him, blocking my view temporarily. After several moments, the doctor turned and I saw something in his hands, blood trickling from it and onto the white floor.

"No" I gasped, finally realizing what he had in his hands, crying out my surprise.

Bucky's heart made a loud smack as it was discarded carelessly into the metal pan on the table.

I glanced back at Bucky, strapped into the chair; emotionless…another doctor was sewing up the large wound where they had pulled his heart from his chest. Upon finishing the stitches, he stepped back….admiring his work.

"Welcome back Winter Soldier!" The doctors stood around him, clapping their hands and patting each other on the back.

Bucky looked up and glanced my way, a smirk on his handsome face.

I woke up from the nightmare with a scream, covered in sweat and tears. My hand reached for my chest, the pounding of my heart threatening to burst from within. This was the third night in a row I had had the dream. I looked towards my window, it was Saturday, the rain was falling steadily.

Great! A dreary day to fit my mood.

I flung the blankets off of me, reaching for my phone that lay on the side table next to my bed.

No messages. No missed calls.

Come on Bucky! Call me!

…...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx...…

It was dark when we entered the facility. We had been scoping the place out for the last several hours. The facility was inhabited by a minimal team of doctors and guards….no more than a dozen.

This will be easy…in and out.

As we made our way further into the complex, I could feel a sense of familiarity with the place….the sickly white walls in particular made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

And the smell…

"Bucky, do you recognize this place?" I heard Steve's voice through my ear piece.

"The smell…..I recognize the smell" I said quietly into the microphone attached to my vest.

We crept down a hall way coming to a junction. Left or right?

"Which way Bucky" I heard Natasha ask.

I thought hard….I knew this place, I realized where I was now.

Shit Bucky! This is it!

Steve must have seen me hesitate when I came to the realization of where we were, "What's wrong Bucky?"

"This is it Steve. This is where they took me after I fell from the train. This is where they turned me into the Winter Soldier" I said, raising my metal arm.

"Bucky…." Steve started to say something but I cut him off, "Natasha. Clint. Head left, all research files will be down that hall, third door on the right. Steve. Come with me" I turned down the hallway to my right, my feet taking me to a room I had been having nightmares about for the last several months.

I knew I should turn around and leave this place, I was close to my breaking point. But the need to face my demons was too great and I continued down the hallway, my heart pounding, chest heaving.

Steve followed me, a look on unease on his face. The further we got down the hallway, the more confused I got. I felt less like Bucky and more like…

Like the Winter Soldier

I stopped in front of our destination, my hand frozen inches from the doorknob. I could hear voices from behind it; I felt my left hand ball into a fist, my right reaching for the gun at my hip.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned slowly to scowl at whoever it belonged to. I recognized Steve, but the other part of me, The Winter Soldier part of me, saw only an obstacle in his way. I jerked my arm back and turned the knob.

The two men inside looked up in surprise when I walked through the door. My eyes scanned the room and I felt my pulse racing. It looked exactly the same as the first time I was rolled into it 70 years ago, lying on the gurney, bleeding from my wounds.

I didn't recognize either man, both were dressed in military garb, guns hanging from the straps across their back. The one closest to me lunged in my direction and I countered his attack with a swift blow to his gut. I pulled the gun from my hip and pointed it at him. He looked up and me and painfully whispered, "Please, no. I give up" I glared down at him.

Stop Bucky!

I felt my finger pulling the trigger slowly. Before my well-aimed shot could fire, the man in front of me was knocked down to the floor by Steve's shield. I froze, completely shutting down. I had almost just shot and killed that man. I had promised Eden I wasn't a killer anymore. I felt the panic building inside of me, the anger; emotions I had kept bottled up for so long came pouring out.

I dropped my gun and slid to my knees, hitting the floor hard….I screamed, a long deep howl of pain. Flashbacks of every man I had ever killed began filling my mind. Each one babbling the same thing as I pointed my gun at them, "Please, No"

Everything went black after that, blinded by the utter emptiness I felt inside.

I have done terrible things. I might still do terrible things. He isn't gone….The Winter Soldier isn't gone.

I felt Steve pull me up off the ground. I finally focused back in on him and heard the alarms shrieking.

"Come on Bucky, it's time to go buddy, snap out of it" he yelled.

I stumbled along after him, back down the hallway until we exited the facility. Clint and Natasha were already back at the rendezvous point. I heard Clint ask Steve if I was alright. Steve muttered a response I didn't hear.

All I kept seeing was each of my victims, begging for their lives….I closed my eyes and reopened them….they were still there, haunting me, the ghosts of my past. I felt a single tear slide down my cheek and I lowered my head in shame.