Over the following week, Midna began to feel how winter had arrived, each morning being colder than the one before. By the time Monday arrived and she woke up to find a little layer of frost on her quilt, it was almost enough to make her give in and close the gates, but the thought of just how much coal such an action would use, how she might be the reason for why the Shadow would never be able to fly again, was enough for her to push away the idea. She had survived harsh winters before and this one would be no different. With another quilt, she might not even be able to feel it at all.
So although the weather sometimes required for the to wake up in the middle of the night to pace around her room for a minute just to make sure she could still feel her hands, Midna refused to give in. A cold winter meant a warm spring, or at least that was what she tried to tell herself when she would wake up in the middle of the night, shaking so much that she found herself unable to go back to sleep. It was all just something she had to endure, just for a little while longer.
But while the weather around her only grew colder, the warmth the princess almost seemed to emit the three times Midna would visit her each day only increased. More than once, Midna had found herself standing in front of the room, wondering how she was able to stay so hopeful, how she did not seem to feel cold at all. The explanation that given how she was closer to the ground and with her room being located close to the bow, as far away from the gates and the harsh winds as she could come, she might not be as exposed to the power of the elements as Midna was seemed realistic, but with how Midna still had to hide her shaking hands when placing the plate in front of the princess, telling her to leave it by the door when she was finished, she knew that she was lying to herself. It was not only a matter of the location of their rooms; it simply could not explain it all.
However, despite how she seemingly had no problem staying warm, the princess had been uncharacteristically quiet that past week, only mumbling a soft thankyou when Midna would place the latest meal on the table. Of course, Midna would never complain about getting the chance to simply finish the task and then leave without having to waste time trying to make their unwanted guest realise that they really were just a bunch of people who were only there because they would all be thrown into prison if the king found them rather than some kind of secret rebel base, but she had to admit that the silence was beginning to worry her a little. After all, as long as the princess was there with them, she was their responsibility, and while Midna would not lose any sleep over whether or not she found her room comfortable when compared to Hyrule Castle, outright making her sick was not her goal.
Perhaps the worry was why Midna, rather than simply hurrying to leave the room, turned back around to look at the princess that Wednesday morning, not entirely sure that she had really heard correctly.
"I am sorry," she said, making sure to keep her voice at least somewhat light. To describe it as friendly would perhaps have been to give her too much credit, but right then, Midna truly did try her best not to sound like she would snap at her at a moment's notice, "did you say something?"
As she looked at her, the princess began to swing her legs back and forth, making the bed creak underneath her. "Yes," she mumbled, making it so that Midna almost had to lean in to make sure she did not miss a single word, "I am sorry. For everything. I… I know that I am a burden for everyone right now, I know that you are wasting more and more food every time you come here to give me that," nodding towards the plate in Midna's hand, she almost managed to make it sound like the meal Uli had prepared for her would have been enough to feed a small country and not just a few slices of bread with a bit of butter on top of it, "and I know that I have done absolutely nothing to repay any of you. But most of all, I am sorry for how I have to ask something of you when I have done absolutely nothing to earn that."
Against her better judgement, Midna took a step forward, pulling the chair over to sit down in front of the princess. She should have agreed with her, have told her that she was right, that she truly had done nothing to deserve asking for anything from her, but right then, her curiosity was stronger than the little pang of annoyance that shot through her as tried to collect her thoughts. "Oh, I see. And may I ask what it is that you want to ask of me?" cocking her head, Midna made sure to place the plate onto the table, just to make sure that if the princess' request was as naïve as everything else she had seen so far, her jumping to her feet to storm out of the room would not result in letting the food hit the floor.
Even as she had got permission to let her know exactly what she wanted, Midna could see how the woman across from her hesitated. As she grabbed a fistful of the fabric of her dress, the blue colour seeming a little less brilliant as they sat there in the dusty air that filled the room, Midna could almost make herself forget about how she had first met her, how everything from her hairstyle, to the lace on the dress, to the fact that she had run to her own secret room during the attack, seemed like it could almost have been a way for her to ensure that Midna would never be able to forget about how she, despite how she insisted on believing in the best of them, was the princess of Hyrule.
Finally, perhaps sensing that Midna's patience would not last for much longer, the princess looked up and met her gaze. "I—sometimes, if I really try and they walk right past this ship, I can listen to what people are saying. I know that many of you want me to leave, would rather send me to a nearby town so that I can return home to Castle Town." maybe the princess could see how Midna was about to cut in, for she hurried to remove any chances of her doing that, letting go of the dress as she continued. "I can't say that I do not understand why, because I really do. I sneaked onto your ship, tried to hide to ensure that you would bring me back home with you, and now I am here, unable to do anything other than using up resources—and do not try to tell me that you have plenty of food, I have heard arguments like that before, I know that you are all trying to make what little you have last for as long as you possibly can. You might not starve, but you had not exactly planned for me to be here either. No, I know that I have no right to ask anything of you right now, but if it comes to that, I would be willing to beg for you to promise me one thing." she looked up at Midna, and for a second, Midna had to fight the instinct to move backwards as she saw how her calm demeanour disappeared for a split second, instead making way for what seemed to be honest despair. "Will you promise me not to send me home?"
That was what it took for Midna to regain her composure. Sitting up a bit straighter, she made sure to hide her thoughts, the questions of just what about this tiny room and the food that must have been nothing like what she was used to had made her decide that staying here would be better than having to return home to a life of luxury and safety already waiting at the tip of her tongue, behind a little smile. "And why is that then?" she asked. "Don't get me wrong, you were absolutely right about not being in a position to ask for anything, but please, do explain why it matters so much to you to stay here. What is it about this," she gestured towards the room, "that makes you prefer this life to that of a princess?"
Once more, Midna could feel how there was something unsaid, something waiting right beneath the surface as the princess averted her gaze. However, as she looked at her face, Midna already knew that she would not be able to reach it, would not be able to see what it was that she had sensed moments earlier.
"I… after what I have seen here, after how I have experienced first-hand how you struggle to make it through the winter, I would not be able to return home and know that you are still out here, barely able to survive." she looked down at the floor. "I want to stay because it is the right thing to do."
Had it not been for how she had at least got a moment to prepare herself for the same old explanation, Midna would have been unable not to groan. But as it was now, she just so managed to bite back the sigh, instead letting out a humourless laugh. "So let me get this right." she crossed her legs, mimicking the way the princess had sat back when they had been in her cabin. From the way a blush spread across her face, Midna knew that she had noticed it. "Because you have seen the injustices that happen out in the world—injustices, mind you, that your father is responsible for—you decide that, rather than returning to the castle and claiming the power you were given at birth, you will stay here with us, knowing full well that you cannot help us with anything and that you will only make the amount of food we have to get us through the winter dwindle even quicker than it otherwise would? Is that what you are saying, or have I misunderstood something?"
"You can be the princess and still be powerless, you know."
The reply came so suddenly, the anger in Zelda's voice being so unexpected, that, for a moment, all Midna could do was to stare at her. But then she managed to regain the power of speech. "And you would know everything about that, would you not, Twilight Princess?" seeing how the title made her wince slightly, Midna continued. "Tell me, did your father ever tell you the story of just how you received that title?" not giving her the chance to answer, Midna let a scornful laughter fill the room. "I doubt he did. After all, bragging about invading the neighbouring kingdom and making the queen flee is not exactly something that helps you craft a story about yourself being the forgotten younger brother who rose up to fight his older brother for the throne when their father died because you could see how the title of king was already corrupting your brother, is it now?"
She had expected for the princess to look away, to become angry, perhaps even to cry. For her to knit her brows in confusion was not something Midna had prepared herself for, but she had not survived for all those years by being unable to hide her feelings, so, taking a deep breath, she made sure that her face was a completely blank mask as the princess looked at her, the sparkle in her eyes making the feeling of how she had perhaps already told her too much grow inside her stomach.
"My father told me that the queen was killed during a coup d'état, that some of her generals had turned against her. Everyone knows about it, how the kingdom was in disarray until he could not stand to look at the death and desperation of a kingdom that was only separated from Hyrule by a few mountains." even as Zelda spoke, with a tone that let Midna know how she was surely recalling all the history lessons she had ever received throughout her education, the little seed of doubt that had been planted was still noticeable in the way she did not look at her, instead looking down at her hands as she fiddled with the fabric of her skirt. "He even decreed that we should have a day dedicated to mourning her."
"Oh, I am sure he mourns her death. I am sure he is careful to force out a few tears while giving a speech about how she was a kind and just queen and how everyone should remember what happened and learn from it that they must never attack their ruler. But deep down, I know that your father only feels glee during that day. After all, the moment he invaded the Twilight Realm, the moment the queen saw herself forced to flee to avoid dying with everyone else still inside the palace, he had managed to ensure that he could continue to expand his kingdom now that he had both managed to attack his biggest opponent and make sure that he would never have to worry about his supply of coal, not with how the ground all over the Twilight Realm is practically filled with it." finally, it seemed that Midna had succeeded in truly rendering Zelda speechless, for the princess only stared at her, a look of dawning horror on her face only spurring her to continue. "Yes, that is how powerless you are. You are second in line to a throne capable of murder. All that is between you and that kind of power is your brother and father. Really, with how determined you can be, I suppose I should just send you back home. Perhaps you idealistic belief in doing what is right would be enough to let you kill my enemies for me. But," Midna made sure to sigh dramatically, "since you prefer to stay here rather than to confront your father with the same kind of energy you showed back on the ship, I will not do that."
"You won't?"
Although she knew that she should not have let the barely hidden surprise and relief get to her, Midna could feel it move right past her guard, hitting her directly in the heart. Still, she tried her best not to let it show, pushing it back down. "No. I will not pretend that I like you or that I care all that much about why you have decided to pretend to fight for the rights of those around you when you could easily have stayed inside the castle and hoped that you would get to wield that amount of power someday, but I made a promise and unlike your father, I do not give my word only to then betray someone."
She wanted to be able to stay cold, but as the princess rushed forward, throwing her arms around her, for just a second, Midna felt how her body reacted without thinking, bringing her arms up to return the embrace. As she finally managed to regain control, forcing her arms back down, Midna could not have been more grateful for how the princess would not be able to see how her face was growing warmer, Midna having to furiously remind herself that no matter how good the princess was at making her believe that she truly only wanted to create a world where everyone could be happy, she could not allow that kind of naïve idealism to move past her defences. It was exactly the thing that got people killed in the end, and Midna was not dumb enough to think that, no matter what the princess said about not wanting to return home, the moment things became ugly, she would hesitate to run back to her father to let him protect her, leaving them all to die.
Standing up, Midna tried to find a little joy in how the sudden movement made the princess fall back, hitting the edge of the bed in the process, but no matter how hard she fought, she knew she was failing.
"Was that all, or do you have any more requests?" Midna could hear her voice shake. "Don't be shy; I am sure that everyone here would be more than happy to do supply you with everything the Twilight Princess could ever want. After all, we are still within the borders of your kingdom, at least if your father is the one to decide."
"Why do you call me that?" Zelda looked up. "Why do you call me Twilight Princess?"
She could see how she was slowly beginning to move past the façade, so, making sure that she was ready to show the princess a blank face should she come with a reply she had not prepared herself for, Midna leant closer towards her, moving so far over the edge of the chair that, a millimetre more, and she would have fallen over. "Because you are the princess of the Twilight Realm—or, sorry, I think your father would prefer for it to be called a province now." Midna clicked her tongue, eyes full of fake worry. "After all, that is what he does, doesn't he? Renames things and changes the story of how it happened to better fit his image. And since you are his daughter, him being the king of the Twilight Realm means that you are the princess. You should accept the title; it means a lot to the people here. Perhaps if you did that, you could begin to learn a bit from your father, for despite what your books might have taught you, you do not remain in power by being soft. You father seized power by being merciless in every single one of his actions, so if you think that it will be possible for you to believe in all of your ideas about how the world should be without finding yourself on the run very quickly, I am sorry to tell you that you will have to learn that lesson to right now." Midna got up from her chair, feeling how the adrenaline began to wear off as she turned around to leave the room, instead making way for the ever-present fear of leaving the ship, wanting to take her mind off the issue of the princess, only to find that Ilia had finished Epona and left the base along with Link.
However, she had only made it halfway through the room when she heard Zelda stand up as well, her voice growing stronger with every word as she moved over towards her. "You say that I should change things by using power, and yet, you have admitted to the fact that you have no goal of ever standing up to my father. You hide here while you tell me to fight. How can you claim that I am a fool for believing that you can change the world with kindness and by knowing when you are faced with a battle you cannot win with brute strength alone, when you are hiding out here?"
"Because, Twilight Princess," Midna sent her a saccharine smile, "unlike you, I am not a princess."
"Plenty of people have changed the world without ever having held a title," Zelda argued, "as long as you fight for what is right, you will not need any of that."
"It must be nice for someone who grew up within a castle to be so sure that she would still possess the same amount of power if she had been born to a teacher and his wife. Tell me, Princess, if you were faced with an army, what is your plan to defeat them? I mean, with how confident you were just a minute ago that having an army at your disposal would not at all be the deciding factor in the question of whether you would live or die, you must have knowledge of some secret technique that will allow you to take on an entire army single-handedly." as the princess remained silent, Midna lifted an eyebrow. "Oh, would you look at that. It seems that you do not know the answer to that puzzle. Perhaps it might be a sign that you would need much more than just a sense of idealism and the belief that you are doing what is right if you want to bring justice to this country."
It should have felt great to see how Zelda's shoulder slumped, to know that she might finally have lifted the veil of naiveté from her eyes, but as Midna waited for the moment where the joy at seeing the princess defeated would arrive, she only felt hollow, empty. The seconds passed, Midna's heartbeat counting them for her, and Zelda's eyes grew shiny, making her blink wildly, clearly trying her best not to cry in front of her.
Perhaps that was what made Midna reach out to place a hand on her shoulder, already struggling to find the words before she had even opened her mouth. "Look, I am sorry, but I need you to understand that I have no plans of trying to change the world. I have told you this before, but it seems that I will have to tell you again; you are the only one in this room who cares about more than keeping everyone within this base alive. No matter how many times you might try to appeal to some sense of justice you believe I might still possess, you are not going to find the heroic rebel you seemed to have made me out to be within me, I can tell you that right now. If you want to continue to remain blind to the reality around you, do that—I am sure it must be nice for you—but don't try to fool yourself into thinking that I can ever become the person you had expected me to be, for I cannot. All that matters to me is that I have to keep the people I care about alive; I am not willing to risk that safety for anyone, not even for the rest of the citizens of the Twilight Realm."
"But you promised me to let me stay." wiping the tears away with the back of her hand, the princess reached up to place her hand on top of Midna's. "I heard people talk about how you were risking everything by letting me stay, that my father would search for me. And yet, you allowed me to stay here."
She should have left when she had the chance. Midna realised that now. She should simply have continued through the door, leaving the princess and the rest of this conversation far behind her. But it would appear that all she could do lately was to make mistake after mistake, and this was just another one on a long list of all the times she should have thought things through. Now, she would simply have to handle the consequences.
Withdrawing her hand, making Zelda's fall to rest at her side in the progress, Midna could almost feel how an impenetrable wall appeared in the air between them as she forced herself to focus on nothing other than making sure her voice was even, leaving no doubts about how it would not be wise to question her again. "I promised not to send you back to your father, because it was what it would take to make you tell me the truth about how you had been able to board my ship without anyone noticing it. I could not allow anyone to continue the attacks before we knew how you had been able to slip by unnoticed, and if getting the answers I needed required for me to promise to let you stay here, then that was something I was willing to do. Don't make me regret making that promise." backing away, Midna sent the plate sliding across the table, the princess' meal barely stopping before it would have fallen to the ground with a clatter of metal and the sound of food hitting wood. "Enjoy your dinner."
Her hand searched for the door handle, and the next second, Midna all but fell out of the room, feeling how her face became warmer as the embarrassment spread through her body. Why could she not just have ended the conversation the moment she realised that she was not going to make this princess see how her ideas for changing the world would only result in the death of everyone around her, why did it feel like she had to make her see that unless she wanted heartbreak after heartbreak, she had to stop trying to convince people to give their lives for a cause that was ultimately as hopeless as it was well-meaning?
Deep down, Midna already knew the answer to the question, but as she let her feet take her back to her cabin, deciding that not letting anyone see her while she was this upset was more important to her than dinner, she tried her best to force it back into the chest she had constructed for it inside her mind. But much like the moment she had opened the chest back in the ship, only to find the princess of Hyrule lying inside it, no matter how much Midna tried to repress it, it almost seemed that the chest was already filled to the brim, leaving no space for the memories.
She barely managed to keep back the tears until the moment she had closed the door to her cabin behind her and turned the key, but then, the second she knew that no one would see her, Midna lost all control. Sliding down to the floor, she pulled her knees up to her chin and let the tears stream down her face. Why had she been so unlucky that from among the thousands of ships that made their way through the sky above Hyrule each day, the one ship she and her crew had attacked had been the one that had contained the secret room where she had found the princess? Why had she not been able to stay quiet or to say something that would not have given the princess the idea that she should sneak onto her ship? Why had she not decided that with how it already seemed like almost everyone had given in to the lies Ganondorf served them, it did not matter if the princess returned to her guards to tell them the story of how the pirates' leader had threatened her to get her to tell them the story of how she had managed to get onto their ship only to then leave her stranded in a remote part of the kingdom?
Midna could have yelled at herself for the promise she had made, how she had told Zelda that no matter what, she would not send her home, but the truth was that as she sat there, she knew that it would not have helped. She was the only one who had brought her in this situation, and now, Midna would simply have to try her best not to make it even worse. For despite how she knew that everything would be so much easier for her if she could ignore her conscience, she had given Zelda her word that she would not send her back home. Now she had to keep that promise, no matter how much it made her want to scream at her.
As she sat there, Midna could not have felt smaller. Although she knew that she was taller than everyone else around her, in that moment, it felt like she had become the scared child once more, waiting for the servants to return home to her, hiding under her bed each time she heard something outside, the sound of the wind rustling in the trees making her curl up on the floor. Maybe it was due to how she had pulled her knees in towards her chin, making herself as small as she possibly could to try to stay warm, but for just a moment, Midna could almost believe that she was back there again, hiding inside the ship until her stomach hurt so much that she had no other choice but to head out into the world, a little child who was completely alone.
And although she knew that she could head over to the dining hall to find another person, when Midna finally gave in and climbed up onto the bed, pulling her quilts up over her head to try to trap her body heat within the little cocoon, she felt the loneliness almost like a physical weight sitting on top of her, weighing her down until she struggled to breathe.
She was not sure how she was able to fall asleep, but somehow, it must have happened, Midna's vision slowly growing darker as she felt the weight disappear from above her little by little.
Although she could see the sun high up on the sky as she stepped out of her cabin the next morning, her entire body felt heavy and tired, the sensation being more like what had followed the nights when she had not been able to let her guard down for even a moment, having to be able to spring away from the danger the moment she would catch a glimpse of the familiar red hue of the soldier's tunic, rather than how she had actually gone to bed only a little hour after the rest of the residents had headed over to the dining hall. But despite that, Midna fought against the little voice that was beginning to sound an awful lot like the princess as it told her to slow down, to make sure she was all right instead of forcing herself out of the bed, almost falling over as her vision exploded into thousands of little black dots while her mind tried its best not to lose its grip on her.
It was not until she had almost fallen off the side of the ship, barely managing to catch onto the rope ladder in time before she would have fallen through the air with nothing to stop her other than the stone floor several metres below her, that Midna felt ready to admit that perhaps the voice had been right. Still, even then, she refused to do more than to lean against the side of the Shadow for a moment, careful not to brush against the spot where she could still make out the outline of the crest of the royal family of the Twilight Realm for fear of making the paint fade even more.
With how she managed to make it all the way over to the dining hall without repeating her mistake from the day before and bursting into tears, instead letting her face remain completely blank as she tried her best not to lose control of the situation, Midna almost could make herself believe that she could get through this, that the time she had spent crying inside her cabin yesterday had just been the result of a minor slip, a second where she had not been able to keep up the façade. But, of course, the universe had to prove to her how even the simple act of hoping that she would be able to make it through the day apparently seemed to be something she had to learn not to do, for before she got the chance to head into the dining hall to grab a plate of food for herself and the princess, the doors were thrown open, Jaggle hurrying out.
For a moment, Midna almost thought that she would be able to move past him without him noticing her, but of course she was not that lucky. The next moment, Jaggle had reached out to grab her arm.
"I was actually just looking for you," he said, his tone of voice making it clear how he was not willing to let the conversation wait for a moment where Midna was not trying he best to fight the urge to climb back onto her bed to avoid having to see anyone, "were you about to bring the princess her meal?"
"Yes." the word came out more as a tired sigh than anything else. "I was about to bring Zelda her breakfast, so if you could please move to the side to let me go in to get it, then that would be nice."
But Jaggle did not move. Instead, he took a step closer to her, effectively blocking her path. It seemed that he was just as aware of that as she was, for as he continued, he finally let go of her arm. "We cannot keep her here."
"Why not?" Midna resisted the urge to roll her eyes, already knowing where the conversation was going. "It is not like she is going to bring any harm to us. In fact, she seems almost happy to stay in her room, so will you please explain to me what your reasoning for coming here, before I have even got the chance to eat anything, and tell me that Zelda, the person I made a promise to that I would not force her to leave, cannot stay with us is?"
"Midna, I am only telling you this because you have saved my life." Jaggle shot a look at the corridor around them, letting his voice become a secretive whisper, clearly believing that it was not incredible obvious what he was about to say. "I am not trying to annoy you, but you have to realise that keeping her here will only increase the risk of the food in the larder not being enough to get us through the winter."
"And how did you reach that conclusion? From what I remember, Uli seemed quite confident that there would be more than enough for her as well."
"Yes, but that was before she was forced to admit that the lamb shank really was too bad to eat. Look, I know that you do not like hearing this, but this princess, no matter how sweet she may seem, she will be the difference between whether or not we will make it through the winter. The rest of us, we can help, we can find food in the forest or steal from the merchants, but if we are really planning to keep her here, the princess will not be able to do anything. And although I am sure that Uli is going maintain that there is more than enough food if you asked her right now, I have gone to count the crates myself. Let me tell you, Midna, we only barely have enough for ourselves. If we have to throw out anything, if the bread goes mouldy before we thought it would, we are not going to make it." Jaggle went silent, but the look he sent her was that of someone who was so sure that he had just managed to convince her that he did not even consider whether he should prepare another argument in case the first was not enough.
It was with a bit more glee than what the situation had perhaps called for that Midna responded, but as she looked at Jaggle and saw how he had seemingly already decided that he had convinced her, it was difficult for her to feel bad about it. "Well, in that case, I suggest that you leave the task of worrying about food to Uli, seeing as it clearly brings you a great deal of pain to think about the fact that I am not about to send Zelda away."
Immediately, the satisfied expression disappeared, Jaggle's eyebrows instead settling into a frown. "You can't be serious! Midna, we have to act now, you cannot actually mean that you are ready to risk the lives of everyone in this base just for the princess!" throwing his hands up in frustration, Jaggle took a step towards her. "Come on, I know that I owe you my life, and it is not that I don't trust you, but you have to realise that she is a burden for the rest of us. If we keep her here, we are going to find ourselves stuck in a situation where she will be the only one still getting food."
"Perhaps we will." Midna leant to the side. If she sprinted, she might be able to make it into the dining hall before Jaggle realised what her plan was. As determined as he seemed to be to talk with her, she doubted he was interested in continuing the discussion inside the dining hall with everyone around them turning to look at him, the expressions on their faces sure to reveal how they would side with her in an instant. "Perhaps we will not. But no matter what happens, fact is that I promised her that I would not make her leave if she did not want to. Besides, we all agreed to let her stay during the meeting. You were there; if you were still not satisfied with the agreement, you should have said something back then."
Midna tried to step around him, but she had hardly managed to take a single step before she heard how Jaggle spit out the words, anger present in every syllable. "Who gave you the right to make such promises, to decide for the rest of us whether we will have to starve for a princess again? I have spent most of my life doing that already. No matter how much I might owe you, I refuse to put myself in a situation where that will happen for a second time."
But by now, Jaggle was not the only one who could feel his patience nearing its end, and as Midna twirled around, she could have sworn that, for a fraction of a second, the look on Jaggle's face revealed how he knew that he had made a mistake. Even then, she did not care. He had interrupted her, keeping her from finishing the task. If she had been able to simply hurry past him, she would be sitting inside her cabin now, trying to figure out what the pattern the Hyrulean forces had apparently found within their attacks was, but now she was standing here, having to listen to complaints that should have been brought up during the meeting where she would have had Rusl to lead the conversation.
Standing up straight, Midna supressed a yawn before answering. "I did not make any promises for you. I simply told her what I had to say to get her to tell me what I needed to know. You should thank me for that, really, for had I not done that, I would not have found out the reasons for why there was no harness for you that day. So what about this: rather than trying to keep me from bringing her measly bowl of porridge, you let me walk though these doors without complaining, and stay out of my way so that I can try to work on making sure that the next time we are on a mission, our enemies will not be able to sneak past us and make it so that, had it not been for Rusl, you would be left behind when we fled? How does that plan sound?" she raised an eyebrow, so sure that this was it, that she would finally be able to make her way past him to go get the bowl for the princess, that when he answered, his reply felt like someone had punched her in the stomach.
For, rather than admitting defeat and stepping aside to let her pass through, Jaggle's gaze became cold, the iciness of it only surpassed by his tone of voice. "Of course. If you say so, I will make sure that I will not have to burden you with my presence again, princess." with that, he pushed past her, his shoulder knocking against her upper arm in the process.
Breathe, she had to continue to breathe. That was what Midna tried to tell herself, attempting to use the sound of the air flowing in and out of her mouth to remain grounded in the present. But it was all flying past her, the sound of her own heartbeat seeming impossibly loud in her ears as her breathing became frantic, the air around her feeling like it was choking her, and before she had even realised that she had moved, Midna found herself leaning against the wall, clutching her head as she tried her best to force the panic to recede. But the more she fought, the more the feeling of helplessness washed over her, reducing her to tears as she sat there, both all too aware of how almost everyone else was only a few metres away, a set of double doors being all that kept them from witnessing the sight of her trying not to cry in the hallway, failing horribly, and feeling like it was all too far away for her to truly understand that she would have to move soon if she did not want to be seen. In the end, it was the latter sensation that won, so although she knew that, by now, she would normally have brought the princess her breakfast a long time ago, Midna remained where she was.
She was not sure how long she sat there before someone found her. All she knew was that the next thing her brain saw fit to inform her of was the familiar sound of someone gasping, followed by footsteps running over to her.
Link. She knew that without looking up, recognising the way he moved towards her, not hesitating for even a moment.
A moment passed before he had pulled her into an embrace, and with how she had not been able to remain upright, instead sliding halfway down the wall, it was soon followed by him whispering something to her as he crouched down to sit next to her. But no matter how hard she fought to focus on what he was saying, trying her best to focus on nothing other than the fact that he was still there and had not left her behind yet, the sounds all bled together, forming a wall of noise rather than words with meaning.
He must have guessed from her blank stare and the way she still struggled to breathe that he was not exactly helping, for the next moment, Midna saw how he placed a hand on both of her shoulders before leaning closer towards her, speaking so clearly that she would most likely have been able to guess what he was saying simply by looking at his mouth. However, it was not needed, for despite the world around her still seeming like it was obscured by a cloud, the sounds were slowly beginning to reach her again.
"Are you all right?" Link asked, but he did not wait for her answer, instead letting the end of the first question almost turn into the beginning of the next. "What happened?"
As she found herself trying to put it into words, try to think of something to tell him, Midna could not help but feel ridiculous. Here she was after having snapped at Link only two days earlier, and yet, he had come to help her the moment he had found her crying on the ground.
Forcing a smile onto her face, she shook her head. "I… it is nothing, really. I just… I overreacted." overreaction, it was the perfect excuse, vague enough to not give away how she had not even been able to handle Jaggle questioning the decision to let the princess stay with them even though it was all he seemed to have done ever since Rusl had first declared that the meeting was over while still being something Midna doubted would make anyone look at her with a doubtful look in their eyes, at least not anyone who knew her. "Really, I am all right." wiping a the back of her hand over her face to attempt to dry away the tears, Midna felt how the next sentences almost tripped over each other, all trying to make their way out of her mouth at the same time. "But, Link… I am so sorry, about… everything I said. I should not have said any of that to you; if you and Ilia want to leave, then I understand that." although Midna would have sworn only moments before that she did not have any tears left, it seemed that she had been mistaken, as she saw her vision become blurry again. At least Link did not push her away as she leant into the embrace, at once seized by the fear that he would leave if she did not hold onto him.
But Link didn't leave. Instead, he tried his best to reach up to pat her head, mumbling calming words into her ear. "Please don't apologise, Midna," he whispered, "I am not going anywhere. I never was."
That made her blink through the tears. As she looked at him and saw how, even with her tears still obscuring her vision, the smile Link sent her was still wide enough for her not to miss it, Midna was almost able to slow down her breathing to a point where the air was able to reach her lungs, supplying her with enough oxygen for her mind to clear a little. "You are not?"
"No, goddesses, no!" Link laughed, but Midna could hear how it was forced. "Ilia and I have never had any plans that would involve us leaving this base. And why should we?" he pulled her a bit closer. "You have made it quite clear that you are going to stay here, and without you, I doubt that we would even last a day."
"But the ship…" Midna could hear what she must sound like to Link as she tried her best to remind him of all the reasons he had for wanting to leave, "Epona, I thought that you and Ilia…?"
"You thought that we would fly away into the sunset together?" Link seemed to wait for her to laugh at the idea, but as Midna stayed quiet, he let out a sigh. "Midna, we are not going to leave right now. I can't promise you that we will stay here for the rest of our lives, but for now, it is enough for us to watch the crimson glow of the sunset from the top of the mountain. We are not going to leave you. Where would we be without having you with us to make sure that we would not make a mistake?" he must have seen how he finally got a tiny smile as a response, for as Link continued, Midna could hear how his voice grew warmer. "Exactly, we would most likely be caught within days. Now, do you want to tell me what happened that would create a situation where I would find you outside the dining hall, looking like you were about to pass out?"
Slowly, Midna began to explain what had happened, doing her best to distance herself from the words as she reached the point that had finally made it all become too much for her. If she tried to picture Zelda, tried to lie to herself and pretend that Jaggle had uttered the dreaded word to describe her rather than Midna herself, she could almost trick her body into thinking the same.
But even though she could fool herself, it was obvious from the way Link's expression grew darker as she reached that point, the crease between his brows becoming deeper and deeper with every second, that he was not interested in pretending that it had really been the case. "That…" Link grimaced, the look on his face revealing how he tried his best to find a word to describe Jaggle, only to fail, "do you want me to go talk to him? Let him know that he left you crying in the corridor."
"No!" Midna barely realised that she had yelled until she saw the look of surprise on Link's face. Making sure to lower her voice to not make everyone inside the dining hall head outside to see what was going on, she shook her head. "No, it was nothing; he didn't mean to say it like that. Can we just… let it go and pretend that it never happened?"
"Of course we can. If that is what you want to, that is."
"It is." but even as the words left her mouth, Midna could feel how it was not the case, not really. To tell the truth, what she wanted to do was to be able to go back to the point just before she had turned around the corner to instead walk the long way to the kitchen. If she had just done that, then she would have already brought the princess her breakfast by now.
Midna could have sworn that she felt her heart skip a beat as she realised that she had yet to grab the bowl of porridge. Who knew how long she had sat there, trying her best not to faint? With how hungry she had been the moment before her stomach had become a knot of painful memories, she could easily imagine what the princess must feel like, especially considering how Midna doubted that hunger was a familiar sensation for people like her.
Running her fingers through her hair, Midna looked at Link, knowing that the way the panic spread across his face was his way of mirroring how she surely looked even worse herself. "I forgot to bring Zelda her breakfast," she whispered, "I was supposed to bring it to her when Jaggle stopped me, but with how I began to panic, I forgot about it. How much time do you think has passed?" Midna interrupted him before he got the chance to answer. "Never mind, I know that the porridge has already become cold. How could I forget about it?" she reached up towards her hair, but before she would have got the chance to pull at a strand, Link had reached out to take her hand, effectively stopping her from doing exactly that.
"Hey, I am sure it will be fine," he said, "I was just about to head over to grab my own breakfast when I found you—I am sure that Zelda will survive. Besides, I don't think you are really in a state to bring any princesses their breakfast right now, so what about this: I will go ask Uli to do it for you—no," Link brought her attempt at cutting in to a halt with a quick wave, "please let me finish. I will go ask Uli to bring Zelda her breakfast. You know that she won't mind, not when it is you. Then we can go and see if Ilia has discovered some new genius way to construct the engine of Epona and if it is enough to make her so excited that she will forget about how the rest of us mere mortals do not understand even half of what she says when she is rambling about that ship."
The mental image of the last time Ilia had tried to explain to her what the difference between two different drawings that looked completely identical to each other when she looked at them was did bring a smile to Midna's face. "You know that she is absolutely going to do that."
Raising an eyebrow, Link held his hand out towards her. "Well, do you want to go with me then? I am sure that with the two of us there, we will have a better chance of figuring out what half of what she says means."
"You really think we can decipher half of it?" Midna chuckled. "You sure are confident!"
"Yes, maybe it was a bit too optimistic, but I mean, we can at least make an attempt. Just wait a second, I have to go ask Uli to bring Zelda her breakfast and grab a bowl of porridge for myself as well." Link had halfway risen to reach out for the door handle when he spun around and looked back over at her. "Wait, you haven't had breakfast either, have you?"
"No."
"Well, then I will make sure to take care of that as well. Wait here—I will be back in just a moment!"
As she leant back against the wall again and watched as Link disappeared into the dining hall, the only sign that was left of how she had been standing there, trying her best not to completely lose all control, only a few minutes before was the feeling of how the tears had left a thin layer of salt on her cheeks and how her heartrate was still a bit faster than normal. And by the time Link returned, talking so much that when they had reached the end of the hallway, Midna had already seen what he was trying to do, how he filled the silence so that she would not get a chance to dwell on what Jaggle had said anymore, it soon returned to normal as well.