It was not an apology. That was what Midna told herself as she stood in front of the door leading into the princess' room. The pile of clothing in her arms was simply a way to make sure that she would have something a little less stifling to wear during her stay with them, nothing else. The fact that the fabric of Midna's best waistcoat, the only one that was not held together by nonmatching pieces of fabric was visible as it lay at the very top of the pile, above the coat, trousers, and blouses, was an issue completely unrelated to the fact that she could still hear how her tone of voice had been sharp enough to cut through the stone around them the last time she had seen the princess.
Mumbling the words she had practiced during the last few minutes to herself one last time, Midna reached out for the keys. It was better to just get it over with. Much like when she stood on the handrail of her ship, waiting for the moment where the brigantine would be in the perfect position for the eminent attack, waiting would only make her even more nervous, and with how her heart was already beating against her ribs with a nervous energy she could not quite recognise, it seemed to be the last thing she needed. So, trying to focus on nothing but the click of the key turning, Midna opened the door and stepped into the room.
Her arrival made the princess turn her head towards the sound. For a moment, Zelda almost seemed like she could not believe that she was there, her eyebrows pulled together, forming a little crease, but then she pushed herself off her bed and stepped over towards her, a wary smile already tucking at her lips. "Is it already time for dinner?" she asked, her eyes having already found the answer in how the only things in Midna's arms were the carefully folded articles of clothing.
"No." Midna could hear how she let the word trail off, making it sound too much like a question for her to be entirely comfortable. Clearing her throat, she tried to remind herself of the fact that, whether Zelda liked it or not, she was doing her a favour by bringing her something else to wear. Even though the only light that was able to reach the room was the last rays of the sun coming in through the gates of the hangar, it was still apparent how Zelda's dress was no longer the pristine gown it had been back when she had first found her, the colour seeming a little duller, something Midna knew was not only due to the lack of light. "I just thought that you might like to change into something a little cleaner than that dress," she mumbled as she threw the pile over towards her, the princess only barely having time to catch it. Turning her head away, trying her best to look at anything other than the confused look in her eyes as she looked down at the clothes, Midna continued, "we do not exactly have the resources to take care of your dress, so if you could wear something that can be cleaned in the river, it would make both of your lives that much easier. Of course, I know that this might not exactly be the kind of quality you are used to, Princess, but I figured that, if nothing else, you would at least have the chance to change into something else when your dress there begins to itch too much for you to continue to wear it." with a shrug that she already knew looked too rehearsed, not at all the careless gesture she had wanted it to be, Midna turned around and began to head over towards the door.
She had not even got a single step closer when Zelda seemed to regain the ability to speak.
"Wait!" she called out, making Midna spin around to look at her. The look she sent her must have been enough for her to realise how it had sounded almost like an order, for it seemed that the princess at least had the decency to pretend to be sorry, holding the clothes close to her as she avoided meeting her gaze. "It is just… thank you. For everything, I mean. Thank you for letting me stay rather than sending me back home the moment you found me aboard your ship."
Lips curling up into a smile that already felt fake long before she had even got the chance to say anything, Midna shook her head at her. "Well, it is not like you gave me the chance to send you back, not with how you were able to hide for long enough to make it so that trying to send you back would at the very least give away the general direction of our base despite how your choice of hiding place left much to be desired. As for the clothes, don't thank me. It was Ilia who brought up the fact that we would have to supply you with something to change into if we did not want for the stench of a dirty dress to fill the entirety of our base, much like how it was her who decided to give you some of her old things." she was not sure where the lie had come from, why it felt so much easier to claim that the waistcoat and the trousers that would surely have made Ilia look like she was drowning in fabric if she had put them on considering how Midna was at least a head taller than her did not belong to her instead of accepting the compliment, but right then, Midna was not exactly in the mood to begin to question it, trying to focus on anything other than the matter of whether or not clothes would even fit the princess. After all, if she were to fall over due to the trouser legs being too long for her, it was not Midna's fault, nor was it her problem, so with a flippant gesture, she huffed, hoping that it would be enough to show how little she cared. "Feel free to continue wearing your dress if you prefer that. I don't really care what you do, but now you will at least have the option to change into something else."
"No, I—" Zelda interrupted herself, seemingly biting back the last half of the sentence. Midna tried to tell herself that she did not care, that she did not have to bite her lip to make sure she did not ask her what she had been about to say, keeping herself quiet as the princess smiled at her, the expression making her look entirely out of place against the backdrop of the dusty room, "this is perfect. Will you tell Ilia that I am grateful for this? I know that she did not have to do this and that she must not have had that much to begin with, so I really am thankful for how she thought of me."
Midna could hear her voice grow sharper as she took a step forward, her shoulders already rising up slightly. "Don't assume that we are doing this for you or try to fool yourself into thinking that this," a nod towards the clothes brought them both back to the issue in front of them, "was some great sacrifice for her. We are not suffering; we have everything we could ever want. Did you never listen when your father would tell you about how we attack merchants, or are you simply unable to remember anything? If we need clothes, we steal it. Ilia is not going to miss any of this."
For a split second, Midna thought that Zelda was going to argue with her, would try to tell her what Midna already knew, that, even with all of their attacks, they had never stolen any clothes other than what they truly needed, but at the last moment, Zelda nodded, looking away from Midna and her silent challenge for her to try to disagree with her again.
"Of course," the princess mumbled, "I am sorry, I didn't think about it. I know that you have more than enough already, but still… thank you for bringing me this—will you tell Ilia that? Will you tell her what I said, that I am grateful?"
She opened her mouth, only to find that she could not force out the words. Coughing under her breath and hoping that Zelda had not noticed it, Midna shrugged. "I will make sure that she hears about it, but just to make sure that you understand this, I can tell you right now that she is not going to care about your gratitude. We are pirates, we are against the monarchy—I can promise you that no one here cares about what some princess thinks. You are not at court anymore. Here, people do not exist solely to try to please you, hoping that gaining your favour will be all it takes to climb to the top."
The wry smile Zelda sent her took her by surprise, but at the last moment, Midna was able to put on a blank expression, just in time for Zelda to let out a soft chuckle. "I think I have already learnt that. This might be the first time I have ever tried to talk with someone who did not seem like she would be willing to betray everyone around her if she thought that it would be what it would take to make me put in a good word for her the next time my father would summon me. It is freeing, really, to know that I don't have to question everything you do, trying to figure out what you think about me."
Was that really what she thought? Studying Zelda's face, trying to look for a sign that she was lying, Midna was forced to admit that it seemed to really be the case. Immediately, the time she had spent inside her cabin, trying to fold the clothes, making sure that she would be able to give them to the princess with an air of not caring at all, felt like a waste of time. All this time, all the visits, and she had found the fact that Midna did not attempt to hide the fact that she did not like her or anything she represented a nice change.
As much as she tried not to let the princess' words get to her, Midna could not help but wonder just what life inside the castle had been like. Although it was easy for her to brush aside the comment as yet another piece of evidence that the princess really was not fit for the life they lead inside the base, just another sign that she struggled to understand how the monarchy had never been established to protect the people, there had been something in her eyes that stopped Midna from letting the harsh reply bring an end to the silence between them.
Finally, just as Midna found herself with no other choice but to reach up to run her fingers through her hair, hoping that it would be enough to hide her reaction to Zelda's words, the princess moved away from her. Sitting down on the bed, placing the pile next to her on the mattress, she almost looked more at home in the tiny room than Midna had ever been able to pretend to be, even with all the years she had spent living in the lonely realm that was the ship.
"Well, no matter what," the princess closed her eyes for a moment, shaking her head, "will you tell Ilia that? That I appreciate her thinking about me, I mean?"
Midna found herself answering without thinking about the words. "I don't think there is any need for me to tell her. I am certain she already knows about it." immediately, she could have hit herself. Why could she not just think about what she was saying, keeping herself from embarrassing herself at every chance? But of course, letting it show how she would gladly have grabbed her words out of the air had it only been possible for her to take them back, make them unsaid, would only make it all worse, perhaps even making it so that Zelda would be able to guess the true origin of the waistcoat she had lifted from the pile, holding it up in the air to inspect it, so Midna only tightened her grip around the bunch of keys, hoping that Zelda would not notice her knuckles turning white. "Is there anything missing?"
"No." perhaps realising that inspecting the clothes she had just been given had not been the smartest thing to do, Zelda placed the waistcoat back down next to her on the bed, an embarrassed look passing over her face. "It is perfect. Thank you."
Already, Midna could tell that she was lying. She did not even have to look at the way Zelda was not able to hide the quick look she sent the clothes to know that. The fact that she was taller than her was enough to let her know that the clothes, although surely preferable to being forced to stay in the same dirty dress, would be much too large for her. But now she had at least asked, so no one could blame her for that.
Taking a step backwards, Midna found herself back in the hallway, and although it did not stop her from being able to look at Zelda, to see how the faint crease between her brows had returned, simply knowing that she was no longer in the room was enough to let her heartrate slow down a little.
"Are you not going to lock the door?"
It was not until Zelda gestured towards the keys in her hand that Midna realised how she had been about to walk away, leaving the door open behind her.
"I—" she reached out towards the door handle, reminding herself that it was better this way, she could close the door behind her and leave the conversation and the thankyous behind. However, for some reason, Midna found that she could not bring herself to close her hand around the cold metal, instead standing there, frozen for a moment, before turning around to face the princess again, "actually, with how you seem almost more scared of us sending you home than anything else, we decided that it would be a waste of our time to keep you here. I have other things to do than bringing you your meals, so from this moment on, you can get them yourself."
"Wait, are you telling me that—"
"You are free to go wherever you may please as long as you do not leave this base and do not keep anyone from completing their missions." the words came to her almost without her having to think about it. "I can trust you enough to let you do that, can't I?"
"Yes, of course. But, it's just," Zelda tilted her head to the side, "why?"
Midna lifted an eyebrow, trying her best to push back the feeling that she had made a mistake. It was too late for her to turn back now, to say that she had not meant it and slam the door after her. "Why what?"
"I don't understand why you have suddenly decided to let me leave this room. Don't get me wrong, I am not ungrateful, but it just seems like it is a big risk for you to let me just walk around inside your base."
She was not wrong. Already, Midna could hear the excuses she would have to make to explain her decision, how even Rusl would most likely try to question the choice she had made. Once again, the sneaking suspicion that her impulsive decision was going to lead to her having to attend yet another meeting, this time to give everyone a chance to send her looks that would so clearly state how their past was the only thing keeping them from outright telling her that they did not support the idea of Zelda being able to leave the room and finding out even more about them and the location of the fortress, made itself heard above all other thoughts, loud and demanding to be heard.
But, forcing herself to let that issue rest for a moment, Midna lifted the bunch of keys, letting them rattle in front of her face to make sure they caught the princess' attention. "If you would prefer to stay in here, I can also lock the door after me; that will really not be an issue," she said, "I just thought that you, with your need for freedom, would appreciate it."
"I do!" Zelda almost tripped over the word, pushing herself off the bed. As the mattress dipped for a moment, Midna saw how the clothes came dangerously close to falling to the floor, but by then, Zelda was standing up, the waistcoat barely remaining on the bed. While Midna was not sure she had been able to conceal the little jerky motion of her hand instantly reaching out to stop the fabric from hitting the floor, at least Zelda did not look back at it, instead keeping her hands at her sides, clenching her fists as she added. "I was just a bit… surprised. That is all."
"Well, in that case, may I suggest that you do not immediately head out to explore the entire base? With the sheer size of this complex, I think it would only lead to you getting overwhelmed and lost, and let me tell you right now that I do not want to have to come to rescue you."
"I don't think that will be an issue. I am used to navigating Hyrule Castle, you know."
Staring at her, Midna tried her best to gauge whether or not she had meant it as an insult, the little reminder that, no matter how nonthreatening she could act, no matter how good she was at pretending to be willing to remain where she was if that was the order she was given, Zelda was still the princess of Hyrule. In the end, she found that Zelda's eyes did not reveal the answer, so, sticking out her chin, Midna shoved the keys back into her pocket. "Good for you, for you are going to need it."
She was not sure if she was disappointed that, despite how she now had the opportunity to do so, Zelda did not follow her as she went back up the stairs to stand on the deck. The more Midna tried not to think about it, the more the question refused to leave her, continuing to interrupt her thoughts, reminding her of its presence.
It had been a mistake to not lock the door, she knew that, but much like she had been the one to bring herself into a situation where she had to bring the princess her meals, Midna was forced to admit that it was her fault, something she would not have to get used to.
As she let out a sigh, she was not even able to find comfort in the way she had at least been able to storm away from the princess.
Having told Zelda to take care of her meals herself had the effect that Midna no longer had any reason for finding herself passing by her room those three times a day. And yet, she continued to do so, almost like she was not fully in charge of where her feet took her. The first time it had happened, when she had been busy thinking about whether it would be wasteful to head over to the larder to find a bit of honey for the sore throat she had been nursing for the last couple of days, only to find herself frozen halfway through the motion of reaching out to open the door to the princess' room, she had been somewhat able to convince herself that it was just the effect of having spent those last few days being the one to bring her her food, but as it continued, Midna realised that she would have to do more if she wanted to take her mind off the question of just what the princess was doing all day.
The first time in weeks Midna brushed the bedsheet to the side to walk over to Epona, she had to pause for a moment to simply take in the sheer size of the sails as she looked at them, almost making it so that she did not pay attention to the fact that they were really just a combination of old bedsheets and the sturdiest fabrics they had been able to take during their missions, now bundled up, lying on the deck of the ship, everything about it making it look like Midna would have been able to get it into the air in a matter of hours. But she had not come here to marvel at the fact that, even now, with their limited resources, Ilia still seemed to be able to build a ship that might be able to fly, so, swallowing the impressed sound that had otherwise been about to disturb the sound of metal clattering, Midna continued around the hull.
Just as she had expected, Ilia was sitting in her usual spot, leaning in over what looked like a complicated drawing detailing the exact mechanic of the steam engine she was trying to assemble. That, Midna had grown used to over the years. What caused her to take a step backwards, having to spend a moment simply trying to figure out whether or not she would be able to turn around and sprint away before any of them would look up and spot her, was the fact that Zelda was sitting right next to her, handing the metal pipe to Ilia as she mumbled something to her, Ilia responding by sending giving her a low chuckle before turning her attention back towards the task in front of her.
But although Midna tried her best to back away without making any noise, she must not have been able to stay as quiet as she had hoped to be, for the next moment, Ilia had looked up from her work, a smile already on her face as she saw her.
"Midna!" pushing herself off the ground, a spring to her step that Midna could not remember having seen for weeks, Ilia went over to take her hand, stopping her from turning around and running away. "I was actually just thinking about going to look for you to get a chance to talk with you."
Leaning to the side slightly, Midna could see how Zelda shot the back of Ilia's head a confused look. Clearly, that had been a lie. She had not been about to go look for her. Not that she could blame Ilia. With how Midna had left the infirmary after her conversation with Link, it would not surprise her if he had told Ilia everything the moment she had woken up. Truly, the question now was whether he had also told Ilia about their conversation in the corridor, or if Midna would have to prepare herself for Ilia trying to explain to her how she was not planning to leave her, trying her best to pretend that it would not have been completely understandable, natural even, for her to want to leave the base. After all, Midna was not blind to the fact that, no matter what she did, it seemed that the people around her had a habit of deciding that they had some kind of obligation towards Hyrule, believing themselves capable of succeeding despite the way everyone who had tried to attack the king before them had failed. The fact that Zelda was sitting here with her, the two of them seemingly able to work together in a way Midna would never be able to imitate, only served to prove how, even if Link might have been able to convince Ilia to stay for a little longer, before long, she would leave, either to try to live in one of the nearby villages or—and despite how Midna hoped that it would not be the case, she knew that it was the most plausible of them—to lead an attack on the king. With how it looked like the princess did not feel out of place sitting there, Midna would be willing to bet that this was where she had gone for the last week, giving her plenty of time to try to make everyone else believe in her naïve ideas of how the world should be, hoping to steal what little family Midna had been able to find for herself away from her.
But as Ilia pulled her into a hug, Midna could not find the strength to begin the discussion that would no doubt follow is she were to tell Zelda that she would not tolerate her warm smiles and naïve idealism for another second, instead trying to focus on the fact that, right now, Ilia was still safe within the base. It was inevitable that she would leave after all, so what was the point in trying to convince her to stay?
"I see that you are making progress on Epona," Midna commented as Ilia let go of her, stepping back just enough to keep her from having to lean back to look up at her, "and here I thought that it was going to be at least another year before we would be able to get her up above the clouds. Do you think we should plan for the maiden voyage to take place tomorrow?"
"You might be giving me a bit too much credit here," Ilia laughed, "I have only just begun to work on the engine itself. Come, look." crouching down next to the scattered pieces of paper again, Ilia tapped at a spot on the drawing, "I have only just begun to figure out how to keep it in the air. Right now, I think I have all the parts I will need, but there is still the slight issue of making sure that it will not fall right out of the sky the moment the alternating patterns of warm steam and cold water begins to effect the metal."
"Yes, if you can make sure we will not die while aboard the ship, then I think everyone here would be grateful." as she spoke, Midna did not miss how Ilia made space for her to sit down between herself and the princess. Making sure that both of them noticed how she sat down on the opposite side of Ilia should have felt nice, a way to show Zelda that although she might have the patience to listen to Ilia's talk about the ship, it did not mean that she was one of them, but as she saw how Ilia and Zelda exchanged a quick series of looks, the silent conversation seemingly coming to an end as Zelda shook her head, the gesture barely noticeable, Midna only felt strangely hollow inside.
"Yeah, I will try my best," Ilia said, and although the laughter that followed had clearly been intended to make the mood lighter, it had the opposite effect, making Midna even more aware of how Ilia did not move to return to her work, instead continuing, "there is just the little issue of how I don't exactly have the opportunity of testing any of this while I build the ship, so we will just have to hope for the best. Or, well, I do have Zelda to help me, so at least we are two to catch any mistakes I might make now."
"Oh, really?" despite how Midna knew that Ilia had meant it as a way to assure her that everything was fine, that the princess really was there to help, it only made the annoyance flare up again. Here she was, having gone to look for Ilia, willing to apologise for her anger if that was what it would take for her not to leave, and then Zelda was already sitting here next to her, busy trying to get close to Midna's friend, making her believe her foolish ideas of how they would be able to stand a chance against Ganondorf's army simply by being convinced that they were right, that they had some mythical sense of justice on their side. "Tell me, what exactly can some sheltered princess help you with, Ilia?" the question might have been directed towards Ilia, but as she stared over at Zelda, Midna knew that she had not left any doubts about whom it really had been meant for.
Clearing her throat, Zelda mumbled a reply, appearing to be doing her best to look anywhere other than at Midna's face as she spoke. "I might not know much about the process of constructing the engine itself, but I can help Ilia with the physics and calculations behind it." she pointed towards something to her right, and as Midna followed the line her finger drew, she could see how the piece of paper the princess pushed towards her the next moment was almost completely covered in neat rows and columns of numbers and letters.
"Zelda actually caught a mistake that I had not been able to spot myself," Ilia interjected, and had it not been for how she was too busy trying to make sense of all of the equations that decorated the paper, bleeding together to form one large mass of undecipherable text, Midna was sure she would have felt more hurt at the betrayal that Ilia siding with Zelda rather than her was, but for now, trying to work out how the numbers were somehow supposed to allow the ship to support them was enough work for her to not have any room left for worrying about how the time she had spent here would no doubt have provided Zelda with plenty of opportunities to convince Ilia to abandon the goal of trying to stay alive that had united everyone for so long to instead risk her life for an impossible dream, allowing Ilia to continue without interruptions, "I had not realised that I had forgot to take the weight of the engine itself into account."
"I see." Midna looked up from the numbers. "And just how did the princess here suddenly become the expert on the art of naval construction?"
"You know, I did not just spend my days strolling through meadows and singing with the birds around me." the unexpected edge to Zelda's words was enough to momentarily render Midna speechless, bringing an end to anything she might have said in an attempt at interrupting her. "Knowing how the ship you are on works can be the difference between life and death, should an emergency arise, so Ashei made sure that I knew the basics. Other than that, it is just a question of applying my knowledge about the world around us to it, splitting it up into a series of simpler questions that you can find the answer to with a bit of work. Seeing as you seem to have grown up aboard your ship, you should be aware of that as well."
Ilia must have sensed how the temperature around them dropped a couple of degrees, the barely hidden insult making Midna take a step closer to the princess, for she was quick to interrupt them, clapping once to get their attention. "Well, no matter what, Midna I never actually got to talk with you about… well…" she nodded towards the ship in front of her, and at once, Midna had already guessed how the sentence would end, "about what you and Link discussed back in the infirmary."
Sending Zelda a dirty look and hoping that it was enough to let the princess know that she was aware of how it was no doubt her presence that had made Ilia decide to bring up the issue again, Midna turned back towards Ilia. "It is all right; I know that life here is not exactly exciting." seeing how Ilia opened her mouth, no doubt to try to tell her that that was not the case, Midna held up her hand. "Really, I do. You don't have to explain it to me, just please promise me that you will at least say goodbye before you and Link leave, will you?"
But to her surprise, Ilia laughed as she shook her head. "I am not going anywhere, not right now at least." putting on a grave face, Ilia took her hands. "I meant what I said when I first began to plan the construction of Epona—this ship is not meant as a way for me to abandon you and the rest of this base. If it was, I would have been honest about it. And since you mentioned Link, let me just tell you that he almost managed to be even more worried than you are right now that I was going to leave, so there is no reason for you to worry about that either."
"I know that Link isn't going to leave; he already told me." as much as she tried to sound annoyed, Midna was not able to keep the relief from seeping into her voice, into her body. "But I thought that, you know, considering how you did not seem to mind me avoiding you and how the two of you," she gestured towards Zelda, "seem to have spent quite a lot of time discussing this ship, that you would leave in the end no matter what."
"Wait," Ilia glanced back and forth between Midna and the princess, looking more and more confused with each passing second, "you thought that she was trying to convince me to leave, that that was why she was sitting here?"
"Yeah, I mean, what other reasons would she have for trying to help you with the ship? She will need a way to fool herself into thinking that we have the option of leaving the base without it being something we have to have planned for days in advance if she wants to continue pretending that we are some kind of secret rebel base, founded with the goal of fighting injustice."
The sound that left Zelda sounded more like she had just accused her of something terrible rather than merely voicing her opinion on the logical conclusion she had reached after considering all the time she had spent listening to Zelda's ideas about how they should overthrow the king. "I wasn't trying to convince her to leave."
"Sure, just like you were not trying to tell me how we should give our lives for some miniscule chance that we might be able to regain control over the Twilight Realm." Midna rolled her eyes. "I know that you think you are doing what is right, but it will only lead to the deaths of everyone involved."
"No," Zelda said, and with how she hurried over towards her, having to pull the trouser legs up a bit to avoid tripping over the excess fabric, Midna might almost have believed that she cared about convincing her how that was not what had happened, that she had not spent the past week here, trying to tell Ilia the exact same things she had said to her every time she had got the chance, "I really wasn't." grabbing her hands, Zelda leant in towards her, and somehow, the combination seemed to be what it took to momentarily make Midna lose the ability to speak, for she was able to continue. "I know that you don't like me and that you don't trust me, but I am not trying to convince anyone to leave, not when you have made it clear that you do not want me to."
Swallowing, Midna resisted the urge to look away. "I never told you not to do that. At least not directly."
"Perhaps you didn't, but it wasn't exactly needed for you to tell me that you would not appreciate me walking around here and trying to make the people around you leave." Zelda sent her a tiny grin, though it disappeared moments later as Midna did not return the gesture. "I—I can see that you are scared that they will leave, so I would never try to convince them to do so. I swear that I would never do that to you."
Midna withdrew her hands like Zelda's touch had burnt her skin. "Make sure it stays that way," she hissed, before turning to look at Ilia, "and tell me if you need anything. It really is not a bother."
She did not catch the answer to her outburst if there had even been, having already turned around to hurry away. The improvised wall the bedsheet played the role of helped a bit, making her feel like she was putting more distance between herself and the ship than what she knew to be the case, but for some reason, although she knew that if she were to turn around, she would see that she had not moved to follow her, Midna could not shake the feeling that Zelda, Zelda and all her claims that she understood her, was still with her as she returned to her cabin.
Her hands shook, making Midna struggle with locking the door behind her, but at last, she was able to climb onto her bed and hide beneath the quilts. It was easier that way.
"Midna, I was actually just looking for you."
Only the fact that she could recognise Rusl's voice kept Midna from simply continuing walking towards the dining hall.
Turning around, she had already painted a smile onto her face, and with how the first thing she noticed about Rusl was the fact that he was failing to hide his worry, it seemed to have been a wise decision. "Well," she said, making sure that the hint of a chuckle was clear in her voice, "you have found me. Did you want to talk with me about something?"
At least Rusl was quick to admit the real reason for stopping her in the middle of the corridor, giving her a quick nod. "Yes. I was just wondering if it is true that you were the one to grant the princess permission to leave her room. I have heard quite a few conflicting stories, but with how the princess seems to have taken a liking to working on Epona, I fear that Ilia would yell at me if I interrupted them to ask her."
Lifting an eyebrow, Midna tried to decide how much truth there was to his explanation. Had it been anyone but Rusl, the only response the question would have earned would have been a shrug, but as she looked at him, Midna already knew that he deserved more than that, the truth coming to fill the air between almost without her being aware of how she was talking. "Yes, I was the one to make that decision and I will accept the responsibility for it. But that was not the reason you wanted to talk to me now, was it?"
"It is impossible to keep secrets from you." Rusl laughed, though he soon shook his head, letting his voice drop to a whisper. Already before he turned to look at the hallway around them, Midna knew that he did not want for anyone to overhear their conversation as he continued. "What do you think about her? For her to walk around the base, it is quite the risk, as I am sure that Jaggle has already informed you of, so I am sure that you must have had your reasons for making that decision."
Midna closed her eyes, trying her best to remind herself that, despite how it sounded a little too much like a thinly veiled attempt at telling her that she was making a mistake, that he was doubting the decision, Rusl would have told her that directly if it was really what he thought. "I don't trust her at all," she finally said, "she is naïve and unable to understand the world around her."
"She is young. I remember when I was her age; I also thought that I was going to change the world for the better."
"We are the same age, and you don't see me trying to tell the Hyrulean soldiers that they are wrong, fully believing that I am going to change their mind that way." Midna took a deep breath, trying her best to remind herself that she was talking with Rusl, not Jaggle, Zelda, or even Link and Ilia. Rusl. "I am sorry, but it is just… either she really is blind to the world around her or there is something she is not telling me. And I don't know what would be worse." she looked at Rusl, halfway expecting him to agree with her. After all, after having spent so many hours sitting around the table in the unofficial meeting room, Midna was fairly confident that she was able to predict what he would say, and right now, considering everything they had seen, the only response she could imagine was that of him agreeing with her.
However, that was not what happened. Rather than nodding, Rusl simply tapped a finger against his chin, sending her a long look. "Are you sure that you can't trust her?" he finally asked. "Because I must admit that I don't see a reason not to."
Midna would have liked to say that she was able to list the arguments for why she was right, that she simply stepped forwards and began to explain to him why beginning to trust Zelda and her reasoning for willingly boarding a ship belonging to what she perceived to be a group of pirates would be their downfall, but the words did not leave her mouth, remaining stuck inside her throat. "I—" she mumbled, having to cough twice before she was able to continue, "look, all I am saying is that no matter how quickly she might have been able to charm Ilia into letting her help with Epona, she is still the princess. She is second in line to the throne, and no matter how she acts right now, I refuse to believe that she was not raised by tutors loyal to Ganondorf and Ganondorf alone. Either she is a better actress than we think and currently here to collect information about us, or her father had planned this, using her as a piece in his game so that he would be able to find both her and us all at once. We can try our best not to give him any more ammunition against us and let her walk around as she pleases, but I will never trust her with even a task as simple as pulling up the rope ladder."
"And what if she really did tell the truth?" Rusl asked. "What if she really is just trying to learn more? What if she believed that we were rebels? It would mean that she might very well be willing to work with us against her father. Do you have any idea about how valuable she would be in the fight against him if that is the case? Besides, you argued for letting her stay here at the meeting, so, surely, some part of you must have believed her."
And just like that, Midna could feel her arguments fall apart as Rusl with that simple reminder managed to cut to the core of the issue. Zelda was here now and even if Midna had wanted to, sending her away was not an option. Still, that did not mean that she had to like her, it did not mean that she had to act like she was not aware of how Zelda would pretend to be on her side, asking questions, apologising, acting almost like she wanted to get close to her, only to continuously remind her of just why she could not trust anyone from the castle each time she brought up the subject of a possible rebellion.
She could feel how she was becoming defensive, crossing her arms in front of her as she tried her best not to let her voice tremble. "Why are you defending her?"
Rusl blinked once. Twice. Then he answered. "Because I believe that she might be our biggest chance of surviving." he must have caught onto the flash of panic in her eyes, the way she was not able to hide how the thought of him possibly having plans to leave, that he might have been among the people Link had referred to when he had claimed that some of the residents might leave if she did not give them any hope that they might eventually be free again, for he reached out, placing a hand on her arm. She had not noticed she was shaking until that moment. "Calm down, I am not thinking about leaving at all. But, Midna, I know that you are aware of the fact that we cannot stay here forever. This might have been an ancient Twilight base, but sooner or later, Ganondorf is bound to notice it, and by then, I would prefer for us not to be here anymore. Already, the patrols seem to have become a bit more professional, a bit more purposeful, and if we do not have anywhere to flee to, we will be lucky to survive a week up in the air should they find us."
As much as Midna tried not to think about it, she knew that he was right. The patrols had become larger and more frequent, the increase in the amount of soldiers passing through the forests around the mountains at first having been small enough for her to disregard it, but if Rusl had noticed it as well, Midna had to admit that the whispers she had heard about the issue were not just the result of Jaggle having stayed out for longer than he should have in an attempt at securing their food supply for the winter. And if it came to them having to flee, Midna was not as optimistic as Rusl when it came to assessing their chances. Though the ship might have been the crown jewel in the fleet of the royal family of the Twilight Realm, she doubted it would be able to keep them all alive for more than a few days if they would ever be in a situation where it would be their only home.
"What do you suggest we should do then?" the question came out more as a desperate plea for help instead of a continuation of the calm conversation Midna had wanted for it to be.
"I think we should focus on the princess. If she speaks out against her father, if she voices support for us, perhaps we could turn the citizens of Hyrule against him. That way, the army that would rise up to fight back against him would not only consist of the few rebels who escaped from Hyrule and the refugees from the Twilight Realm—we would have the people of Hyrule with us as well. It could make the difference, I truly believe it could."
"Or we could die. Do you really think that after everything he has done, Ganondorf would not be willing to sacrifice his daughter if that was what staying in power would take?" Midna shook her head. "You and I have both seen first-hand what he does to those who are foolish enough to openly oppose him. Zelda would be no different, and that is assuming that she would ever be able to put action behind all of her pretty words about being righteous and heroic, but let's just, for the sake of the argument, pretend that we could convince her to give up everything and go against her father. Now, what would happen next? Let me give you the answer to that question: she would die. The king would arrange for her to meet her demise and then announce that we had brainwashed his daughter, that we were the ones to kill her when she refused to cooperate. No matter what, it would result in our death. Are you really prepared to let Zelda die for the tiny chance of it being able to change something? Are you prepared to die for your ideals?"
"Yes." the amount of conviction in Rusl's answer was almost enough to make Midna take a step back, but somehow, she was able to stand still, remaining silent as Rusl continued. "Yes, if there was even the slightest chance that the plan could work, I would give my life for it in a heartbeat."
Midna could not tell how much time passed, the two of them simply looking at each other, but when she finally found her answer, brushing Rusl's hand away and making herself cold, she could have sworn that he had become an entirely different person, someone she could no longer recognise. "In that case, I think you should go talk with the princess. It would appear that you two have a lot in common."
"Midna, I—"
"No," backing away, Midna shook her head at how Rusl had been about to pull her into an embrace, "if you want to die for nothing, I can't stop you, but I will not let you convince me that we have a chance. Go through with that plan, and you are going to become another name on the list of people who have tried and died for a dream that they could never achieve. I thought that you of all people knew what our situation is; I thought that you would be able to understand me."
"And I do. Midna, you are not the one who doesn't understand—"
"I do understand! I am listening to you and you are telling me that you think we should become the rebels the princess thought we were! Well, you might want to become that, but I don't. Don't try to talk with me; if you really are about to throw your life away for nothing, I would prefer not to have to mourn for you."
Finally, it seemed that Rusl had understood. But although Midna tried her best to avoid it, she still caught a glimpse of his face, the way he seemed like he was seconds away from crying. Or perhaps it was Midna projecting onto him. As she felt the tears press against her resolve not to let anyone see her cry and risk that they decided that she was too weak for them to believe that the base was safe, Midna would not have been surprised if that had been the case. It was ridiculous, this should not have hurt more than having Jaggle throw the title of princess at her, but although Midna tried to deny it, she knew the exact reason for why this felt more like a betrayal than having Jaggle tell her he did not trust her had done.
Perhaps she could talk with Uli about it. Or Link. But while she would have loved to be able to share her fear of waking up one day to find that everyone was gone with someone, Midna could already tell what their reaction would be. And as much as she would have liked for someone to try to comfort her, the last thing she wanted right now was for Link to try to lie to her to make her believe that everything was going to be all right. Then, she would rather add the conversation to the chest inside her mind. She had become rather good at doing that, so what was one memory more when compared to that?
Midna knew that it was not a good idea but the freeing feeling of telling herself that she would try to handle it later—tomorrow, once she had made it through the winter, next year; she was not sure, only that it would have to be later—was almost enough for her to be able to forget about how she had missed dinner as she lay down in her bed, trying to find a moment of peace in her dreams.