As Midna stood in the corner of the hangar, looking towards where Colin, Beth, and Talo seemed to have invented their own game, no matter how many times she tried to shake her head, forcing herself to think about something else, she could not help but return to both the conversation with Link and the discussion with Rusl. It simply kept coming back to her, constantly making itself heard like the pipe that had burst, making the sound of metallic screeching echo through the ship for months until Ilia had been able to locate the issue.
Midna could feel how her gaze wandered from the children over to the bedsheet. If only she were able to go to Ilia and ask her to fix this. Rationally, she knew that she could at the very least get the chance to talk with her for a moment if she did so, but Midna only had to think back to how Ilia had seemingly only needed a week to completely forget about the princess' connection to the king to know that she would only be met with a blank gaze and the choice of either covering her ears or having to listen to Ilia tell her that she agreed with Rusl. And if that was the case, Midna would rather remain alone, fretting over the fact that it seemed like she had misjudged everyone around her.
In hindsight, Midna could have told herself that of course they were not going to understand her. Of course there would still be some part of them that would cling onto the memory of Ordon Village, convincing them that if Ganondorf would disappear, then the village would return, the buildings repairing themselves. And although Midna would have loved to be able to dismiss that kind of hope as childish, she would have lied if she had tried to claim that she did not feel a little pang of jealousy each time Ilia would try to tell her about what the village had once looked like. To Midna, Ordon Village might as well not have existed before the moment where the column of smoke and the orange colour of the fire that had moved on to consume the surrounding forest had made her and Link take a risk and fly so close to the ground that they could see the ruins of the village, but it was clear that in Ilia's head, Ordon was still hidden there somewhere, waiting for its residents to return home. However, even the ability to tell herself that it should perhaps not have been that big of a surprise for her to hear that Rusl was apparently thinking about going home did not do much to help ease the sinking feeling that this was how it would be for the rest of her life, finding a new family, only to then immediately lose it again the moment she stopped clinging onto it all the time.
"They look like they are having fun, don't they?"
The question took her by surprise, almost enough to make her let out a tiny, shocked yelp, but at the last moment, Midna managed to regain control, instead turning around to look over at Link.
As he stood there, shifting his weight from side to side, Midna could almost believe that he had just so happened to pass by the remote corner of the hangar, that the fact that he was now standing here next to her, not showing any signs of being about to leave any time soon was just a coincidence. But as he turned to look at her, Midna already knew how that was not the case at all.
Still, if Link wanted to play the game of trying to make the other one mention the unspoken issue between them, then Midna would make sure to win it., so, redirecting her attention towards the spot where Colin had almost tripped over a slight indent in the floor, Beth catching him by the arm before he hit the stones below, she made sure that her voice did not give away anything. "They do. Do you remember if we ever got the chance to play like this? Because I don't have any memory of it, no matter how much I try to recall even just the faintest idea of having ever played like this. Maybe we were just both a bit too busy trying to survive and to not be caught by the guards to find time to invent games. Oh well, that is the joys of growing up within a secure military fortress, I suppose."
Link gave in immediately, but as he let out a sigh, Midna could not help but feel a bit disappointed that that was all it had taken. Where were the times where they could have done this for days, both of them being too stubborn to admit that they were fighting, only for Link to always give up first in the end?
"All right, I didn't come here to talk about the game they were playing," Link admitted, Midna making sure that she did not blurt out the 'yeah, I had guessed that already' that had otherwise been waiting for her to point out the obvious as he shook his head, "I mean, I wish I was, but I really am not." the look she sent him must have conveyed exactly how little Midna was in the mood for having to wait for Link to make excuses, for, rubbing the back of his head, Link continued. "I just talked with Uli and I am not telling you this to make you worry, but she is beginning to look a bit fearful every time I mention food."
"Why? She seemed so confident that we would be able to make it through the winter the last time I spoke to her," Midna said, but already, she knew that a lot could have changed since that meeting. A single glance at the almost finished ship that not even the bedsheets were able to hide from her was enough to confirm that.
"Yes, but, Midna, she had to throw out another sack of potatoes just yesterday, and we did not exactly have a lot of food to begin with—and if you are thinking about suggesting that we go out into the forest to gather more food, don't bother; I already said that, but she seems to think that it will be too dangerous for us now, something about Rusl barely avoiding being spotted by a patrol the last time he went out."
"I know." Midna swallowed and tried to ignore the familiar feeling of her eyes stinging. The fight had not been her fault, not when she was just trying to keep everyone alive, so she refused to feel bad about it. "I spoke to him just a few days ago, and he said… roughly the same thing."
The silence almost seemed to make time slow down around them. But where Midna might once have decided to interpret it as a victory, now, it only made the ugly feelings inside of her grow, the silence that was only interrupted by the sound of Link dragging the sole of his right boot over the floor giving her plenty of time to begin to question herself. Maybe she had been a bit too quick to lash out at Rusl. When all was said and done, did they not want to achieve the same thing, to make sure that they would survive? Once, Midna would have been able to answer that question in a heartbeat, but after everything that had happened lately, she was not that sure anymore. With how Rusl had seemed a bit too eager back when he had argued in favour of allowing Zelda to stay, the enthusiasm with which he had presented his arguments having appeared to be nothing more than his usual habit of trying to argue against the general consensus at the meetings but now feeling a bit out of place, and the way he was now also arguing that they should convince Zelda to stand with them against her father, Midna could barely recognise the friend she had found in him when she thought about him now. If Link was going down the same path, she had to make sure to change things now, before it would all spiral out of control.
It was that, the little hint of fear that perhaps she had already let her opportunity to act pass by, that made Midna toss aside her pride to be the first to speak. "Look, Link, we are going to make it. We always have, and we are going to continue to do so. I promise you."
"I know." but everything about the way Link said it, the way he would not meet her gaze, how he crossed his arms in front of his chest, told her the exact opposite. "I know we are going to survive. I was just thinking that it would probably be better if I was the one to inform you about the issue."
He began to walk away, but as Midna looked at him, catching a glimpse of the lie in his eyes, she knew that she could not allow the conversation to end now, not like this.
"Wait!" her voice sounded desperate, but Midna supposed that she might also be just that as she reached out, barely managing to grab Link's hand. "Wait, please, I promise you, I am going to take care of this." already as she said it, Midna could hear that it was a lie. What could she really do? Going on another mission might be able to bring them enough food to last the winter, but there was also the risk of one of them falling into the hands of the enemy, and although she would have sacrificed almost anything to be able to ensure that they had enough to eat, that was a line she was not willing to cross. The forest had been able to provide them with berries throughout most of the year, but with the frost having set in weeks ago and the soldiers surely having somehow begun to suspect the presence of someone, they would be lucky to get more than a few hours out there at a time, not nearly enough time to gather anything. Still, Midna knew that she would find a way, even if it required for her to give up her own meals, so, moving her hand to instead give Link's hand a little squeeze, she put on a smile. "I will think of something, I know that. I always have."
For a moment, she was sure that Link would simply leave, but then the tiny smile softened his features. "I know you will. But just… think about it. This is not the first time we struggled with the winter, but I am sure that Uli would agree with me when I say that I don't think it has ever been this bad before."
"I know." a frustrated noise filled the air between them. "But I will handle it. Just give me a moment to think of something—no, first, I need to go take a look at the larder."
As Midna walked away, making sure that the smile she sent Colin when she passed him did not reflect her worries, she could hear how Link said something about how she might want not to do that right then, but she ignored it. Sure, it would not make her feel good to look at the state of their supply, but she had to know.
She had only taken a few steps towards the stairs leading up to the second floor of the complex when the sound of a pebble falling down from above her, missing her by centimetres, made her jerk to the side. Looking up for the source of the stone, Midna felt how her heart first skipped a beat before beating hard against her ribs as she saw Zelda.
Standing on the gangway, it seemed that she had kicked the pebble away from its spot up there while leaning over the handrail. At least she had the decency to look embarrassed that she had just been caught trying to listen in on the conversation, but even the sight of her trying to hide how she blushed slightly, whispering something that was most likely an apology, only for the combination of the wind and the anger that rose as a response to how she had tried to overhear her private conversation to make Midna unable to do more than look at how her mouth moved, did nothing to make Midna feel like forgiving her. This was exactly why she should have refrained from letting her walk around the base, this was the kind of issue she should have been able to predict back then.
But although she could see how Zelda reached out for her, no doubt trying to tell her to come up to her so that she could apologise, Midna simply sent her the coldest glare she could muster. Considering how she felt her hands shake in her pockets, she doubted that she had succeeded in making it seem even the tiniest bit intimidating, but as she spun around to sprint over towards the larder, she could not have cared less. All that mattered was to get away from Zelda and the look of pity in her eyes that she did not deserve. No matter how much Zelda might enjoy lying to herself, trying to convince herself that this was where she belonged, that she was now a part of some kind of secret rebellion, she had no right to come here and throw her pity at them. Midna had survived eighteen years without her, and if she could keep everyone from leaving, she might be able to survive another eighteen years after Zelda would inevitably tire of playing pretend and realise that she had made the biggest mistake of her life when she had boarded their ship, returning home to her life of luxury within the castle. Of course, the scenario still left her with the question of just how they would ever be able to let Zelda leave them again, but, kicking the echo of Fado's voice telling her that it would not be right to keep her there at the base when she had finally woken up to face reality, Midna forced herself not to think about it. The question of just what she should do once she realised that she had thrown her life away would be Zelda's headache, not hers. For now, Midna had plenty to worry about with the question of how she could make their resources last the entire winter almost seeming to repeat with every step she took towards the larder.
After what felt like ages, she finally reached the nondescript door halfway between the set of rooms that had become Ilia and her father's within the first week of the survivors from Ordon having arrived at the base, and although Midna knew that she should not become distracted, the temptation of going over there to get a chance to talk things through with Ilia was almost too strong to resist. In the end, it was only the fact that Ilia would most likely be found in front of Epona rather than in her room that kept Midna from abandoning her mission.
Letting out a tiny sigh and whispering a quick prayer, hoping that Link and Ilia had been right that time they had told her that even if they did not receive what they had asked for, it made them feel a bit braver, Midna entered the larder.
The first thing she noticed was the lack of things on the shelves around her. The last time Midna had gone to the larder it had by no means been full, but even then, the sight of all the empty crates, the rows upon rows of shelves with only a few jars of salted fish and crates of flour and rice to decorate them still made her unable to do anything other than simply standing there, staring at the sight in front of her for a moment. Slowly, she began to understand why Uli had taken it upon herself to take care of the meals, for right then, Midna would have given almost anything to ensure that no one else would have to be confronted with the fact that no matter how many times she tried to change the numbers in the calculations that moved to the front of her mind within seconds of taking in the sight of the empty room, she could not reach a result that was low enough to fit the contents of the larder.
The sensation of someone walking up to her almost seemed to make the air sift around her, but even as someone reached out towards her hand, the years of having fought the soldiers sent to guard the different ships passing through the sky above Hyrule telling her to twirl around, ready to defend herself, Midna remained where she was, for once unable to do much more than to look directly ahead.
"I am sorry about earlier."
Zelda's voice reached her, cutting directly through her thoughts, because of course it was Zelda, who else would have looked at Midna and decided to follow her?
Turning around as slowly as she could, trying to fight the instinct to look at the princess and search for a sign that perhaps, just perhaps, she was able to understand what the almost empty room and the way Midna could not muster up the strength not to let her shoulders slump meant, Midna let out a hollow laugh. "Sorry about what exactly? That you decided to listen in on a private conversation between two friends even though it should have been obvious with how they were standing in the corner that they did not want for anyone to hear what they were saying, or sorry about the fact that we do not have what it will take to get us through winter?"
It seemed that Zelda had already been about to answer, but as Midna spit out the last word, her eyes widened, a look of uncertainty appearing in her eyes. "Are we going to starve?" her voice was high, shrill, completely unlike the calm and collected princess Midna had met inside the royal airship, the person who had stood in front of her and ordered her not to let any harm come to the soldiers aboard the ship. As Zelda looked around at the contents of the larder, Midna could almost see the exact moment where she seemed to realise that the empty shelves were not normal, that there was not some secret trapdoor below them leading to another, more secret room, stacked full of food, a soft sound escaping her. "May Nayru help us."
She should have left her there, simply said that yes, it was bad, and that she hoped she would be ready to go hungry during the last month of winter, leaving Zelda to the same kind of desperation that had begun to almost feel dull after they had begun to move closer and closer to the starvation line with each and every passing year, but for some reason, Midna could not make her body obey her, could not make herself leave her, not when Zelda reached up towards her face, placing her hand above her heart as the other came to rest against her cheek, a thoughtful expression almost making it seem like she truly believed that she could think of a way out of the reality the empty larder reflected.
"No," Midna said, and although she could not understand why—they were not friends, no matter how Zelda might think of herself as a part of some heroic organisation, determined to free everyone—seeing how the colour returned to Zelda's face, her eyes becoming a bit brighter as she spotted a bit of hope, did make her feel a little bit better about the fact that unless she was able to come up with a way to obtain more, more meat, more vegetables, more grains, more food, Midna could not figure out how Uli would ever be able to make everything last until spring, "no, I will not let that happen." slowly, halfway expecting for Zelda to push her away, she reached out to take her hand, brushing her thumb over the back of her hand in what she hoped might be a comforting gesture. "I am going to think of something, don't worry."
And Zelda believed her. Midna could see that in the way she nodded, the gesture completely unlike the reaction she knew her words would have elicited if she had told anyone else the exact same thing. But then again, Zelda also seemed to be the only one within the base who was not at the very least somewhat aware of the fact that Uli did not carefully prepare and measure out their meals simply because she was kind.
Only a few years ago, it had been almost easy to pretend that she might view her as a daughter, but already the first winter they had spent along with the rest of the former residents of Ordon Village, Midna had been forced to realise that Uli's habit of not serving dinner until Midna was standing right there, ready to sit down and eat, was not simply her way of making sure that she would get the chance to talk with her, instead being a way to ensure that they would not waste food on someone who was not able to eat.
Looking at Zelda, as much as Midna would have liked to find out if letting her know what it felt like to realise that what she had assumed was a thoughtful gesture really was a way to try to delay starvation another year would be what it would finally take to force her to abandon the idea of Midna being some kind of hero, she did not have the heart to tell her.
So instead, she stood still, waiting for Zelda to say something, trying to mentally prepare herself for the response. There was no doubt in Midna's mind that it would be some kind of idealistic observation about life, that, or another apology for having tried to convince everyone to leave. But no amount of trying to paint an emotionless expression onto her face, making sure that she would not snap at her no matter what kind of naïve comment Zelda would no doubt make, immediately bringing Midna to her senses again, forcing her to face the truth and realise that Zelda was still a princess, would ever have been enough.
For rather than trying to say something, Zelda pulled her in, moving towards her. It was not until Midna felt how Zelda had thrown her arms around her that she realised how she should have let go of her hand, that she should never have reached out to try to console her by taking her hand in the first place. But no matter how much she did not like the fact that the princess of Hyrule had pulled her into an embrace, no matter how much she wanted to shove Zelda away, to feel her arms disappear from around her, get her hair as far away from her neck as she could, she found that she could not bring herself to do anything other than to stand still.
Maybe Zelda noticed how she never returned the hug. Midna truly could not say what thoughts were going through her head as Zelda finally let go of her, taking a step back to look up at her with a smile she did not return. "Thank you. Really. I—" Zelda leant to the side, shaking her head slightly, and for a moment, as she stood there, dragging the tip of her boots over the floor, there was only the faintest memory of the life of a princess left in her behaviour, "I… thank you. I needed to hear that."
She would not continue to think about her. Not in this way, not as they were standing in the larder that delivered the knowledge that they were going to starve along with the sugary smell of honey. Midna knew that already, but as Zelda's eyes grew shiny and she began to blink madly, before giving in and using the back of her hand to wipe away the tears, she could not help but wonder if she might have been able to understand what it all meant for them if she had told her. With a shrug, Midna made sure to look away from Zelda as she answered. "Well, in that case, let me know about the next time you need me to repeat it."
"I will." Zelda smiled, and for a moment, Midna could almost believe that it could stay like that, that Zelda could simply be yet another person who had been unfortunate enough to be the daughter of a countryman who had happened to live in a village, only to realise too late that Ganondorf had decided that someone in his village had committed a crime that was serious enough to warrant the total destruction of the area, leaving the ruins to remind everybody else that the king would not tolerate those who tried to raise an army to attack their neighbours, while still having enough luck to not have been present during the destruction, leaving her with nowhere to go other than the base.
But, of course, the moment Midna could almost begin to remember having landed the Shadow on a nearby field, having been alerted by the sight of the open wound in the landscape, and finding Zelda in the ruins of her home, she had to remind her of her past. Once more reaching out for Midna's hand, Zelda tilted her head to the side, and simply by looking at her face, Midna already knew that it would be better for her to cut in, to say that she had to leave, that she had promised to go tell Uli about the state of their supply of food, and yet, she could not move, leaving her powerless to do anything other than simply looking at Zelda as she felt the moment of destruction approach.
Zelda must not have noticed the way her shoulders rose upwards, or maybe she simply decided to regard it as a sign that she had to say something as well, for as much as Midna would have liked to pretend that she was doing it deliberately, she could not find even the slightest trace of malice in her voice as she brought an end to her daydreams of a world where they might have been friends, where they might have found an agreement in their shared quest for survival.
"Midna, I… you have opened my eyes to the world around me. I know that you don't like how I tried to tell you that you are a hero, so I will not try to convince you that you are wrong again, but just know that I have been told by more than a few people here that had it not been for you, they would have sent me home the moment they had discovered that I had managed to sneak aboard your ship. So thank you for that."
It had to be some kind of effect of having already been forced to spend hours in her presence. It was a sign that she was slowly beginning to grow used to having to fight down the initial surge of anger that followed almost everything Zelda said that felt like she had spent hours choosing the exact words that would make sure to remind Midna of how she had grown up with all the luxuries and privileges that came with being a princess. It simply had to be it; was the only explanation. For as Midna stood there, looking at her, rather than being angry, she just felt tired. Tired and a bit sad that Zelda really was there in front of her, telling her that she was happy that she had not been sent home, glad that she would get to starve along with the rest of them, though Midna supposed that, at the very least, Zelda still possessing the same kind of childish belief in anything Midna would tell her to make her stop worrying about the future might be able to take away a little of that sadness. Still, with how even Colin seemed to have at least partly outgrown that, it should only have served as yet another piece of evidence that despite the clothing and how Zelda was almost able to imitate their way of talking and walking, she still belonged in the capital rather than out there.
Maybe it was the early signs of how she was not eating enough, but Midna could not muster up the energy to hiss at her, to let her know that the fact that she could be so calm while standing in the middle of the shelves that told them how hungry they would end up becoming if they did not act now was enough to let her know that she had yet to truly understand anything about the life around them.
"Close them." her voice sounded hoarse, but Midna could still see that Zelda's raised eyebrows were not due to her voice, but instead what she had said.
"What?"
"Your eyes. Close them. It is easier that way, trust me. You do not want to see the world, not when you still have the option of pretending that everything is fine. Close your eyes now, and I promise you that you will want to return home before the end of the month."
"But I don't want to have them remain closed!" as Zelda took a step towards her, Midna found herself considering whether the answer to the puzzle of just how Zelda was able to stay warm during the night should be found in the way she almost seemed to exude energy, acting like a sun and bringing warmth to the air around them. "You told me that I should stop being blind to what was happening around me and now I am trying my best to do as you told me to, and yet you are telling me not to. Please, I need your help. Help me open my eyes."
At once, Midna could see the years of being taught the art of arguing, how to talk with someone to make it sound like your ideas were ones their mind had thought of by itself, surface in Zelda's behaviour, and although she supposed she should have been better than that, should have been able to ignore the effects of it, there was still a fraction of a second where the option of agreeing with her and promising to help her seemed almost inviting, though for entirely different reasons than what would have motivated her to let Zelda experience first-hand the way the fear would be enough to render a person immobile the first time they were face to face with the sight of a village in ruins. But then she was able to shake her head and banish the thought.
"No." Midna tried to make her voice cold, but found that it sounded more tired than anything else. "I will not help you, nor would you want me to do that if you had any idea about what it would mean for you. Just… be grateful for your life. You can still go home; I promise you that you will have forgot about us within a year. Then you can continue on with your life of being the second in line for the throne like nothing ever happened."
"But I don't want to. I truly do not wish to return to the life I led in the castle. There is nothing I miss about it—this is where I belong."
"You don't mean that. Surely, there is something you miss." casting a glance at their surroundings, Midna immediately knew what example to use. Gesturing towards the empty shelf next to her, she continued. "What is your favourite food?"
The answer came promptly. "Fruitcake. Fruitcake with slices of apple on top."
It was such a typical thing for Zelda to say, a cake, something that used up so many resources while not being able to bring much more than the pleasure of eating it in return., that Midna could not completely hide how a smile made its way to her face. "Well, there you go," she said, and although she tried, the harsh tone in her voice would not obey her, continuing to sound flat rather than angry, "there is something you miss. That just proves that, sooner or later, you are going to return home. That it just how it is—when you have tried having everything once, you are not going to rest until you can reach it all again."
But of course that was still not enough for Zelda, only causing her to shake her head and take both of Midna's hands in hers as she spoke. "But I prefer to be here. It feels right to be here. I would not be able to return home, not after everything you have told me."
Midna scoffed. "If anything, all the times I have yelled at you should only have convinced you that everything your father ever said about us was right." when Zelda refused to give in, still looking at her with the same kind of stupidly open look, her eyes full of confidence that it could all really be so simple, that staying here, living the same life as the pirates, would be the same as doing what was right, Midna let out a sigh. "Look, I am trying my best not to yell at you here, but you have to understand that I was not given the choice. None of us were. We were all forced to flee to this base. So do you understand why it only serves to remind me of everything you represent when you talk about this like it is some kind of amazing experience for you? Because it really isn't, and I know that you are going to discover than sooner or later."
At least Zelda bothered to look sheepish when she answered. "No, I... I had not thought about it. I am sorry."
"It is fine." Midna forced out the word although it felt like a lie. "Just… leave me alone, will you? I know that everyone else here loves you, so surely you must have someone other than me to talk to."
She could not tell if the feeling of her heart speeding up was due to disappointment or relief when Zelda bowed her head, but she was too exhausted to bring herself to find out, instead choosing to bury the issue.
Looking down at the ground, Zelda did not try to argue with her. "If you want me to."
"I do."
Without giving Zelda another chance to resume trying her best to trick her into forgetting about the fact that, despite everything, she was still a princess and would never quite be able to forget about her old life, Midna turned around and left the larder. It was all becoming too much for her, having to stand in the almost empty room and know that it was all they had to get them through the winter, for she felt almost dizzy as she went to find Uli, unable to keep her thoughts from circling back towards Zelda—Zelda and the way Midna could feel how her idealistic conviction was beginning to seep into the very walls around her, affecting the base and everyone living within it.