A/N: Wow, guys, anyone still into this, I'm very, very sorry about how long it's taken me to update this! But, then again, it's been a millennium of a year, hasn't it? *sigh* But, I do have a pretty good-sized chapter to hopefully make up for my delay. I wouldn't have forgiven myself if, being the first day of September tomorrow, I didn't update before then. Even if that's just before.
And, as for the song or "character theme", if you will, I find this is the only song with ice metaphors that I feel is pretty fitting. Definitely more fitting than "Cold as Ice" by Foreigner or (God forbid...) "Ice, Ice, Baby". Also, I find this song actually suits Even quite a bit.
"Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You're frozen
When your heart's not open"
-"Frozen", Madonna
Chapter 5: Even
Another day of toil in the basement labs. Various notes and rough sketches had been haphazardly strewn along the counter. Even pored over them meticulously, almost obsessively, adding a variable here and a rare correction there. In the meantime, in the adjacent hall, Ienzo was on the phone. From what Even could hear, the conversation was somewhat fraught.
"We're doing everything we can, Roxas. It's just been…more difficult than we anticipated."
"Why is it, though? You all brought me back without any problems. She deserves that chance, too."
Curiosity piqued, Even got up and walked to the door frame for a closer look. Ienzo was leaning on the railing, one hand resting on it, while he held the phone some inches away from his face. To a casual onlooker, it might have appeared that he was about to snap an indulgent self-portrait to share with friends. However, in spite of his calm, steady gaze and serene smile, he still had the trace of a worry line on his forehead. So young for such a mark, Even considered. And even though he wasn't able to see the phone screen from this angle, he could assume that Roxas' face looked more agitated in comparison.
"We are aware of that, of course," Ienzo said with a flip of his hair. "Which is why it's going to take some time. We want to do right by her."
"Look, I want to believe that. I do. But, you guys don't exactly have the best track record."
Low blow, my boy, Even thought. Low blow indeed.
It was one thing for Roxas to take his justifiable anger out on him or the others. But to take it out on Ienzo? Preposterous! He felt the urge to rush to the boy's defense. Without much further thought, he swooped in and snatched the phone away to do just that.
"Please be reasonable! Yes, it's true that our past treatment of Namine has been neglectful at best, abhorrent at worst. I'm willing to shoulder some of the blame for that. But, this is all the more reason to make sure nothing goes wrong."
With a glance down at the screen, Even saw that Roxas looked torn, even chewing at his bottom lip. But, his bright blue eyes still blazed with defiance.
"That better be true," he said, voice firm. "She's not had a great life so far, you know. How am I supposed to know you won't use her again?"
"That isn't remotely our intention. She would be free."
"Yeah, free." Roxas chuckled bitterly. "Like how she was 'free' when she went from Castle Oblivion to Ansem's control. I saw how he treated her. You call that free?"
"Young man, that is not fair." Even pursed his lips, tightening his grip on the phone. "I may not be able to say that our master always acted well or in other people's best interests. But, you must understand the torment he's suffered through. He's been through more pain, loneliness, and betrayal than anyone should ha—"
Roxas' nostrils flared. "That's still no excuse. Your master was playing with our lives. I don't care what he did to me anymore but Namine? I'll never understand why he put her through everything he did. She didn't deserve any of that!"
Even found he couldn't articulate an immediate response to this. His mouth went dry as he became acutely aware of his heavier breathing. Was he just making excuses for Ansem? It wasn't as though he'd witnessed his goings-on after the accident. He knew of his former prejudice toward Nobodies as well as his immense shame of his past behavior. Then again, Even recalled with a wince, the apprentices hadn't been the most ideal examples of Nobodies. He could understand Ansem's resentment.
But, how far had his master gone in the name of revenge? What lines had he crossed with Roxas and Namine, mere children compared to the rest of them? For once, Even wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.
Before he could convey all this to Roxas, he heard a new voice say, "I think they've got the message, Rox. Let me take over."
With a huffy sigh, Roxas dutifully stepped away. There seemed to be a passing of the phone, with the voice saying, "Sorry about that. Haven't fed him his bottle yet this morning. You know how it—ow, heey! I was just kidding, yeesh."
Lea then slid into view, rubbing at the back of his neck where Roxas had presumably cuffed him. Upon seeing Even's face, the grin died on his lips. "Oh."
"'Oh', indeed," Even replied with a faint smirk.
Of course, he was well-aware that it had been Axel, not Lea, who'd killed his Nobody. Even bearing this in mind, he could still smell the smoke. And feel the flames licking at his cloak sleeves. Intense heat followed by slow disintegration. Not the most painless death by any means. Being an ice wielder, he had been particularly sensitive to that combustion. Every single nerve had been crying out that day. He did feel compassion for Lea—as with everyone forced into becoming Nobodies—but he couldn't deny the petty urge to lord this over him.
"Thankfully, your fire did no lasting damage to my person," he said with a sniff, adjusting his ascot.
This made Lea visibly cringe. "Look, that was…Those days were intense. I'm sorry about that. Good to see you doing…doing well."
"Thank you, Lea, that's very considerate of you. Now, what did you have to say?"
"Oh, yeah. I was just gonna say that Roxas didn't mean to snap at you guys like that. I mean, he did but…you got to understand he's been under a lot of stress lately. He's needed time to readjust to everything, get used to being his own person, you know? Poor kid's had a rough go."
"You don't need to explain his behavior," Even said gently. "Goodness knows how all this has been testing his spirits and patience."
It had certainly been a test for him, with the tireless weeks of research to prove it. Or, at the very least, his convoluted route in reverting to Vexen to track down his old notes. Not a pleasant time, but that was neither here nor there.
"So, how's the thing with Namine been going?" Lea asked, casual voice still laced with concern.
"Not as speedily as anticipated, I'm afraid. I have my notes, but then, there's the matter of obtaining another replica. Demyx is at the Graveyard working on that."
Lea let out a disbelieving snort. "You sent the water guy out to the middle of the desert?"
"We had little choice," Even sighed, massaging his forehead to relieve a tension headache. "He's the only one of us left with any teleporting abilities."
"Huh…Who'da thunk?"
"He's proven himself to be quite useful, actually. More than you, I daresay. Where was I?" Even chose to ignore Lea's indignant yelp. "Oh, yes. In addition to the missing replica, there's also the matter of Namine's retrieval. We have reason to believe her heart is in the Final World."
"The Final World?" Lea repeated, brows drawing together in full-on worry. "I think I've heard of it but…what is it, exactly?"
"It's the place where forgotten hearts reside, at least to my knowledge."
He wished then that he had his notes with him to consult. At least if he did, he'd have more to tell Lea. Granted, he'd found nothing more concrete than legends on the subject as opposed to hard data. He'd had to make more inferences than he was normally comfortable with.
Upon seeing Lea's puzzled expression, he elaborated, "Usually, it implies that the person has faded with no one to remember them. The Final World is a sort of purgatory in that sense."
"But, why would she be forgotten? There was enough of us around to remember her, wasn't there?"
"Roxas may have shared her fate as well at one point. In her specific case, when we all faded, that was likely the moment her heart drifted away. I suppose the other Guardians of Light weren't acquainted enough to ever truly know her…," Even trailed off, disturbed at his own realization.
The poor girl had already suffered so much for someone so young. After all, he considered with a glance at Ienzo, he'd seen it before.
Looking back down, he could see Lea wearing a disconcerted frown that likely mirrored his own. "That's a gut punch. So, how can she be brought back? Doesn't sound like it'll be easy."
Even hummed. "It will be an arduous task, to be sure. But not impossible. Once we locate the replica, everything should fall into place. Moreover, we have someone in mind to lead her back."
Ienzo, who had been standing back listening, finally had enough. With a none too quiet "hem-hem", he sidled by Even with a gentle push to take back the phone. "Which is why we believe Roxas is the most ideal candidate to do this. He shares more history with her than most of us."
At this news, Lea let slip a relieved grin. "Should have known. You probably need Kairi too, right?"
Even and Ienzo exchanged significant glances before the former said, "Yes, you might want to get in touch with her. There could still be remnants of Namine's heart in hers, too."
Lea gave them the thumbs-up. "Done and done! And I'll make sure Roxas is in a better mood the next time he sees you guys."
With another exasperated sigh, Even said, "I hope so," while Ienzo only smiled and nodded. It was as though his tense conversation with Roxas had never happened. Even marveled at that unflappability but felt a little anxious as well. How did that boy manage it? Perhaps it was the buoyancy of youth or some innate ability to hide his feelings. Either way, Ienzo sounded calm as he told Lea, "I'm sure we will talk again very soon. Take care."
"Yeah, you too. Thanks for everything. And I'm sure Rox appreciates it, too. He just has a…funny way of showing it. You do too, you friggin' goat!" Lea yelled over his shoulder in response to a reproachful comment from Roxas. "That's right, you are! Anyway, heh, talk to you guys later."
Lea then ended the call as the screen went blank. Even then sensed he was in quite the awkward position. For, when he turned around, he noticed Ienzo with crossed arms and a light scowl.
"I had things perfectly under control. It was unnecessary for you to intervene."
Even huffed. "Indeed? From where I stood, you were being accused of something that was never your fault. You should have waited to tell the boy about Namine, Ienzo. You know how precarious this project is. All you did was rile him up. Goodness knows how agitated we've all been."
"Roxas called me, if you must know. I told him to, should he have any questions. And I was going to calm him down eventually before you insisted on grabbing the phone. You don't need to coddle me like that. I'm no longer a child, or have you forgotten?"
Even then took a good look at the young man before him. He tried to train his features into a neutral expression, but some mild exasperation broke through nonetheless. And his eyes were ever so slightly narrowed.
He didn't always have those dark circles underneath, did he? Even thought out of paternal concern.
He could recall how those eyes had been so clear and bright, free of any such shadows. There had also been a time where Ienzo stood at half the height he was now. "Short stuff," Braig had once eloquently called him, before switching to the more affectionate "sunshine". They'd all spoiled him rotten in those days—that was, if the boy had ever revealed himself to be spoilt. Instead of plaguing the others over toys and sweets, he'd inquire into all the intricacies of their experiments. Or, back when he was still little enough, he would climb up on Even's lap and ask general questions about the worlds. He'd always had insatiable curiosity, which was a sign of a true independent thinker.
Yet, at what cost?
Seeing this boy now—taller, wiser, more inured to hardship—sent a jab to Even's heart. It would be foolish to deny that Ienzo's childhood had been twice stolen, between the deaths of his parents and his transformation into a Nobody. And he'd had his hand in that. So many instances where he had failed to protect him…Each glance was a reminder of that lost time.
He exhaled. "No, I haven't forgotten. I suppose I never truly could, really. If I'd…"
Faltering, he stared straight at him and wondered just how pitiful he appeared to him. As they held each other's gazes, he noticed how Ienzo's softened. With a wan smile, he reached out and patted Even's arm.
"Clearly, this work has gotten to the both of us. How about we go outside for some air?"
"But…but the project—"
"Can wait until later. We need out of this stuffy lab once in a while! And from what I hear, it's a beautiful day out."
After a last forlorn glance toward the lab, Even relented, "Very well. Perhaps this little diversion will clear our heads."
"I knew you'd agree!" Ienzo said, beaming, with that serene smile indicating all was forgiven.
Still amazed by this emotional resilience, Even only gave a dumb nod in response as he followed him out.
If only I had that kind of self-possession, he thought.
It was indeed a brilliant day to be outside. People milled about the shops and stalls, taking advantage of the mild weather. Others took strolls over by the fountains and public gardens, which were in full bloom with daisies and tulips. Even children, after everything that had transpired with the experiments, scurried about with their frisbees and jump ropes. Even couldn't believe how quickly the town had been restored to its former glory. He could breathe much easier now. However, that didn't mean he liked being surrounded by the hubbub. He still preferred the more private castle gardens, where he could at least hear his own thoughts in peace. While he could appreciate the lively chatter for the positive omen it was, it frayed his nerves. And, if he was not mistaken, his headache worsened as a result.
In the meantime, Ienzo appeared to rather like the hum of activity, and the outdoor air agreed with him. He'd long since shed his lab coat, draping it over the back of the bench, and rolled up the sleeves of his button-down. With closed eyes and a slight smile, he sat with his arms crossed behind his head, the picture of repose. Like an upturned sunflower, he basked in the warmth.
"I knew this was going to be worthwhile," he murmured, sounding almost sleepy.
Even stretched himself out, hearing some unpleasant pops as he did so. For propriety's sake (or so he'd told himself), he'd kept on his coat. He was beginning to regret this decision as he felt a few beads of sweat trickle down his back.
"Mm, yes, I suppose this is what one would call a picture perfect day," he said, glancing around at all the smiling faces.
There had been a time where he too could indulge in being somewhat carefree and savor these sunny days. Now, he held tension in his shoulders and felt a general stiffness in his movements, even while taking a leisurely stroll. As if, at any moment, he would be seized by Heartless, resentful townspeople, or even Xehanort himself. Paranoia lingered like a virus, no matter how hard he fought against it. His logical mind, which so rarely failed him, reassured him that no one bore him any ill will. But, his fickle heart wouldn't let this notion rest. Not when he could recall every unethical step of the experiments, from placing children in test tubes to overthrowing their mentor as he begged for mercy.
How was he not being dragged through the streets?
"Are you all right?"
Roused from his tumultuous thoughts, Even turned to see Ienzo waving a hand in front of his face. He was grateful for the distraction.
"Yes, of course I am." He revealed a smile he didn't feel. "Just reflecting on the state of the worlds, that's all."
"You're always doing that. Don't you need a break once in a while?"
Yes.
"No. A man of science such as myself never truly stops his contemplation. He may have temporary reprieves, but he can never tarry. There are always new hypotheses to consider. And above all else…"
"…There is always research," Ienzo finished blandly, familiar with the oft repeated motto. "But, have you considered that there is such a thing as a life outside of science?"
"Science has and always will be my life, my boy," Even replied, unwavering. "I don't believe there is anything inherently wrong with that. Industry does one good, while laziness rots."
"Yes, but surely, even you can concede that too much hard work isn't conducive to an ideal life either."
Startled by the new voice, Even turned from Ienzo toward the steady gaze of Dilan, who greeted him with a nod and a wry smile. Filtered through rays of sunlight, his rare-colored eyes held a violet gleam, Even observed.
But, what was so remarkable about that? The irises acted much like prisms, did they not? He'd no idea why he'd wasted the mental energy on such a minor detail.
"Hmph, and I suppose you're the authority on that, aren't you?" Even said with a trace of acidity. "Speaking of which, shouldn't you be on patrol?"
"I'm on my break at the moment, if you're so curious about me slacking off. And I could do with the respite. Already had to deal with a couple of little scamps climbing on the statue in front of the castle. It's comforting to see that that's back to normal, I suppose."
With a soft chuckle, Dilan sat down and stretched out his arms. Ienzo glanced at him before looking back toward Even.
"I think I'm going to get some ice cream. Do either of you want anything?"
"Sea-salt for me, as usual," Even replied.
After some thought, Dilan said, "I think I'm more in the mood for mint chocolate chip. That should do me good."
Just as Ienzo was setting off for the little stall across the way, Dilan removed the conspicuous munny pouch from his pants pocket. He then poured out a few coins into his palm and offered them to him.
"Here, this is on me today. No sense in burdening you when I got all this munny burning in my pocket."
Ienzo looked askance at the pouch. "That's very kind of you. Are you sure you don't—?"
Dilan held up a hand. "Don't worry about repaying me. Just take the munny and go, there's a lad."
Without further hesitation, Ienzo pocketed the change and set off, leaving Even alone with Dilan. He tried his level best not to let this fact faze him. Instead, he gave the munny pouch another suspicious glance.
"Are you certain you didn't obtain that through extortion?"
"What? I thought you were at least halfway joking about that."
"You know I rarely joke." Even stared straight at him, lips pursed.
Undeterred, Dilan met the look with a dry smile. "So I've noticed. It's been good to see that that hasn't changed either. But, since you're so curious"—he smoothly changed topic, disregarding Even's eyeroll—"I won this in a bet with Braig. If he found his fiancée and got back together with her, I'd win. If both outcomes didn't happen or she rejected him, he'd win double the amount by way of apology."
Even sniffed at this explanation. "What on earth gave you the notion to do that? Gambling with a man's love life as if it was a game of dice, I've never heard of anything so ludicrous! Although," he conceded with a begrudging glance at the pouch, "judging from your, ah, prize, the odds worked out in Braig's favor."
Dilan nodded. "They did and then some, I imagine. And please don't be too cross, Even. Betting was the only way I could convince the poor sod to do anything."
"Yes. So typical of that man to be motivated by some incentive."
"Usually, I'd agree with you, but I don't mean in that sense. He was considering giving up his mission because he assumed rejection was inevitable. So, I thought a little extra persuasion was needed in that regard," Dilan finished with a slight grin.
"I see. Still, I cannot fathom how Braig, of all people, could suffer from such a lack of confidence. I'd always assumed he overflowed with it. Never seems to know when to be quiet."
"Well, the way I see it, love can leave all types vulnerable. But, that's what makes it all the more precious." Dilan's gaze intensified then.
Why would that be so significant? He must have dwelled on this idea for some time, and it was clearly something he cared about. After all, he'd been known to be callous with these sensitive matters as a Nobody. Why shouldn't he reconsider his philosophy on love? It was only logical. Then again, logic couldn't explain the wild beating of Even's heart upon seeing that focused stare trained on him. Or how more blazing and oppressive the midday sun suddenly felt. More infernal sweat drops slid down his back.
Warm weather, so vastly overrated, he thought grudgingly.
As if reading his mind, Dilan asked, "Aren't you getting hot? That coat must be dreadfully stifling on a day like this."
"Oh, don't worry about me. I'm so used to the lab that I always retain some residual chill from being down there."
"Are you sure? Because from this angle, you look bloody miserable."
Dilan emphasized his point by tilting his head and giving a light grin at Even.
Had his teeth always been so perfectly straight? It was all so remarkable how he noticed these details that used to float over his head. Almost intriguing. The heat now crawled up the back of his neck, where he knew there would be a vivid flush. A curse that tended to befall anyone with fair hair. Even was thankful that his was long enough to hide the worst of it.
"I assure you, I'm fine," he insisted, though he unfastened the top two buttons of his coat. "Forgive me if I prefer to maintain a somewhat professional appearance in public."
Much to his surprise, Dilan chuckled and laid a friendly hand on his shoulder. "Even, we're going to have some ice cream on a pleasant afternoon. I doubt it would hurt you to be less formal."
"Very well, if you insist."
His discomfort overcoming his pride, Even finally shed his coat. He then took a good wary look of his surroundings to be sure nobody else witnessed his flouting of personal conventions. But, no, everyone was still gadding about the square. Many of them lined up at the ice cream stall. He could just make out Ienzo's short figure in the middle of the line.
"Popular destination today," he observed in a feeble attempt at light conversation.
"Yes. Poor Ienzo's going to be standing there for quite some time."
"I'm sure he doesn't mind. As often as I've kept him cooped up, he's likely soaking up every ray of sunlight he can get." Even grimaced. "He never complains, though he has enough reasons to. I feel as if I'm…I'm taking more of his youth away from him. He shouldn't have to devote so much of his time to academics or the work we do. Sometimes, I wonder if I've fai—"
"No, you haven't failed him. If anything, you've always done right by him. Perhaps it is precisely your example that's fed his enthusiasm for lab work. Ever consider that?"
"No…" Even's voice came out much smaller than he'd intended. "But, surely, he must resent me for working him so hard."
"Hmph." Dilan smiled. "Never heard of parents worrying about their children having too much of a work ethic."
Before he realized it, Even let out a self-deprecating laugh. "You're right, I suppose I shouldn't be so concerned. I just can't help myself sometimes. He's been through far too much for a young man."
He turned away, regretting how much he'd divulged. Not even his mentor Ansem had known his insecurities quite this intimately. He was also acutely aware of how weak he must have looked, with his thin shoulders hunched over the rest of his lanky body. When contrasted with Dilan's burlier, more robust form, he felt doubly so. Now that was a man who had little to be self-conscious about.
Wonderful, must I think of his body at a time like this? he thought, angling his head further away.
But, then, Dilan lightly touched his arm to turn his attention back to him.
"You're a good father. Never doubt that. And we might have all given you a hard time for all of your fussing in the past, but that's what makes you a good friend as well. You look out for us. Someone around here's got to, right?"
Even snorted but nonetheless smiled at the compliment. "Certainly. As irresponsible as many of you so-called adult men were, it was clearly incumbent upon me to be the voice of reason. Otherwise, who knows what you would have done?"
"So modest, even when you take compliments," Dilan teased, eyes crinkling at the corners.
"Well…I suppose you've all improved since then. On your own, no less." His smile faded. "Our fate saw to that."
"Indeed. But, I've found that it's made me value the important things much more. That has to be the silver lining to all this."
Dilan gazed at him more intently, his eyes seeming to bore into him. Maybe he only meant to drive his point home through such a long, silent stare. Even normally wasn't one to take stock in such trifles, but even so, he felt the breath leave his body. Such fervent words and glances couldn't have come out of nowhere, not when they were directed at him.
Could he dare to hope?
"All right, one sea-salt for me, one for Even, and a mint chocolate chip for Dilan." Ienzo strode over to with the proffered frozen treats. "I thought I would be waiting there all day, it's almost like everyone came at once and…ah, am I interrupting something?"
For, while the boy explained himself, Dilan had still not taken his eyes from Even's as he gingerly took his cone. Reluctant to break the moment himself, Even barely turned his head as though finding himself ensnared in a spell. However, it was doubtful that even Merlin could conjure up something half as powerful as this. He was dragged back to the present with Ienzo waving a hand between them while also suppressing a smirk (or was it just Even's imagination?).
"You two are still here, right? I cannot have gone to all this trouble just for you to end up with melted ice cream! I mean, really, don't I at least merit a 'thank you'?"
"You're wel—of course, thank you. Yes." Even felt he could sink to the ground at that moment, seeping into the cobblestones like the drips off his ice cream.
As usual, Dilan's reply was much more relaxed. "Thank you kindly, Ienzo. Your efforts do not go unappreciated."
"Glad to hear it! Now, Even, are you quite all right? Your face is very red." Ienzo seemed to be fighting back some laughter by how much he chewed his lip.
"J-Just the heat."
He only had to catch a sly wink from Dilan to reaffirm that no, for once, it wasn't the heat.
Even stood before Ansem's desk, hands clasped in front of him to stave off any trembling. In spite of his mentor's repeated assurances that all was forgiven, he still harbored some residual guilt and worry. With the exiled scholar king now rightfully restored, he was once again in the peak of his powers. The fact that they hadn't been thrown into prison cells (or the void that was the Realm of Darkness, for that matter) for their betrayal never ceased to amaze him. Truly, their king was all-merciful, and he did not feel deserving to stand in his presence. Ansem's study had also been returned to normal, with the bookshelves straightened, brass scientific instruments shining like new, and the broken glass and torn pages swept up.
"What feeble attempts at understanding the heart. We can surely do better," Vexen proclaimed, tearing another report from the notebook with a disdainful glance at their former leader. "And you call yourself a scholar."
Even flinched at the unbidden recollection that seemed to have etched itself into his memory. Had there really been a time he'd uttered such hatred? To the master he'd always admired and tried to emulate? He'd aspired to be his equal, yet these days, he felt lower than the dirt beneath his shoes.
"Even, is there anything the matter?"
Even snapped his gaze back to Ansem, who regarded him with a tilt of his head and a warm yet concerned smile. Ienzo had picked up more mannerisms from him than he'd realized.
"No, Master. I was simply lost in my thoughts…but there are some developments in Namine's restoration I thought I should brief you on before continuing."
"Why ever for? I trust that everything with regards to that has progressed well enough. You are more than capable."
"That may be so, but in order to be transparent with you, I feel I must discuss each compon—"
"That won't be necessary." Ansem held up a hand. "I commend your efforts, but you needn't be so thorough."
"'Thorough', sir?"
"Yes. I daresay you've put enough strain on yourself with this project." He gestured down at the two most recent pages of notes Even had presented him with. "I already have much of the data on Namine saved from my time in Twilight Town. There may need to be a few more additions to the file itself, but it will all be in due time."
Even wringed his hands, ill at ease with these soothing words from Ansem. He failed to understand why the man could be so calm about this. The project was a delicate matter as well as one of utmost importance. Transplanting a whole heart into an empty vessel hadn't been accomplished, to his knowledge. Pieces of a heart, certainly (thus the existence of their old Organization), but nothing like this. He felt the keen sense that he stood on the edge of history, looking down into an abyss should he fail. Roxas would never forgive him, if his fiery words from earlier were to be relied upon. The disappointment in the lab would be palpable, and his scientific reputation would slide further down the gutter than it already had. But, it was one thing to garner the revulsion of his peers—he wouldn't be able to touch a beaker or calculator again.
Everything rode on this project's success. Everything.
"I…I cannot see how you can speak so confidently about all this," he said, running a hand through his hair. "There is so much that can go wrong, I'm still doing the calculations! You mention data and technology, but we shouldn't forget that she's a person. If all goes well, she will be her own identity, not just…just some file in a computer. The poor girl's already been through too much."
Ansem blinked in surprise at this outburst, his reassuring smile frozen in place for the briefest of moments. Then, with a heavy sigh, he rubbed at his forehead and took another sip of tea.
"I won't dispute any of that. After all, much of Namine's suffering was at my hands. It gives us all the more reason to ensure the data transfer is a success. But, I maintain faith in our abilities."
Our abilities? Don't you mean mine? Even thought, feeling a twinge of bitterness.
He couldn't help it if he found this dynamic wearisome: him always diving into the majority of the work, with Ansem either approving or disapproving from a distance. Always observing with a cool, diligent eye, always writing his reflections down in that journal. If he'd ever stepped in during their early days of experiments, he would point out this flaw or that. What else had he expected when it all went wrong? And even then, he still had a hold of himself, some sense of purpose as twisted as it had been. Meanwhile, they had been fortunate that they'd remembered any of their human selves or what their lives had meant.
Even pursed his lips, glancing away. "Of course."
"You're skeptical." No judgment in either look or tone. "We ought to be more forthcoming with each other these days. What is it that troubles you?"
"If I tell you, you may not like my answer."
"Perhaps not. But, in order to continue working together, we must let these thoughts out in the open. And hopefully, regain some semblance of trust back."
"Trust," Even said stiffly. "I must confess it is an interesting word coming from you. Long before our betrayal, you seemed to always have a set idea on what we should do. If we strayed from that plan even a little, you could be counted upon to swoop in and put us back on track."
"I was only trying to assi—"
"No!" Even cut in. "No, I don't want to hear the excuses. Frankly, I'm tired of them. Your insistence on perfection put us under immense stress. All of us, including Ienzo, and he was just a child! And to think, that's how you treat one you consider a son, let alone others." He massaged his forehead. "I may never know how you wronged Roxas, Namine, and some of these other young innocent people, but I can only imagine. Based off what Roxas told us this morning, I can assure you, they went through agony. I wouldn't have expected this from you, Ansem. You were supposed to be a beacon for your people, a paragon of virtue. But, it seems as though you gave in to your baser tendencies time and time again. So, you see, you can't fault people for their mistakes. You're not infallible either."
Ansem steepled his fingers over the lower half of his face. He remained silent, absorbing every painful word of the lecture. And, though he partially obscured his face, his eyes held the true depths of his feelings. Both sorrow and weariness lingered there like the shadows of his memories of that time. Eleven years, so fleeting in the grand scheme yet creeping by as if it had been a century. Even could understand the weight of those years just from seeing the intense worry lines pulling at the corners of those anguished eyes. That old shame swept through him—he hadn't intended his rant to cut to the quick like this.
He bowed his head then. "F-Forgive me. I shouldn't have been so brash. We still behaved abhorrently toward you. To list your past errors in judgment would be hypocritical of me."
"Nonsense," Ansem said softly. "You're being far too harsh on yourself. If anything, I needed that reminder. I have indeed been too exacting in my scientific pursuits…to the point of callousness sometimes. And I shouldn't lose sight of the fact that Namine is a person—will be, certainly, by the time we're done here. I've acted unjustly to her and others—all of you—in so many ways. I had thought an apology would be insufficient, for it cannot entirely fix the damage I've caused. But, I am sorry, Even. Truly."
"Apology accepted. And I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to imply that the work is too taxing or difficult. I'm more than happy to do it."
Ansem took another sip of tea, collecting his thoughts, before replying, "But, you would much prefer a collaborator over a shadow. Am I correct?"
Even felt himself brightening considerably at this. Now, he was getting it! It was a shame that it took for shared trauma and turmoil to come to the revelation but better late than never.
"You are, Master, very much so," he said. "I hope things will fare more smoothly between us."
"As do I."
With a quick nod and a smile, Even gathered up his notes and headed for the door.
"And Even?"
He turned around sharply, nerves pricked like in old days. "Yes?"
"Should you need any genuine help in your efforts, I'm here. Doing this for Namine would not only be monumental to her but could hopefully redeem myself in her eyes. I have much to make up to her."
Even felt a great deal of his ever present anxiety vanish when he glanced over his shoulder and saw Ansem's kind smile. It was reassuring to know this was posed as an offer and not a demand. The once imperious king had clearly altered in demeanor, too. He was the patient, generous man he'd been at his best, the same one who had taken Ienzo under his wing and laughed at the others' minor quibbling (that somehow almost always involved Braig). Yes, there was still much work to be done, both in the lab and in repairing broken trust. Even couldn't help but hold some optimism that it would all be worth it. He had to, as it was far better than the alternative.
"I'll…I'll certainly keep that in mind. Thank you," he finally said.
Of course, that didn't mean he'd want or require that help right away. No, his pride wasn't quite that frail. He would see every step of the project through to the end. His atonement rode on all of his efforts here, so he simply couldn't slouch. Now more than ever.
Later that night, Even was once again studying his notes and making calculations. He sipped his cup of coffee every once in a while though otherwise left it largely neglected. Coasting by on the temporary burst of caffeine-fueled energy, he thought over the additional variables introduced. Yes, Kairi would be a definite given to Namine's revival. As her counterpart as well as Princess of Heart, she was the most integral part to the plan's success. No doubt she would have to be present at the time of the data transfer. Reaching for his cup for another tentative sip (he didn't even like this stuff that much!), he took a moment to appreciate the fact she was still alive. From how he'd heard Sora and Riku tell it, she had narrowly missed the full brunt of Xehanort's Keyblade and countered with a well-timed parry. If she'd died that day, it would have been a profound loss in more ways than he cared to think about.
But, then, there was Roxas, someone Even would classify as more of a wild card. From his limited interactions with him in the Organization, he could recall having the opinion that the boy had seemed harmless enough, a bit quiet but sweet-tempered. Always polite, using the appropriate language to address his superiors (Vexen had been flattered to be called Number Four, a courtesy so rarely afforded him). Of course, that was before he'd gained more memories, more of a heart, and more of a personality.
Oh, that personality is going to drive me mad, isn't it? Even thought with a sigh.
Given his brusqueness and defiance, particularly to those in authority, Roxas would be a tougher nut to crack. He only hoped that Lea would do his part in swaying him to their side. As for Roxas' history with Namine, Even was ignorant. But, if his need to stand up for her and her rights as a person was any indicator, their shared bond must have been powerful indeed. More powerful than with Lea and Xion? Maybe not, but in a different way perhaps. Something deeper than friendship?
Surely, Roxas would stay put in the lab once he got there. One tactless move or word would push him away, so he had to be handled delicately. Even sensed that his role could prove as vital as Kairi's. At the same time, it was a damn shame that he couldn't have recruited Sora or Riku instead—much more reliable in comparison, not to mention nicer.
"Enough of this negativity," he muttered to himself. "He can't be that difficult to deal with. After all, I dealt with Ienzo as Zexion well enough."
Except that Zexion had stayed in his room most hours and sought out confrontation as little as possible, but that was no great matter. All teenagers had similar quirks, right?
Even grew frustrated with himself that he'd let his wandering mind dwell on the Roxas situation for so long. For, when he glanced down at his notes again, the symbols started swimming before his eyes. The letters distorted into numbers and vice versa. The equal signs elongated and curled like the flyaway strands of Dilan's hair. The ones that hung around his face just so….
Someone gently shook his shoulder to rouse him. When he did open his eyes and prop his head up from his desk, he groaned. He'd shoved his cup away from him at some point, likely leaving his drink well past lukewarm. A small pool of drool had formed inches away from one of his papers. He hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep. How could he have done such a foolish thing? Some use that confounded coffee had turned out to be! And here he'd been trying not to choke from the bitter taste in the hopes that it would keep him awake. So much valuable time squandered, even if he'd focused on fine-tuning his research. A real scientist never rested. A real scientist—.
"Thought I'd find you down here."
Even looked up to see Dilan standing over him with an amused smile and a mug of something that didn't smell like coffee. That pleasant flowery scent, in conjunction with Dilan's cologne, created a whole new aroma, one much lovelier and more seductive.
Seductive?
His mouth went dry, rendering him speechless.
Upon being confronted with this silence, Dilan tilted his head, assessing him. "You've really jumped into this, haven't you?"
"I…Wh-What time is it?"
"Almost midnight. Why?"
Even made a strangled noise in his throat. "Gah! I promised Ansem I would have all of this finished by tomorrow. Not just complete but perfected. But, then, I let myself get sidetracked and…and now, I might be turning in less-than-desirable work! This isn't good. Oh, I knew I should have drank all that dratted coffee when I had the chance instead of letting it turn more disgusting and lukew—"
Setting his mug down, Dilan laid both hands on his shoulders. "Easy there, Even. Your body insisted on some rest, that's all. You ought to listen to it more often."
"But, if I spent all my time sleeping—"
"You don't. Far from it, in fact. I think both you and I know that."
Even planned an elaborate counterargument, one that would point out that he knew all about body chemistry, especially his own, and that an average six hours of sleep didn't take that much of a toll on him. Those words died on his lips when he felt Dilan's broad hands rub circles into his shoulders and upper back. And the wisps of his rebuttal dissipated entirely when he glanced over and saw his soft smile.
"You need to relax more. All you do is load more and more on yourself than necessary. No one could keep that up, not even you."
"I'm flattered, but you don't have to go to all this trouble."
Instead of acknowledging Even's comment, Dilan began working on his neck. "You hold a lot of tension here, probably from bending over your notes so often. That's not good, especially for one of your height. Ever consider sitting in a higher chair when you work?"
"Now we're discussing chairs? I—ahhh." Even gasped at the kink in his neck that had just been popped.
A sharp pain hit him in that instant, but a wave of relief soon followed. He hadn't felt that good in some months. Almost instinctively, he leaned back to further subject himself to Dilan's ministrations.
"How did you learn to do this? You're excellent," he remarked, fighting back a groan when another knot in his shoulder was tended to. "Really, I…I'm curious."
Dilan let out a rumble of a laugh. "You want to know my secrets, eh? I hate to break it to you, but it's not as complicated a thing as you'd think. I just could guess where my body's pressure points were from my own experiences. Being a guardsman is hard work, you know. Staying in one spot most of the day, walking about the town…My muscles would tire out. And they'd be the same muscles in the same places. I'd started giving massages to myself, and that's really the long and short of it. Helps that I have large hands, too."
That you do, Even silently agreed then tensed as this thought came to him.
Dilan noticed, stilling his fingers. "I should have asked you before. Do you mind my doing this?"
"N-Not at all! You're right, my neck especially needed this."
Even heard that lovely smile in Dilan's voice when he replied, "Very well. Oh, and try some of this, too. I brewed it not too long ago." He nudged the aromatic drink closer. "Your coffee didn't look like it'd been touched, so I took the liberty of making this fresh stuff. It's oolong—you might like it. It's supposed to keep your mind more focused. Much better than coffee, in my humble opinion."
"Anything's better than that dreck," Even agreed, though took the mug rather cautiously.
He doubted that a drink that smelled so much like a garden could taste good. With this in mind, he took a careful sip, mindful of the heat coming off it as well. To his surprise, the mild brew proved to be an enticing alternative to coffee. He indulged in another gulp.
"It's delicious. I can't say I've ever had anything quite like this."
"That's what's great about tea," Dilan pointed out, resuming his work with more feather-light touches. "It's a far more versatile drink. Coffee, no matter the variety, always has that lingering bitter taste. But, tea…If you're open to it, you can find the perfect flavor for you. It's not as limiting that way."
Even hummed in response, feeling like he was being spoiled. All he was missing was a mud facial and the odd accoutrements of cucumbers over his eyes. Of course, if someone ever tried to subject him to the full spa treatment, he would have to draw the line. There was only so much luxury he would allow himself.
But, this? This was enough. He wouldn't tempt fate by asking for anything more.
Then, Dilan stopped entirely, and Even felt bare without the warm fingers at his neck and shoulders.
Instead, he held out one of those strong hands to him.
"I think you could use a further diversion, one away from the lab. What do you say?"
Even looked swiftly down at his work station with its smattering of notes, calculator, and open book and then up to Dilan's patient face and bemused violet eyes. He'd already spent an extra week refining the basics of the project. How could he gallivant with a colleague, no matter how attractive, when he was so close to completion? At that moment, he clutched at the mug of oolong as he brought it to his lips, hoping that another soothing drink would calm him.
"Are you suggesting I shirk from my responsibilities as head researcher? If so, I fail to see the point of providing me with a distraction."
In spite of his best efforts to conceal his reaction, Dilan smiled more widely, almost beaming. However, Even could tell that he wasn't making fun of him at all. Rather, some fondness as well as sympathy for his plight softened the curves of that smile.
"I'm suggesting that even head researchers deserve a moment of peace and quiet every now and again. And I'm going to keep emphasizing the point until you get it."
This sentiment distinctly echoed that of Ienzo's from a week ago. Perhaps, with everyone in his life insisting he rest more often, he should listen to them.
"No need, you're right. I do have a tendency to throw myself into my work," Even conceded, sparing his notes a final glance before taking Dilan's hand when he stood up. "I guess taking a moment to rest wouldn't hurt. But, that would still have to depend...What sort of diversion did you have in mind?"
"Don't worry, I have a plan, one that I think will appeal to you."
With that, Dilan set off for this mysterious destination, leaving the curious Even no choice but to follow. He took his drink with him, aware of how much he needed something to do with his hands, or else he'd start fidgeting. They proceeded out of the lab area entirely and on through the labyrinthine network of hallways that made up the lower floors. It could already be difficult to find one's way during the day, and no matter how many years he'd lived here, Even still struggled. Night worsened this predicament, even with the reliable wall sconces emanating some light. But, with Dilan as his guide, he knew he was in competent hands. That man seemed to know each and every turn and step like the back of his hand, and guard duty had probably aided him a great deal. Once they emerged from the basement and into the front hall, they mounted the steps of the grand staircase. All the while, Even wondered where on earth could Dilan possibly lead him. For, the upper corridor was where all their rooms were located.
Was Dilan planning on taking him into his? His heart thumped steadily at the mere thought. It would be such a forward gesture…but not one he would necessarily object to if that was indeed the case. Then again, his fantasies ran wild into delusion territory, almost as far as he'd dare let them.
When they passed Ienzo's room, he couldn't resist peeking in to see if the young man was sleeping soundly. It turned out he had little to fear—Ienzo lay sprawled out on his left side, as usual, his chest rising and falling in a gentle rhythm. Moonlight spilling in from his window revealed a peaceful smile on his face.
"He's fine," Dilan murmured behind him. "I checked earlier."
"Yes, well…I can't stop being a parent," Even murmured, a doting smile pulling at his lips. "This is habit, just habit."
"He's very fortunate in that regard. Come on, now, not much further."
Dilan led Even to the near end of the corridor, where he removed his keys from his pocket and unlocked a door to a winding stone staircase that seemed to go on forever. Even couldn't be sure whether or not he'd explored this precise area before, but he doubted it. Steep staircases tended to give him slight vertigo, and as a result, he hadn't exactly gone out of his way to seek anything in these uppermost floors. Nor did he ever have much reason to wander up there. Whatever lay in store needed to be worthwhile, or he would consider this a wasted trip. However, he wouldn't spoil this moment for Dilan nor would he ignore his gnawing curiosity. After setting his empty mug down on a nearby table, he dutifully followed him up several steps, so many that he thought he'd be too winded to walk much further. Meanwhile, Dilan appeared to have no issues as he robustly bounded up them while making sure he wasn't moving too far ahead.
Even groaned once they stepped in front of another door. "And what will this one lead to? More stairs? You said not much further over a hundred steps ago! I've humored you as best as I can, Dilan, but I simply cannot keep this up. You have the proper stamina, I don't."
Dilan grinned at him. "Well, it's a good job we're here then, isn't it?"
With a dramatic flourish, he opened the door and confirmed that he was true to his word. No steps greeted them but a spectacular view, one so expansive that it seemed as though they'd stepped into a different world. Even knew that that was only a matter of perspective, but why use his logic right now?
Lightly grasping Dilan's hand when offered, he ventured outside for a better look.
They appeared to be standing at the very top of the observation tower, which was among the tallest of all the many towers and turrets of King Ansem's domain. To his immediate right, he spotted a floor-standing brass telescope. To his left, a couple of folding chairs. But, the main attraction lay straight ahead of him, a stellar look of Radiant Garden at night. Despite living here his entire life, he'd never seen his town like this or appreciated every single architectural detail that made it so unique. The graceful arch of the silver gate facing the castle…The sloping red roofs of the houses that he could glance down from this vantage point…The fountain, in all of its glory, water cascading down each of its three marble tiers…And he, a humble speck amidst all of this, surveyed everything as if it belonged to him. Maybe it did, or, rather, he belonged here, this place he'd always loved. Those years ago, he'd helped destroy it through his scientific machinations, yet he'd also helped to put it back together again through those same means. Now, he couldn't imagine doing anything to jeopardize this tranquility ever again. How could he, when the moon shone so fully over the town, setting every roof and spire in silhouette? Why would he make every star disappear from the sky, when together, they created a stunning map of light?
How could he have committed any of his treachery if he'd been made to feel small next to this brilliant, all-encompassing sky?
Awestruck, Even squeezed Dilan's hand, only dimly aware that he hadn't let go. Excited tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, but he didn't care. Paradise felt more within his reach than before, than it had in years. Such a gift.
"Beautiful, right?" Dilan glanced toward him, and his eyes sparkled like amethysts as he didn't disguise the pleased look on his face.
"I can't believe I've never been up here! I usually almost always keep to the basement…This is extraordinary. Thank you."
When their eyes met again, he suddenly remembered that he still clutched Dilan's hand and withdrew his own, brought back to earth even at this height. He flexed his fingers, though he could still feel the lingering warmth of those strong fingers. Once he thought about it, he realized Dilan hadn't moved to brush off his hand. If anything, he had reciprocated that gentle hold.
Even gulped, not quite sure what to make of this recent epiphany.
If Dilan noticed this abrupt change in behavior, he didn't openly acknowledge it as he replied, "Oh, it's no trouble at all. This is a great spot to get away from everything, even if it's still a part of the castle. Not too many people know about it, actually." He allowed himself a chuckle, propping his elbows up on top of the rail. "Probably intentional on my part—this is my hideaway from the rest of the town. And now, you're in on my little secret."
The familiar bubbly feeling Even had felt a week ago rose again in his chest. It was more than a passing thrill to be in on this secret, like being out after curfew on an adolescent romp. The fact that it happened to be quite late at night only added to the heady rush. He knew there was something to be said for that, especially around Dilan.
"This place is just between the two of us then," he spoke his thoughts without bottling them. "I won't tell anyone about it, not even Ienzo, I promise."
"Would you be willing to make a blood pact over it?"
"What? I—" Even stared straight at him, mouth agape.
Dilan laughed, shaking his head. "Just messing with you again. I know, I know, I shouldn't. You're far too earnest in everything."
"Are you saying I'm gullible?"
"No." Dilan turned toward him, fingers brushing his sleeve. "Not at all. I mean maybe I can stand to learn from you. Your earnestness is one of your most endearing qualities."
Even shut his mouth before he could mindlessly gawp again. "I'm flattered."
And, in keeping with his nature as Dilan saw it, he meant it.
They both fell quiet for a minute or two, gazing out at the mostly restored town, which was truly a marvel after all the wreckage. The Restoration Committee (that included Xemnas now, much to Even's disbelief) had done a commendable job.
Unprompted, Dilan broke the silence by saying, "I go up here often to think, too."
"About what?" Even asked, interest piqued as he settled into a more casual stance and leaned against the rail.
He shrugged. "Whatever comes to mind. What Radiant Garden's future holds…Our friends…Past mistakes…That sort of thing. I try not to brood too much, but my mind doesn't always cooperate. Just as well, I suppose." He turned and regarded Even with a small, reassuring smile. "I need that time to recollect myself."
Impressed with Dilan freely revealing this side of himself, Even didn't respond right away. All this time, and he hadn't stopped to consider that this brawny guardsman could be so in-tune with his emotions. A man once concealed within his stoic shell but now so much more candid. Even pondered over what could have inspired this change.
Hesitating somewhat before doing this, he reached over to pat Dilan's arm. "We all need that time. I do too, though with how busy I am, you wouldn't think that of me. I just want to ensure that Radiant Garden has a prosperous future."
"Well said. And I know you do. But, do you now see the benefits of taking a break every now and again? So you can recharge?" In turn, Dilan grasped his arm with more urgency, leading Even to conclude the brushing of his sleeve had not been accidental.
"Yes, it's been most relieving. Speaking of moments alone...Anything been weighing heavy on your mind lately?"
"Not as much as you'd think. My thoughts are actually a fair bit lighter these days. In large part thanks to this letter." Dilan reached into his breast pocket and pulled out the piece of parchment.
Even tilted his head, noting the slanted cursive handwriting. "Ah, more of the mysterious mail. Who wrote it?"
"Not someone who's been extorting me," Dilan said with a touch of his wry humor. "Believe me, if that was the case, I would do my due diligence in informing all of you. No, this is…I wrote to Belle and her prince to apologize for all of my past misdeeds."
"But, you weren't entirely yourself when you—"
But, Dilan held up his hand, shaking his head. "I can't use that excuse any more than the rest of us. Besides, my bitterness was something I'd kept well-hidden prior to my becoming a Nobody. It was that poison I tapped into to hurt people with. Fortunately, Belle wrote back to me, and I can say I've been absolved. At least, that's how I feel. She was stern but gracious. Made me believe I did the right thing in writing to her…to them." His small smile took on a hint of regret. "I should have done it much sooner. Among other things."
And he turned to pin Even with his intense gaze, darkened with deep emotion.
So, this was it, the closest to an outright confession yet. He refused to second-guess again, and he'd grown weary of overanalyzing every look, word, and gesture. If he faltered or was spurned, he could always blame it on the moonlit view later.
He stepped even closer to Dilan, leaning forward in anticipation with a surreptitious glance at his lips. "Are…Are you implying what I think you are?"
Dilan's smile widened a fraction. "And what do you think I'm alluding to?"
"I d-don't have time for riddles!" Even exclaimed, heat flooding his face. "But, if I have to make myself clear, I'm wondering if…if you feel about me the way I feel about you."
"And there it is," Dilan said softly, husky voice caressing those words, as he lifted a hand to his face and let his fingers sift through his hair. "I've been thinking specifically about this moment for some time now. What I should do to impress you. How I was going to phrase my little confession. I haven't mucked things up now, have I?"
With his knees on the verge of buckling, Even leaned toward the touch that he'd only dreamt of in the past. However, that annoyingly rational (or was it irrational?) part of his brain would not let the matter rest. Something about this didn't quite add up.
He let out a hissing breath in frustration. "No, you're doing superbly well. It's me who's going to spoil everything, as usual."
Dilan only combed his fingers further into Even's long blond locks. "Why do you say that?"
"I have a nagging question, several in fact, but mainly: why now, Dilan? Why approach me now in this way?"
"Why not now?" Dilan murmured, close enough that his breath ghosted hot against his skin. "I can't think of a better time or a better place—not just talking of this tower either. I needed to learn some harsh lessons from a string of failed relationships, figure out myself…Actually try to find a way to convince a certain scientist to notice me instead of his board of formulas for once." He laughed fondly, seeming to bear no ill will there. "Not to say you aren't fantastic at your job. I just had to build up some confidence and hope you wouldn't reject me."
"Reject you? How could I?" Even felt a smile tug at his lips as he reached up and tried to smooth that errant strand of black hair in place. "I had every reason to fear rejection from you. A man like you surely wouldn't look twice at some socially inept fool like me. You would have laughed in my face. You had all these townspeople to choose from. Younger than me, more attractive, bolder…They adored you, likely still do."
"Adoration is all well and good but means rubbish if you can't stand yourself. That was my issue for too long." Dilan moved his head closer to Even's, their lips just touching. "And I'm not about to let you humble yourself like that. You're more brilliant than you give yourself credit for."
In one such bold move he'd thought himself incapable of doing, Even cupped Dilan's face in both hands and pressed his lips more firmly to his. If that hadn't been a declaration of romantic admiration just then, then he was completely oblivious at reading signals. He hadn't much to worry about for a change, as he felt Dilan wrap his arms around his waist. As tall and willowy as he was, he assumed he'd be crushed by the grip. Instead, those arms offered a gentle security that was as warm and inviting as a blanket. Or rays of sunshine on an ideal day for ice cream. Even lost himself in the moment, exploring Dilan's shoulders and back with his hands and holding onto so many inches of hard muscle. The years of toil and effort had imprinted themselves on his body, which only ignited his longing for him even more.
And, all the while, he was locked in near-perfect sync with this man he'd sworn would stay unobtainable. As Dilan adjusted his head so that their cheeks could brush against each other, he felt the bristles of days-old stubble scrape against his skin. He then moved his head down and pressed his face against his neck, inhaling that tantalizing cologne he could now identify as citrus-scented. Tropical, like the scent of a sea breeze. He kissed along his throat, fervent hands still grasping, because he needed this closeness. He needed every tactile bit of proof of intimacy, to be sure that this was happening. If there were essential words to be said, they'd flown from his mind.
Had he rushed this? He hadn't planned this far ahead, only reacting to Dilan's sweet remark. After all, how could he resist a compliment about his scientific genius?
Panting, Even drew back and found that one of his hands was still entangled in Dilan's hair and the other gripping his waist. Scrutinizing his appearance further, he saw that his lips were somewhat swollen, and several strands had escaped from his tied-back hair. He more than likely showed the same signs of disarray himself. With how he'd thrown himself into their heated kiss so soon, without securing a promise of commitment, he should have felt more ashamed of himself. Perhaps Dilan didn't view this the way he did.
It was miraculous, then, how little he cared about any of that, being content to stay within the reliable circle of Dilan's arms.
Even couldn't help but chuckle at his impulsiveness. "I'm not quite sure why I did that…"
"Well, you won't be hearing any complaints from me," Dilan said, thumbing his cheek down to his jawline.
Even lowered his hands down to those solid upper arms, glancing away. "I'm half-convinced that this could be temporary. You could wake up tomorrow and pretend that it didn't happen or see it as some in-the-moment passion. I'll wake up every morning and think of tonight for a long time. I'm so used to good things in my life slipping away. My work…The life I'd built here...What was left of Ienzo's childhood…I already don't want to lose this."
Gently, Dilan cupped Even's chin and lifted it to where he could look unflinchingly at him again. Transfixed by that warm, comforting gaze, Even didn't think to duck his head or even pretend to look at something else. For a brief moment, he thought he ought to, should he dissolve into a puddle out of sheer mortification. No one caught him this stripped-down of his defenses, with no computer or compilation of notes to bury himself in. One of the last times that had happened, he'd become a Nobody virtually overnight. Yet, somehow, around Dilan, he didn't feel threatened by laying his emotions bare. His hands started to tremble from where they rested on Dilan's biceps, but he kept them there. There were worse things than revealing nerves.
After contemplating his response, Dilan said quietly, "If receiving that letter has taught me anything recently, it's that there's still hope, Even. Everywhere. Hope for a tomorrow worth looking forward to, hope for the rest of our lives. That's what I've come to understand. We deserve all the benefits the worlds have to offer. We're not doomed, not when we're whole again." He let out a short breath, sweeping an arm down to the houses and buildings below. "We've all been given second chances, and I don't intend on wasting mine. Not when I took everything for granted before…or focused on what was going wrong with my life."
Pressing his forehead against Even's, he added, "I think I have enough to be content with right now."
I'm a source of contentment in his life! Even thought ecstatically, being aware but no less elated at hearing it said out loud. He was glad no one was around to witness this tender moment, if only because he felt like giggling. Giggling! What dignified, self-respecting scientist with a replica program to his name would be caught doing such a thing? Not him, but he settled on a wide grin before participating in a chaste kiss that nonetheless lingered afterwards.
With teasing crinkles around his eyes, Dilan asked, "Do you have any more questions? You said you had several."
"Ah, well, yes…But, they're not so important. They can wait." Even smirked back.
Under a starlit night, questions paled in comparison to the man beside him and all of the beauty and promise of their Radiant Garden.
A/N: Uh, yeah, Dilan/Even being a thing...This happened almost by accident. I re-read their little exchange at the end of Ch. 4 and thought, "Hm, this could actually be read as Dilan flirting with Even a little bit". So, I thought I'd try it out in the writing of this chapter and see what I thought. In my opinion anyway, it turned out better than I expected. And I think the idea of a pair of the apprentices falling in love (excluding Ienzo from the narrative, of course) is rather sweet as well as interesting to write.
Other things:
-Admittedly, I was bullshitting through all the science stuff, as I didn't want the chapter to be JUST about that. That stuff will definitely come into play later, but for now, I wanted to draw out Even's arc and his psychology. Watching those Re: Mind cutscenes, I was like...OK, but how were Namine and Roxas NOT involved in each other's revival? Oh well, all in due time here.
-I was disappointed that Ansem the Wise didn't get called out more than he did by other characters, so I figured Even was probably the best character to take him to task over some of his past actions. Not to say Ansem is an evil guy or anything, but he does share some of the culpability here, let's be honest. It was a scene I thought about not throwing in, but I'm glad I did.
I'm sure there's other "behind-the-scenes" details to share, but I'm tired and want to upload this while it's still technically August (for 1 more hour, lol). I'll try not to put too much pressure on myself for next time and give you guys the best effort I can give you. And besides, when I've been in the zone (a difficult task this year, as I'm sure everyone knows all too well), I've really enjoyed myself while writing. That's the most important thing, right?
Next time, Aeleus...Jeez, what am I going to do with this guy? Lol.