It's bright outside, blindingly bright. Like walking up to heaven's gates.
He must have forgotten to draw his curtains last night, for it is usually a struggle for him to wake up before his thundering alarm.
Eyes wide open now, he drags himself into the bathroom and begins to brush his teeth. Minty taste washing through his mouth, he looks in the mirror to see his wife's reflection beside his own, synchronising her motions with him.
"Morning, Chuck," she makes out between brushes.
He replies but it ends up being a jumbled mess of gargling. To make up for it he smiles at her and she giggles lightly before strutting out of the bathroom.
It has been awhile since they last shared the bathroom in the morning but he chalks it up to waking up earlier than usual.
Running has never been a memorable pastime for him. He had distinctly abhorred it even as a child, much favouring video games and movies. It is honestly a modern day miracle that his metabolism could keep him gangly and skinny through so many years.
The summer morning warmth envelopes him, almost like a caress. He relishes in it, all of a sudden glad that he has picked up the morning running habit. It truly is freeing and even peaceful, nothing to bother him but his own thoughts.
He has ended up in a nearby park, devoid at this time of day but for a few other early morning risers. Trees cast haphazard shadows out from the low angle of the sun.
But soon he is out of breath, stopping and keeling over to frantically suck in air into his greedy lungs.
Sarah laughs at him as she approaches. She must have given him a head start, yet she was there beside him already and not a bead of sweat broken, it seems.
"Exhausted already?"
"Shush!" he says as his breathing settles into a predictable pattern. "I'm not that unfit."
She ignores the comment, his pride thankful.
"Come on, Chuck. There's only about a half mile left."
"I think I'll walk the rest of it," he decides.
She ponders over this, tilting her head to the side. "Well OK, but if you're fast enough you can catch me in the shower." She winks at him and bolts off like she has been shot out of a cannon.
He stands there stock still, simultaneously flushing from her boldness and perplexed by how she has the energy to sprint off.
A couple of cyclists that are resting off to the side of the pathway give him an odd look.
He grabs a croissant and rushes out the door and into his car, settling for washing the plate in the evening.
She's immediately beside him, not even noticing the passenger door opening and shutting. He has grown accustomed to her silent movements, not even flinching when he sees her. She has always been deadly silent, which is why he occasionally refers to her as a ninja.
He ambles the car through traffic, quietly cursing rush hour. He is tapping the steering wheel impatiently, completely out of sync with the radio.
"Chuck, you drive slower than my mum. Honestly I think I should drive."
He rolls his eyes but knows her comment is in jest. "I'd rather get to work without suffering a heart attack, thanks," he shoots back.
"Baby," she whispers, barely audible.
Soon the office highrise comes into sight, hulking over them.
He had decided to move Carmichael Industries out almost two years prior from its previous home under the Buymore, aptly named Castle. It now resides in a skyscraper surrounded by a plethora of even taller skyscrapers.
Perhaps the strange homeliness of Castle is gone but it has been a necessary sacrifice to create a legitimate business out of Carmichael.
Along with the physical move, there had also been the industry move into cyber security and engineering, something that Chuck has always yearned to work in.
They rented out barely a full storey of the building but it is more than enough as he hasn't contemplated expanding out yet. With Beckman and other Defence clients sending through plenty of work, it has never been less than busy.
She sighs as he pulls the car into a vacant spot and disappears into the elevator, saying she is late for a meeting.
She's sitting on his desk while he mindlessly scans through the financial reports. Her legs are dangling off, bare feet slightly above the ground.
He feels her eyes peer at his reports, before deciding that she may die from their boredom and settling her eyes on him.
He reaches around her to grab a pen and she dutifully pulls back slightly to allow him some space. He makes a few notes before resolving to look back at his computer to continue coding.
Usually he works alongside the rest of his employees in the open plan seating arrangement, but today he wants to be alone.
He establishes a relaxing pace, much like a jog, much preferring this to reading figures and words that amounted to little.
"What are you working on?" she asks harmlessly.
"Just another program for Beckman."
There's an easy pause before, "We should take a holiday."
He contemplates this. Chuck barely remembers the last time he has been on holiday. Must have been the honeymoon.
Suddenly he's on a beach that stretches on forever, coarse sand digging into his back, sun dipping down below the horizon, palm fronds lazily waving in tune with the ocean. It's truly bliss as Sarah cuddles him and utters sweet nothing into his ears. And it's just them.
Before he gets carried away, he wrenches himself forcefully back into reality.
"Where to?"
"Somewhere exotic. Like Tahiti or Vanuatu."
He nods, knowing that he really won't go. But imagining is the next best thing.
His sister, Ellie, visits him that evening. The long days and nights of motherhood, supplemented by her demanding job as a surgeon, have taken its toll on her once unlimited reserves of energy. But she's still the same in her own caring and motherly way.
Her husband, Devon, a true trooper, has volunteered to entertain their children for the night so that Ellie can spend time with Chuck.
They had long stopped celebrating Mother's Day, replacing the occasion with the occasional dinner alone together to simply enjoy each other's presence and to reminisce.
She sipped on a glass of wine, the red liquid tainting the sides as they lounged on the couch, Chuck gingerly nursing his own whiskey.
Ellie's parenthood stories, though incredibly amusing, sounded more like nightmares than blessings.
There's a break in the conversation and his mind drifts.
He turns his head and catches a glimpse of blonde hair above the rocking chair that's swaying back and forth. Now focusing his attention there, he is once again astounded by her beauty and she smiles coyly at him.
He realises he is being rude to Ellie so he whips his head back, neck almost cranking, to her but he knows it's too late.
"You still see her don't you?"
It is useless to even consider fabricating a lie, and he is ashamed for even considering it. He has had enough with lying to people, telling half truths and deceiving.
"Yes."
"You know it's not really h-"
"I know," he cuts her off, rather harshly in his haste. "But I'd rather let her live in my imagination than not at all. At least it's something. Please, just… let me live out my childish fantasies."
"You have to face reality, Chuck."
"One day, maybe, but not today."
Ellie sighs and tries a different tact, "Have you heard anything from Beckman?"
There have been rare rumours that have circulated around the intelligence community about Sarah's whereabouts, but nothing to pinpoint her. Beckman relayed these back to him and he acted on all of them immediately. But they were just rumours.
She could be on the other side of the world in Vanuatu for all he knew. In the arms of another man. Or worse, at the bottom of a shallow grave.
"We'll only find her if she lets us," Chuck says.
"You did all you could," Ellie says after another pause.
"It wasn't enough."
He had done nothing short of pleading her to stay, or to let him go along with her but she gave a resounding 'no', despite the heartfelt kiss they shared on the beach in the dying sunlight.
"Sorry, Chuck," she had said, "but I need to do this by myself."
"She'll come back. She always has," Ellie shakes him from his reverie.
Chuck has always believed this himself, but his belief wanes by the day like a religious follower that has had their values shattered.
"It's funny isn't it?" he asks while staring at the rocking chair. Sarah's still there, having barely moved an inch, but now wearing an expression of curiosity.
Ellie turns at this and gives him a questioningly look.
"For so long this life was exactly what I wanted. But now it feels like nothing."
Ellie nods wistfully at this before saying a final goodbye and leaving Chuck to mull over his own thoughts.
Soon, he finds himself tucked under his blankets. Sarah's on his left, with a noticeable gap in between them, both staring holes through the ceiling.
"Another day gone, Chuck," she whispers.
Recently, she has only appeared occasionally and when she does, he ignores her, making an attempt to join the world again. But it's difficult to not gaze at her, even more difficult not to yearn for her.
He buries himself relentlessly into his work, unallowing his mind to wander precariously. He realises that he indeed desperately needs a holiday but that will only lead to a further grasp on reality, he surmises.
The office is empty today, for it is the weekend. Chuck enjoys the quiet as he obsesses over the intricacies of his coding.
There's a tiny shuffling at the doorway of his office. He looks up and she's there again, although he is confused that she would make a sound now.
He does a double take, eyes shooting up. There's something different this time.
A few almost imperceptible wrinkles have appeared on her forehead. Her hair has lost some of its brilliance. But her eyes are the dead giveaway, a tsunami of weariness washing over them. But she is just as gorgeous every other day.
"Hi." It's the first time that he initiates the conversation and he realises he has thrown every ounce of resistance to his own delusions that he has built up. He begins to stand.
Barely out of his swivel chair and she's in front of him, daring him to touch her. He reaches out but hesitates, drawing his hand back.
She seems puzzled at this but decides to waste no time to hug him, throwing herself at him and melding her body to his.
She's astonishingly warm against him, contrasting his frozen stature. She refuses to let go so he tentatively reaches around her. It feels beyond real.
Chuck loses track of time as they stand there, just being, before she finally pulls back.
"Kept you waiting, huh?"
He should be pissed off, furious, but he's just bewildered that she's there. She begins to show off a dazzling smile and before he knows it, he plants a shy kiss on her.
They break apart. "Wow, I've wanted so long to do that," he says
There's a tear in her eye but she wipes it. She holds out her hand.
"Ready to get out of here, cowboy?"
Cheers for reading.