Chapter 3 – A bump on the road

Second Stop: Luca

- "Tidus? Is that you?"

A blond, tall girl looked at them, astonished. An Al-Bhed, Yuna instantly figured out. Who was she?

- "Linna? Oh my god hey!"

She approached them and hugged Tidus. Yuna didn't understand, where did she come from?

- "Yuna, this is Linna, we met in the blitz tournament, two years ago!" Tidus said, answering her silent question.

- "Nice to meet you", Yuna said. When really, it wasn't nice to meet her. At all.

- "The Yuna? Wow, you do have relations!" The girl joked, poking Tidus' arm.

Yuna, who usually liked everyone, wasn't a big fan of the girl. She wasn't sure why exactly. She looked at her from head to toes: The girl was quite tall, with short blond hair and weird Al-Bhed glasses.

- "Say", the girl started again, totally ignoring Yuna, "are you free right now? I'd love to go grab a drink with you and catch up!"

- "Ermm…" Tidus started, looking at Yuna.

She both liked and didn't like that he would ask his permission to go. Did he feel like he had to ask her? She had a meeting anyway, but in that moment, she really wished she didn't.

- "Go", she said, literally forcing the word out of her mouth, that closed in a hard line.

- "Are you sure?" Tidus asked, worried. She didn't look pleased. And truth was, he didn't really mind not going, he would much rather spend time with her.

Yuna nodded, both trying to convince him and herself that it was all fine—peachy, even.

- "Of course!" She exclaimed, hoping it hadn't sound as forced as she had heard in her head. "I have a meeting in a bit, anyway."

Her meeting wasn't until three in the afternoon—and it was barely midday. Tidus still wouldn't budge, looking at her funny. What was his problem? She had said twice there were none!

- "Go!" She repeated, trying her best to sound convincing. She forced a smile, but quickly gave up on the idea, she couldn't smile right now.

- "Ok…" Tidus finally accepted. "I will meet you back at that place we whistled at—four? Five?"

She knew exactly where he meant, and it almost hurt that he would talk about their 'spot' right here, right now, when he was abandoning her to go on a date with another girl.

- "Sure!" She said, and quickly turned away. She wasn't even sure where she had to go, but she acted as if she did, until they were out of sight. She needed to work on her lying skills. Bad.

Third Stop: Mi'ihen road

- "Yuna, what's wrong?"

- "Nothing!" She lied.

He had met her at the spot, like they had planned. Only he hadn't seen the time—that Linna girl sure was a talker!—and he was half an hour late. But he had apologized, and tried to make her laugh, or just talk ever since. But when he had started whistling, and still she wasn't reacting, he knew something was really going on.

- "Come on. I can see something is clearly wrong. Spit. it. out."

She said nothing. Tidus sighted. Yuna just shook her head, sighed and stood up.

- "Shall we go?" She just said, and without waiting for his reply, started to climb the stairs that led to Mi'hen road.

But Tidus wasn't having it. They were going to talk about this, whether she liked it or not. He followed her to the stairs, waited for her to talk. And when he realized she wasn't going to, ever, he said:

- "Are you jealous? Is that it? Because if you are you, I can tell you you have no reason to…"

- "No, I don't care. I don't care that you spent the entire day with another girl, when I remember you asking me to come with you on this trip!"

There it was. So she was jealous. Part of him was happy about it, but only a small part. She really seemed angry. And it was weird, seeing Yuna really angry. He didn't get it. He didn't think he deserved it, really.

- "Are you being real right now? I asked you like three times if you didn't mind me going! I did want to spend the day with you, but I didn't feel like saying no, she is one of the rare friends I made in Spira. It felt good to see a familiar face. Plus, I only spend a few hours talking with her. And she was the one talking alone, most of the time, anyway."

- "I said I was fine!"

Oh, he was starting to lose his patience. Yuna wasn't stopping. If anything, she was walking faster and faster, almost running away from him. He came to stand in front of her, next to a blue, healing sphere, a little after the top of the stairs.

- "Yuna, freaking hell! Why can't you ever say what you really feel! It's exhausting sometimes."

- "Sorry I'm exhausting you", she said, and she just moved to his left and kept walking. Tidus sighed again. She was acting like such a moody teenager right now, he couldn't believe it.

- "You know it's not what I meant…" He looked at the skies, as if asking for some help.

- "Wanna know what really is exhausting?" She suddenly said, finally stopping to face him. "Spending all your time with a man who acts like a little child!"

And it was as if she had slapped him. Hard. She immediately seemed to be regretting what she had said, but it was too late to take it back, so she said nothing, and looked down at her hands, ashamed.

Tidus slowly nodded, his heart beating so hard he could feel it thumbing in his throat, where a knot seemed to have formed. So that's what she really thought of him. Well, he had always sensed it anyway, ever since he had gotten back to Spira. And now, at last, the truth was out. That's what he had wanted from her anyway, right? He wanted her to say what she felt. Well, she had. He had hoped for a different answer, but she had.

- "I see. I understand now. If that's ok with you, I'm going to go for a walk. I'll meet you again at Rin's inn tonight. OK?"

Yuna said nothing, head still down, biting her lips, tears threatening to explode out of her eyes. She slightly nodded, and heard him walk away. After a bit, she looked up at him. His head was down, his hands in his pockets. He seemed lifeless, drained of his usual ray of light.

She sat where she had, back when she had recorded her goodbye sphere, two years ago, and she was thinking, trying to find the answers. She was trying to understand him, but mostly, she was trying to understand herself.

Without a sound, nor a word. Tidus had come back to her. He sat next to her, and suddenly her heart started beating faster. What now? Was he going to say he wanted them to part ways? Would that be the right solution? Were they really that incompatible now? For some reason, she felt like it was all up to him, on that moment. As the silence was drawing on, Yuna started to panic, and to imagine every scenario: "He is going to say he hates me, that he doesn't want to see me again. No, that's silly, he doesn't look mad", she thought. She realized she had been staring at his face for a beat too long, so she quickly looked away. No, he looked sad. He was probably going to say he had realized they couldn't work out, even though they had tried. And that was somehow worse than if he'd say he hated her. Because hate was a fleeting emotion, hate could disappear quickly, once the heat of the moment had passed. But sadness… It meant he had given up on her, on them, on what they could be.

The silence was slowly driving her insane, and she couldn't stop herself from looking at him again. He was looking at her, too, and her heart skipped a beat. She breathed in, and her eyes were pleading him to say something. But he didn't, he just stared back at her, in silence. Some of the sadness was gone from his face, but a few hints of it still shined in his eyes. The ghost of a smile reached his lips, but not his eyes. The orange light of the sunset was highlighting some of his features, changing his face a bit. He seemed… different. So serious, and it wasn't like him. He turned his face away from hers, and went back to staring at the view. Just when she was about to say something, just to break this unbearable silence, he simply stated:

- "I have my question."

And with that sentence, Yuna let out a reassured sight, and some of the weight on her shoulders was gone. She hadn't even realized she had been holding her breath until just now. He was still playing their game, so it meant things couldn't be that bad yet. She looked at him expectantly.

- "Why is it that, that you can't say what you really feel?"

Yuna let the question sink in. Why was it, really? She felt she didn't know the answer. But she didn't want to tell him just that, so she thought about it some more. He patiently waited, and she chose to take her time. But her thoughts seemed to be all clogged up, and so she started to speak:

- "I guess… I guess I feel like I can't tell them. Like I shouldn't, because I have to be strong, because I have to control them, because I don't want to feel them, so I think that if I ignore them for long enough, they will go on their own. I feel like I shouldn't bother people with them, that I have to power through them and be stronger, to be their protector."

Tidus sighted. She wondered if her answer had disappointed him. But it wasn't an angry sight, nor a happy one. It was just a sight, because he was thinking about what she had said.

- "You do know Sin is dead now, right? That it is alright to live your life the way you want to?"

He was right. Of course he was. But she didn't know what to say to that. Yes, she knew he was gone, she knew she could be happy now, but something was stopping her, and she couldn't figure out what... Tidus spoke again, stopping her train of thoughts.

- "Feeling what you feel, expressing it, that does not make you weak. You are not weak because you are sad, or angry, or happy. You can't make them go away. You shouldn't even try to. You are allowed to have emotions. I think… I think you should never have had to handle such pressure, two years ago. You literally bore the weight of the world on your shoulders, and you couldn't be seen sad, or angry, or even bummed out. And that's not fair, Yuna. But anyways, that part of your life is over now. You have done your part; you can relax now. You are so strong, nothing is ever going to change that. But I think… I think you should just breathe, you know? Let loose, accept that you have feelings, and learn to express them, so I can understand what's wrong, and so we can talk about it. I can't always read your mind, Yuna. As much as I try."

As he said all this, Yuna finally understood. She understood how wrong she had been about him. He was not childish, had never been. She just judged him, wrongly so, because he did express his emotions, and she regarded herself as such a grown up because she didn't. But she had just realized, at that moment, how wrong she had been. Keeping her feelings to herself did not make her a grown up. He was more of a grown up than she was, in that regard. She felt so terrible, so childish herself. Yuna was looking down at her hands, before she could stop it, a tear fell down on them.

Tidus noticed, and grabbed her hands.

- "I am sorry if I was rough on you."

Yuna shook her head. She couldn't believe he was apologizing. It somehow made her feel worse. Because he wasn't even angry with her anymore, he had forgiven her, and she didn't feel like she deserved it yet. And she was seeing how good he was, how accepting. So she did what she felt was right, even if it seemed so hard. She told him how she felt.

- "I am sorry for what I said to you. I was jealous back there, but I didn't want to stop you from going with that girl, so I said I was fine. I thought it would pass, but when you got back, a little late, I was so mad. Mostly at myself, but at you, too. I was mad because you couldn't see I didn't want you to go, even when I said it was fine. I expected you to read my mind, and that was so wrong of me. I don't think you are like a little child; I didn't mean that. I just wanted to hurt you, because you had hurt me. That was stupid, and I am truly sorry."

Tidus nodded, and squeezed her hand in his. His hand was so warm, and hers so cold. But as time was passing, with his hand on hers, his hand was getting colder, and hers warmer, slowly reaching the same temperature. It was a slow process, but it was happening nonetheless.

- "It got you to open up to me, so I am glad it happened. You are forgiven."

And in that moment, Yuna burst into tears. She didn't know why really, but she did anyway. Maybe it was the relief that he forgave her, maybe just an accumulation of stress, of anger, of sadness, all mixed up together. She couldn't remember the last time she had yelled at someone. And although Tidus was the last person she ever wanted to yell at, he was also the only one she felt confident enough with to ever dare. It was a good sign, probably.

He slowly came to sit closer to her, and he circled her waist with his left arm, bringing her even closer to him. He let his forehead rest on the back of her head, and smelled her hair, slowly breathing out as he closed his eyes, hurt by her pain. And then he whispered slowly in her ears, in her hair.

- "You don't have to protect everyone anymore. Let me protect you."

They stayed like this for a long, long time. Slowly, Yuna was getting calmer and calmer, and Tidus patiently waited, kissing her on the top of her head from time to time. He said nothing, as he felt he had said his part, and she didn't either, she just focused on calming her breathing. He rocked her slowly, in his arms, and closed his eyes. He was trying to take her suffering away, just with the strength of his embrace. He hoped his love was reaching her, but he really had no doubt. She was squeezing him hard, her head buried in his chest. The night had fallen, and stars where everywhere, shining for them. A thin crescent moon, almost absent, gave them a small, hopeful light. He looked around them, and sighed. Yuna had finally calmed down, but they were still hugging in silence. There was nowhere he'd rather have been.

- "Thank you," she whispered softly. And he smiled, his chin resting on her head.

- "You're very welcome."

It was time for them to do something fun, he decided. It still looked early enough, so he decided they should go back to Luca, as they had barely gotten the chance to explore, and most of all, he wanted to see a Blitzball game. And he knew, those would usually start pretty late, and he was with Lady Yuna anyway, they were sure to get tickets. Although she didn't like to profit of her special status. He thought it was alright, she had completely deserved it, it was the least Spira could do for her. She agreed, and finally moved her head to look at him.

A single tear was rolling on her right cheek, so Tidus dried it away with his thumb. Their heads were so close then, he could feel her breath on his face. Inhaling, exhaling. Should he kiss her? He wasn't sure, she looked so fragile, so vulnerable just then. He noticed she was looking at his lips, too, and then back at his eyes. Her mouth opened a bit, as if she wanted to say something, but she didn't. He moved a bit closer to her face, slowly, like a little boy trying to tame a savage fox, and she let him. But then, suddenly realizing where she was, where he was, she panicked and turned away, blushing like crazy. He sighed and nodded, for himself. "Not yet", she was silently letting him know. He had gotten the message, and he was ok with it. He cleared his throat, and got up.

She turned to look up at him, and he grabbed her hands, pulling her up.

- "Shall we go, Lady Yuna?" He said, all formal.

- "We shall, Mr. Guardian", she replied, just as courtly.

Thanks to his Peaceful Shield, they were able to avoid any fiends. Tidus was relieved, somehow, to see that Mi'hen Road hadn't changed that much. There were just much less fiends, but it was the same. Walking side by side, below the stars, Tidus felt like they really were going somewhere, together. And he didn't just mean to the Bliztball game.

He let his hands, that had been crossed behind his head until then, fall back to his sides. And then, slowly, carefully, he took her hand into one of his. She jumped a bit, surprised by the sudden contact with his warm hand, hers had turned cold again. But then she smiled for herself, and squeezed her hand gently in his. They weren't talking, but it was alright. They didn't need to, for their connection to grow. It was there, passing from his hand to hers.