A small bell chimed as Catherine and Gabe exited the bakery. Their cakes had to cool down in the fridge before they were ready to be transported home, which left the two of them with about an hour to kill.
- How about a walk in Central Park? Gabe suggested.
There was nothing forceful about the proposition, Catherine noted, but a walk usually included either uncomfortable periods of silence or talking and owing to recent developments, Gabe was the last person on Earth she wanted to socialize with. In fact, the cake decorating had been a pleasant surprise since it had enabled her to actually ignore Gabe while focusing on her pastry. However, she had agreed to go on this date with an open heart and therefore found no excuse to turn his offer down.
- Sure, she answered curtly.
The night was still young when they entered the great nature reserve in the middle of New York City. Although the scarce trees and vegetation did not block out the sounds of the city, the change of scenery made it easier not to pay attention to the noise. They walked side by side for quite some time. For the moment Catherine just savored the silence, but after a stealthy side glance at Gabe, she realized from the way he indecisively but subtly opened and closed his mouth that he was about to say something.
- May I ask you a personal question? he eventually let out.
"No" was the instinctive answer, but Catherine strongly felt that that would be backing down on their deal.
- I guess, she replied, not wanting to sound too enthusiastic about it.
A few seconds passed during which Gabe seemed to debate with himself whether or not he should come forward with his query.
- When did you fall in love with Vincent?
The question took Catherine by surprise, causing her to make a brief halt.
- Excuse me? she asked fiercely.
- I'm serious, Gabe said calmly without backing down. When did you first know? And how?
Catherine did not know what upset her most: that Gabe was prying into her relationship with Vincent or that she felt she could not leave the question unanswered without going back on their agreement. Taking a deep breath to let out some of the sudden steam, she decided to play this one into his hands. Besides, what more harm could he do that he had not already done?
- Well, as you already know, I saw Vincent for the first time eleven years ago, she explained as they continued walking. He saved my life from the agents who had just killed my mother.
She made a pause when she heard Gabe swallow hard next to her. Casting a quick peek his way, she noticed that his eyes twitched agitatedly, as if blinking away unwelcome emotions. Suddenly she remembered that her mom had been an important mother figure for Gabe as well. Feeling a bit ashamed that she had brought up her murder with such indifference, Catherine hurriedly carried on with her story.
- When we met officially last year, I had delved on that first encounter for ten years. Meeting him in person was incredible. The fact that he even existed was proof that I had not gone crazy. And as I got to know him, I learned what a…
Catherine hesitated momentarily, wondering how to explain her rosy impression of Vincent to Gabe without sounding too doting. This was a date, after all.
- …Good person he is, she concluded. I mean, he was a former MD, living humbly in the shadows, secretly saving people's lives whenever he got the chance. He was doing what he could to make the world a slightly better place, in spite of his own feelings of not belonging.
Catherine stole another glance at Gabe, hoping to decipher his train of thought. However, his features were quite expressionless. If anything, he seemed pensive. Trying to lighten up the conversation, Catherine produced a mischievous grin and continued with little restraint:
- Plus, it would be a lie to say that I did not find him attractive. I don't mean to bore you with details, but you asked.
Gabe chuckled half-heartedly, which was quite a relief since Catherine had almost expected him to get upset at her comment.
- So to answer your question, Catherine summarized. I don't know at what exact point I fell in love with him, but I do know that by the time I realized it was serious it had already been long in the making.
A moment passed during which Gabe seemed to process her answer. Looking at his stony face, there was no telling how or if he had been affected by this piece of information. The seconds accumulated one by one, leaving an ever-growing silence behind.
- I see, he eventually replied, putting an end to the conversation.
The following minutes were disturbed only by the buzzing from the city and the voices of the other park visitors that they passed by. Without an ongoing conversation to focus on, Catherine let her eyes wander around in the park. She registered that in the rapidly darkening autumn evening, the light from the occasional lampposts was amplified exponentially. Some of the lanterns were caught up in the foliage of a nearby tree, which rendered the leaves an almost golden shimmer. Her musings over the beauty of the park were eventually disturbed by her company.
- I know that you didn't save my life with the defibrillator for my sake.
The statement was abrupt and completely out of context, which effectively caught Catherine's undivided attention. She did not know how to respond though. Contrary to what she would have expected, his tone was not accusing but rather melancholy.
- I don't blame you, Gabe carried on, conveying an affirmative look. Our relation wasn't exactly friendly back then. I saw to that…
His voice trailed off, leaving a regretful expression in his eyes. Catherine was not sure if she liked were this conversation was going. The two of them had been very close for a couple of weeks, but they had drifted apart and a few days ago Gabe had taken a stand that clearly signified that he no longer supported Catherine's interests, those being Vincent. As of now, seeing this humble side of Gabe that in recent days had been conspicuous by its absence, she felt her anger toward him slowly beginning to dissolve.
- My point is, Gabe continued without waiting for an answer, that I am grateful nonetheless. I am ashamed of what I put you and Vincent through back then and I have tried to make amends.
This time he remained silent, prompting Catherine to say something with an unfaltering gaze. She was not sure how to respond, though. He had made amends, for sure, and more than that, but that scarcely meant anything now owing to his recent determination to put Vincent behind bars.
- You did make amends, she eventually confirmed, however putting emphasis on past tense.
Gabe seemed to take the hint, seeing as a hurtful expression briefly swept across his face and he looked away in shame. For a moment, Catherine felt a sting of guilt, but she quickly dismissed the sneaky feeling. They were no longer friends; because of Gabe they were not even co-workers anymore. They were opponents and she had every right to show her disapproval of the path he had chosen. Then she remembered the "open-heart" date she was on and decided to try to smooth out the situation.
- I really mean it, she began carefully. You made amends and so much more. You were a true friend.
Seeing the slight widening of Gabe's eyes as he processed her words, she hoped that she had not reignited his aspiration of the two of them getting back together. Luckily, though, the moment was short-lived as Gabe let out a heavy sigh and looked away again.
Another couple of minutes passed by in silence as they kept walking leisurely. The sky was pitch-black by now, but owing to the amount of street lights and other sources of illumination there were no stars visible; that was one of the few things Catherine disliked about New York. Soon her thoughts were once again interrupted by her so-called date.
- What you and Vincent share, most people can only dream about.
Catherine was once again caught off guard by Gabe's apparent ability to combine an unexpected statement with an even more unforeseen sentiment. His voice sounded distant, as if he was imagining himself in that very dream of which he spoke, and when Catherine glanced at his profile she noticed an unmistakable longing in his gaze.
- I was… he continued, but immediately corrected himself. I am envious of Vincent, seeing how much you love him. You accept him, beast or not. You have no idea how much such acceptance means when you've lived like an abomination for years…
His voice faltered slightly, but he swallowed and carried on in an almost pleading tone, still without looking at her.
- What would I not have given to have had only a small parcel of that?
Catherine was speechless. In spite of her stubbornness she could not help but acknowledge the surge of empathy that his heart-breaking composure conveyed. She knew about Gabe's history; that he had been raised in an orphanage, experimented on by Muirfield and for the rest of his life forced to live with the ever-present fear of losing control should he fail to take his medication on time, something which she also knew had cost him his adoptive mother. There was a lot to feel sorry about when it came to Gabe, but owing to the things he had done to her and Vincent lately, Catherine fought hard to ignore his plight and instead attempted to steer the conversation in a new direction.
- What about Tanya? she asked tentatively. Didn't you two love each other?
Gabe's primary reaction was a condescending scoff, which surprised Catherine greatly, but after a moment of consideration his features softened.
- There were times when I felt as if she had been sent into my life by some higher power to bring me hope and salvation, but… her insistence on helping me find a way to subdue my beast side eventually only served to prove one thing: that I was abnormal and that my very nature needed to be revoked.
There was a moment of silence during which Catherine perceived a flood of hurt in Gabe's features from the crease of his brow to the slight tremble of his lower lip. Fighting back the pain, he continued in a hushed voice:
- She never accepted me the way I was. I know that she only meant well, but all the shame that she unknowingly fed me… Let's just say that I needed an extravagant façade in order to deal with my flawed inner self.
In the quietude that followed in the wake of his words, Catherine could no longer help herself. Gabe was turning his soul inside out for her; the least she could do was to show some sympathy. Hesitating ever so briefly, she reached out a gloved hand and placed on his shoulder, attracting a surprised but grateful look from Gabe.
- Look, I've only known you for a limited time, but it's been enough to tell that you are a good person. You are kind, considerate and very generous. Like I said before, you were a true friend when I was in doubt about… well, about Vincent.
Catherine did not really approve of the way her little pep talk had ended with the mention of Vincent's name. In a vain attempt to make up for that, she smiled kindly and soothingly stroked his arm a couple of times before retracting her hand.
- Thanks, Gabe mumbled and offered a hasty smile in return, although his voice was far from purged of sadness.
After a brief pause, he picked up where he had left off earlier.
- She was right, though. Tanya. I needed to keep it under control. I could feel my condition getting worse with each passing year. In the end, it was only a matter of time before my changing into a beast became permanent.
He shuddered at the appalling thought. Catherine could not blame him; unlike Vincent, who had shown signs of restraint even in his beast form, Gabe had lost all sense of awareness when he transformed.
Suddenly Gabe made a halt and looked Catherine straight in the eyes. The sadness was replaced with seriousness.
- Which is why I strongly believe that it is not safe for you to be with Vincent, he urged. He may be in control now, but that will not last and who knows, maybe the next time he loses it…
Catherine interrupted him with an impatient sigh. So this was where the conversation was headed? Fair enough. Since he was the one who brought it up she would not defer from speaking her mind.
- You know what? she countered with more fierceness than she had intended. You and my father keep telling me that beasts only get worse, but how do either of you really know? You say you speak from experience, although we established a long time ago that you and Vincent aren't the same. My dad refers to his research, but let's be honest: his lab cases aren't exactly representative of Vincent, who escaped Muirfield and lived a life in hiding, helping people whenever he had the chance.
She took a short break to catch her breath and calm her nerves. In the meantime Gabe stared at her dumbfounded, looking surprised rather than upset at her defiant reply. Not letting him interject his opinion, Catherine carried on.
- Besides, I speak from experience when I say that he has changed for the better. If anything, he is in better control now than he was a year ago when we first got to know each other. I don't want to sound superstitious, but that's got to mean something!
It was obvious that her words had impact on Gabe. There was not a trace of the superiority that had resided in his features whenever he talked about Vincent in the last couple of weeks. Instead, Catherine thought she made out a flicker of doubt in his narrowed eyes. For a long time, they just stood there, regarding each other as if trying to figure something out. Eventually, Gabe's look averted and Catherine almost perceived an air of defeat about him. He steered his steps toward an empty park bench and slumped down on it. Catherine followed his lead.
For a long time neither of them said anything. While Gabe stared blankly at a collection of withering leaves that blew away into the darkness of the trees, Catherine focused her eyes on her own shoes. It had been an interesting walk, to say the least, and frankly she was curious about how it was going to play out in the end. Eventually, as the recurring streak of the evening, Gabe broke the silence. To Catherine's surprise, he spoke with an almost feeble voice, as if he was trying to fight back a lump in his throat.
- I don't know if you believe me, but I have never acted out of malice towards you. Jealousy of Vincent, perhaps, but I've only ever wanted to protect you. I guess I put so much focus into protecting you that I did not see what I was becoming.
Catherine ascended her look to better perceive his face. In the light from the nearest lamppost she could tell by the way his eyes kept twitching and the repeated swallowing that he was indeed struggling to keep his emotions in check.
- I've always found comfort in putting the blame from my misguided actions on the beast that I could not control but that is no longer an excuse and still I have…
Gabe lifted his hands from his lap, palms facing up, and stared at them with disgust.
- I have… he stammered, breath quivering. Even after I became human again, I have done… monstrous things…
Gabe's voice broke into a fit of irregular hiccups and his body trembled as he tried, however unsuccessfully, to quench his sobs. Catherine was speechless. At first, she tried to dismiss this play of remorse as a charade to win her empathy again, but the tears that spilled from his closed eyes were very much real and she doubted that even Gabe was so good an actor. Once the first shock had settled, Catherine was able to take in the underlying meaning of what he just said. Had he just confessed to murder? She realized, though, that this was not the time to delve on that. Instead she placed a hand on his back and began to stroke it back and forth, just like she had done to his arm earlier.
For several minutes they sat like that. While Gabe did his best to take deeper breaths and subdue the seemingly uncontrollable flood of tears, Catherine pondered upon the turnout of the evening. A situation like this was the last thing she had expected when Gabe had blackmailed her into going on this date with him. Somehow it felt better this way. Catherine wondered at what point it had changed, but it no longer felt like he was trying to win her over. For the first time in many days, he seemed so… genuine.
Lost in her thoughts, Catherine did not notice that Gabe had calmed down to a steady breathing again and was therefore taken off guard when he suddenly spoke to her. His voice was no more than a whisper and there was a warmth to it that Catherine was not familiar with.
- When I learnt that you were Vanessa's daughter, I… It was like meeting a sister. After my adoptive mother passed away…
Gabe made a pause to stifle a sob.
- Well, let's just say I had no family left. I was alone for so many years. But then you appeared.
A hint of a smile brightened up Gabe's face for the first time since they entered the park. He still was not looking at Catherine but rather the dirt road before them. Catherine felt a bit awkward, hearing Gabe's heartfelt confession. She had not exactly perceived him as a brother when she learned that her mother had taken care of him at the orphanage.
- I thought that if I could only keep you in my life, I would have some chance at happiness, Gabe carried on with that faint smile lingering on his lips. Getting to know you, however, my feelings deepened and I was no longer satisfied with the thought of you being a sister or a friend. I am… sorry.
For the first time since they sat down on the bench, Gabe let his look ascend to Catherine's face. Surprisingly, there was neither joy nor sadness left in his eyes, but rather an overwhelming uncertainty, which made Catherine wonder if his "sorry" was a plea for forgiveness. In the wake of his earnest confessions and unprovoked demeanor, Catherine allowed herself to hope that Gabe could, perhaps, be reasoned with.
- I did love you once, Catherine mused aloud, attracting an apprehensive look from her company. And I don't think a feeling as strong as that can ever truly be erased. But I had given my heart to Vincent even before I met you and I know now that if I cannot be with Vincent, I will be with nobody. You of all people know that I tried to move on, and look where that led us.
Ending her sentence with a playful giggle, she managed to draw a faint chuckle from Gabe. There was a moment of silence, whereupon Gabe momentarily buried his face in his hands and sighed deeply. When he looked up again he had managed to purge his features and reclaim a fairly neutral expression. Flashing a well-practiced smile that lacked any warmth, he addressed his date matter-of-factly:
- I think this is enough for one evening, don't you?
Catherine had no intention to argue with that and so she followed Gabe's lead and stood up. Silence ruled between them as they walked back the way they came. However, Catherine could not shake the feeling that there was a new vigor in Gabe's steps, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
They arrived at the bakery just in time to pick up their cakes before it closed. Stepping out on the side-walk, Gabe waved in a cab and opened the door to let Catherine in. When he did not join her, she stuck her head out and looked at him questioningly.
- You know what? I think I'll walk home instead. It's not that far and I've begun to appreciate the crisp night air. It's refreshing.
Catherine could easily tell that he was not being honest in his motivation, but she decided not to push it. Gabe reached inside the cab and handed the driver a bundle of cash along with directions to Catherine's apartment. Then he withdrew and looked at Catherine again. An almost genuine smile lit up his features and he said jokingly:
- I'm sure that cake will be a blast at your sister's bachelorette party.
- I hope so, Catherine replied and returned the smile.
For a moment they lingered, lost in each other's gaze. Then Gabe offered a formal nod and the words:
- Have a good night, Catherine.
Without waiting for an answer, he closed the door and left the scene before the car had even set into motion.
When Catherine arrived at the precinct the next day she was met with quite a tumult. Trying to orient her way to her desk was no easy task and halfway there she was met by Tess, who looked at her with a mixture of relief and admiration.
- Okay, I don't know what you two did last night but it sure solved a lot of our problems.
- What are you talking about? Catherine asked, annoyed to be in the dark.
- Take a look over there, Tess said triumphantly and pointed at the interrogation room.
Catherine peered at the Venetian blind that draped the inside of the windows and was able to make out Gabe's profile. From what she could perceive, his head was held high and his gaze was unwavering as he spoke to the interrogator.
- What's going on, exactly? Catherine asked without taking her eyes off of Gabe.
- I haven't got the whole story yet, Tess admitted, but from what I've been able to gather, Gabe has confessed to the murders of Ray Sheckman, Jack Watson and Curt Windsor plus he has dropped his claims against Vincent's exoneration.
Catherine's jaw dropped as she turned around to look at her friend, who smiled widely.
- Are you serious? she asked, disbelieving.
- Yep, Tess confirmed with a warm chuckle. So I guess this date wasn't such a bad idea after all.
With those words, Tess skipped off to their desks. Catherine, however, remained unmoving, her eyes once again fixed on the man in the interrogation room. Was this for real? Was her and Vincent's struggle finally over? Then why did she feel so empty? There was relief, of course, but no joy.
Suddenly Gabe stood up. Catherine watched someone walk up behind him and cuff him before they exited the interrogation room. For a brief moment the whole precinct fell dead silent, but the effect was short-lived. Within a few seconds the volume peeked as Gabe was bombarded with questions and remarks from the assembled police force. Staying true to his character, he did not flinch at their accusations but ignored them with a false impression of authority.
At one point, as he was guided through the crowd toward the exit, his and Catherine's eyes locked. Catherine did not know what unspoken message she wanted to convey – indifference, condolence, regret? – but she doubted that she was able to make much sense. Gabe, on the other hand, wore a resolute expression, not letting on a single emotion. He nodded formally at Catherine, just like he had done last night before they parted, and then carried on without any act of resistance.
Still unsure about how she felt when she slumped down at her desk opposite to Tess, Catherine only knew one thing for certain: it was over.