Word Count: 781

These are the moments he lives for. They lay together, sprawled across the bed, and, just for this moment, they can pretend that everything is okay. There isn't a war brewing; they don't have terrible choices to make.

Alice yawns, eyes opening. She sits up, her short hair a mess. She's always had the most adorable bedhead. Lucius wishes he could wake up to it every morning. "I have to go," she says.

Of course she does. His parents will send the house-elf in to wake him soon. The last thing they need is for their secret to be discovered.

"You need a new mattress," she chuckles. "I'm all stiff."

Lucius reaches for her. "I can help with that."

She grins, pressing a quick kiss to his forehead. "I'm sure you can."

…

Lucius wakes, and he immediately wishes he didn't have to get out of bed. He can feel it in the pit of his stomach. Something is wrong.

Beside him, Narcissa sits up, stretching. "Good morning," she says.

He knows it's just a game they play. If they pretend to be the happy couple in their idyllic home with the perfect marriage, maybe it will become a reality. Merlin knows they've been faking it for so long, and Lucius is tired.

Still, Lucius smiles and sits up. "Good morning, Cissa," he greets before getting out of bed.

Bad feeling or not, he has to carry on. Any concerns can wait.

…

Alice stands in front of his window, watching the rain drops pelt against the glass. Lucius can see her face reflected, the way her bright eyes narrow and her lips twist into a frown. She's beautiful when she loses herself in thought like that.

"We can't keep going on like this," she tells him, turning to face him. "You know we can't."

"Just because Father wants me to marry Narcissa Black, doesn't mean I'm going to," he says.

"It isn't just about that."

He knows. It's something that they return to again and again. The war. The sides. The hopeless impossibility of it all.

"Alice," he whispers.

"You can choose me, Lucius." She reaches out and takes his hand, tugging him closer. "You don't have to follow him."

He wishes it could be that simple. Alice could never understand the pressure, the desperation, the necessity. There isn't much of a choice in it.

"Alice," he says again, kissing her gently.

She pulls away, eyes wide as understanding hits. "This is how it has to be, then?"

"I'll never be what you want me to be," he says, and it kills him to say it. "You're good. I'm not."

He wishes he could be. What he wouldn't give to be someone who deserves her.

She laughs, the sound dry and bitter. "Good to know."

…

Dobby fixes them breakfast, but Lucius doesn't have much of an appetite. He reaches for the Daily Prophet, and he freezes, a lump in his throat.

Alice is on the front. Hers and Frank's picture isn't as large as the one of Lily and James Potter, but Lucius is immediately drawn in by her kind smile. She isn't dead; that's about where the good news ends.

"Excuse me," Lucius says, jumping to his feet as soon as he's scanned through the article and learned everything he needs to know. "I've just remembered that I have a meeting."

…

Alice refuses to talk to him. For the most part, she won't even look at him.

Once, he had believed that they could have a life together. Maybe they still could, but he sees the way she smiles at Frank Longbotton, and he knows that he has lost.

He will marry Narcissa Black, and he will always be eaten away by the guilt and the knowledge that he could have had everything he ever desired.

…

Alice is gone. Maybe she's still alive, but it isn't the same. She looks at him, and it's like she's looking right through him, like she doesn't see him. When she smiles, it doesn't make her whole face glow.

She is shell, a ghost, not the woman he loves.

Lucius takes a step closer, and his stomach clenches. He could have prevented this. He should have prevented this. If only he had known…

It's his fault. It's all his fault.

"Mr. Malfoy?"

He forces a smile, ever the epitome of calm and collected as he faces the Healer. "Gretchen! Lovely to see you. I was in here, hoping to make a donation to this ward."

He couldn't keep herself, but he will not let that happen again. This loss is too great, but Lucius refuses to lose her for good.