Shiro's stress-induced flashbacks rarely occurred anymore. He had a headache often, yes, but it wasn't from flashbacks as his team suspected it was, if Hunk's questions and Lance's pitying looks were anything to go by.
Instead, it was from a small rippling behind his eyes, as if something was clinging to his mind from the front or a parasite was looking out of his eyes. A strange thing to visualize, he knew, but that's what it felt like, and it was by no means comfortable.
Thus; headache.
That day during Omega Shield, he didn't really think the flashbacks would kick back in. He wasn't exactly sure if they were flashbacks, since they didn't bring a flood of memories back with them and progressed for far longer then his usual ones did.
The Paladins didn't notice his growl of pain the first two times the flashback threatened to overcome him. The third time, Pidge had asked him a question when the headache rammed into him, whispers ringing in his head as the flashback threatened to emerge from the depths of his mind. Nobody would have noticed unless if Pidge hadn't brought their attention to it by repeating his name. (Or asking him the question to start with.)
The tiny, angry, omnipresent voice inside was angry at Pidge for indirectly pointing it out, though Shiro's logical side reasoned that it couldn't be helped; nobody knew that a flashback was creeping up again.
Later, coming upon the Omega Shield and Sendak's fleet, the whispers would reach screeching heights within seconds, rattling Shiro's bones and threatening to rip open his skull with the ear-piercing screams. He cried out, his palms grinding into each side of his helmet in an effort to calm his splitting headache.
This time, it was Lance who asked about it, beating the other Paladins to the query. Shiro did his best to reassure them of his well being, despite breathing heavily, his headache dying down to a dull pulsing.
(He had thought he saw Haggar, cheek marks glowing, during those brief seconds. He was certain he was remembering one of her twisted experiments on him. But why here? Why now? Unlike the previous memories, this one had been unprovoked and had little to no warning. Usually, there was about half a second of deja vu for him to realize what was about to happen, but this time, it was random.
Allura noticed next when Shiro broke out in a very short scream of pain, his hands gripping the Black Lion's controls like a vice. That time, he was able to recover quickly, but his skull was still ringing. He had seen Haggar approaching a pyramid-like structure, one he was certain he had never seen before. Maybe he was starting to have fever-dreams. If that was possible when not being asleep. Or while not having a fever.
When he got sent on the mini mission with Pidge hardly five doboshes later, he prayed to God - and, admittedly, the Lions - to have pity on him and not let him have a serious flashback/fever-dream while in the generator port.
Pidge was only a kid - they all were, but Pidge even more so at the tender age of fourteen - and Shiro really didn't want her to have to witness one of his attacks by herself. Especially if it was the big one he could sense coming.
He considered himself lucky that, when the flashback did hit, he was able to keep a relatively straight face. It was only a small vision, and his barely concealed grunt thankfully didn't draw Pidge's attention away from her task of hacking into the terminal. His hand grew blurry, fading in and out of focus, but he still tried to latch his attention on, trying to regain his center of balance.
Eventually, his hand morphed into a blue, withered one. He recognized it as Haggar's.
He could see the witch's hand - the back of it, which was a little odd, due to how he had only really ever interacted with her while she was reaching toward him - surrounded by a glowing surface, charted in one of her spell patterns. Shiro's view panned out, revealing Haggar surrounded by statues that resembled Alteans, everyone posed to attack.
Shiro tried to hone in on her, try to figure out what was going on and why this wasn't triggering an onslaught of memories and clarity, but the flashback/fever-dream ended too abruptly - and too painfully.
This time, his hiss of anger couldn't be helped, and Pidge caught on. Her gaze flickered from her wrist com to his face, before returning back to her holographic screen. Something must have registered on his face, because in the next second she did a double take, leaning toward him, eyes narrowed as she watched him suspiciously. She inquired him of his health, but he pointed to her holo screen, reminding her of the mission.
Shiro turned off his coms, after that. He couldn't turn them off completely - of course - but it lowered the distance as short as possible, so that only Paladins in a ten-foot range could hear him. Unfortunately, Pidge fell into that range. Hopefully, however, the other Paladins would think his silence meant he was doing better. One worried Paladin would probably be easier to deal with then four.
Presently, Pidge finished hacking, turning around to watch the halls around them light up, filling their surroundings with a violet glow. Shiro followed her gaze, but the purple reminded him all too well of Haggar and her magic, and he turned his head away again, focusing on the pad before him. (Thankfully, it was red, not purple.)
Pidge informed the others of the shield's status, returning immediately to her holo screen to monitor the stableness of the Omega Shield.
Shiro somehow knew that the next flashback/vision was coming a split second before it did, and he only had enough time to raise his head, a small gasp on his lips, before it hit. He was unable to even brace himself, and then he was surrounded by a yellow glow that turned white and faded ever so slightly before a Lion formed andattackedanditwassobigandpowerfulbutitwascomingforhimandhehadtoescapebuteverythinghurtandeverythingwasringingandhenolongerhadcontrolandHaggarwasthereandeverythingwasscreamingandhecouldnotholdonanylongerHELPhecouldnotthinkanymoreheneededquintessenceheneededtokillhehadto—
Shiro was dully aware of grasping his head with both hands, thrashing and pushing himself backwards to escape the Lion, his head screaming, a headache pounding against his skull, enveloping his whole head as he kicked out his legs, trying to escape.
He thought he heard a voice scream out his name, and though it was familiar, he couldn't figure out why.
He also thought he was supposed to be doing something important, but he couldn't figure out what.
Everything continued to scream, and Shiro's thrashing slowed, lacking energy to do anything more then clutch his head and clench his teeth, snarls arising from deep in his throat.
The White Lion was everywhere, surrounding him; each swipe of its paw rekindling the scream of Shiro's headache. But the White Lion wasn't attacking him. Haggar kept flickering in and out of view, and the Lion was focusing on her. However, more often then not, it's claw would clip though Shiro to try and get at the witch, the slightest graze of its paw leaving Shiro gasping for breath. Whether his eyes were open or closed it didn't matter; the White Lion was still there.
Shiro's muscles went slack; it was all he could do to withstand a scream - inside he knew that crying out would do more harm then good, though he didn't know why to that, either - and while his hands were still firmly rooted to his skull, it would take but a tug for one or both to collapse.
He shuddered, trying to curl into himself. Shiro could tell he was still moving despite the lack of mobility in his body; it felt like he was falling backwards, drifting on and on into a void, yet in his flashback/fever-dream, he was holding still. On top of everything else, he felt motion sick.
He was vaguely aware of his biological hand being guided gently away - though still with a sense of urgency - from his head, tiny fingers wrapping around his wrist.
His body jerked, and for a minute, everything was still. He grunted, clutching his head a little tighter with his prosthetic hand. The immobility didn't last long; the next moment he was being pulled in the opposite direction as before; now forward.
And still, in his vision, he was rooted to the spot, watching the White Lion attack, and gazing after Haggar as she avoided contact with the predator.
As the direction of his fall changed, his prosthetic hand was also pulled away from his head, clutched desperately by another tiny hand.
The familiar voice from earlier repeated his name, this time adopting a pleading tone, urging him onward. His biological hand was released, in favor of both small hands wrapping tightly around his Galran arm; one grabbing his hand from the back and the other tugging at his wrist.
The voice was talking once more, sounding more desperate and afraid, pulling his hand as far away from him as it could.
His hand was shoved roughly onto a small surface, the person holding him refusing to leave. He could feel his hand reheat, a whirring noise filling the air. It was faint, and almost inaudible, but it was there nonetheless.
A cheer sounded in his ear, and he let out a hiss of pain at the loud noise, curling up a little as he pulled his hand back toward him as much as possible. The fingers that had been curled around his wrist released him, albeit slowly, and he gripped his head once more.
In his vision, Haggar released a spell, catching the White Lion in her trap and forcing it to give her the secrets of Oriande, following up with threats to destroy it. The White Lion roared, once, and it's frosty yellow eyes rotated, seeming to stare into Shiro's soul.
Shiro felt his body jolt, the gaze like a knife to his stomach, and he let out a scream, clutching his torso and head simultaneously.
The flashback/fever dream ended, rolling back from his mind like a tide being guided back to see. The lion's roar faded from his mind, and though the ringing was still present, it had faded to a dull thumping in his ear.
Shiro relaxed, blinking his eyes - which he hadn't realized had been closed - open with a quiet hiss.
He would have jumped back in alarm - if not for the anti-gravity - for when he opened his eyes, he was met with Pidge's brown ones, worry flashing in them. She was leaning close enough that their helmets were hardly a centimeter from each other, and the proximity was enough to make Shiro lean away.
Pidge made a noise of surprise at his involuntary jerk, grabbing his wrist to keep him close.
It took him a moment to realize exactly why she was worried; his flashback/fever-dream must have caused trouble with the shield and- oh. Shiro blinked at her slowly, panting quietly. Realizing that a response was needed to calm her down, he assured her of his mental stability and praised her for saving the mission, as he could only assume she had done.
Pidge released his wrist with uncertainty, and though she tugged at her gauntlet nervously, she accepted his assurance. However, even after encouraging them both to get topside, she stayed by his side until he was safely in the Black Lion before heading back over to the Green Lion.
Shiro hoped that'd be the end of it for the day, but of course, it wasn't.
On the contrary, not fifteen doboshes later, after a repair crew and replacement shield plates were announced to be en route, and all the Paladins were loaded up, Shiro felt the headache start to beat behind his eyes again.
While Allura and Pidge were busy congratulating a snoring Hunk on his newfound leading traits, and Lance was being blissfully silent, Shiro's mind collapsed once more.
This time, the flashback/fever-dream only lasted about twenty-five ticks, and was not nearly as painful as the previous one. In the new flashback, Haggar withdrew from the pyramid, her skin turning from blue to a more realistic color, the old hag removing her hood to reveal her glowing yellow eyes turning into a more natural - in the Altean sense of the word - color and shape.
Shiro hummed in contempt as the flashback faded, kneading his forehead absentmindedly, removing his helmet to do so.
Shoro mentally urged the Black Lion to turn off his side of the coms, which the mighty beast did, though he refused to even offer Shiro a comforting purr. Shiro felt a little hurt by that; ever since he rejoined the team, his Lion has been distant. Reasons were unclear.
The Paladins arrived at the Castle a short time later, loading the Lions into their bays before making their way over to Zargon Base; the former Emperor Zarkon's - but the current Emperor Lotor's - command ship.
Shiro figured once the mission was behind them, all incidents would be forgotten, but he was wrong. He had taken a few extra minutes in his Lion to regather his bearings and ensure another attack wasn't eminent. (He could feel the little mind-parasite adjusting itself behind his eyes, peering out at what he did. He knew if he didn't obey the little, angry, invisible parasite it would wind up giving him a headache or - in extreme cases - a migraine. He hoped to avoid angering it.)
He took enough time that when he opened the doors, Pidge was already standing there, arms crossed.
He startled, jumping back several feet as he clutched his chest; a change from grabbing his head, yes, but a welcome one. "Quiznak!" Shoot swore, a very rare occurrence, hissing angrily. "Pidge!"
Pidge had no change in expression, even at his outburst. She seemed quite concerned; Shiro's surprise didn't change that. "Are you doing okay today? You've been pretty… out of it. All day."
"I'm doing just fine." Shiro grunted, clenching his teeth together as he pinched his flesh arm, trying to distract himself from the ringing in his head.
"I'm worried about you." Pidge told him, glancing at his scrap of pinched flesh. "You've been acting different today; are your headaches getting stronger?"
"No." He curtly snapped, looking at her sideways.
Pidge held up her hands in surrender, shrugging. "Just saying. Listen, if you don't want to talk about it, it's fine. I'm not going to press you, and none of the others will, either. I just want you to know that I'm here to talk if you want. I also won't tell the others about the real reason the shield lost power if you don't want me to. But we're here for you, you know. We haven't changed a bit since you disappeared from the Black Lion; it's still us."
The angry part of him swelled slightly, pacing back and forth just behind his eyes. The Green Paladin is trying to pry. She's but a cadet; she must learn to follow orders. She should stop questioning your words.
Shiro flinched inwardly at the words, though his face remained carefully blank outwardly. To appease the snarling voice, he blankly stated, "your worries are ill-founded. You should focus your energy on the other Paladins and on the mission."
For the sake of the rest of his mentality, he made sure to add "but thank you for worrying. That is apt for a teammate to do so."
Pidge's face clenched, folding up in confusion. "Yeah, Shiro, sure… uh, safe travels and all." She walked past him, keeping her head down as she mulled something over, whispering under her breath words Shiro didn't pick up on.
Shiro's lips curled against his will into a sneer; his gaze following Pidge until she disappeared. Excellent job, warding off suspicion. The Green Paladin is dangerous; her mind makes her a fine adversary. If she started to become suspicious, you would not be able to get her off your back. Avoid conflict until your time is nigh.
What are you talking about? Shiro inquired, mentally cocking his head at the angry part. Dangerous? Adversary? Suspicion? That makes it sound like the Paladins are against me; they're my crew.
The angry part didn't bother to answer him, curling up behind his eyes and remaining silent. Never speaking, refusing to move.
Also, her name is 'Pidge'. He retorted, desperately, trying to do anything to get the angry part to continue speaking to him. It refused to do so. It never talked to him for long when he was alone. Merely waiting until the other Paladins were present before making note of things; making it clear that these were weaknesses he should exploit when the opportunity arose.
For some reason, he listened.
When the voice later began to recite the facts of Lance's trusting nature, but yet the way he was learning to make hard decisions and take lead, Shiro jotted down a mental note.
When the voice mentioned that Hunk left himself open to attack at all times, especially with people he cared about, Shiro stored that away for future reference.
The voice seemed extra bitter when it noticed that Allura had a soft spot for Lotor, but Shiro ignored the bitterness for sake of the facts. After all, it never hurt to have tabs on his crew in case they turned to the wrong side of the war, right?
Of course. That was just common sense.
(:)
Just saying: it should be illegal for Pidge's hands to be that small. Her hand is literally half the size of Shiro's and it's… it's really, really cute. Pidge is adorable.
Also, yes, this was intended to be completely platonic.
If memory serves, I wrote something for this scene when it was first posted on YouTube, but I don't think I ever ended up uploading it? It's now lost to the winds of time… Oh, well.