Lands Unknown part 1

A swarm of bats flew over the lands of Skyrim. Seemingly in a hurry. Hundreds… thousands of little wings flapped almost erratically as the swarm moved from north to south, from west to east… seemingly finding no place to rest. Late at night, when farmers would end their day and retreat inside they could hear the sound of the countless bats flying overhead. Most were unaware of what it meant, or they paid no heed to it… but some listened closely and they could hear. Among the screeches of the bats, they could hear something else… like a soft muttering…. The weeping of a young woman. Others heard the opposite… the cries and screaming of one who has been hurt. The sorrow of one who knows of love lost.

Those that heard it felt saddened, as if a part of the pain came over them… piercing their heart and making it ache. A strong feeling that latched itself to them, making them uneasy and feel sorrow and regret, for things they had done… for things they didn't do. Husbands would go to their wives and embrace them, apologizing for past mistakes. Wives fell into their husbands arms, weeping and asking for forgiveness for their wrongdoings. Lovers would settle disputes in the wake of this, and reigniting the flame that brought them together…. And they were better for it.

-Eastmarch-

The weather agreed with his mood. Dark clouds had gathered over the lands and in greater amounts than what the people were accustomed to the raindrops fell from the heavens and drenched the lands below. On his own, one man walked over the roads that lead away from the civilized world, and into the wilds. He cared not for what happened around him, his world being nothing more than the pain he felt. A large deer jumped over the road, yet he did not notice. He hardly felt how he placed one foot in front of the other. Day or night… he did not acknowledge the difference. He had not stopped walking since he left… two days ago.

The wilds calmed around him. A mother bear hunted for food… stalking her prey. He was smaller than her, but humans could defend themselves… she knew this… but she was hungry. As she jumped from the bushes her prey did not look up… and this confused her. He was no enemy and she felt the sorrow he held. A pain greater than a cub lost… she turned around and left him be.

Over the course of thee weeks the lands of Skyrim knew of the strange occurrences. Thousands of bats flying over every town, every hamlet… every region in Skyrim and every citizen wondered what it could mean. Only a handful knew.

-Jorrvaskr, Whiterun-

"Dar'hisa is sure of it, Aela. He knows he has heard it. The rock beneath the Skyforge is haunted."

"We will figure that out ourselves, Dar'hisa," was the answer. "Let's not jump to conclusions. The Skyforge is older than Whiterun itself, and it has never been 'haunted'."

"But he is sure of it," the Khajiit said and his whiskers trembled at the thought. "He has heard the cries of a woman from the rock. The cries come during the night. Dar'hisa knows this is an ill omen. Of terrible times to come. When the stone weeps, the people will know strife and pain."

"I will see what this is about, Dar'hisa. In the meantime… no need to warn the rest of Whiterun about 'weeping stone'."

When the Khajiit finally left Aela rolled her eyes. Ria came standing next to her.

"Weeping stone?" she asked. "It sounds like our cat is getting paranoid."

"Tell me about it," Aela scoffed. "Wait… never mind. Don't tell me about it… he has done so plenty."

Ria looked at the Khajiit and back to Aela, yet her look did not agree with her fellow Companion. Aela noticed this.

"Don't tell me you believe him."

"Well…." Ria said uncomfortably and she scratched her neck. "Last night I thought I heard something too. Sobbing. I had gone for a walk around Whiterun… I couldn't sleep, and when I came back to Jorrvaskr, I thought I heard something coming from the Underforge. The description that Dar'hisa gave matches what I heard perfectly. It indeed sounded like a woman crying, yet when I went to take a look… it all stopped."

"You're sure you didn't see anything… and that you've heard something?"

Ria nodded and she stroked her black hair behind her ear. "I am certain. Something is going on in the Underforge, but I have no idea what."

"Then I'll take a look as well tonight," Aela nodded and she sighed. "If I too find nothing, I'll ask Eorlund if he knows anything. Maybe the Skyforge is affected by this too."

That night, Aela got up from her bed and silently walked past the other rooms in Jorrvaskr. She walked up the stairs and saw that Farkas was still awake, sitting in front of the fire, sipping on the mead.

"Evening, shield sister," he said and he raised the bottle of mead. "Can't sleep either?"

She decided to keep her intentions to herself for now and told Farkas she went for a small walk and she stepped into the night.

The moon was nowhere near full and she breathed in the cold air of Skyrim. Summer had passed and the weather had become colder. Clouds blocked the light of the stars and a grim shadow lay over the land. Aela turned her attention immediately to the Underforge.

It was a secret cave blocked by an invisible door, unless you knew where to look, and it was located under the Skyforge. She still would go to that place from time to time to meditate… and to feel closer to who she was… a Werewolf, one of the only two Werewolves left in the Companions.

Both of the twins, Farkas and Vilkas had given up their Lycanthropy. After years of being a Werewolf, Vilkas had trouble giving up his beast-form, and Farkas had never been overly fond of it. And after Tarrion, as the new Harbinger, imposed a new rule stating that members of the Circle no longer needed to be a Werewolf, both of them had decided to remove their Lycanthropy.

She had disagreed with them on this, and she briefly tried to change their minds, yet Tarrion had shown that this was their choice… and she knew he was right on this. In the end she did go with them to the Tomb of Ysgramor and helped them. They fought valiantly against the Spirit Wolves and cured the two brothers of their Lycanthropy.

But when it was her time to be accepted into the Circle, Ria had chosen to become a Werewolf. It was clear she did not take as much to it as Aela herself, but she knew the thrill of the hunt, just like her older shield sister, and the two had gone on these hunts regularly. It did Aela good to see that she was not alone in this, and she often confided in Ria about things that troubled her. Njada had always been solitary, bluntly so, but Ria was kinder and open to the troubles of others. 'It was good to have a friend,' Aela always thought.

As she walked toward the entrance she heard it. Soft muttering… almost exactly what Dar'hisa had described. Aela could now only agree that there was something going on in the Underforge. A Ghost? The large stone slab softly slid away and Aela grabbed a torch from a nearby brazier. She took a deep and stepped into the darkness.

As soon as she stepped in, the sounds stopped. All was quiet except for the soft crackling of the torch as the flames ate away the wood. As she moved further into the cave she saw the large, stone basin surrounded by three pedestals. On two of them strange totems were placed. Totems of Hircine she had found over the years, and although she knew there had to be a third one, she had not found it yet.

The Underforge was a dark place, a place that would send shivers down the spine of anyone who did not know what it was, yet she was not afraid. This was where she was reborn as a Werewolf… where she gave both Tarrion and Ria the Blood of the Beast… where she came to meditate. This was her terrain and nothing and no-one could harm her here.

But there was nothing to be found. After looking in every corner and abruptly turning around several times to catch someone, or something, she concluded that she was alone.

"Hmmm, strange," she whispered to herself and she turned around to the entrance.

But just as she reached the entrance she heard it again. A soft sobbing behind her. She immediately turned around and drew her dagger.

"Who's there? Show yourself!"

But there was no answer, only a continuing sound of soft muttering. Aela slowly walked forward, her torch raised high to light the cave as much as possible. And there, in the darkest corner of the Underforge, torn up and dirty... Aela found her.

"By the Hunter," she whispered softly at what she saw. "Serana?"

-Lakeview Manor, Falkreath-

It had been almost two weeks since he had come home, and in that time he had eaten little, and slept less. He had come back to a flustered Rayya who at first greeted him with a sarcastic remark.

"I can't leave for three days, and you get pulled away by cultists? You attract trouble like cows attract flies."

But as soon as she saw her thane she stopped with everything she was doing.

His clothes were torn from the many days of walking. His face was smudged and flies followed his stench. His hair was messy and dirty and longer than it had been in years. His beard was infested with lice and covered his emaciated and sick face. The only reason why she recognized him was because of his large stature.

"M-…my thane?"

But he ignored her and entered the house without a word. There he left for his bedroom and after locking the door behind her he fell on the ground and closed his eyes.

For three days he had lain there… not eating, not drinking… not even moving. Rayya had knocked on the door to ask him… to beg him what happened. But he had not said anything. Only when she threatened to break down the door he answered.

"Rayya! Leave me be. That is an order."

And sworn to his service as she was, she obeyed. She had not talked to him, or tried to communicate with him in any way… until after three days, he finally came out of his room. His face had been robbed of life, and he looked an inch away from death already. He ordered her to make him some food, and went down to the bath.

After what seemed like an hour he finally came back, but the only thing that had improved was the smell. He ate the meal that Rayya had prepared for him, and left back upstairs without a word.

This went on for the following days, until Rayya could not take it anymore. She understood that her thane and Serana had a falling out. She did not know what happened, but it was painfully clear that this was not something that either could help easily. Serana had not returned home, but Rayya was sure she was still alive. If she wasn't… her Thane would not come back, this Rayya knew.

Slowly Tarrion started to come back. After she gave him his meals, he would say 'thank you' again, and Rayya saw that he wanted to pour his heart out, and finally, after almost two weeks she dared to ask.

After he finished his small meal, he stood up again and walked toward the main hall when Rayya stood up as well.

"My thane, please," she muttered, but he still ignored her. "Tarrion."

He stopped in the doorway… staring down at the floor. He seemed frozen, seemingly having turned into a statue.

"Please," she begged. "As your housecarl-.."

"Rayya," his rasping voice finally sounded.

".. as your friend… talk to me. I beg you, tell me what happened. And I promise you, if I cannot help, I will not ask again."

She saw him sigh… a breath of pain escaped his mouth and he finally turned and faced her. In his eyes she could still see that pain in him. That same agony she saw in him two weeks ago was still there, and it had not lessened.

Rayya looked at her thane as he took one step. Immediately his legs gave out and he fell to the floor and his emotions finally overwhelmed him. His body started to shake uncontrollably, and the tears ran from his eyes. Rayya kneeled next to him and wanted to help, yet she knew it would not do anything. She knew he needed to let this out. He needed to pour it all out, and so she waited. She waited until he had nothing left… until he was completely drained and weak… too weak to even feel. Then she helped him up and helped him to the table. As she placed him on a chair, he nearly fell off, yet she caught him. With one move she pulled another chair to her and sat right next to him.

"Please, sir… tell me what happened."

-Jorrvaskr, Whiterun-

"Solstheim happened," Serana answered. "I curse the day I first heard the name… damn it all to Oblivion."

When Aela found Serana curled up in the Skyforge, she was nothing like the Serana Aela remembered. Her hair had become dirty and tangled. Her pale face looked dry and empty… her eyes even more so. Her clothes were torn and smudged, and she had barely healed scars on her face. Nothing of the old Serana was to be seen in the woman that sat in the darkest corner of the Underforge.

With effort Aela convinced Serana to come with her to Jorrvaskr, and there she now listened to her. Farkas had retreated downstairs to give them the space to talk, because he too could see that Serana was more than hurt. The fire warmed Serana a bit, yet it did not help her. Her body was drained of any strength it had, and there were no tears left for her to shed. There was now only pain and loss.

"You know of the cultists that attacked us in Falkreath?" and Aela nodded. "We went to the island of Solstheim to find out who was behind it all…. And we found them."

Serana poured out everything she had. Everything that happened on the island, she left nothing unsaid. Of their descent into the temple of Miraak… of what Frea said about her… their confrontation with Vahlok… the new powers that Tarrion now wielded… the Dragon Priests… Tarrion becoming more and more distant… his confessions in the small hut on the glaciers… how he left her that night in Skaal Village…. How he finally defeated Miraak, yet still did not tell her everything. And how he finally confessed and told her of the second deal Hermaeus Mora had offered him.

For three weeks Serana had flown across Skryim… every nook, every cranny, there was no place of isolation that she had not seen and where she had not cried and shouted and screamed. She told Aela everything… how she slaughtered an entire forsworn camp in her anger… how the town of Rorikstead no longer dared to follow the northern path through the mountains, where she had terrorized anyone that would get closer…. How she even drove a Dragon away from where she hid. She had even returned to Castle Volkihar, but left as quickly as she came. And eventually, she came to Whiterun where she sought out the darkest and most abandoned corner of the city… the Underforge, where Aela found her.

Aela listened. She listened and said nothing, until Serana did not have a single breath left in her body. And when Serana had finally finished, when everything was said… Aela hugged her. That embrace pierced Serana's heart and she hugged her friend back. Their arms were wrapped around each other, and after what seemed like an age, they finally let go.

-Lakeview Manor, Falkreath-

Rayya had listened. As Tarrion poured his heart out to her, she had not said a word. She had only nodded in understanding, but she let Tarrion tell her everything and she felt his pain. Every word was drenched in sorrow and battered in agony. The pain and regret were etched on his face, and he had weathered in front of her.

When he finally finished she was unable to speak. Her Redguard face could not become pale, yet she felt the chills running down her spine. She opened her mouth and closed it again as his face was buried in his hands. After what seemed like hours, she finally found something to say.

"Do you regret it?" she asked kindly.

"… yes," he whispered, more to himself than to her.

"Then tell her that."

"It is not that simple," and he looked at her. "I wounded her more than anyone else ever had. I betrayed her. I betrayed the woman I love. She gave me everything… and I spat in her face. I do not deserve forgiveness for this."

-Jorrvaskr, Whiterun-

"Does he not?"

"I…I …" she stammered. She wasn't sure if she meant it. "I don't know if I can. I have felt betrayed by both my parents, yet… this is worse."

She buried her face in her hands and she felt new tears welling up. "Everything that I am today, I am because of him. I have spent almost every second of my life in this age with him. I know him through and through. He knows me, everything about me. Why did he keep this from me? Why?"

"Maybe he wan-…"

"I do not want his protection," Serana interrupted Aela. "I only want him. If he had just told me… maybe things would have been different."

Aela did not move, but she wanted to shake her head and nod at the same time. "Would you have made a different choice?"

-Lakeview Manor, Falkreath-

"I…. I don't know," he muttered and he hated himself for saying it. "Every fibre of my being tells me to say 'yes', yet I don't know if I would have."

His hands covered his face again and he felt powerless… weak in the face of his greatest fear. His head hurt and his heart ached. He was torn… torn between two sides of him.

The one side would never abandon those in need. To save an entire island, possibly more, would never be something he would ignore. Countless of lives would be lost if he had made a different decision, he knew this… but he hated himself for thinking about the 'greater good', the few ignored to save the many…. Ruthless calculus.

Yet everything else about him screamed at him that he had made the worst choice in his life. That he should have, just this once, chosen for his own happiness and Serana's happiness. It was not up to him to save the world… the world needs to look after itself. It was not his responsibility. All those lives that were at risk? Countless lives are always at risk. Where would the world go if people could not choose their own happiness?

"Why couldn't I just choose for us, instead of others?" he begged.

-Jorrvaskr, Whiterun-

"Could you have accepted that choice?" Aela asked, and Serana jumped up.

"YES!" she shouted and her eyes flared brightly. But as soon as she said it she fell defeated back in her chair. "No…." and she covered her face again. "I don't know."

She felt defeated again… like she had felt for the last weeks and she became more and more exhausted by the hour.

"Why did this happen to us?" she eventually begged. "Why are we not allowed to live a normal life? Are we not allowed to be happy?"

"The Daedra do not seem to want that, no."

Serana looked up to Aela and she saw something in her eyes. A pain she had not seen before and she wondered what it could mean.

"You are a Daughter of Coldharbour," Aela said and her voice had become softer. "A daughter of Molag Bal, if you will. If there is anything the Daedra do not like, it is their followers turning their backs on them. You escaped him. You are still a Pure Blooded Vampire, yet you do not live in the shadows. You were happy with Tarrion, you have been for years. But once you make a deal with any of the Daedra, those deals do not break easily. But you escaped him. The Lord of Domination no longer dominates you. Maybe… I do not know, but maybe the Daedra do not want you to be happy, since you escaped them. And now, Hermaeus Mora has made this deal with Tarrion, knowing full well what kind of man he is, knowing full well which choice he would make… knowing full well, it could drive you apart."

-Lakeview Manor, Falkreath-

Tarrion had listened. It took a long time for the words to fully reach him, but when they did he fell silent. Rayya had said something he had not thought about.

'The Daedra,' he thought.

It was true what Rayya said. One does not simply escape the Daedra, and least of all the Daedric Princes. As a Werewolf he would be bound to the Daedric Lord Hircine, and Serana as a Vampire would be bound to Molag Bal. Both of them would be under their sway, yet neither really was. They had both escaped the bonds that the Daedra place upon any that cross their paths. This could very well be what Rayya suggested it was. An attempt from the Realms of Oblivion, to drive them apart… as punishment for escaping.

"So… this is their fault?" he asked carefully.

But Rayya shook her head. "This was still your choice, do not forget that. 'If' this was a setup by the Daedra, it was a perfectly planned one… they knew you did not really have a choice, and yet 'you' were still the one who made it… and 'you' were still the one who chose not to tell Serana. My question is only this…. Will you let them win?"

-Jorrvaskr, Whiterun-

"Never."

She bared her fangs when she said that word, in defiance to everything that came from the Oblivion Realms. She would never let them win… never. She would burn before she would let them win.

"Then don't let them," Aela said calmly. "Talk to Tarrion… talk to him and listen. And if you know him even a little bit… he feels the utmost regret for this all."

And Serana finally nodded, because this she was sure of.

"Do you still love him?"

And again, Serana nodded, because this she was sure of.

-two days later, Riverwood-

As Tarrion arrived in Riverwood, he saw that the town was calm as always. Not much happens in Riverwood. Travellers and couriers pass through the town, since it lies on the border between Whiterun and Falkreath, and it is well protected and valued by both Jarls. The large mill, owned by Gerdur and her husband Hod, was in use by a grumpy Hod who struggled with a large log. The Sleeping Giant Inn, never empty because of all the travellers and couriers, was the centre for gossip from both holds, and the Riverwood Trader was hardly ever out of customers.

But Tarrion was not interested in any of it. He did not look at any of the houses or traders or citizens. He walked through the towns, since he had left his horse at Windhelm, a few weeks ago. But he did not care about it.

He had told Rayya he would go to Whiterun, since he thought it would be a good place to start looking for Serana. She had many friends there… it could be that some of them heard something. As he walked past the houses he wondered. What had she done in the last few weeks? Where has she been? And more importantly, how would she react when he found her? He himself had no idea what he should say, although he had rehearsed it many times in his head, but he knew it would not help.

He ignored people greeting him. He ignored others calling his name. Blindly he marched further until he had left the town and walked past the river to the bridge.

But at the bridge he stopped, for a woman had appeared on the other end of it. A woman with black hair, and dark clothes. Even from a distance he could see her pale skin, and she froze when she saw him.

A shot of lightning went through her when she saw him, standing on the other end of the bridge. She recognized him, but he was not how she remembered him. His hair was longer than it was before, and he was unshaven. She could see that it was him, and he had frozen just like her.

He saw her looking down to the ground, and she turned and walked past the river, away from the bridge. He did not move, unsure about what he needed to do, but she stopped again. She looked at him and seemed to wait. Carefully he stepped forward, walking over the bridge toward her, and only when he had reached the other side did she continue.

They left Riverwood and walked past the shores of White River. In the far distance they could hear the soft bellowing of a large waterfall.

Serana stopped. She sat down under a large oak and leaned against the trunk. In his chest Tarrion could feel his heart pounding as he saw her there. There was no anger on her face, yet no joy either. It was empty… just like his. Her black hair was unkempt and her clothes were dirty. It seemed that she too had suffered from their separation, and he drew hope from this as he sat down next to her.

The flowing of the river and the soft bellowing of the waterfall in the distance made for a calm and serene atmosphere… yet neither of them was enjoying it. Serana saw how Tarrion had opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find the right words… and he had noticed how she tried to do the same. Neither knowing what to ask, or how to ask it.

Tarrion knew that apologizing was not enough… because he knew he did not fully understand everything that Serana felt. And so, after a long time of trying to find the right things to say, he asked.

"W-…. What does it mean to you?" he asked slowly. His throat was locked and dry, yet he forced the words from his mouth. "To have children?"

It took a while before Serana could find the words she was looking for. "I-… I just," and she sighed as a tear fell from her eye. "I don't want to die alone."

Tarrion turned and looked at her, but she did not look at him. Instead she stared at the flowing water of the river. He saw a tear welling up in her eye and it pained him to see her like this… and it was his doing.

"I do not want to die alone," she repeated. "I do not want to go unremembered, to live out my final moments in solitude. I want to die surrounded by my children.. and their children, and even their children. I want to die surrounded by loved ones and friends and family."

He saw a flicker in her eyes and he knew she imagined it already.

"But not only that," she continued. "I want to add something to this world, not just take thigs out of it. I want to make this world a better place… richer and filled with more when I leave than before I came. I want to know that life doesn't end with me. That I am capable of also bringing life, and not only take it."

And Serana spoke more of this. She explained finally what it all meant to her. How she not only wants to feel human, but she also wants to feel like a woman. How her mind was torn between who she was, and what she wanted, and he understood her, for he felt the same.

"Why did you choose for Solstheim?" Serana asked, and all the reason in the world made Tarrion's answer no easier.

"I didn't want to," he said after a long pause. "I hate myself for not choosing you…. But I could not let others die for our happiness. It was.." and he gritted his teeth when he said it. "the many outweighed the few. Ruthless calculus."

He now stared in the river, and Serana looked at him. She saw how his jaw ached, from the pain and sorrow he felt and from the anger he felt toward himself.

"I felt like I never really had a choice. Yet I did… I made the choice and the consequences are mine…. But I hated both choices, because both would result in loss. More loss than I want to choose from."

He sighed deeply. "I'd rather not have chosen at all."

And Tarrion spoke more of this. How the choice had torn him apart, even before he made it. How he weighed them both, the for and against… and how he ultimately hated himself for choosing at all. And Serana understood him. She understood the pain and strife that went through him, for she felt the same.

"Then why didn't you tell me?" she begged him, and for the first time in a month, they looked in each other's eyes.

"Arrogance," he answered. "And love…. I love you so much, Serana, that I do not want to cause you pain. I wanted to shield you from it, because I value you more than I do myself. I prefer to take the pain myself than subject you to it…. and that blinded me. It blinded me to see the inevitable. I knew I could not keep it secret forever, yet I vainly hoped I could justify myself. I hoped you would agree with me, but I never understood what it meant to you."

He sighed again and tears now flowed from his eyes again, and Serana took his hand. A shot of lightning when through her in that touch… his warmth almost making her heart beat once again. After a month of isolation… of physical and emotional exhaustion, she felt a slight surge of energy coursing through her again.

As her cold skin touched his, he instead felt a warmth through him. A rejuvenating sense of strength went through him, from his heart to his head. There was nothing on earth that could make him feel what he felt now, and his heart started to beat faster again.

"And I am sorry for that," he whispered. His hand instinctively squeezing hers and he repeated, now with more strength. "I am so, so sorry for that. In my arrogance I wounded you more than I ever wanted…. I… I dare not ask forgiveness for it, because I do not think I deserve it."

"Ask me," she said and she leaned it a little bit, yet when he closed his eyes she touched his chin. "Forgiveness is mine to give now…. And you wounded me, Tarrion. More than anyone ever had."

She sighed and an almost invisible smile was now on her face. "But I still love you, Tarrion. I still love you, even though you wounded me. Because for you I will take it. For you… I will bleed forever,"

She took a deep breath. "Ask me."

And although his jaws ached and his heart bled, he asked. "Can you forgive me?"

"I can…. And I have."

And in that moment both of them could not hold their emotions back, and they wept. They let everything out, for both felt more than words could describe.

Later, while the White River continued its endless flowing, Serana and Tarrion sat under that same tree, shoulder to shoulder. They had washed their faces in the water and felt refreshed. Both still had the pain etched in their faces, yet they knew it would pass. Even if it would take days or weeks, it would pass. And behind the pain, a smile was visible as well. She had placed her head on his shoulder, and he softly rubbed her arm. For several hours neither said anything, yet they both enjoyed the silence of each other's company. For the first time in a full month, they felt at peace.

=End of Chapter=

=Author's Notes=

*deep sigh* Ahh, it's all good between them again. Or… it will be at least. Sincerity always helps in these cases, right?

But that is it for this chapter… stay tuned for the next one when, again… shit hits the fan.

Also, quick side-note: that line from Serana 'for you i will bleed forever'... i got that from the song Ghost Love Score - Nightwish.

"My fall will be for you, My love will be in you. You were the one to cut me, so i'll bleed forever." amazing song :)