Chapter 14: A Little Reinvention

"Are you entirely sure that doing this in the middle of a public place on college campus is such a good idea, Jared?"

"Relax, man! I'm using the most secure VPN that I know of. My parents pay good money for this shit."

"I'm just saying, literally anybody can walk in here and -"

"Hi, guys!" Alana happily walked into the room with such a spring in her step that she was practically skipping.

"You're here? Why are you here?"

"Because Catherine said that we were meeting here, of course!"

"What? No. I thought she was joking. I thought that-"

"Ah, hello, everybody. Thanks for inviting me." Catherine swept into the room, looking around and not really paying attention to anyone.

"No, there weren't any invitations, this isn't a-"

"Uh. What is this?" Alex's head peeked through the door on the opposite side of the room.

"Alex! Thank God you're here. Can you please tell everybody to-"

"Hey, Jeremy!" Jared called out. "Come on in! Join the freaking orgy."

Sure enough, Jeremy was there. He stepped around Alex and entered the room, albeit reluctantly. "I didn't come here to have sex with anyone."

"Ok, can we just get started? Jared? Please?"

"Fine, have it your way." At long last, Jared turned to the screen and started typing.

"Yo, Evan. Sorry that it's been a minute. I've been all crazy and shit."

"What? No!" Upon realizing that he was shouting pretty loudly, Evan decreased his volume by a decibel. "Why are you making him talk like that?"

"Like what?" Jared responds innocently.

"Just… like that! You don't need to do that. Make him talk normally."

"Here." Catherine pushes Jared out of the way, settles down in front of it, and goes to work herself.

"Dearest Mr. Hansen. It's my greatest disappointment that I've been unable to maintain contact. My own daily existence has been most challenging of late."

"What is that, now? He sounds like he's a prince or something."

"How'd you guess that that's how the prince speaks?" Catherine questioned.

"No, just - here, Jared." Evan got up and forcibly wheeled Jared's chair back in front of the computer. His friend simply sat there with a stupid grin on his face as he was slid about. "Just make him talk like we do."

"Okay then."

"And have the letter start with 'Dear Evan Hansen'."

"And now why are you referring to each other by your full names?"

"Just- just do it, OK?"

"Dear Evan Hansen. Sorry I've been out of touch. Things have been crazy."

"Perfect, perfect!"

"I want you to know that you've been on my mind all the time. I rub my -"

"What?"

Jared takes a look at everyone assembled in the room, then cracks a grin and continues.

"I rub my nipples every night as I picture your sweet, sweet face."

"WHY would you write -"

Evan's complaints were drowned out by the sound of some surprisingly deep laughter.

Everyone swung around to see Veronica absolutely laughing her head off, pointing at the screen with one hand and clutching her gut with the other.

Seeing this, the five of the other six people in the room joined in the laughter with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

"Great. Another person. Just great," Evan mumbled to himself.

"Alright, alright. If it's got you so stressed out, we can change it." Jared backspaces on the computer.

"I've got to tell you, life's been hard," Evan dictates.

"Hard?"

"Fine. Change it to 'rough'."

"Kinky!"

"Just let me type it."

"Life without you has been pretty difficult. I miss talking about life, and other stuff."

"That's very specific."

"Shut up, Jared."

"I like my parents."

"Here." Acting completely exasperated, Jared shoves Evan out of the way and takes his place back in front of the computer. "Just let me do it."

"I should really take your advice and stop smoking pot. Then everything might be ok. And I'll try to be nicer."

"That's… actually not bad," Evan admits. "Now, sign it at the bottom. 'Sincerely, Me'."

"Not even gonna ask. Are we done yet?"

"Well, you know, I can't just give them one letter. I gotta show that I was, like, a good friend, you know?"

"Oh, God."

Fortunately, after all the mishaps of the first letter, the rest was fairly smooth sailing. "Dear Evan Hansen, thanks for always being there for me." "Dear Connor Murphy, that's what a friend is for." By the time it was over, Evan had a half-dozen emails in his hand.

"Alright, time to drop these off at the Murphy's. Jared, can you…"

"What? Now you need a ride, too? Are you kidding me? Don't you have your own car?"

"Er, well…" Evan did have his license, but never his own car. It wasn't like the family could afford it, anyway, and it wasn't like he needed it at any point. Besides, after everything that a driver's ed class does to drill how dangerous of a place the road could be, he never wanted to head out there ever again.

"Can anybody else give me a lift?" He looked around the room. Alana and Catherine had left ages ago.

"I don't own a motorbike," Veronica admitted.

Alex just shrugged.

"I can help you out," Jermey said.

"Ah. Thanks… thanks a lot, dude."

"No problem."

"Well, I've wasted enough time here." Man, Jared could be a pest sometimes, even while he was being helpful. "Have fun at your tea party. I'm leaving to do something that I actually enjoy."

"See you," Evan mumbled. Jared didn't reply as he very nearly skipped out the door.

"You guys mind if I tag along?" Alex asks. "I've got nothing else to do."

"Sure."

"Yeah."

"Hey, can I come too?" Veronica piped in. "I've got some cash. We'll pick up some slushies."

"Slushies…" Jeremy mumbled to himself.

And so it would be, that the four of them would end up sitting together in Jeremy's car, heading down a road as the sun set on a Saturday, drinking Slushies with enough sugar to probably kill an ordinary person. Four people, inextricably brought together and linked by fate itself.

For once, Evan thought, the silence that was present wasn't horrible. It wasn't a great amount of pressure, and it didn't feel awful and invasive.

It felt nice. Things were ok once again.

Until Evan remembered that he was outright lying to the Murphy's at this point and that none of the people were really his friends, because how could they be? They barely knew him and he barely knew them.

"Gah! This thing's cold," Alex complained.

"Press the tongue to the roof of your mouth. That'll stop any brain freezes," Jeremy recommended.

The Murphy's house appeared in view, just as titanic as it was on Evan's previous visit. Somehow, in the darkness of the night, it felt a lot more… judgmental. That was the word. It was as though the structure was alive, watching him and evaluating his decisions.

And you're found wanting.

Evan nearly wrenched the car door off its hinges, darted forward, fumbled around with the mailbox before shoving the papers inside, and hurried back to the car at top speed.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," commented Alex as Evan slid in next to him, madly wiping his wet palms on his pants.

"Yeah. Mine."

"Hey." Alex awkwardly patted his friend on the arm. "It's alright. Breathe, man."

Evan inhaled deeply, a now-familiar sense of dread settling in the pit of his stomach as Jeremy drove away.

Hello, dear reader. It's me, the author. If anyone's still reading this, I apologize for the infrequent updating. Life for me really has been crazy as of late. It's a toss-up to see if I can make the time to keep providing for you guys.

I have the honor to be your obedient servant,

HTP.