Nurse Bustier stood in the doorway of the balcony. "Sabrina?" She raised her hands and calmly spoke to her. "Honey?"
"DON'T HONEY ME!" Sabrina became angry as she stared at Nurse Bustier with a glare. "You know NOTHING about how I feel!"
"You're right. I don't. But I do know that you have a best friend that is worried about you. Maybe someone more special than a best friend, but a friend nonetheless. I need you to come back over that railing." Ms. Bustier tried to coax her back over.
Sabrina looked down below her and tested letting go. Everyone gasped and Chloe fell to the ground and screamed with her eyes clenched tightly.
Nurse Bustier tried to remain calm as Sabrina grabbed the railing again. "Listen to me. It'll get better. I promise."
"You all say that. You all say that it gets better, but WHEN? When will it get better?" Sabrina burst into tears as she clung to the wood. "That's everyone's go to phrase! Everyone has to say that to try and make you feel better! But does it really help anyone? Does it really make anyone feel better? No matter how many times you say that? It means NOTHING! Because you don't know what it's like in here!" Sabrina took one hand off to angrily point at her head. "You don't live in there!"
"Oh fuck this!" Adrien came bursting through the common area and past Nurse Bustier.
"Adrien stop." Ms. Bustier went to grab him as he walked past, but he glared over his shoulder at her.
"Talking won't do shit." Adrien hissed at her as he got close to Sabrina.
Sabrina looked at him in shock as he walked up to her. Her heart raced as she backed up more, letting only her fingertips hold her in place.
"Stop. I will let go." Her eyes were wild and her chest rose and fell fast as she panicked.
"Then let go." Adrien set his hands on either side of hers. "But… I will yank you back over this damn railing if you do."
"You wouldn't dare…" Sabrina glared at him as she set her jaw.
"Why are you even doing this?" Adrien searched her eyes and challenged her.
"They took my stuff. The stuff that means so much to me. The things that I wasn't ready to let go of." Sabrina sniffed as she became sad and her body trembled. "Took the things I had collected."
"You mean the trash that you found." Adrien stared at her tear filled gaze. "It's not important stuff."
"It is! If I don't keep it then who will love it! If I don't then who will love them!" Sabrina screamed out at Adrien and her fingers became weak as she lost her grip on the banister. She gasped and screamed as she slipped down.
"God- damnit!" Adrien quickly hopped up onto the banister and caught her by her wrists. He yanked her back up and over the banister. Adrien scooped her into his arms and she broke down against him with her arms wrapped around her neck.
"Chloe loves you. Your family loves you. Everyone in this room loves you and is worried about you right at this very moment." Adrien spoke in a soothing voice that only she could hear. "Just because you feel like no one will love someone or something? Doesn't mean that no one will or does. Just because you feel like no one loves you? Doesn't mean that you won't be loved or that you are not loved. Look around this room."
Sabrina slowly lifted her head and peered at all of the worried people. She sniffed as she saw how Rose was being comforted by Juleka. At all of the couples holding one another. Her gaze finally rested on Chloe, who was crying on the floor with her head against her drawn up knees and her arms over her head.
"Let me down." Sabrina whispered and Adrien stared at her a bit longer to make sure that she wasn't going to bolt back to the porch. "I need to go see Chloe."
Adrien nodded and set her down. She walked over to Chloe and touched her head. Chloe flinched and trembled, refusing to look up at Sabrina.
Sabrina crouched down and rested her forehead against the top of Chloe's head. "Chloe?" Sabrina's voice was small as she tested it.
Chloe waited for Sabrina to stop resting her forehead on her before she uncurled and wrapped her arms around her. She burst into tears as she clung to Sabrina.
"Don't ever do that again!" Chloe screamed at her in the middle of her sobs.
"I won't. I'm sorry." Sabrina ran her fingers through Chloe's hair.
Chloe clutched at Sabrina's shirt as she sobbed into it. "You scared me!"
"I'm really sorry." Sabrina touched her chin and raised her saddened gaze up to meet hers. She searched Chloe's eyes for a moment.
Chloe whimpered and grabbed her face to pull her down into a kiss. Sabrina sighed and tangled her fingers into her hair to deepen it.
Nurse Bustier touched Adrien's shoulder with her hand. "Thank you."
"You can't always use your fancy words to help people. Sometimes you have to just do something. There is limited time." Adrien smirked and walked back to his room.
He walked back into their room and laid back down on his bed. He stared at the ceiling and watched Plagg swirl around in a circle. He understood what it was like to feel unloved. To feel like no one wanted you. To feel like you had to love everything for a fear that no one would love them then.
Adrien sighed as he peered over at a sleeping Marinette. She was on her side, cuddling his pillow. He chuckled as she moved her lips in her sleep and whispered his name. Adrien took the pillow from her and she struggled to chase after it. He caught her searching hand and kissed it before he wrapped her arm around his waist.
"I'm right here." Adrien scooted closer and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.
Marinette snuggled closer to him and rubbed her cheek against his chest as she put a leg over his hips.
Adrien looked over at the window and stared at the stars. Nothing looked amazing about them anymore. Not when he had a whole galaxy beside him.
000
Marinette walked into Alya's room and found her on her bed listening to music. She was flipping through a comic that her mother had brought her. It was one of her favorites from home.
"Hey. Can I talk to you?" Marinette knocked on her door frame as she nervously rubbed her upper arm.
"Sure, girl." Alya made room for her on her bed and waited for her to sit down.
"I screwed up." Marinette swallowed hard as she looked at Alya with tears in her eyes.
"What do you mean? We all screw up." Alya raised an eyebrow at her in confusion.
"No, I mean… really really screwed up." Marinette looked at her with a serious expression and Alya pressed her lips together. "I don't know what to do."
"Well… maybe you should talk to Ms. Bustier or someone about it. Someone that you can trust." Alya suggested and then perked up. She sat up on her knees and shook Marinette's shoulders with enthusiasm. "What if you ask the voices? They always know what to tell me. Like when my mom told me I had enough time on my computer! Or when my father took my internet away because I was obsessively looking into research for my vlogs. Or!"
"Okay, okay. This is different than that, Als." Marinette interrupted her for a moment. "I might be pregnant."
"What? Who? When? Wait…" Alya thought for a moment as confusion took her over. "Whose is it?"
Marinette looked at her with an expression that showed how obvious the answer was.
"No... How did you get away with doing that in here?" Alya became interested in her friend's secrets. "You gotta teach me your ways."
Marinette rolled her eyes and shook her head. "That's not important. I'm on antibiotics and I forgot and- and- I don't know what to do." She flung herself back on Alya's bed and waited for her to respond.
"Do you know?" Alya crossed her arms and waited for an answer.
"It just happened. I won't know for a while. Ms. Bustier offered an option to us. I turned her down. I couldn't do it. I fucked up and I'm going to sit in it." Marinette sighed and Alya jumped back in shock.
"What does Adrien think about all this?" Alya raised an eyebrow. "Did you let him decide?"
Marinette worried her bottom lip and shook her head as she hid in her hair. "He was… silent? Supportive? But I could tell he was scared. Worried maybe? I don't know. I don't read people well."
"Okay. You and I both know that you read him like a book. Out of everyone in here? You understand him more than most." Alya gestured with one of her hands. "I would ask him how he feels. Like honestly feels. Not with him having you in mind."
Marinette nodded as she stood up. "Okay."
"But if you have weeks to worry? Stop worrying about it and go on like your life is normal. One time doesn't always spell disaster. If you even want to consider it to be that. It could also be a blessing." Alya shrugged and Marinette thought about her words for a moment.
"I'll try to keep that in mind, Als." Marinette smiled as she left her room.
Marinette walked down the hallway and towards the smoking porch, where Adrien stood. She hadn't seen him smoke in some time and something about it unsettled her. She leaned on the railing and he stubbed it out fast, blowing the smoke away from her in a panic.
"Marinette, you shouldn't be near me when I do this. The bab-" Adrien tried to clean the smoke from his hands on his jeans, even though he knew it wouldn't do much good.
"What baby?" Marinette gave him a curious expression and watched him panic more.
"If you are pregnant smoke isn't going to-" Adrien was interrupted again by Marinette's index finger on his lips.
"I don't want to think about it until I know for sure. So stop. Please." Marinette sighed and let her finger fall from his lips. She turned back towards the railing and leaned her forearms on it.
Marinette peered up at the stars and smiled. "Stars are beautiful. Perfect. I wouldn't mind being up there with you." She softly giggled and then looked at him with her bottom lip between her teeth.
"You know… I was laying there and all I thought about was how the stars weren't that special anymore." Adrien leaned on the railing beside her and flung his cigarette off the banister.
Marinette looked at him in shock. "What do you mean? You love the stars. They mean so much to you."
Adrien shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair, shaking the loose strands free. "Not when you're beside me. You outshine the heavens."
Marinette's cheeks warmed as she contemplated his words. "I do? I'm not special. I'm a giant klutz. I'm not smart. I'm not even that great. I mean look what I did to myself." Marinette held up her bandaged arms. "All because some stupid girl picked on me and turned people against me."
Adrien shook his head and turned towards her. He touched a few strands of her hair and let it slowly fall from his fingertips as he smiled at her. "You're not stupid. You're incredibly smart and creative. Your clumsiness is beyond cute, but I've never seen it. You seem pretty well balanced. Well, physically wise." Adrien laughed and she giggled as she became shy. "You're gorgeous and you would make a wonderful mother. A better one than I had, if I'm honest."
"That can't be true." Marinette burst out into a smart laugh. There was no way that he would even know that she was better.
Adrien scooted a tiny seed around the top of the railing as he thought about his mother. "My mother… was not much better than my father. I like to remember her as a positive light in my life, but if I'm honest? She was just as terrible to me. She helped my father keep me locked up. She only let me have one friend. She kept me from going to public school. Kept me from many things, Marinette. I just choose to focus on my shitty father. I mean how can one kid have two crappy parents?"
Marinette slid her hand onto his forearm and gave him a saddened expression. "What would you do if I was pregnant?"
Adrien flinched at her question and swallowed hard with widened eyes. Marinette took that as a warning that she shouldn't have said anything. She should have just kept her mouth shut.
"Shouldn't have spoke." Tikki snarled as she swirled around Marinette. She vanished in a plume of smoke and then came back to wrap around her neck, snaking her long spindly fingers over Marinette's mouth.
"Marinette?" Adrien searched her blank stare and feared for the worst. "Shit. Marinette?"
She began to tremble as her thoughts consumed her. She felt like she was falling down as her world went black. Like she was endlessly descending down a long tube of spiraling thoughts. His cool fingers touched her cheek and she tried to focus on them. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She kept his touch in her mind as her thoughts spiraled around her.
"Hey." Adrien spoke in a soft voice and her vision slowly cleared as the blackness faded.
She blinked and peered at his worried expression. "Adrien?"
"Are you okay?" Adrien moved her hair from her face as he held her.
Marinette nodded as she stood up on wobbly legs. "I'm okay. What happened?"
"You asked me what I thought about if you were pregnant. Which I believe I've told you before. Also, this isn't the best place to talk about this." Adrien searched her eyes and watched her nod. "Too public."
"I told Alya." Marinette gasped out between tears as she felt guilty. It was sudden, but her emotions were usually scattered and all over the place. Most cases, she didn't know how she felt. But right now she felt entirely guilty for talking to someone else about it. "I'm so sorry. I needed to talk to someone. I needed to confide in someone."
"No, no. Don't be sorry. I understand. Believe me. I would have talked to Nino about it." Adrien swallowed hard as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. He began to use his nail to scratch his tingling skin without so much as a thought.
Marinette watched him nervously scratch at his neck and she took his hand from it. "You're shaking." Her voice was quiet and he gave her an awkward smile as he pulled his hand away.
"Only because you're here. I can't contain my love for you." Adrien smiled at her with a wider grin that seemed forced.
"Don't lie to me. It only hurts more." Marinette grabbed her upper arm and looked down at the wood flooring. "Only makes me worry more. That you'll leave me if I am. Like I've heard Juleka talk about."
"Hey." Adrien took her hand and brought it to his lips. "I'm not going anywhere. Let's go to our room so I can talk to you. Properly."
Marinette was scared about what he would say. She was terrified that he was about to say that he was done. That he no longer wanted someone as insane as her. As crazy.
She stopped in front of their door and Adrien peered at her. "Come on. I'm not leaving. I'm being honest with you. If you want to know what I really feel? I need you to talk to me in here and not out for everyone to hear. No one needs to hear about this."
Marinette stopped for a second and became defensive as she yanked her hand away. "What do you mean no one needs to hear about this? This is our baby!" She put her hands on her hips.
"Marinette." Adrien spoke in a more stern tone as he leaned forward to grab her hand. He kept his voice down as he peered through his hair. "You said it yourself that there was most likely no baby. Why are you getting defensive?"
"I am not getting defensive!" She crossed her arms over her chest and Adrien sighed.
"Alright. Fine. I am scared. Now, if you want to know more? Get in here." Adrien held the door open and flung his arm inside to tell her to go.
Marinette stomped her foot and gave in, walking past him. She sat on her bed and he went to sit beside her, but she glared at him.
He held his hands above his head and walked over to his bed. "Alright, I get it. But you need to understand my side of things too. It's not just your baby. If there is even a baby."
"Just tell me the truth. That's all I ask." Marinette stared at him with tear filled eyes.
"Yes. I am scared. I am scared because I am not fit to be a father. Marinette." Adrien held up his bandaged fists. "I beat the shit out of a girl. I have stitches to prove it. I am in here because I have issues handling the fact that I am gaining weight. I don't even know what size I am right now, but I can tell you I hate it. Despise it. Every piece of food, big or small, that enters my mouth? I want to throw it up. And do I really want to try? Most of the time I do. I won't lie to you. I still will if I am walking down a fairly vacant hallway where there is no staff. I will find a trash can and use it. I am not getting better. Only pretending to. Pretending for you."
Marinette burst out into tears as she grabbed her pillow and flung it at him. "DON'T PRETEND! YOU IDIOT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TRYING! YOU PROMISED!"
"You don't think I want to? But I can't. I want to. I do." Adrien caught the pillow and gave her a desperate expression.
"IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO STOP AND GET BETTER? THEN YOU WOULD!" Marinette burst out and stood up from her bed. "BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET BETTER FOR ME! I WANT YOU TO GET BETTER FOR YOURSELF! I OUTED MY SHIT FOR YOU!"
Adrien flinched at her words as she walked towards the door. "WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"
"I can't handle you right now. I can't handle this. I- I can't." Marinette's voice cracked as she touched the door handle.
"I want this baby. If there is a baby. I just worry that I won't be the best for it. It's not that I want to run or want to erase it. I just-" Adrien gripped his hair in his hands. "I'm sick, Marinette. Really sick. I- I don't want this baby to have a father as fucked up as me. I don't want to have to explain how it was conceived in a hellhole like this. I don't want to be my father."
Marinette slowly dropped her hand from the door handle as she heard him begin to softly cry. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath as she peered up at the ceiling. She turned to face him with a newfound confidence as she forgot about herself for a moment.
"I don't want to- I don't want to fuck up." Adrien's words came out broken as he held his knees to his chest and rested his forehead against his kneecaps. "I don't want to ruin a child. An innocent baby. I'm scared of what effect I'll have on it. I'm scared of you giving birth. I'm scared of losing you. I'm scared of having to tell my father that I knocked you up!"
Marinette sat down beside him and wrapped her arms around him. She shushed him and held him against herself. He let go of his legs and gripped onto her.
Nurse Bustier knocked and walked in to find him falling apart. "Is everything okay?"
"No." Marinette began to burst out into tears as her own fears took over her thoughts.
"Let's go to Dr. Fu." Ms. Bustier smiled and Marinette nodded and pried Adrien from her.
"We have to go." Marinette whispered and waited for Adrien to wipe his eyes and get up to follow her, but he didn't.
Plagg swirled around him and caused his vision to become black. His hands turned into fists and his jaw clenched tight. He began to pant as he heard Plagg snicker.
"Just like your father… You know you're gonna be just like him, don't you? You're going to be a terrible father. Awful. Abusive…" Plagg sneered as he swirled around Adrien. "Nothing that kid will do will appease you. You'll watch your kid slowly become you as you are now. Broken. Never good enough."
"STOP IT!" Adrien burst out and grabbed his head in his hands. He stood up and began to rip the sheets from his bed. He threw his books from the shelf and panted as he screamed.
Nurse Bustier grabbed Marinette and pushed her behind herself as she pushed the radio to call for help. Marinette tried to shove Nurse Bustier out of the way to get to him. To make him stop, but she held her back.
"No. Let him go." She spoke in a frantic voice as two men ran in. "IT'S NOT HIS FAULT! NOT HIS FAULT!"
"Shh, shh…" Ms. Bustier tried to calm her down as she watched them pin him down and sedate him.
Marinette went limp and fell to her knees in a loud sob. Nurse Bustier let her go to walk over and fasten restraints onto Adrien's wrists and ankles. Marinette gasped for air as she lost all sound coming from her lips. She held her arms and began to dig her nails into her skin, making crimson lines of blood appear in thin patterns of flaked flesh. It burned and she rocked back and forth as she found her world turning upside down. He was back to being stuck in his bed and it broke her heart. She gasped in a breath as she stood up and lunged at Nurse Bustier and the two men. She began to scream and fight them with all of her might.
Nurse Bustier sighed as the two men pinned her to the bed as she kicked and screamed louder. Her stomach turned and vomit went up her throat as she struggled. They turned her on her side and she coughed as they sedated her. Marinette burst out in silent sobs as Nurse Bustier restrained her and helped clean up the mess.
She left the two of them alone and walked out with the two men. There was nothing about this job that she liked anymore. There was nothing rewarding about it. Nothing lately that is. Nurse Bustier shook her head as she made her way to Dr. Fu's office. She needed a vacation and now seemed like the best time to take it.
Songs:
Soap by Melanie Martinez
Sippy Cup by Melanie Martinez