Note: Sorry that I have been gone so long. Between running Adrien AUGreste with my friend, Chimpukampu... hurting my knee and needing physical therapy, being a mom, working, and getting hit by a truck (I'm okay. It's not as bad as it sounds. A mom was driving and she swung into a parking space, hitting me with the front corner of her big truck. My right arm took most the force and my ribs. It pushed me forward and I caught myself on my good leg. I felt bad for the little horrified kids that saw it. No she didn't get out of her truck. Yes she continued to park. And I chose to go home. I can't do anything about it unless I had held her there while I called the cops but I just wanted to go home. Yes she looked at me after she hit me with her truck and gave me with wtf expression as I cursed at her and glared. So instead of being mean... I chose to just hurry home in my panic. lol My arm is good now. I didn't break it. I just damaged the muscles in my forearm. But it's fine now.) So anyways... here is the next chapter for this story. :) I am also right now writing Kinktober over on AO3. Adrien AUGreste is over there too. I drew and wrote for that. :) Anyways, enjoy!
Adrien sat at the table eating his snack. He wasn't really paying attention to what he was eating. The food lacked taste as the unknown pills still burned in his pocket. He had caught the way the Kagami girl had glared at Marinette and he worried about her. He was scared that she would be like Lila. That she would push Marinette over the edge and cause her to fall again. His hand trembled as he brought the food to his mouth. His heart pounded against his chest and felt loud in his ears. He worried about her and it made it even harder to eat than it already was.
He shook his head and decided to focus on counting calories instead. He began to do calculations in his head, watching them swirl around him. Adrien sighed and shoved the last of the food into his mouth. He had only been given fifteen minutes as usual to finish it, not that he had wanted to.
Adrien stood up and got his tray checked before he was let go. He pulled at the hem of his shirt and walked back to his room, where he would finally get to see what Nathalie had given him. What his father had given him.
He walked down the long hallway and searched all of the faces along the way. They all seemed like a blur as they walked past him, shuffling their feet. The place reminded him of a nightmare as he heard their whispers. Whispers from sealed lips, but for some reason to him they were moving in fast rhythms. Adrien swallowed hard and made it to their room. He pushed the door open to find it empty.
His heartbeat became louder in his ears as he panicked about where Marinette was until he remembered that she was with Dr. Fu. He breathed out with his eyes closed and shut the door behind him. Adrien walked over to his bed and sat down on the edge of it. He ran his hands through his messy hair, hit his thighs with his palms, and stood up again. Adrien's hands trembled as he grabbed the book from his shelf.
He licked his lips and crawled back onto his bed. He pulled himself against the wall and rested the book on his lap. Adrien flipped to the page with his blade in it and used it to cut a square shaped hole into the pages that was big enough to hide the pill container. It still burned in his pocket and begged for him to look at it. To take them. He swallowed hard and licked his lips as he made the last cut along the pages. He stuffed the paper scraps into his empty pocket, feeling the edge of one slice the side of his finger. He grimaced, yet welcomed the sharp burn.
Adrien took a deep breath and reached into his other pocket, bringing his knees up to his chest. He turned the bottle in his hand to read the label. Laxatives. He sighed and popped the childproof cap off with his thumb. He shook five into his palm and quickly tossed them back, swallowing them as he put the lid back on the bottle. He quickly shoved it into the book and got up to put it away. He counted the minutes in his head as he lay back down. In sixty minutes or less, he'd feel better about eating.
000
Marinette sat in Dr. Fu's office drawing a picture of herself. This time she chose to draw herself staring at a window. It was simple. Uncomplicated. She wanted out and it was a version of herself looking out with her hand behind her, waiting for someone to take it. To be free with her.
"How are we feeling today?" Dr. Fu took her drawing from her and placed it into her file. "Any better?"
"A little." Marinette swallowed hard as she played with her hands in her lap. She hid in her hair as Dr. Fu scribbled something down about her. She imagined it was probably her body language or her two words that really meant nothing, but to a doctor meant a whole slew of issues.
"Only a little?" Dr. Fu set his hands on his clipboard and stared at her.
"Worried." Marinette played with her hands again and waited for Dr. Fu to overanalyze that.
"Ah, about Adrien?" Dr. Fu searched her figure and watched for her to react in anyway to what he had said. She twitched and peered up at him with a concerned expression.
"Should I be worried about him? I thought he was doing somewhat better. What's wrong? He didn't tell me he wasn't okay." Marinette began to ramble and Dr. Fu raised his hand with his pen between his fingers.
"Nothing. He told me nothing. I just assumed that was what made you worried." Dr. Fu sighed and set his hand back down in his lap.
"Oh. No. I'm worried that I- I won't get better. That I'll be okay and the next moment I'm losing my mind." Marinette swallowed hard as her bottom lip trembled. "And then I'm stuck here forever."
"Well, you will get better. You are getting better. I mean you came here and you wouldn't talk to anyone. Now, look at you. You're talking to everyone. Me included. I'm very proud of how far you have come. And yes you will have bad days where you go backwards, but the point is… that we give you the tools to get out of it. To recognize what is causing your issue." Dr. Fu smiled at her and wrote something down as he watched a tear slowly fall down the contour of her cheek. "I'm sure Adrien is waiting for you. So, let's end this session early for today. The point is… you will get out of here and you are already getting better, Marinette. Promise."
Marinette nodded and got up from the couch, wiping her eyes with a nod. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Dr. Fu watched the girl leave and set his clipboard down after adding the notes to her file. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. He thought she was doing better; but if he was honest, he really didn't know.
Marinette walked through the hallway and swallowed hard as she got to the room. It was empty and her heart began to panic. It rose up her throat and she clutched at her neck and tried to breathe. He could be anywhere. It didn't mean that he was gone or taken away. Didn't mean that he was dead. Didn't mean that they had him locked up again. They said they wouldn't do that ever again to them. She fell to her knees and held her head in her hands.
A slender finger poked her in the shoulder and she jumped with a shiver. "Hey." Adrien softly cleared his throat and peered down at her. "Someone is going to think you're having a breakdown."
Marinette slowly looked up at him and jumped up to throw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck as color came back to her face. "I thought you were locked up again." She nuzzled his chest as she fell apart against him.
Adrien quickly scooped her up and carried her into their room, shutting the door and sitting on his bed with her. She sat in his lap with her legs off to the side and clung to him as she fell apart. Adrien peered over her shoulder as he ran his fingers through her hair to soothe her as he watched Nurse Medeleiev walk past, peering through their square window. He glared at her and buried his face into Marinette's shoulder, holding her protectively against him. He watched as she shook her head in disapproval, walking away. Adrien scoffed and rolled his eyes, causing Marinette to push away from him.
"What's wrong?" Marinette searched his irritated expression and he shook his head.
"Nothing. Everything is okay. Are you okay?" Adrien changed the subject and gave her a warm smile as he cradled her face in his hands, rubbing his thumbs along her cheekbones.
Marinette searched his eyes and peered at his face for a moment. "Why do you look so pale?"
"Nothing." Adrien swallowed hard as he looked away from her with an awkward smile.
"No, no nothing. What did you do?" Marinette searched his emerald eyes that lacked a shine. Something about him was off.
His stomach turned and he took her off his lap. "I'll be back. Don't worry about it." Adrien left their room and Marinette waited for the door to shut before she got up and stood on his bed to go through his shelf of books. She sifted through them and pulled one that she hadn't seen him use before. She flipped through the pages and found the bottle of pills in the book.
She pulled them out, hearing the familiar sound of rattling pills against plastic and shook her head. She pocketed them and shoved the book back where it belonged. Marinette tapped her fingers on her arm as she waited for him to come back. She grabbed her tablet and began to sketch on it while she waited. It felt like forever before the door opened and she saw Adrien, who seemed somehow paler than before.
"Close the door." Marinette stared at him and set her tablet beside her on his bed.
Adrien swallowed hard and shut the door behind him. He watched her reach into her pocket and throw the pill bottle at him.
"Explain." Marinette crossed her arms and glared at him.
"I- You wouldn't understand." Adrien quickly shoved the pill bottle into his pocket and shoved his shirt over it.
"Try me." Marinette waited for him to explain himself.
Adrien sighed and sat down beside her. "Nathalie gave them to me."
"I don't care who the hell gave you them. I want to know why you broke down and took them." Marinette shoved her finger into his chest. "We're supposed to move forward. To get out of here together. Not seperate, Adrien. If you get caught? You'll be here longer." Tears burned her eyes as she watched him hide in his hair. "How many did you take? You look awful."
"Five." Adrien mumbled the amount to her and she shook her head.
"Stop slowly killing yourself and LIVE if not for yourself… then me. But mostly? I want you to live for yourself. Please!" Marinette grabbed his shirt and buried her face into his chest as she curled up closer to him. "Please stop."
Adrien wrapped his arms around her and his hold felt weaker than before. "We all have our bad days, Marinette. Am I not allowed to have one?" His voice came out as weak as his hold and she slowly peered up at him.
"You can rely on me on your bad days. You- don't- need- pills- to rely on." She burst out into tears as she trembled. "Don't need Plagg anymore. I don't need Tikki anymore. I just need you. If you go? I don't know how I can live with myself. I don't know how to fix you and I know that I can't. I know that you can't fix me because- because we can only fix ourselves. But if I can be a little bit of that incentive? Please, Adrien." Her voice came out desperate and Adrien's heart shattered.
"I'm so sorry." Adrien held her tighter, fighting through his stomach pain and nausea for her. "I'm so so sorry, Marinette."
Marinette shook her head and sniffed as she pulled away from him. "It's not your fault. It's not your fault that you are this way. I know it. It's not my fault that I'm this way either. I just- I want you to be okay. I want myself to be okay. I want us to be okay. I want to get out of here alive and with you. Not alone." Marinette slowly slid her hands up his chest and around his neck as she gently pressed her lips to his. "Please."
Adrien brushed his lips against hers and rested his forehead against hers. "Okay. No more pills. No more blades. No more hiding food or making myself sick. No more Plagg."
Marinette nodded and swallowed hard as she brushed her lips against his again and slowly pushed him back on the bed as she straddled his hips, deepening the kiss.
000
Adrien stood on the smoking porch and leaned on the banister, staring up at the sky. He brought the cigarette to his lips, let it burn his throat and lungs before he slowly let the smoke out. Marinette sighed as she stood beside him and tried to figure out what he was zoning out on. Until a bird caught her eye. She watched how it flew in the air, looping and spinning like it was the freest creature in the world. How it chirped and dove through the air before flapping its wings and soaring back up through the air.
"I have to talk to Dr. Fu today." Adrien grabbed the pills from his pocket and chucked them as far as he could into the bushes below. "I'm gonna lie."
"I figured you would." Marinette shrugged as she stared at the bush that had swallowed his pills whole. "No one's going to find those?"
"Maybe." Adrien shrugged and put his cigarette back between his lips. "But honestly with all of the patients here, it could be anyone. Including little miss Kagami."
"What?" Marinette raised an eyebrow at him.
"Her clothes are too big for her. She looks like she's all skin and bones. I put all my money on the fact that she's here due to similar terms." Adrien shrugged as he looked over his shoulder at the girl with short hair playing cards with everyone. "Look at her and tell me what you see."
Marinette slowly turned her head to peek over her shoulder at the girl with dark hair. She gazed at the girl's baggy clothes and how her wrist bones stood out and how her skin seemed to be stretched over her knee bones. "Okay, you win."
Adrien nodded and gestured to the top of his head. "She's also losing hair."
Marinette stared at her and then looked away when Kagami met her gaze, catching her. "Do all of you lose your hair?"
"No. But some." Adrien shrugged as he ran his fingers through his hair, catching loose strands. He held his hand over the banister and Marinette watched the golden strands of hair float through the air, catching the sunset and then going invisible before appearing again in a shimmer of gold.
Marinette watched him grind the end of his cigarette against the banister and flick it off the edge. He blew out smoke and sighed as he turned around to rest his back against the banister and propped his elbows back on it. He crossed one ankle over the other.
"Why do you think she does it?" Marinette whispered as she watched Kagami with him. Kagami slowly peered at Adrien and he recognized the pain behind her eyes, but didn't care.
"Who knows. Students in her classes? Friends? Her family? Could be anything. People do what they do for all types of reasons Marinette. It's usually never the same." Adrien shrugged as he pushed himself from the banister and Marinette followed him back inside.
Songs I wrote to:
Serotonin by Call Me Karizma
Pretty Hurts by Beyonce