Nanny Nendou
Characters: Nendou and Kaidou
Time: After S2;E17—After Kaidou's brother, Toki, is introduced.
"Do you think we should get some ramen after this? Oh, we should've gotten some to-go for our buddy. Do you think he'd like the spicy ramen, or ramen with the pork, or the ramen, ramen, ramen, ramen—"
Ten seconds. New record. Next time I'll aim for tuning him out in eight.
Kaidou's sick from school today, so Nendou and I are stuck delivering his homework to him. Actually, now that I think about it, I can't remember Kaidou ever being sick from school. With how his mom prioritized education, he must be on his deathbed.
We arrive at Kaidou's house, and his mother answers only after the first knock.
"Oh, hello, gentleman," she says, smiling.
Nendou snickers. "Heh, who're you calling gentleman, old broad?"
Insert foot into mouth.
To her credit, her eyebrow tics, but she keeps her smile frozen on her face. Keep control of yourself, these boys are the key to Kaidou's future.
Geez, have some faith in your son, woman.
"How can I help you boys?"
I hold up Kaidou's homework.
"Oh, I see, how kind of you. Please, come in." She opens the door wider, and we step inside.
"Thanks, little bud's mom." Nendou sniffs. "Something smells good. Whatcha cooking?"
"Oh, just some chicken noodle soup," she said, holding herself up proudly. "Shun baby has had the worst fever, and my homemade soup will do just the—"
But she screeches when Nendou takes the ladle and sips the soup. Don't eat something without permission, you idiot. You'll contaminate it.
"How'd you make this stock? It's pretty bland."
Kaidou's mom flushes. "I-I just got it from the store. Stock takes so long to make, I didn't want to make a whole new batch." Why're you embarrassed? You're homemaking something. That's better than canned soup anyday.
But Nendou looks aghast. "Whaaaa? You don't have any frozen stock? But that's like the cook's rice and fish!"
Not the right saying, but at least you got the culture straight. B-.
Nendou pushes past Kaidou's mom to the fridge. "But look at all the vegetables you have! You don't even have to use scraps like me and my mom! No, listen, you should always have some homemade stock on hand. You can freeze whatever's leftover for later. Now, you should use carrots and celery as your base, and since it's winter, turnips are good, too. Oooh, and lots of garlic and onions! Don't forget the onions!
Quiet, fool! You're telling her how to cook in her own kitchen. You're going to get us kicked out before I can eat—
"Oh, I see." Kaidou's mom had whipped out a notebook from apparently nowhere and is scribbling furiously. Does she seriously think—Oh, right, she still thinks he's a genius.
Nendou continues to ramble off instructions. He's in the kitchen like he's owning it now, rummaging through the cupboards and pulling out knives and a chopping board. "And then you cut chicken spines into two-inch bits, but if you don't have spines, you can use chicken wings instead, since they're cheaper. Oh, and we need lots of dill."
You put dill in chicken soup? Oh, whatever. Nendou's actually a good cook. This should be fine….
Famous last words.
Where's the coffee jelly? I ask.
"Oh, I don't have any, unfortunately," she mutters, barely sparing a glance at me. "Too much sugar isn't good when my baby's not feeling well." Yare Yare. What's the point of being here then?
I sigh, leaving Nendou to play chef while I head to Kaidou's room. Might as well do what I actually came here to do. His room's dark, lit only by a single candle on his nightstand. Toki is seated by his bedside, looking as serious as if this was Kaidou's deathbed.
Toki immediately jumps up when he notices me. "Halt, thee! You reek of impurities! Your presence will corrupt my big brother!" Seriously, kid? First off, I showered this morning, and second, he's already corrupted.
"It's fine, Toki," rasped Kaidou in a weak voice. His skin is paler than usual and his face has a sheen of sweat. Wow, he really is sick. "Saiki is my underling, baptised by my own hands in purified water." ...But not sick enough. Still going with that underling thing, huh?
"Oh, okay. I guess you're alright then." Toki steps aside.
I walk over to Kaidou and lay his homework on his nightstand. At least a dozen bottles of medicine are neatly lined up. Are all these from his mom? No wonder he's delusional. I'm surprised he's not puking out his guts right now.
"Thank you, my loyal underling," Kaidou rasps. "Your master is proud you have taken care of him during his time of vulnerability."
You owe me coffee jelly. I turn to go.
"Wait!" Toki calls out. "You're Big Brother's underling! You need to stay here!" He rushes between me and the door with a fierce look. Yare Yare. I've seen this kid in action. I could take him easily in a fight but I can't use my powers here. Guess I'm staying…
Saiki's in my house! Kaidou mentally squeals. This is the perfect opportunity! I can show him all the great manga and games I have! He'll think I'm so cool! "Hey, Saiki," he croaks slyly. "I know you're overjoyed at the chance to view your master's collection. I suppose access to my collection this one time is a suitable reward for your good service…"
Or you can just give me coffee jelly.
"Toki!"
"Yes?!"
"Show him my…secret treasure."
Don't make it sound so gross.
"Yes, Big Brother!" Toki dives into the closet and comes out with a stash of manga.
"These may look like ordinary papers, but they've been blessed with the power of my hand. Accessing their knowledge will bring you great fortunate, fair squire."
Whatever. I skim through his collection, since it's in front of me. A lot from the iseki genre, but there's a few that actually look good. Which is bad because—
Ooooh, I hope he picks Promised Neverland! He'll be so surprised when Norman sacrificed himself and—"
Shut up, Kaidou.
S|S|S|S|S
"Of course, I knew that to unveil my great power would shatter the minds of mortal men!" Kaidou rambles on.
Stop digging yourself into lies you can't get out of. I nod silently, tuning him out, while his brother listens enraptured. Apparently Kaido's voice is fine after all. He's been talking nonstop.
"Oooh, is the Shrimp telling more war stories?" comes Nendou's voice, as he enters the room, a frilly pink polka dot apron tied around his waist and his arms balancing several bowls of soup in ways that defy physics. Stop breaking the laws of physics. Only I can do that. "How'd the Big Boss Kaidou manage to get sick anyways? What, taken down by the common flu?" You're not very threatening yourself right now. Is that your apron or Kaidou's mom's?
"Hey, this is no common flu!" Toki yells defensively. "This is the night of a rare blue moon, the only time that Big Brother's power eludes him! We have to protect him until he's recovered!" So what happens if he's sick longer than tonight?
"Oh, it's fine, I doubt they want to stay around looking after me," Kaidou says, looking away from Nendou with a nervous laugh.
Toki looks at him in confusion. "But they're your underlings, right Big Brother? It's their responsibility to look after you."
Nendou claps a hand over Kaidou's head, who's looking more panicked by the second. "Sure we will, kiddo. I even made him some homemade soup!"
He passes out the bowls, one for each of us. I eye the chunks of vegetables suspiciously. Well, it's not coffee jelly, but beggars can't be choo— My eyes widen when I take a sip.
This is...actually not bad.
I'm not the only one who thinks so. Kaidou is gulping down the soup. "This," he says reverently, holding the bowl with hand tremblings from awe...or sickness, "is the nectar of the gods! I can feel my strength returning to me already! Energy is coursing through my body, the miasma of my addled mind is clearing! Cease, listen! I can hear my creator's voice speaking to me!"
Or the fever's…
Toki's eyes brighten. "What does it say, what does it say?!"
Kaidou looks at Nendou, his cheeks flushed with fever. "Nendou," he says, in an overly serious voice, "will you be my husbando?"
Back to bed with you.