Star Wars Fanfiction
Darth Maul's Casino Chaos
PROLOGUE
Darth Maul always wanted to open a casino, but he couldn't because he was taken as a child to be Darth Plagueis' apprentice. Even as his apprentice, he dreamed of killing his master and opening a casino. One day, Darth Maul was sent to kill Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jin. He killed Qui-Gon Jin, but failed to kill Obi-Wan Kenobi. Then he got cut in half. Darth Plagueis thought he had died and got a new apprentice. Darth Maul seeing the perfect opportunity, went to Kashyyyk to start a new life. Darth Maul got a loan from the bank and started construction on his casino.
CHAPTER 1
4 YEARS LATER
The Khamir Deluxe Casino is doing well. The Casino was near the top of one of the tallest trees in Kashyyyk. This casino was a casino with a bar, and a stripclub. Under the strip club was a dumpster. Darth Maul, the owner, is in the back doing taxes. It was 8:00 PM and the top security officers were taking the day off. Darth Maul was working on expanding the strip club when he heard a crash in the other room. He went to investigate. He saw the infamous Lando Calrissian looting the cash register.
"Lando Calrissian!" Darth Maul Shouted.
"Oh my god it's you." Lando exclaimed.
"Yes I'm the owner, don't rob me."
"Oh, I am so sorry, here is your mone… SMOKE BOMB!"
Lando Calrissian threw down a smoke bomb and ran off with the money. Darth Maul was about to pay off his debt to the bank and if Lando Calrissian took the money he would be in trouble, so he chased Lando throughout the casino. Darth Maul almost caught him, but Lando threw down a disabler, which stunned Darth Maul and kept him in place. Lando jumped off the casino onto a speeder. The getaway driver, L3-37, zoomed off into the distance. Darth Maul was devastated because Lando robbed him of 5,000 credits. But Lando didn't know about the secret safe in the back, so it wasn't too bad. The next day top security officer, and war vetran, General Grievous was in but not other top officers Iden Versio and Phasma. Darth Maul was at the table. He was waiting for a customer when a voice said, "Play I must."
Darth Maul looked around, but saw no one and went back to waiting.
"Play I must," The same voice said.
Darth Maul looked around, but still saw no one. At this point he thought he was crazy from the war, but the voice said it again.
"Play I must."
Darth Maul looked over the table and saw a little green man. He was 2 feet tall and had big ears. He wore robes and a hood that did not cover his ears, and had a small metallic thing that was attached to his belt.
"Play I must." He said.
"Okay let's play some poke… wait a minute, how old are you?" Darth Maul asked.
"Uhh, 900 years old I am."
"Uh huh sure can I see some ID."
"What does ID mean?"
"Ok what is your name."
"Yoda."
"Ok Yoda, come with me I'll show you the super secret table."
"Oh boy, wait I cannot."
Darth Maul took Yoda to Security Guards Todd and Bob and told them to take Yoda to his parents. They said yes. He sat down but immediately heard screaming. Darth Maul rushed over to the scene and saw Yoda with a green lightsaber activated over Todd and Bob's corpses.
"That's what you get when you try to oust me." Yoda said.
"OH MY GOD, what the hell happened here!" Darth Maul exclaimed.
"Play Poker we must." Yoda said.
"NO, as the owner I demand you to get out of here and stay out." Darth Maul yelled.
"But how can you kick me out if I'm the owner." Yoda said.
"You're not the owner." Darth Maul said.
"YES I AM!" Yoda shouted as he leaped at Darth Maul with his lightsaber.
Darth Maul blocked the attack with his lightsaber and then they had a lightsaber duel. Darth Maul activated his other blade and went on the offensive. Yoda was able to run away before he got attacked. Darth Maul pursued, but Yoda turned around and shot a huge force attack. It knocked back Darth Maul, and he hit his head on a chair. Yoda jumped at Darth Maul, ready to finish him, but was batted away by General Grievous and almost fell off. Grievous asked if Maul was ok and he said yes. Grievous was attacked by Yoda, and, with another powerful force attack, pushed grievous off the ledge into the dumpster. Yoda turned to see Darth Maul standing before him and then was pushed off into the dumpster below.
CHAPTER 2
THE KAREN
Darth Maul sent a cleanup crew to pick up Grievous when a new person came in. The customer had hair, wore black robes, and had a silver lightsaber hilt on his belt.
"Please tell me you're an actual customer." Darth Maul pleaded.
"No I'm only 19, My name is Anakin and I just came in wondering why you kicked out some weird frog?" Anakin said.
"He tried to kill me, and by any chance is your last name Skywalker?" Darth Maul asked.
"No." Anakin said.
"Ok." Darth Maul said.
Anakin left and Darth Maul went back to waiting. Then someone came in. She had orange hair, and wore robes as well.
"Hello are you here to play?" Darth Maul asked.
"NO AND MY NAME IS KAREN KENOBI!"
"Stop yelling, and are you related to a certain Obi-Wan Kenobi?" Darth Maul asked.
"NO I AM NOT, HOW DARE YOU ASSUME!" Karen Kenobi yelled.
"Calm down what is your problem?" Darth Maul asked.
"YOU WOULDN'T LET MY CHILD PLAY POKER WITH YOU!" Karen Kenobi yelled!
"Is your child named Yoda?"
"I HAVE TWO CHILDREN, YODA AND ANAKIN, YODA TOLD ME THAT YOU WEREN'T LETTING HIM PLAY POKER."
"This is a 21 and up casino with a bar and strip club, of course he can't because he's 2 years old."
"SO, YOU THINK I'LL TAKE THIS SITTING DOWN!" Karen Kenobi says as she activates her lightsaber.
Darth Maul force pushes her off the ledge, and into the big dumpster.
"I'M RATING YOU ONE STAR!" Karen Kenobi yells as she falls.
Darth Maul feeling exhausted closed the casino for the day. As he was locking up he heard a grunt. He went back inside, and saw nothing. Then Lando Calrissian showed himself.
"Lando, you already stole all my money why are you back?" Darth Maul asked.
"Well I found your secret safe and looted it for 15,000 credits." Lando responded.
Darth Maul activated his lightsaber and dashed at Lando, but Lando threw down a disabeler and stunned Darth Maul. Lando ran away. Darth Maul continued to chase. Darth Maul caught up and threw Lando off the ledge using the force, however, Lando landed right on his speeder and zoomed off. Darth Maul now had to make up 2,000 credits to repay his bank loan, but as long as the super secret safe was safe, it was ok. Darth Maul locked up and went home.
CHAPTER 3
THE BANK
The next day, Darth Maul opened the casino again. Then a new customer came in.
"Hello ma'am welcome to the Kahmir Deluxe Casino." Darth Maul said.
"I'm not here as a customer, I'm Rey Palpatine and I'm with the bank. You got a loan from my grandfather." She said.
"About the money, I just got robbed twice by Lando Calrissian." Darth Maul said, "I can't pay you back right now."
"You expect me to believe that the criminal mastermind Lando Calrissian would rob you of all people." Rey said.
"Come, I'll show you the security tapes." Darth Maul said.
Darth Maul took Rey into the back room and showed her the security tapes.
"See that is Lando Calrissian." Darth Maul said.
"I see, I guess we'll just extend your ti-." Rey said as she saw Darth Maul's plans to extend the strip club.
"What the hell is this?" Rey asked, showing Darth Maul the paper.
"That's just plans to extend the strip club. What's wrong?" Darth Maul said.
"Instead of paying us you were going to spend money on an expansion to your casino." Rey said furiously.
"We-well I was just making plans and you know I was going to do this-." Darth Maul said but was cut off by Rey saying "You will pay for what you did."
She took out a blue lightsaber that looked identical to Anakin's lightsaber.
"Whoa I don't want to fight you." Darth Maul said.
"I wouldn't want to fight me either.' Rey said.
Rey charged at Darth Maul, but Darth Maul blocked the attack and then cut her lightsaber in half.
"This won't be the end of this." Rey said as she stormed out of the casino.
"Glad that's the end of that." Darth Maul said to himself.
Just then Alarms started blaring, and Darth Maul knew what that meant. Darth Maul ran over to the super secret safe and saw that it was blown open, and then Lano showed himself.
"Lando why do you keep robbing me?" Darth Maul asked.
"Because it's easy." Lando said.
"But why me, there are tons of other places with more money." Darth Maul said.
"Look, I'm responsible these days, it's the price you pay for being successful."
"What?"
"Nevermind. I'm just going to leave with the money."
Lando ran away and threw down a disabler which stunned Darth Maul in place.
"I hate those things." Darth Maul said to himself.
Lando escaped with all of Darth Maul's money. Darth Maul went home for the day. Early in the morning, Darth Maul opened the casino again. He was really tired so he fell asleep at the table. He woke up to a voice.
CHAPTER 4
YODA STRIKES BACK
"Mmmm get out of my casino you will."
It was Yoda. He snuck in through the ventilation shafts and is now standing on the table in front of Darth Maul.
"What the hell, how did you get in?" Darth Maul asked.
"None of your business it is." Yoda responded.
"Whatever I'm just going to take you out."
"NO YOU WILL NOT!"
Yoda picked up Darth Maul with the force and threw him across the room. Darth Maul slid off the edge but caught himself hanging. Yoda walked over and applied pressure to his hands with the force.
"Now get out of my casino, you will." Yoda said.
Darth Maul let go because the pain was too much and fell into the dumpster below. Yoda sat at the table proclaiming himself as the new owner of the casino. Darth Maul returned at 6:00 PM, and approached Yoda.
"You can't just say you're the owner and have everyone believe you right." Darth Maul said.
"Yes I can." Yoda said.
"You have no proof." Darth Maul said.
"Mmmmm the deed to this casino I have." Yoda said as he pulled out the deed to the casino.
"You stole the deed!" Darth Maul exclaimed.
"Stole it I did not, gave it to me you did." Yoda responded.
"I most certainly did not." Darth Maul said.
"Proof you have?"
"As a matter of fact I do…. the security footage."
"NO!" Yoda yelled as he force pushed Darth Maul into the bar.
Darth Maul ignited his lightsaber just as Yoda darted towards him with his small green lightsaber. They duelled with super fast swings and blocks. Darth Maul had the advantage and tagged Yoda. Yoda backed away. Darth Maul unleashed a powerful force attack, but Yoda absorbed it, and returned the same attack back at Darth Maul, throwing him off the edge and into the dumpster. Darth Maul has had enough and called his Lawyer. Darth Vader.
CHAPTER 5
DARTH VADER
Darth Vader is the galaxy's most feared lawyer. Darth Vader entered the casino and approached Yoda.
"Ah, a customer I have," Yoda said, "Come sit down."
"I am not here to gamble." Darth Vader said.
"Then go to the strip club you will. Only one of our strippers is in today. Or maybe go to the bar, Bossk is one of our best servers." Yoda said.
"I'm here to kick you out of the casino."
"Why? The owner I am" Yoda said showing Darth Vader the deed to the casino.
"My client says that you stole the deed from him." Darth Vader said.
"Mmmm no, found it in someone's pocket I did."
"So you admit to stealing it."
"No, found it in my pocket I did."
"I am calling the cops."
"Oh ok do that you can. But what for."
"Property theft."
"Who stole something?"
"You ."
"Steal something I did not."
"Yeah, okay."
The cops arrive at the casino. The 2 cops that arrived enter the casino.
"What seems to be the problem," the cop asked.
"I'd like to report a theft of property." Darth Vader said.
"Who stole the property?" The cop asked.
"He did." Darth Vader said while pointing at Yoda.
"Did something wrong I did not." Yods said.
"Sure, you're under arrest." The cop said.
"NO!" Yoda yells as he cuts off the cop's head with his lightsaber. Yoda jumped at the next cop, but Darth Vader froze him with the force. He then knocked Yoda Out by hitting him with the hilt of his lightsaber.
"I believe we will take this to court." Darth Vader said.
"Yeah I guess so." The cop said.
CHAPTER 6
LAWSUIT
The lawsuit took place at The Second Death Star, a super weapon turned courtroom after The Great Bagel War. It was a part of the Second Death Star with a death pit that went all the way down to the reactor. Right outside of the Death Star, there was a battle going on outside. The ewoks had a rebellion started by their leader James. They stole starfighters and engaged the Bagel Republic in a battle. The judge, Bren Derlin, walked in. The defense and prosecution walked in. The jury consisted of Dud Bolt, Sio Bibble, Loathe Sommover, Mart Mattin, Beezer Fortuna, Therm Sccicorpunch, and Slowen Lo.
"Father!?" The prosecutor said.
"Luke." Darth Vader said.
"Father you're defending this lying sith." Luke said
"It is the child who lies, son." Darth Vader said.
"You are a LIAR!" Luke screamed as he ignited his green lightsaber and dashed over at Darth Vader. Darth Vader blocked the attack and a lightsaber battle ensued.
"ORDER!" Judge Derlin yelled as he swung down the gavel, "There will be order in this here court!"
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker backed away from each other.
"Anyway, it's time for the opening statement." Judge Derlin said
"Ladies and gentlemen and aliens of the jury, it is with my great displeasure to tell you that Yoda is the lying frog thing. Today I will prove that without a shadow of a doubt that Yoda robbed the defendant's, Darth Maul, casino, and is in fact not old enough to even visit said casino." Darth Vader said.
"And I will prove that Yoda did nothing wrong and Darth Maul is in fact the evil one." Luke said.
"I'd like to see you try." Darth Vader said.
"Okay, first the defense will submit their evidence." Judge Derlin said.
"Of Course your honor." Darth Vader said.
CHAPTER 7
THE DEFENSE
Darth Vader opened his briefcase.
"In this briefcase I show you this. Darth Vader said as he pulled out a hologram projector.
"Is that a hologram projector?" Judge Derlin asked.
"Yes your honor, this is a hologram of the security recordings." Darth Vader said.
Darth Vader activated the projector which displayed the security footage. The footage showed Darth Maul signing the deed to the casino.
"As you can see by this footage, Darth Maul is the rightful owner." Darth Vader said.
"Objection, this doesn't prove a damn thing." Luke Skywalker objected.
"No this actually proves a lot, objection overruled." Judge Derlin said.
"I would like to call to the witness stand Lando Calrissian." Darth Vader said.
Lando Calrissian walked up to the witness stand.
"Lando is it true that you robbed The Khamir Deluxe Casino three times?" Darth Vader asked.
"What? No of course not." Lando responded.
"Remember you are under oath." Darth Vader said.
"I mean sure I went into the casino, but I didn't rob the guy. Lando said.
Darth Vader fast forwarded the security tapes. The tape showed Lando with a bag labeled stolen money talking to Darth Maul.
"But why me, there are tons of other places with more money." Darth Maul said.
"Look, I'm responsible these days, it's the price you pay for being successful."
"What?"
"Nevermind. I'm just going to leave with the money."
Lando tried to run away but two imperial bagel troopers stunned him with their blasters, and took him away.
"The next witness I will call to the stand is Karen Kenobi." Darth Vader said.
Karen Kenobi walked up to the witness stand.
" you are the parent of Yoda and Anakin right?" Darth Vader asked.
"YES I AM!" Karen Kenobi yelled.
"There is no need to yell. How old are your children?" Darth Vader asked.
"Anakin is 19 years old." Karen Kenobi said.
"What about Yoda?" Darth Vader asked.
"Hell if I know." Karen Kenobi said.
"HA see I knew it!" Luke exclaimed.
"Shut up son." Darth Vader said.
"No because you can't prove anything." Luke said.
Darth Vader ignited his lightsaber and Luke did the same. Darth Vader threw his lightsaber at Luke, but Luke blocked it and swung at Vader.
"ORDER!" Judge Derlin yelled.
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker backed away from each other. Karen Kenobi left the stand.
"I call to the stand Yoda." Darth Vader said.
Yoda walked up to the witness stand, however, he was too short so he got a booster seat.
"Yoda, do you own The Khamir Deluxe Casino?" Darth Vader asked.
"Own the casino I do." Yoda said.
"How old are you?" Darth Vader asked.
"Objection! Your Honor this has nothing to do with this case." Luke said.
"Objection sustained, Darth Vader, ask a different question." Judge Derlin said.
Darth Vader pulled out a dead wookie.
"Yoda, is this your pet dog?" Darth Vader asked.
"YES!" Yoda said crying.
Yoda cried over his dog's dead body.
"Objection! What the hell does this prove?" Luke asked.
"I agree Vader get him off the stand." Judge Derlin said.
Yoda left the witness stand. Suddenly some random guy walks in the room.
"Oh uh wrong room. Can anyone tell me where the bathroom is?" He asked.
"YOU GET ON THE WITNESS STAND!" Darth Vader demanded.
"Woah, I'm not part of this trial, I'm just looking for the bathroom." The man said.
Darth Vader picked him up with the force and placed him at the witness stand.
"What is your name?" Darth Vader asked.
"Look man I'm not part of this trial. I need to get to the bathro-"
Darth Vader ignited his lightsaber.
"WHAT IS YOUR NAME!" Darth Vader demanded.
"My name is FN-2187, but my friends call me Finn." The man said.
"Finn, where were you when Yoda entered the casino?" Darth Vader asked.
"What? I have no clue what you are talking about." Finn said.
"Don't play games with me boy." Darth Vader said.
"I'm not 'playing games' with you. I just want to leave." Finn said.
"You will leave this mortal coil and become one with the force." Darth Vader said.
Darth Vader picked Finn up with the force and choked him. Darth Vader threw Finn into the death pit.
"I would like to bring my final witness, Ben Solo, to the stand."
Ben Solo walked up to the stand.
"Ben Solo you are a regular at The Khamir Deluxe Casino, right?" Darth Vader asked.
"Yes, but call me Kylo Ren." Ben Solo said.
"Ok Kylo Ren, since you come here so often, who do you see running the casino?" Darth Vader asked.
"I don't see anybody running the place, I just get blackout drunk at the bar. If anybody runs the place, it's Bossk." Kylo Ren said.
"Do you remember seeing anything at all?" Darth Vader asked.
"When I walked in, General Grievous was thrown back, and then I went straight to the bar." Kylo Ren said.
"Ok get off the stand." Darth Vader said.
Kylo Ren got off the stand.
The battle happening outside got so out of control that the bagel republic had twelve Donut Destroyers attacking the ewoks. One of them shot a heavy laser beam at an ewok, but missed and hit the courtroom. The trial was ended for the day, and the new courtroom was further in The Second Death Star. It had many holes, but with thin platforms to stand on. The next day, everyone returned.
CHAPTER 8
THE PROSECUTION
"Ok Luke, call your first witness." Judge Derlin said.
"I call to the stand Sheev Palpatine." Luke Skywalker said.
Sheev Palpatine walked up to the stand.
"Sheev Palpatine you own the intergalactic bank right?" Luke asked.
"Yes I own it, what does this have to do with anything?" Palpatine asked.
"This document right here says the owner took a loan from the bank when he started building the casino. Who did you give the loan to?" Luke asked.
"I'm 90 years old, you think I remember a loan I gave away four years ago. Ask my granddaughter." Palpatine said.
"Ok, I call Rey Palpatine to the stand." Luke said.
Palapatine left the stand and Rey got on the stand.
"Rey, who did your grandfather give the loan to?" Luke asked.
"My grandfather gave the loan to Darth Maul, and I came to the casino to collect the money." Rey said.
"You must be misremembering things." Luke said.
"No I remember everything pretty clearl-"
"LALALALALALALA get off the stand." Luke said.
Rey got off the stand.
"I call Iden Versio to the stand." Luke said.
Iden Versio got on the stand.
"Iden Versio you are one of the top guards at The Khamir Deluxe Casino, so you must spend time with the owner correct?" Luke asked.
Iden took off her helmet.
"I spend most of my time with my trainer Grievous, but yes I know the owner." Iden Versio said.
"Could you tell me who the owner is?" Luke asked.
"Yes the owner is Darth Maul." Iden Versio said.
"Why is everyone misremembering? Do you have any proof?" Luke asked.
"Yes check this recording." Iden said showing a hologram projector.
The hologram showed Iden's graduation of guard training.
"Congratulations Iden Versio. You can now protect the owner of The Khamir Deluxe Casino." General Grievous said.
"I feel protected under you two. Me, Darth Maul, the owner, am ready to own this casino with you two. And yes me, the owner, am in fact, the owner."
The hologram shut off.
"That is my proof." Iden Versio said.
Luke said nothing, he just stared at her. Then suddenly he sent a powerful force attack at Iden Versio, pushing her off the edge, and into the reactor, killing her.
"OBJECTION! You can't just kill the witness." Darth Vader said.
"Objection sustained, Luke don't do that again." Judge Derlin said.
"Ok sorry, jezz." Luke said.
Luke called Han Solo to the stand.
"Han Solo, you are a male stripper at The Khamir Deluxe Casino right?" Luke asked.
"Yes I am, cutie." Han said.
"Don't do that again. Anyway, who hired you?" Luke asked.
"Darth Maul hired me, you hunk." Han said.
"Stop coming onto me I'm not interested. Are you sure?" Luke asked.
"Absolutely, you handsome snack." Han said.
Han reached out to touch Luke. Luke cut off Han's hand and then cut off his head.
"Ok, the jury will decide their verdict." Judge Derlin said.
A few minutes later the jury had their verdict.
"Mart Mattin, could you please read out your verdict." Judge Derlin said.
"The jury has decided that we can't make a decision." Mart Mattin said.
"This could only mean one thing, a death battle." Judge Derlin said.
CHAPTER 9
DEATH BATTLE
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker both ignite their lightsabers. Luke makes the first move, dashing towards Darth Vader, but is blocked. Vader makes his advance trying to tire Luke out. Luke in desperation pushed Vader back, and Vader hit the railing almost falling in the pit. Luke jumps at Vader, but Vader stops him in mid air with the force. Vader got up as Luke fell. Luke and Vader both clash in a lightsaber block. Luke breaks away and tries to maneuver around Vader but is struck with Vader's lightsaber. Luke lands on his knees and looks up at Vader as Vader swings down his blade, cutting off his head.
"So it is settled, the defendant Darth Maul is found not guilty." Judge Derlin says.
CHAPTER 10
FINAL BATTLE
"WHAT! UNFAIR THIS IS. RETRIAL WE MUST HAVE." Yoda said.
"Too late, I already won." Darth Maul says.
Yoda jumps at Darth Maul with his lightsaber ignited. Darth Maul blocks all of his attacks, but is stepping backwards. When Darth Maul got to the edge, he sidestepped Yoda who almost fell over but caught himself. However, Darth Maul kicked him into the pit, and Yoda fell all the way down.
CHAPTER 11
BACK AT THE CASINO
After the trial, Darth Maul got the deed back to his casino. After the trial, his casino became even more popular because of all the news coverage. People and Aliens came from all over the galaxy to the casino. Darth Maul got his money back that Lando stole and then some. Then, at long last, Darth Maul added the extension to the strip club.
THE END