Killian clenches his jaw as he yanks open the door to the hold and makes his way down.
He's never appreciated how hard it is to avoid someone on a ship but he's been managing it for several days. And he has to admit, the hold of his ship has never been more organized.
He can't face her, he can't see the look of disapproval and disgust on her lovely features again. It lances his heart to remember the way she looked at him once she'd figured out what he'd become. He should have expected her reaction but he hadn't. After David's and Ruby's and Dopey's quick acceptances, it hadn't occurred to him that she would react quite so… adversely. It hadn't occurred to him that once he had her back, he wouldn't have her back.
She'd looked at him like he was vile and he'd just stood there, unable to make a single retort.
But what was he supposed to say?
Yes, I turned to piracy because after the despair of losing you, I didn't have anything but revenge to keep me going? I took insane risks because even though I wanted to die, I couldn't dishonor the memories of my loved ones by ending my own life? And I couldn't bear the thought of the vessel my brother captained, the vessel where we met, being in the hands of Regina so I stole it? Then I took on a new identity and hid in plain sight while indulging in anything and everything I wanted… a good deal of which included attacking the woman who caused your death and the deaths of all those close to me?
With the way she'd been looking at him, she probably wouldn't even have believed it.
Then when she'd made her way around the room, examining all of the spoils he'd gained during his exploits, throwing questions at him like accusations, his pride had kicked in.
How dare she judge him?! From what Ruby said, she's been working as a tavern wench, serving drinks to drunken sailors and letting them do god knows what – but he hadn't judged her… No matter how much he hated the idea, he would never have held it over her head. She'd done what she had to do to survive. And he wasn't going to apologize for doing the same.
Still, he can't take seeing her look at him like that again, so he has avoided her, timing his sleep around hers and vanishing below deck each day until he's sure she has retired to his cabin. Besides, it's not as though he needs to be on deck. The Jolly can navigate herself in fair weather, which they have been lucky enough to have, and Dopey doesn't seem to mind taking a list of orders with him to keep him occupied while Killian busies himself below.
Sighing, he looks around at the many crates filling up the room. He'd made a good haul from his last endeavor. The hold is nearly overflowing with arms and munitions. Regina's ship hadn't stood a chance, he thinks with pride. He'll deliver half to Jefferson and keep the rest to offer to David when they return to Camelot.
It will be just a little over a week and then he'll deliver the Princess to her father and be free to go. Surely whatever David has planned next will involve him being on the Jolly, so he'll leave her with the King and sail away. And once Regina is defeated for good, he'll depart these waters and explore the rest of the world, maybe find someplace where no one knows who he is and live out the rest of his days in peace. Then he'll never have to endure her distaste of him again.
He's already making plans of the places he'd like to visit when the door opens and Ruby appears.
"Oh, I didn't know you were down here. I was just looking to see if there was any more flour. I'm nearly out."
"I'm afraid not," he tells her, "but no worries, we should be close to King Midas' kingdom so we'll make port and re-stock. We should also try to find out if the Princess's escape is common knowledge or – "
"Emma's," she interrupts.
"Sorry?"
"If Emma's escape is common knowledge. Stop referring to her as 'the Princess' like you don't know her," Ruby says with exasperation.
Killian ignores the comment, "We need to see if her escape is common knowledge or if she is still believed to be dead. If we're lucky, we might be able to get word on what happened in Arendelle after we left or even the location of some of Regina's vessels. I'll need my maps," he adds, shrugging on his coat, "Would you be a dear and fetch them for me? They're on my desk in my cabin."
"Fetch them yourself," she tells him with a hard look.
"Ruby…" he says, hating the pleading tone in his voice.
"You can't avoid her forever, Killian. The two of you need to work this out."
"She doesn't want – "
"How do you know that if you won't talk to her?"
Killian ignores that, too. "Is she on deck?" he asks.
"No, I just delivered her dinner."
With that, Killian climbs the ladder to go in search of Dopey. The little dwarf will be easier to persuade.
Ruby is on his heels as he alights on deck and finds Dopey at the helm. The dwarf is smiling, as always, as he watches the wheel turn itself, seemingly content to just stand there with the wind in his face. When he sees Killian, his smile widens, obviously thrilled to see him above deck during daylight hours.
"Dopey, my good man, would you be of assistance and run down to my cabin and fetch my maps?"
Dopey immediately nods but then stops at the sound of Ruby's voice.
"No, he won't."
Killian turns on the brunette in exasperation. "I need my maps so that I can check our position with the stars tonight. If you want more flour to make those tasty biscuits your princess so enjoys, we need to make port. And we can't do that if I don't know where we are."
"Get. Them. Yourself," the she-wolf says, planting her hands on her hips.
He rolls his eyes and looks back to Dopey, "Dopey, please."
The dwarf nods again but then stops again when Ruby says, "Dopey, no."
He rounds on Ruby. "Need I remind you whose ship you're on?" he asks, his voice rising in frustration.
"No, you need to remind her. The Jolly Roger or The Jewel of the Realm… It doesn't matter. She's on Killian Jones' ship. And Captain Hook's ship. And you need to – "
"Exactly," he cuts her off, his voice rising to a shout, "this is my ship. And on my ship, I give the orders. And if you want to stay on my ship, you will follow them!"
A gasp sounds from behind him and he turns to see Emma, her mouth agape, standing stock still with her hands fisted at her sides.
"It's my ship," she says evenly. "It belongs to my kingdom and you stole it."
The accusing look on her face pushes the frustration in his gut straight to anger as he bursts out, "I didn't steal her from your kingdom! I stole her from Regina!" Her eyes widen in surprise as though that thought hadn't crossed her mind, but it does nothing to alleviate his annoyance as he adds sarcastically, "But perhaps you would you be happier if she were under the Evil Queen's control rather than a pirate's."
With that, he strides past her and goes in search of the maps himself, trying to ignore the look of shock on her face.
He doesn't return to the deck once he's gathered the maps. The stars won't be out for another couple of hours, anyway, so instead, he heads directly to the galley to get some dinner. There's a fabulous smelling stew prepared and he helps himself to a large bowl. Begrudgingly, he admits to himself that he'll miss Ruby once he has delivered her and the Princess to Camelot.
Returning to the crew's quarters, which he's been sharing with Dopey, he spreads out the maps while he eats, trying to make an educated guess on where they are. Considering the favorable weather, they are probably within a day of King Midas' kingdom but he won't know for sure until he checks the stars.
The damn stew tastes as good as it smells and he leans back on one of the cots with a groan. He's going to have to apologize to Ruby, he thinks to himself – something he hasn't done in years. He shouldn't have yelled at her. She might have been pushing him, but he knows she means well and she's been a dependable friend ever since they met. She's outspoken, yes, a feisty lass if ever there was one and, if he's being honest with himself, he's always admired her for it. In fact, before the fall of the kingdom, she'd been one of the few who'd called him out over his feelings for Emma, telling him none-to-gently to get over the whole princess-with-a-commoner thing and show her how he felt. And, actually, he owes her more than she knows, because it was that conversation that got him to take a chance and give Emma some flowers. Flowers that had led to their first kiss…
Things were so simple then. Young, full of hope and dreams, falling head over heels for a beautiful woman who also happened to be a princess. They'd been so in sync, nearly able to read each other's minds, and now…
Well, now things are different.
And that's what Ruby doesn't understand. He's not the same person he was then. Maybe if they'd never been separated… maybe if the King had found him years ago…. Maybe if he hadn't lived without hope for so long…
His gut churns and he gulps down a difficult breath, leaning back and closing his eyes. When the door creaks open, he looks up to see Dopey giving him a hesitant smile.
He's drawn out of his melancholy thoughts by the dwarf's appearance, sighing softly at the timid way Dopey is half-in, half-out the door. "It's alright, Dopey," he says, "You can come in. I'm not upset with you."
The little dwarf's smile widens as he steps into the room, then he points toward the Captain's cabin, leans his head to the side and presses his hands flat together, laying his cheek on them.
It's his way of telling him that Emma has gone to bed for the night and Killian nods to him in thanks.
Killian places the now empty bowl on the table and stands to start gathering up the maps. Dopey steps forward to help, then the two of them make their way up to the deck.
Without a word from Killian, Dopey immediately goes to fetch the sextant from the helm and Killian crosses to Ruby who is standing next to the rail. She seems to be lost in thought and she jolts when she hears him approach. His brow wrinkles in confusion when she turns and he sees a haunted look in her eyes, but it's gone in the next instant as she lifts her hand to stop him from speaking.
"Don't apologize. You don't need to," she says, "You know me, always sticking my nose in. I shouldn't have interfered."
"How did you know I was – "
Giving him a knowing smile, she replies, "It's written all over your face. But, really, it's fine. I was pushing and I shouldn't have."
"It's certainly not the first time you've done so," he replies which makes her chuckle, obviously remembering their last encounter about Emma.
"It worked that time," she says sardonically.
"Yes, well, I was a different person then," he replies with sigh.
"We all were," she says so quietly he almost doesn't hear it, crossing her arms over her chest and looking back over to the waves with obvious sorrow as she adds in a clearer voice, "We've all done things since Regina took over, things we never would have done otherwise." She turns back to him then, uncrossing her arms to lay one hand on his sleeve. "Give her time, Killian. She's been through a lot but there are still things she doesn't know about. Things we… protected her from. Things we had to do to keep her safe…" She trails off and shakes her head, dropping her arm from his sleeve to wrap it back around herself.
Killian's heart goes out to her because the haunted look is back and it's suddenly evident to him why. That hollow expression she's wearing is one he sees in the mirror every day. But rather then respond with words of comfort that he knows won't do any good, he simply nods.
She seems to appreciate his quiet acceptance as she nods back, a moment of kindred understanding passing between them.
Then her eyes dart over his shoulder and she lowers her arms, swinging them out as in an attempt to shake off the mood as Dopey appears with the sextant. She tries to smile at the dwarf but it's forced when she pats him on the shoulder, saying, "Why don't I leave you guys to it? I'm tired. I think I'll turn in."
Dopey seems to take no notice of Ruby's distress, holding out the sextant for Killian to take as Ruby walks away. Shaking off the moment, Killian thanks Dopey and checks their position while the dwarf stands quietly next to him. As soon as he lowers the sextant, Dopey points to the map and lifts his arms in question.
"We're here," Killian tells him, pointing, "very close to King Midas' kingdom. We'll be able to make port tomorrow afternoon and get the supplies we need."
Dopey nods and takes the sextant, looking at it puzzlingly and then up to the stars.
"Would you like me to show you how to use it?" he asks.
When Dopey nods excitedly, Killian smiles and points to the eyepiece on the sextant, saying, "Look through here."
It's just the distraction he needs and he takes the next hour explaining to Dopey how to use the device. Afterward, the two lay on their backs on the deck as Killian identifies each constellation for him. It's a clear night and when Dopey sits up and exuberantly points to a shooting star, Killian laughs.
The dwarf looks back to him, points to his mouth and gives a thumbs up.
"Thank you, my friend," Killian tells him, "It does feel good to smile."
The ships rocks back and forth a few times as if in agreement.
Dopey settles back down next to him, lacing his fingers behind his head and they pass the rest of the night in silence.
He doesn't remember drifting off to sleep, but he must have because suddenly it's daytime and he awakes with a start. There's a blanket covering him that he recognizes as the one he's been using in the crews' quarters and he shakes his head at the thought of Dopey tucking him in like a young lad.
Sitting up, he looks to where Dopey had been the night before but the dwarf is nowhere to be found. Emma is there, though, sitting to his right next to the rail, reading a book. Without acknowledging her presence, he stands and stretches, then he gathers the maps and goes to the helm.
"Ready to make a visit to Jefferson, old girl?" he asks quietly and smiles when the bell dings in response.
Emma looks up at the sound and glances toward him but he ignores her. He makes an adjustment to the wheel and then pats it. The Jolly creaks in acknowledgement, then he turns and makes his way to his cabin to put back the maps.
He doesn't hear her come in. He's occupied arranging the maps in their respective holders and he doesn't even know she's there until she speaks.
"I hear we're making port."
His back stiffens instinctively at the sound of her voice and he raises his head but doesn't turn to face her.
"Aye. It's been a while since I re-stocked and the stores are running low."
When she doesn't respond, he pretends to tidy up his desk, hoping that she'll return to deck and leave him alone. He'd go himself, but she's in between him and the ladder and he doesn't want to ask her to move so that he can get past her.
(Or, if he's being honest, he doesn't trust himself to be within arm's reach of her.)
But she doesn't leave. She continues to stand there as if she's waiting for him to say something else.
The silence is deafening and after a few minutes he can't take it anymore. So he turns to her with an exasperated sigh. "Was there something else, Your Highness?" he inquires.
She looks startled by his voice like she'd been lost in thought, and when her eyes lift to his, he sees a sadness in them that he didn't expect. Her mouth opens like she wants to say something but she hesitates and, god help him, all he wants to do is go to her and wipe that sadness away.
At long last, she finally takes a deep breath and looks him straight in the eye, saying, "I'm glad you stole the Jewel from Regina. I was wrong yesterday. This isn't my ship or my kingdom's. It's yours and I'm glad you have it."
The statement stuns him for a moment, reluctant hope flaring in his chest because her eyes aren't glittering with anger or distaste. In fact, she's looking at him with what could almost be affection. His heart jumps inside his chest at that look and he clears his throat as he reaches up to run his hand along one of the rafters, replying, "Yes, well, she's a good ship. She and I have weathered many a storm together."
The ship sways gently as Emma smiles at him and he has to turn away again because it's even harder not to cross to her when she smiles than it had been when she'd looked sad.
"If you'd like to go ashore when we make port, you might want to change. I'll go into town first to ensure that Regina's knights haven't made it this far and order the supplies. Then tonight, I thought I'd check the local taverns to see if there's any news on your friends in Arendelle."
He steps over to the chest in the corner and fills a bag with gold coins while he speaks.
"Here," he says, holding out the purse, "Take this in case you see anything you'd like to purchase."
She stares at the purse and swallows. "No, thank you, Graham made sure I had plenty of money in the bag he packed for me."
Killian drops his arm. "Of course. But if you need more, feel free to take – "
"I won't need any more," she interrupts.
Understanding dawns on him and he turns to face her, putting on what he likes to think of as his pirate stance, his thumb hooked into his belt and his hook resting on his sword.
"Ah," he says, "my ill-gotten gains not good enough for you?"
When she just stands there, refusing to reply, he adds, "Would it make you feel better if I were to tell you that this was intended to be payroll for Regina's black knights?"
"Was it?"
He shakes his head ruefully at her disbelief. She really thinks he's lying?
"Yes, it was," he says with a quiet sigh, glancing to the chest and back. "Not that I expect you to believe that. Pirates aren't exactly known for their honesty."
She visibly relaxes at his answer and he realizes that she does believe him.
"Anyway, as I said, you probably want to change before we make port. We should arrive within an hour or two."
He secures the purse to his own belt as he makes his way out of the room, avoiding looking at her again.
Emma doesn't move after he leaves, looking around at the treasures lining the shelves again. Were they all stolen from Regina? She knows now that the gold was, there was no lie in his voice when he answered the question.
She could have asked about the rest but it felt a little bit like a betrayal to interrogate him. He doesn't know about her talent for spotting lies and she realizes with a jolt it's because he's only ever lied to her that one time.
The thought makes her want to cry.
But she's done enough of that over the last few days. She's cried herself to sleep every night since she woke up, longing to be able to go back and change the reaction she'd had when she'd figured out who he was. She'd tried to approach him the next day but he'd disappeared below deck as soon as he'd seen her and he's been avoiding her ever since.
She'd obviously hurt him, and hurt him badly, so she'd given him his space, hoping that time would soften his attitude.
Then yesterday, she'd heard his voice and realized he was finally on deck while she was awake so she'd gone up in the hope that he would, at the very least, look at her. But when she'd made it to deck and found him talking to Ruby that way, her temper had gotten the better of her. He'd looked like a pirate in the moment, towering over Ruby while yelling at her about following his orders on his ship.
She'd spoken without thinking, a habit she was apparently doing a lot of these days, and when he'd directed his temper at her, she'd been glued to the spot. He'd never yelled at her before (but, of course, she'd never given him a reason to before, either) and she'd been too shocked to respond, especially when she realized he was right: The Jewel would be under Regina's control right now if it weren't for him.
She'd followed him down here with the intention of apologizing but he couldn't even seem to look at her anymore and it had hurt so much that she'd almost run from the room.
Then she'd insulted him again about the gold. She hadn't really meant to but the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.
Sighing in frustration, she makes a vow to herself not to lose her temper again as she pulls out some new clothes to change into.
When she goes back up on deck, Killian is at the helm and he stiffens when he hears her. She sighs to herself but doesn't try to speak to him again, instead heading back to the crate where she left her book.
She sits down, facing away from him and tries to read for a little while but she can't concentrate so she lays the book back down and walks over to the rail as they approach the harbor. From here, she can see him out of the corner of her eye and she thinks he might be watching her, but when she turns, his eyes are resolutely in front of him as he steers them into port.
He docks the vessel with a practiced ease, the sails coming down one by one as he talks lowly to the ship. It's really something to witness as the ship follows his instructions without the need for a crew and she tears her gaze away from him, suddenly realizing that Dopey isn't on deck.
Just as the thought crosses her mind, she hears Killian chuckle and she turns back to see Dopey alighting from one of the hatches followed closely by Ruby.
She immediately sees why Killian is amused and she wants to laugh herself.
Dopey is dressed as a pirate, wearing a mixture of clothes that he or Ruby or both had obviously found in the crew's quarters. He's grinning with pride at his transformation as he walks to stand in front of Killian, raising his arms as if to ask, "How do I look?"
"I take this to mean that you want to accompany me into town?" Killian asks with a smile and Dopey nods emphatically.
Killian raises an eyebrow and steps back to get a better look at the dwarf. Gone is his signature purple hat, replaced by a colorful scarf wrapped around his head. The shirt he's wearing has horizontal black and white stripes and he has a red vest over it. The dark green pants are covered up to the knee with black boots that are obviously too big for him.
He looks nothing like Dopey, but he doesn't really look like a pirate, either, and Killian says as much. "You've got to stop smiling, my friend. Pirates are not a happy lot of men. We tend to scowl more often than not."
Emma can't see Dopey's face but he nods eagerly, standing up straighter and putting his hands on his hips.
"That's better," Killian tells him. "Now, try to give me a scowl."
Killian bursts out laughing in the next second and the sound floats over to her and lifts her heart.
"On second thought, just try not to smile," Killian says with amusement. "And go get a sword from my cabin. There should be one down there that you will suit you."
After Dopey disappears, Ruby steps forward to Killian and says something that Emma can't hear. Killian chuckles again and shakes his head.
"Yes, well, I'm sure it will be fine. I promise to take good care of him."
Emma's chest tightens at the way he smiles so easily at Ruby, jealousy creeping up her spine as Ruby hands him a list of things she needs and they discuss if for a moment. She knows there's nothing romantic in the interaction but just the thought that he can be so easy around Ruby and Dopey when he is so tense and reserved around her pierces her heart and she feels the sting of tears.
But even the despair she feels can't stop the chuckle that escapes when Dopey returns with an assortment of daggers and swords, eagerly holding them up to Killian in question.
After some consideration, Killian picks a short sword and a dagger and helps Dopey secure them to his waist.
"Do you even know how to use these?" he asks and Dopey gives him a sheepish look.
Killian sighs. "Remind me when we leave port and I'll give you some lessons. It might come in handy someday. For now, just remember: The pointy end goes in the other guy."
With that, he claps Dopey on the shoulder and turns back to Ruby.
"We should return in an hour or so. Raise the gangplank as soon as we're down and keep her out of sight. We have no idea what we're walking into here."
He and Dopey start making their way toward the gangplank and Emma rushes forward to stand directly in his path. Stopping abruptly, he steps back and gives her a wary look, fisting his hand on a quick intake of breath.
She wants to tell him she loves him, she wants to wrap her arms around him and kiss him because she's suddenly terrified she'll never see him again. But he's so stiff standing before her, his shoulders so tense as he takes a step back and anchors his hand in his belt, that all she can do is say, "Please be careful, Killian."
Surprise flashes across his face before it hardens again. "I always am, Princess."
Then he walks around her to meet Dopey on the dock. He doesn't turn back as he walks away, his hooked arm resting on his sword as he and Dopey make their way into town.