A Life By Your Side
As the days passed, Lars wondered if he was starting to fall in love with Mei or if he just felt guilty about everything that had happened. It was true that he now had a great appreciation and affection for her, because although during the first month of living together she was a bundle of nerves, the Mei who now lived with him was different. She was more spontaneous and livelier. There were times when he thought about it more, like when she served him breakfast, left him notes of encouragement at lunch, received him at home with a big smile, that was always a reason to make him feel better. They would talk about anything while eating or doing some chores and she always had a witty answer for everything and made him laugh.
No matter how ugly she said she looked, he thought the weight she was gaining really suited her. Mei refused to wear old-fashioned gowns and look shabby, so she always looked for nice, fashionable maternity clothes and applied makeup. Lars would watch her cooking or drawing and looked for an excuse to talk to her. Every day he seemed to find a new detail about her that he liked. She was really wonderful, she was no longer anxious to have him back, it was like having met her again.
They spent an entire afternoon putting the crib together, Mei read the instructions to him and Lars tried to follow them. With laughter they were able to finish decorating part of the room. She had been very pleased with this special space for the baby, because it was close to her and she could attend him more easily. Lars watched her smiling and noticing all the details, so, when she looked at him and smiled, he felt his heart racing. He thought that for the time being, it was better not to say anything to her so as not to disturb her and make their coexistence strange. He realized how wrong he was with his concept of the "ideal person", because she wasn't a complement that fit his needs, but a complete and extraordinary individual. Now this supposed compatibility sounded ridiculous and he could only be sure of one thing: coinciding in this life with her had been a very lucky thing.
The celebration of the baby shower was an important event. Emma organized it since Mei had planned hers, although Lars was quite willing to help and manage most of the event. Ling and Lien were still upset with him, but they didn't talk about what happened, because Mei told them she was living in tranquility. Lars' mother had traveled a very long distance to attend and brought several items of clothing and baby supplies that she had purchased since she found out about the pregnancy. Mei's mother hugged her daughter for a long time as soon as they saw each other, it was her way of showing her how relieved she was to see her healthy and happy. Meanwhile Lars spent the day observing that for the fist time, Mei was truly happy, enjoying of her special moment.
After this, Mei stopped going to work. Although it was boring for her, for Lars it was a great relief, because he wanted her to rest and be able to be calm. Mei would stay at home, draw a lot and entertain herself by knitting bootees and sweaters for the baby. Sometimes Ling or Emma would visit her, the former helping her with the chores and the latter giving her advice about caring for herself and the baby or sometimes they went shopping.
One afternoon, Mei left the apartment for a walk in the park. She needed to walk to clear her head and maybe find new ideas for her next project. When she got tired, she decided to sit on a bench. She watched the children playing and their mothers monitoring them. She wondered if her baby would be as awake and restless as she was as a child or if they would be quiet and shy like Lars. She sighed, thinking how much she wanted to hold her baby. Then she saw a young couple enjoying the afternoon. The woman was pregnant and her husband was holding her and looking at her tenderly. At that moment, Mei felt sad, wishing she was in that situation, so she left as soon as possible. Lars arrived from work and they met at the entrance of the building.
"What are you doing here? You should be resting," he said, a bit shocked.
"I just went for walk. It's not a big deal," she replied, as they entered the building.
"But what if you fall and break?" he questioned her, then blushed as he realized it was too absurd an occurrence.
She giggled softly.
"Don't be exaggerated. The gynecologist said it was okay. Besides, I needed a distraction. Don't you think I am bored of being locked up?" she asked patiently.
Then she went to the kitchen to eat something, and he approached hesitantly, thinking that she was right. Maybe he was the one who should relax for once, but it was almost the end of the last month of pregnancy and he was afraid that the birth would take place in the least appropriate place.
"Next time, if you want, I can go with you…" he said with the same shyness that he always asked her something. "Maybe you'd like to take a bottle of water with you or something to eat and then I could carry it all."
Mei turned to see him and smiled.
"Alright," she answered.
From then on, they spent some afternoons taking a walk. They went side by side, talking or simply in silence, enjoying the coolness of the afternoon. And sometimes, he would take her by the hand so that they could advance at the same pace, she would hold on to his hand firmly, feeling safe and hoping that the walk would not come to an end. Although she knew she would soon let him go forever, at least, there was already a good friendship between them.
After a couple of weeks, Mei began to feel mild contractions, which were passing quickly, so Lars thought that labor was probably near, so they waited anxiously, trying to prevent themselves with what they needed. Finally, Mei woke him up in the middle of the night, she was having stronger and more frequent contractions. Lars got up without hesitation. He took the suitcase he had prepared for days, helped Mei to get into the car and drove quickly to the hospital. While they waited, Lars called their relatives to tell them Mei was already in the hospital. He hardly had time to tell everyone, because she didn't want to leave him, she was very nervous, so he talked to her to distract her and she listened to him patiently, feeling a little calmer. A couple of hours later the expected moment arrived.
"Don't let go of me!" she asked.
"It's ok, Mei. Just breathe, I'm here with you," he tried to reassure her, although he was also scared to death.
She breathed as she was told to, and without meaning to, he did the same. She kept grabbing him and asking him not to leave her.
"Here I am, here I am, calm," he would say, stroking her hair.
The doctor evaluated the situation and said it was almost time. Mei was doing her best to stay strong and Lars felt he would faint. She was breathing and pushing, hoping that it would all be over soon, imagining that in matter of minutes she would have her baby in her arms and thinking about how much she wanted to see them. She would hold Lars very tightly in his hand and if he wasn't equally scared, he would have asked her to let go because she was holding him too tightly.
A few anxious minutes passed and finally, they heard their baby cry. It was a boy. Mei looked exhausted, but happy. Without thinking, Lars kissed her and she finally let go, noticing that she had left a big mark on his hand. Later, the nurse returned with the baby clean and ready to be fed.
"Hi Vincent" Mei said, smiling and fed him for a while.
Then she passed him to Lars to hold him. He carried him gently. He caressed his soft hair, his cheeks and his hands, then the little boy grabbed him tightly by his forefinger. At that moment, Lars had no doubts, those were the two people he loved the most in the world.
When they arrived home, they found their relatives there. Everyone seemed very happy to meet the new member of the family. Mei's parents and Lars' parents had also decided to be there. Mei's mother stayed for a couple of weeks to help her daughter with her needs. Mei was grateful because the changes didn't stop there and she was scared. On the other hand, she was very happy with her baby and didn't want to leave his side. Lars also returned from work as soon as possible to be with him, and once Mrs. Wang left, she left him a series of instructions that he followed to the letter. He took care of whatever was necessary, such as changing him diapers and bathing him, leaving Mei to rest for a while.
The first couple of months had been difficult, but they tried to stay positive in the face of fatigue and above all avoided touching on the subject of what would happen between them from now on. Mei wanted to get everything straightened out, but Lars avoided the subject. Besides, they were always busy with Vincent, work, home, expenses, care of both the baby and Mei, in short, many issues to solve. After the quarantine, she started to do simple exercises, because she was too active to do nothing else, and soon after she returned to work. By this time, Mei's mother came to the rescue and took care of Vincent, sometimes also her father stayed there to spend time with his grandson.
This is how the first four months of Vincent's life were spent. A seemingly happy start, but Lars and Mei still couldn't agree on what they would do. Whenever they wanted to talk something happened and since everyone had their own space and lived together in harmony, it was very difficult to initiate that kind of conversation.
One Saturday, they were invited to a family dinner. It was the perfect occasion for their other family members to meet the baby and so he spent much of the day in the arms of anyone who wanted to hold him. Meanwhile, Lars watched Mei closely throughout the afternoon. He thought she looked more beautiful and sensual than ever. Motherhood had been wonderful for her, but it was also that charm in her that he found fascinating. An attractive that went beyond her physical appearance. He couldn't help but get nervous when she came up to him and took his hand to sit at the table and he forgot all trace of confusion about his feelings.
When they arrived at the house, they were tired, but at the same time they couldn't stop thinking about the fun day that had had. They put on their sleeping clothes and then Mei changed Vincent's diapers and passed the bottle to Lars to feed and cuddle the baby. He smiled as he held him, he didn't think that one day he would love someone as much as he loved Vincent, he was the most precious baby he had ever seen. Finally, the little one fell asleep, Lars laid him down in the crib carefully and the two of them watched him for a few minutes. Lars yawned and saw his watch, it was almost eleven o'clock at night, then he looked at Mei. He wanted so badly to talk to her about his feelings and to be able to kiss her, but it didn't seem the best time, even though he felt the chemistry between them and the unbearable tension.
"I better go to sleep, it's late"
Mei nodded, it was better that he left, because she knew he was looking at her with intensity. It wasn't that she just noticed, all day she felt some sexual tension between them, in fact, she saw him in the same way, but she thought it was just her and her desires to be with him again. She came over to say goodbye at least with a chaste kiss on the cheek, but he moved and kissed her on the lips. He kissed her again after this.
"Sorry… Mei"
She couldn't resist either, so she kissed him back with the same intensity. She missed him so much, she missed having him close, his scent, his hugs and kisses, having that intimate contact with him. He accepted everything willingly. He took her in his arms to carry her to bed between desperate kisses and caresses. Lars felt under a spell, enjoying the contact of her lips and skin. She was guiding his hands to undress her, and he was ready to tell her how much he loved and needed her when the baby started crying again and Mei seemed to wake up from her dream. She covered herself with her robe and went to attend him, while Lars felt abandoned. He felt selfish for thinking about himself when they had a baby to take care of. So, he got up and went to help her, but she asked him to go to sleep because it was late and he must have been exhausted. Lars left without protest, frustrated because he was sure he had ruined it with his uncontrolled urges.
After Lars left the room, Mei had cried a little, she felt confused. She wanted so much to be caressed by him, but she wasn't sure if that was mutual or just sexual desire. Maybe it was moment to separate, the baby had been born and her period of postpartum care was over. It was time for everyone to move on, she thought. The next morning, Lars found her sitting at the table, feeding the baby, and with the breakfast ready. As he approached, she kept her distance, avoiding the possible kiss he was about to give her.
They did not talk much, and although she acted as if nothing had happened, her eyes couldn't hide her sadness and disappointment. However, he was also so confused that he didn't know what to say to her. He thought that after all they had been through, they had bonded not only as a couple but as people. He thought they could finally be together as before. He spent the rest of the day wondering. He couldn't deny that he had enjoyed last night and that touching and kissing her had been incredible, but that wasn't what he was still thinking about, but when they looked into each other's eyes and he could feel that magic still alive. He cursed that accident, his clumsiness, otherwise he would still have a normal life by her side.
He went out for a walk to clear his mind for a while and gain enough courage to finally tell her how he felt. At least if she didn't love him, he wanted to tell her that he would always support her in everything. When he returned, he found Mei folding her clothes and packing gradually. It was time to stop her and be honest with her once and for all before losing her again and this time forever.
"Mei, do you have time? I need to talk to you."
She turned to see the deep sleeping baby and nodded. She told him to sit in a chair, while she closed the door behind them and sighed nervously. It was the moment of the truth.
"Well, tell me what you want," she asked, as she sat on the edge of the bed, pretending to be calm.
"I want to apologize to you again"
Seeing his face turning red, Mei assumed he was worried about the other night, so she went ahead.
"If it's because of last night, I assure you it meant nothing to me. We got carried away, we haven't been intimating for a long time… if we had continued maybe it wouldn't have been the same for either of us. Besides, maybe it's time to think about getting a divorce," she said, trying to sound convinced, and probably to try to hurt him a little. "Although if that's all the divorce is about, I promise you that you can rest assured, I don't want a penny from you for me. You can visit the child as many times you want, after all you are still his father," she said, without looking at him.
Lars shook his head. She kept looking at some spot on the floor, tried to smile, but failed. Then he took a deep breath and cleared his throat.
"Mei, do you really want us to get a divorce?" he said, holding her hand in his. "Do you really want to leave?"
She looked at him finally, not understand where that long-delayed conversation was going. She noticed that he looked really distressed, his hands were shaking and he wanted an honest answer.
"I don't know. Actually, I still feel guilty for having pressured you to remember me and love me again, you know it was counterproductive…" she said, looking down.
"Forget about it. There is no one to blame here. You said yourself that we should move on. If I must be honest, I feel very good by your side now… last night wasn't a mistake for me," he said.
Mei felt irritated, not knowing if he really loved her or just wanted her company. She felt like she was just getting her hopes up one more time and hearing him say that seemed more like a fantasy. Maybe she should push him away instead of playing along.
"I told you, we got carried away, that's all. If you want sex… find someone you can start over with," she said, feeling the jealousy born in her with that one idea.
"There's no one I want to be with more than you. I want us to be together again," he replied.
Mei shook her head, as if she suddenly understood what was happening.
"Don't ask me to be together for the child. I told you that you can see him whenever you want, but I don't want him to grow up with the lie that his parents really love each other…" she said and her voice broke.
She looked away, wiping away the tears that kept falling. Perhaps she no longer wanted to be tied to him who was only hurting her, but did she think he didn't love her after all that had happened? If that was the case and she no longer loved him, then it was best to accept the divorce for once if it would make her happy. He swallowed, trying to suppress the crying and stay strong, but it was so difficult. Meanwhile, Mei covered her face with her hands while crying inconsolably.
"Mei, I love you. You don't know how much, but if you don't love me anymore, then I'm going to let you go. The last thing I wanted was to see you suffer again."
He kissed her on the head and decided to leave with a broken heart, but when he stood up and walked to the door, she pulled him by the shirt.
"Lars, don't go. I lied, that night I did want to be with you, but I thought it might be just sex for you and I felt used. I haven't stopped loving you for a single second, no matter how hard I tried. In these months with you I fell even more in love with you," she sobbed, hugging him from behind.
He turned to see her and then hugged her tightly. He was no longer sad but happy to hear that there was still room for him in her heart.
"I've had the same experience, this time with you has been great, Mei. I was able to meet you and know that you are a wonderful person. How could I not fall in love with you? And yes, maybe we got carried away, but I assure you I could never play with your feelings, I would never forgive myself."
They hugged for a long time. Lars broke away from her, took her hand and kissed it.
"So, what do you say? Will you marry me again?"
"Are you sure?"
"I am, of course I am"
"In that case, I accept" she said, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him.
He bent down to help her and they kissed now with the satisfaction of knowing that love and desire were mutual. He took her by the waist, lifting her up, they looked at each other, smiling, and they kissed again. As Vincent watched them from the crib. Then they approached to carry him and enjoy the rest of the afternoon together.
Lars didn't recover the memories of his lost years, but instead he was able to form other equally valuable ones with the help of his loved ones, but specially his beloved Mei, who would always be there to support him.
Note: This is the last chapter, as I said at the beginning this is a translation of my fic "Una vida contigo". This is the longest fic I have ever written, so I'm proud. However, I'm not a native English speaker, so I apologize for the mistakes. I hope that you have enjoyed the story. I wanted to badly to write something like this, I hope to write another one in the future.