"Mom, are you here?!" I holler into the dysfunctional house with Eri still in my arms. To give you an idea of how much of a mess the place is right now, there are boxes everywhere. We had this house just so we can say we have one. It's not exactly the best thing in the world to say, 'hey, we live in Walmart!'

Don't even get us started on the illegal underground base underneath. I mean, at least the house has a use now.

"I'm in the kitchen! You brought my new son and daughter, right?" Mom's voice echoes through the house. Eraserhead looks - wait - Aizawa looks at me with a pale look. Did you really think you were getting out of that?

"Of course! Come on, Eri." I keep my grip on her as I lead her to the kitchen. Like the rest of the house, it's a mess that is slowly coming together. Mom looks at me than Eri with bright eyes and smile, " Mom, this is Eri. Eri, this is my mom, Inko, who can be yours if you let her." Eri watches Mom with a blank face, but that is expected with all the trauma she has been through.

"H-hi," Eri says, and I think my mom is already falling for her.

"Hi, Eri. If you ever need anything, let me know, okay? Whether it be food or love or straightening Izuku out."

I cut her off with a dramatic gasp, " Excuse me? Eri happens to like how I am, huh, Eri?" I look at her with an innocent smile.

"Aizawa-san says you're trouble, though." I gasp and express fake tears.

"She's already being influenced by the wrong people! Don't worry, I'll protect you!" I don't bother to put her down as I carry her to her room, "I mean, I need to show you where you are sleeping anyway. You're free to explore the house except for the basement. That place holds some illegal stuff, and I don't want you to get hurt. Eventually, I'll let you down there so we can make you the most powerful woman in the world, got it?" She gives me a confused look.

Don't worry: you will eventually understand!

After some soul-searching, I manage to find Eri's room because there is a bunch of fluffy stuff in there. I finally set her down, bend down to her height, and explain, "Alright, Eri. This is your room. I know it's bland, but you will get to decorate it how you like. I noticed how you really like anything soft, so that's what I started with. If you don't like something, just throw it out or something. Everything in here is yours. If you need me, I believe - " I stand up to walk out of the room to check the room next door before coming back, " Yep, the room to your right when you exit is mine, so interrupt whenever you like. For now, I will let you explore the place. Feel free to do what you like, got it?"

Eri gives me a reluctant nod. I give her a soft smile and head to my room because I have to clean and organize. After a deep-cleaning, I start to get my life together. As I do so, I text the squad.

'Izuku's Mommys and Daddys'

'Izuku's Mommys and Daddys' has been changed to 'Eri Protection Squad.'

Hot Pocket (Dabi): Does that mean you are finally done with your daddy phase?

Green Tea (me) has changed 'Hot Pocket' to 'Hot Pocket Daddy.'

Hot Pocket Daddy: . . .

Green Tea: Shut up for five seconds because I have an important announcement to make! Eri has been adopted by Eraserhead and me, and we are now living in the same place! Problem: I live with Eraserhead now!

Squash (Compress): You didn't think this through. (PS: I hate my username still.)

Green Tea: Obviously! I was worried about Eri! (PS: Change your jacket, and I will consider changing it.)

Squash: ):

Bloody Mary (Himiko): Does that mean we have a new member to the squad?!

Hot Pocket Daddy: As someone with younger siblings, hell no.

Green Tea: Hell, yes! Sure, she can't participate in some of our stuff, but she will eventually!

Hot Pocket Daddy: We all know Momma Inko would not let you do that.

Green Tea: Doesn't mean I can't try!

Extra Sharp Greens (Spinner): Virus did start a mafia when he was ten, and beat all our asses for us to join him.

Hot Pocket Daddy: That doesn't mean he should be running one.

Bloody Mary: Then you would have never met us!

Hot Pocket Daddy: I regret meeting you all sometimes. Like now.

Bloody Mary: )':

Green Tea: )':

Extra Sharp Greens: )':

Squash: )':

Black Beans (Twice): )': Bully! :)

Hot Pocket Daddy: Asses.

Bloody Mary: I just realized something. Is that why Momma Inko was dancing around while cleaning?

Green Tea: Probably.

Bloody Mary: Will we get to see her?! I want to teach her how to wield knives.

Hot Pocket Daddy: She is six.

Bloody Mary: Age is just a number!

Squash: Off-topic. Do you have any ideas of how you are going to continue with Eraserhead around?

Green Tea: We torture him until he becomes one of us.

Bloody Mary: Can I join?! I would love to see his blood!

Hot Pocket Daddy: The worst part is that you would go through with it. I swear your sanity is dropping by the second.

Green Tea: You burn people daily, and you're questioning my sanity? I HAVE THE LOWEST KILL-RATE IN THIS SQUAD! If we need to question anybody's sanity, it's your damn father. I at least already accepted the fact I can't be a hero. He is still a hero. It's like watching a grown virgin kid chase after his dreams.

Extra Sharp Greens: Dabi just burnt the table.

Green Tea: You're paying for that.

Hot Pocket Daddy: YOU STARTED IT!

Black Beans: You did! No, you did!

Green Tea: Do you see me burning shit? You don't. Fucking emo. Anyway, I will work around him for now. At the moment, you all are distracting me from cleaning. Bye, Mommy and Daddys!

Hot Pocket Daddy: Why do we follow under him?

Squash: He can kill us easily, and he loves us.

Hot Pocket Daddy: Death sounds preferable right now.

'Green Tea' is now offline.

Well, fuck you too, Dabi. Shove your father's dick down your throat.

"With the things I am hearing from only walking past your room once, I am surprised you haven't been arrested yet." I spin around to see Aizawa leaning on my door frame. My luck. I must have said the second part out loud. If only he knew that I have been arrested multiple times before.

"Let's be honest with ourselves for five seconds here: I have said much worse than that."

"Nevermind that. I'm more worried about the smell coming from your room."

"It's just bleach!"

"It's giving me a headache, and you are in the room with it. Is this normal?"

"Better than getting sick." Without any warning, Aizawa throws his scarf at me, pulls me out of the room, and closes the door, "Sir, I wasn't finished yet!"

"I don't need you passing out on the first day."

"I have only passed out from it once!" He sighs.

"That's one too many. Come on. We need to work on the office, but you aren't allowed bleach this time."

"But, it's your office?"

"We're sharing. I bring you your cases anyway, so it would easier just to keep everything in one room."

"Are you trying to get us fucking killed here?"

"Language. We have a child in the house. However, we are going to be living together, so we need to get used to each other for Eri."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's just get this over with."

Here's the thing: I would tell you about the room. However, the whole time, Aizawa and I fought over it.

"You're supposed to clean before you place junk down, dumb-dumb!" I snap at Aizawa as he tries placing down the furniture before washing the floor.

"I feel sorry for your workers at Walmart." Aizawa has the nerve to attempt to call me out on the treatment of my workers?! Ass!

"They make more money than an office job, thank you very much! I respect them until they break it!"

"Your standards for the workers are higher than those for a pro-hero almost."

"I happen to have morals of how a Walmart should run. That's why it is considered the best Walmart."

"Despite the drama you start."

"Exactly!"

"You realize that you have a whole segment on Present Mic's show based only on what happens at your Walmart?"

"Yes! He needs to invite me!" Aizawa shakes his head.

"Whatever. Since you are being bossy, I'm taking a nap." The lazy fuck walks out of the room like he owns the place. With determination brewing in my soul, I deep-clean the office.

The place is clean! Right now, I am building on one of those L-shaped desks to place in the corner of the room. However, I hear a soft knocking sound come from the door. I think I'm going insane, but to be sure, I say, "Come in!"

Good news: I am not going insane. A moment later, the door quietly opens to reveal Eri tangled up in those fairy lights I got her a while ago. My god, the scene is so precious. I have been blessed! I laugh softly while asking, "You need help, Eri-chan?" When I receive a nod, I go over to her and get her out of the mess, " I can help you hang them up if you would like. I can be your personal stepping stool!"

When I receive another nod, I pick Eri up, carry her to her room, and lift her up so she can put the lights. At first, I kind of had to guess when she was done, but she started opening up and bossing me around. Eventually, it was time for lunch, and we ate together like the messy family we are: scary mom, hobo, precious, and mafia boss. Eri is still stiff, but we will get her to become who she is suppose to be.

Next Day

Alright, so all day yesterday was spent cleaning and playing with Eri. Today, life is back on track. Aizawa has to go take care of some kids as he is a teacher.

Yes, I know. The plot twist of the century there.

Mom had work at the hospital, so I decided to bring Eri with me. Since we are above the mafia, I lead her down there to meet two of the squad members. However, before we enter, I bend down to her height to address her, "What I'm about to show you is not legal, so I need you to keep this to yourself, alright? The reason I do this is to help people. Sometimes, the police are not quick enough. That's where the other members and I come in. If I did stuff legally, it would have taken way longer to save you. Do you understand?" When I receive a timid nod, I pull her into a hug for a moment. Then, I stood up, grip her little hand, and lead her in.

Once we enter the base, I cover Er's ears for a moment and scream, "DABI! HIMIKO! WHERE ARE YOU? I GOT ERI!" I uncover her ears as Himiko skips towards us.

Damn, if I knew I can get her to move by bringing a child, I would have done it a long time ago.

Himiko thankfully has some morals when it comes to children. Some. I mean enough to not get her arrested, but enough to still be suspicious. She sits down in front of Eri, "Hi, I'm Toga Himiko! Call me whatever you like. You are so adorable! Izu, why did you keep her from us?!"

"I just got her in custody yesterday, and I wasn't going to bring her then because we had to deal with the house. Get off my back, won't you? Anyway, Himiko and a few others were also involved in saving you." That catches Eri's attention.

She looks at Himiko, "You didn't have to do that, but thank you." Himiko's eyes literally sparkle from that.

"Izuku, I'm taking her from you."

I glare her down, "We all know I can beat you up, so don't even try. Where is Dabi?"

"Here. I think you already have Izu wrapped around your finger, Eri." Dabi announces his presence. I can see Eri stiffen.

"I know he looks scary, but that's just to hide how cuddly he is on the inside. Eri, this is Dabi. He's another one who saved you." Like with Himiko, Eri does the same thing with Dabi but then looks at me with confusion. Thankfully, Eri covers me before Dabi attacks me for the first comment.

"What does 'wrapped around your finger' mean?"

Fucking Dabi answers her, "It means you can boss him around all you want. You want his black heart. Good job."

I sigh, "If I wanted to be insulted, I would have gone to a roast club, you prune! You are literally in my base! Anyway, Eri, these two, I, and fo-three others, are more than willing to protect you with our lives. You are always safe. They might be suspicious, but we will get it done."

Jeez, I'm still thinking of Big Sis Magne. She would have loved to doll up Eri. For anyone curious about what happened to her, we were never able to recover her body. She burnt down with all those other damn villains. We did do a private funeral for her, but it still hurts sometimes. She was my side babe, after all!

This got sad quickly. We need to get back on track.

"Eventually, I will have one of them babysit with you because I trust them with my life. Not right now because I know you prefer to be near someone, you know. Here, let me show you around! Consider it a second home, okay?"

With a nod, I take her hand and lead her around to the places I can show her. I can't really show her the weapon rooms yet. Himiko and Dabi tag with us, and I can tell they like the girl a lot.

TAKE THAT, BITCHES!