Chapter 1

…

Wei Wuxian had never forgotten to buy jars of Emperor's Smile in the past ten months whenever he was in Caiyi Town. But today he had. Some part of him regretted it and wanted to try sneaking out after curfew but the other part which was stronger today, wasn't in the mood for a drink. There were after all much more important things he needed to deal with. Things he couldn't ignore by drowning himself in alcohol. They had to be dealt with in a sober state.

He rubbed at his arms to stop the shivering sensation. He had returned from the night hunt a while ago and it would soon be dawn. His feet hadn't carried him back to the room that he shared with his beloved life partner. Instead here he was pacing up and down the edge of the Cold Pool, lost in thought.

'What should I do? Is it – Are they really –? No no no… I cannot let this happen. If I do then Lan Zhan won't be happy…'

A single tear escaped and his whole demeanour changed. The Yiling Patriarch was tired of this constant thought process that never came up with any final answer. Maybe the voices were right, he needed to leave.

"Master Wei?"

A voice shook him out of his depressed mode. He quickly smoothed out his robes and turned to the source of the voice. His brother-in-law and Sect Leader of the Lan Clan, was dressed in his usual well maintained attire – a set of blue robes, the cloud patterned Lan Sect forehead ribbon and his sword by his side. Wei Wuxian knew that the esteemed Zewu Jun woke up early and before everyone else but he hadn't thought it would be this early.

"You're up early today?"

"Uh oh ummm…" Wei Wuxian had frankly no idea what he was going to say next, "I decided to come here after returning from a night hunt with the juniors. Just felt like taking a walk in the fresh air."

"Master Wei, have you been keeping well? The Juniors informed me that the past few days you are very distracted. Is that true?" Lan Xichen offered a kind smile.

Wei Wuxian gulped and remained silent for a few moments. He contemplated his options but then realized there weren't any.

"It's nothing to worry about, Zewu Jun! I'm doing pretty well."

"That's good to know. However if there's anything wrong, feel free to talk to me. I will try my best to help." Saying that, Lan Xichen turned to leave and then stopped short. Then added as an afterthought, "You look quite pale, Master Wei. Maybe you should go back and take rest while you can."

Even though he muttered a quiet yes, his heart couldn't seem to stop racing. He sat down and stared at his reflection in the cold pool until someone came to fetch him.

"Wei Ying?"

Lan Wangji had tried to catch up with him almost three times that day and he had managed to avoid him all of those three times quite successfully. But now it wasn't possible considering that his soulmate was holding his arm, just above the elbow. Knowing that his Lan Zhan was not one for physical contact in public, this must be really bothering him. So Wei Wuxian cleared his throat and turned to face him.

"Ah Lan Zhan! Finally! I've been so busy lately. But now that you're here, I'm going to tell you everything about –"

He had to cut himself off when he forced himself to meet Lan Wangji's eyes. His gaze was soft but searching, even a little sad. For the millionth time, Wei Wuxian could've sworn that there was no way he would be able to hide anything from those eyes. They were his weakness and while he may have made fake promises and tried lying to him in the past, he had realized it was becoming increasingly impossible for him to do that now.

"You didn't come back. Get some sleep."

"Oh, Lan Zhan! Have you forgotten? We're in Gusu and I'm pretty sure that among its 4000 rules, there is one about not sleeping during the day. Let's not give your uncle more headache! I'm going to see if the juniors have given a proper report of the night hunt to Zewu-Jun. See ya!"

With that he quickly brushed off Lan Zhan's arm and hastened towards the Cultivation Chamber.

"Ah Zewu Jun!" Wei Wuxian exclaimed as he entered the Cultivation Chamber and saw his brother in law kneeling behind his desk, eyes closed. "Am I disturbing you?"

Lan Xichen looked a little surprised. It was true that most of the time his reactions were restrained just like his brother. But while Lan Wangji always looked rigid and unwavering to those who didn't know him, Lan Xichen was much more welcoming even to strangers. It was one reason that Wei Wuxian got along quite well with him. They may not be best friends but if he was in trouble (especially if it was with Jiang Cheng or Lan Qiren) then it was easier to approach Zewu Jun.

"Master Wei, you're up already? I thought you must be resting in your room."

"No, not really sleepy. There's something I wanted to talk to you about."

The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation had really thought hard about it and he knew now. The other man just gave him a curious look then nodded. Wei Wuxian sat down and accepted the tea that the Sect Leader offered him.

"I thought about the offer you made me earlier. I want to take you up on it. It might not be a big secret soon anyway."

"Oh… So there is something that has been bothering you? Please go on. You have all my attention."

"Well, it started about two weeks ago. At first, I thought it was just my imagination. So I ignored it. I thought it would – they would go away if I stopped thinking about them. But they seem to pursue me wherever I go and especially when I am alone."

When he paused, Lan Xichen looked a little confused. Again, of course, his expression was very restrained, the curiosity seemed to shine through the gaps.

"I realize Zewu-Jun that I'm not being very clear. Okay, so remember that I practised demonic cultivation and called upon resentful spirits? These spirits used to call out to me when I was not using my flute. It was quite easy to ignore them back then. After all, only when I called upon them did they grow stronger. That was sometimes tricky but I managed it as long as I kept my mind and my emotions under control. But then…"

Seeing that his brother in law had trailed off, Lan Xichen again pushed a cup of tea towards him. This time though Wei Wuxian was so lost in thoughts that he didn't even seem to notice it. It was rather unlike him.

Though Lan Xichen did not know this young man as well as his brother knew him, the Sect Leader had always thought highly of him. Which was why it had definitely hurt to see him get so brutally tangled up in the web of cruel politics. But now as he heard him explain how demonic cultivation worked did he finally understand the whole reason why his brother was worried.

"Master Wei? Brother Wei?" He gently called.

Wei Wuxian quickly snapped out of his zoned out phase and straightened up. "Right, sorry. Well after I lost control at Nevernight, things changed. Of course there were other forces responsible too but that doesn't mean I got excluded."

"I'm afraid, I don't understand what you're trying to say. Could you please elaborate?"

"Sect Leader Lan, spirits are not puppets. They do not always listen to everything you say. They may have a will of their own, especially if they possess resentful energy. If you want them to help you, you need to be in full control of your mind, body and soul. If not then they take control of you."

"This is very serious, Master Wei. But then, how is it troubling you now?" Lan Xichen now looked completely intrigued. The other man just offered him a sad smile. He finally took a sip of the tea that had been pushed towards him earlier.

"To put it in a crude manner, I'm dead, remember? Although I may not be resentful, I'm still a soul in another man's body. I'm not entirely Wei Wuxian nor am I Mo Xuanyu. The spirit world is unstable. It does not like this new disturbance of me being alive. Some of them remember me as the one who helped them release their resentment. So now that I have completed the tasks that I was originally summoned for, they seem to think that I have overstayed my welcome."

Lan Xichen seemed to be genuinely shocked, because his lips were parted and his forehead creased. There was a complete silence in the room as he absorbed all the information.

Wei Wuxian took the opportunity to finish his tea (which did not taste very well, but it did help him calm himself). He also picked up the report submitted by the juniors and flicked through it. It brought a smile to his face and he momentarily forgot his worries. The detailed report, written in Lan Sizhui's neat and beautiful calligraphy, spared nothing.

"Master Wei, what you mean to say is –" Zewu Jun began, and Wei Wuxian completed the sentence for him,"They want me to return to the world of the dead."

The Yiling Patriarch placed the report back on the desk and got up. For a few moments he just quietly paced, as if unsure what to do. Lan Xichen watched him, replaying their conversation in his mind. It worried him.

After the whole heartbreaking fiasco of his friendship with Jin Guangyao, he was not prepared to watch another painful farewell. Especially not one that involved his brother. Lan Wangji had gone through too much to have to deal with this.

"What do you plan to do, Master Wei?" The older man asked, his voice at the edge of panic.

The question seemed to surprise Wei Wuxian because he actually stopped pacing. His hands which he had pinned at his back came undone.

"What do I plan? Zewu Jun, I'm afraid you don't quite understand. There is nothing much to be done. My death is going to come sooner than later. Playing cleansing music isn't going to stop the spirits from dragging my soul back to the land of the dead."

"So you're going to put Wangji through all that pain all over again."

Lan Xichen really didn't mean to snap at him, impoliteness was prohibited in the Cloud Recesses. His tone was soft too, but today he really needed this man in front of him to understand his brother's pain. If today he didn't say anything, he knew he was going to regret it for the rest of his life.

"You haven't seen it, but I have – what Wangji went through after you died, how much he has struggled to keep himself in control. He only ever has made one friend in his life. Now you come and tell me that you're dying and that you cannot do anything about it!"

Wei Wuxian had seen Lan Xichen get so worked up only once before, and that was in the Guanyin Temple while dealing with Jin Guangyao. It was rather scary to watch him. But now that his anger was directed at him (and quite rightly so) he felt himself shrink a little.

"Zewu-Jun, it is why I have come to you. I may not be able to stop my death but I need time. Not for myself but for others." When Lan Xichen didn't respond, he pressed on. "I need time to help Lan Zhan get used to my absence. If possible, I need to get in touch with Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling too."

"You think my brother will ever get used to your absence?" Lan Xichen seemed to have finally brought himself back to his disciplined self. It was not difficult to determine that his anger hadn't waned but at least he didn't look so openly disapproving. His brother in law wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

"I don't know but I will try my level best," he sighed as he resumed his pacing. "My past life was ridden with mistakes. I admit I may not have been the easiest person to deal with. Those I cared about had to pay with their lives for those mistakes. Zewu-Jun, in my second life, the one thing I knew I was going to follow was that no matter what happens, I am going to at least try to be a better person. If not for myself then for others sake."

"What is it that I can do for you?" Lan Xichen asked, his eyes now fixed on a point straight ahead of him.

This time the other man continued pacing as he slowly contemplated his next words. He wasn't going to make a request unless it was really something he could do. He had spent an entire night, and half of the morning, mulling over the situation. It was only after he had a definite plan had he ventured to the Sect Leader's chamber to ask for help.

"Zewu-Jun, I need you to teach me a song which is stronger than the Song of Clarity. Something that can help keep the spirits at bay for as long as possible. If I can play music that will reduce the effect of resentful energy, then I can try to complete my goals."

Lan Xichen frowned. It was no longer anger or even pain but more like pity.

"I do know some powerful music. I can even research more if you want, but I'm not really sure if you will be able to handle it. Such music to be put to its full use requires a strong golden core. Otherwise, it will most probably not work well."

That statement seemed to deflate the dying man a little. He had been hoping that Zewu-Jun would have a solution to his problems.

"But what if you teach me and I use whatever little spiritual energy I have to…" He let the sentence trail off.

If I had a golden core, I wouldn't have turned to demonic cultivation in the first place. Wei Wuxian felt some of the previous night's frustration return. His head had begun to ache now which he suspected was a result of lack of sleep. If even Zewu Jun cannot help then he was doomed. How do I explain this situation to Lan Zhan? It will break his heart just like Zewu Jun says!

"Master Wei? Master Wei?" Lan Xichen seemed to have been attempting to catch his attention. When finally he did react to it, the guy seemed to relax a little. "I was just saying that I can teach you the song, but you will have to be careful. Don't exhaust yourself. You will need to concentrate your spiritual energy entirely on that song."

"You will?"

His entire demeanour seemed to shift in a matter of seconds. His eyes widening with hope, he jumped over the table to go in for a hug but stopped at the last second.

Lan Xichen had quickly shifted away in alarm. His brother in law who seemed to have understood his mistake, quickly retreated and offered a sheepish 'sorry'.

"Well, Sect Leader Lan, I need to leave now. I will see you in the evening if you are free. I will see myself out." He quickly turned to leave without waiting for a response. Then paused at the door. "And yes, one more thing, for the time being please avoid telling your brother anything about it. I will find a way to explain it myself."

Then he was gone.

The Sect Leader of Gusu Lan Sect, just gave a sigh and put the report back into a neat pile on his desk.

"Wei Ying?"

"Hm?"

"There is a problem?"

Wei Wuxian was not really sure if that was a question or a statement. Considering that he had nuzzled his head in the crook of his partner's neck, he couldn't even look at his expression. Not that his expression ever gave away his emotions, but Wei Ying had learned to read them. He decided to take it as a question.

"Lan Zhan, what problem could there possibly be? Your uncle seems to have finally come to terms with me being a part of his family. So, in fact, the problems have lessened."

"You ignored me all day," Lan Wangji spoke softly.

This time Wei Wuxian caught the very subtle tone change. This little fact must have disturbed him a lot. He gulped and did his best to control his breathing. He had to be very careful here. If Lan Wangji caught him lying, then there would be no way out.

"Ay, Lan Zhan, that bothers you so much? I was just attempting to be of more help. You missed me? Didn't know Hanguang-Jun really likes getting attention from me…"

His best attempt at teasing seemed to work. He could feel his human pillow relax. So he quickly decided to change topics.

"So tell me Lan Zhan, how was your day?"

As Lan Wangji explained in his usual concise language, Wei Wuxian closed his eyes. Taking in the familiar sandalwood smell, he wondered for the nth time – How can I possibly let go of him this time?

"You spend a lot of time with Brother," Lan Wangji stated as he and Wei Wuxian made their way towards their chamber.

Wei Wuxian felt too exhausted after practising the song on his flute for nearly three hours. He would've gladly collapsed in his Lan Zhan's arms and not worried about anything else, but if he did that then he would've had to explain the reason for his exhaustion.

It had been more than half a week since he told Zewu Jun about his predicament, yet he hadn't been able to say anything to his life partner. So now between pretending to be completely fine and thinking about ways to explain his situation, he felt drained.

"Lan Zhan, your brother plays the flute and so do I. We practise together that's all. I really want to expand my knowledge you know?" He was not sure if Lan Wangji actually bought it, it was hard to tell in the dark. For a moment he hesitated then added, "I will be visiting Lotus Pier tomorrow."

The sudden declaration froze Lan Wangji. He turned to look at him with an expression of – what Wei Wuxian guessed – worry and surprise. The moonlight seemed to highlight his spotlessly clean and white Lan Sect attire, and for a brief moment all that Wei Ying could do was admire his beauty.

"Lotus Pier? Why?"

"Well, Jin Ling is visiting and I really want to catch up with both of them. What better time than this? Jiang Cheng really needs to loosen up a little. I'm afraid he'll really be a terrible influence on Jin Ling." Then realizing his mistake, he added, "I mean yeah, Jiang Cheng helped in Jin Ling's upbringing, but look how pampered he is. He must learn some other things if he wants to be a good sect leader, right?"

When Lan Wangji didn't respond, he took it as an acceptance. They didn't speak again until they entered their chamber and began preparing for bed. Again Wei Wuxian was mostly ready to collapse on the bed and get some sleep but then Lan Wangji's sudden statement jolted him awake.

"I will accompany you."

"What? NO!" Wei Wuxian practically jumped up from the bed. Then regretted immediately since the sudden movement made him feel dizzy.

Lan Wangji frowned. "Yelling is prohibited in the Cloud Recesses."

"Um, yeah I know. Well, what I want to say is, I think it would be better if I go there alone. I know Jiang Cheng very well. Besides he is not very comfortable with you being there." Seeing that Lan Wangji still looked worried, he added, "I really want to spend some time away from Cloud Recesses. I hope you understand?"

Lan Wangji gave a curt nod and finally Wei Wuxian relaxed. That being said, the truth was that he had sent a message to Jiang Cheng asking him to arrange this meeting. It was done in secret and after some back and forth, his once martial brother had finally agreed.

Honestly, he hated having to leave Lan Wangji behind but it was important. If they could stay away from each other then maybe Wei Wuxian would help him get used to his absence.

…

Although Jiang Cheng no longer hated him, it did not mean that his foul mood had improved. It made Wei Wuxian miss their childhood when Jiang Cheng was far better in dealing with his emotions. It was probably all Shijie's charm, but at least they were each other's best friends. Now though, the Clan Leader was always so irritable, that holding a proper conversation became impossible.

Jin Ling was not of much help either if asked to help deal with his uncle. At least he wasn't as antisocial as his uncle and could hold a conversation. So instead of Jiang Cheng, it was his adoptive nephew that he began spending time with. The young Clan Leader was quite pampered but he had a compassionate heart (And thankfully he'd left his beloved dog, Fairy back in Jinlintai). The two of them easily bonded over archery and even had friendly competitions.

On one such evening when Wei Wuxian and Jin Ling were practising archery with the junior disciples of the Jiang Clan, the older man asked, "Say, Jin Ling, did your uncle ever tell you about me and Shijie and him in our years growing up here?"

Jin Ling paused. He lowered his bow and arrow to look at him as if mulling it over in his mind, then shook his head and said, "He did tell me about Mother but not much about you. All that everyone told me was how back then you were the reason she –"

He didn't need to complete it, Wei Wuxian understood. Jiang Cheng hadn't deprived the child of his mother's stories, but there was no reason for him to mention the man who had cost him his sister.

"Do you want to know? I may have poor memory but I do have lots of stories to tell you about your angry uncle and your kind hearted mother." He asked and when Jin Ling hesitated, he added, "Come on! Think about it. You can use these stories to tease your uncle."

That seemed to do the trick. Jin Ling nodded almost enthusiastically. Laughing, Wei Wuxian began narrating their first meeting as children. As he talked, he pieced together every fond memory he could find.

Soon the sky began turning dark and the two of them followed by the junior disciples had to head back to Lotus Pier. But before they could head towards the dining area, Jin Ling stopped him. The other disciples dispersed.

"Uncle Wei, thank you."

The words stunned Wei Wuxian. Never before had Jin Ling called him "Uncle", but even more shocking was the thank you that had followed. All these words in one sentence!? Jin Ling must've been really impressed by the stories…

"Why do you thank me?"

"Because now I finally understand everything. Especially the reason why Uncle didn't tell me all this."

Wei Wuxian frowned. What was he talking about?

"I'm really not sure what you want to say. Of course, he didn't tell you because he hated me. He wanted you to hate me too. I don't blame him though. He wanted to eliminate me from his life."

Jin Ling shook his head with an eye roll that Jiang Cheng would've been proud of.

"Do you really think that? After all those stories you told me? He walked for seven days straight to get you help while you were stuck in Xuanwu Cave. He looked for you when you went missing after his golden core was healed. He and mum came to visit you before my mom's wedding so you could see her. He even asked you to choose a name for me before I was born. Now you believe he hated you all these years?"

"Jin Ling, don't be silly. He had all the reason to hate me back then."

"Maybe yes. But I doubt he hated you. The reason he didn't tell me much about his childhood was not because he wanted me to hate you but because it was too painful for him to talk about you. I think he missed you."

The tired nephew shrugged and left. All Wei Wuxian could do was stand in the corridor in complete and utter shock.

He was just not sure what was more shocking – the actual meaning of those words or the fact that it was Jin Ling who'd said them.

It was almost dusk in Cloud Recesses when Lan Xichen found his brother as usual sitting at his desk playing the guqin. It had become his habit ever since Wei Wuxian had left the Cloud Recesses to go visit Lotus Pier.

Lan Xichen knew what was going on in his brother's mind, but since Wei Wuxian had made him promise that he wouldn't tell Lan Wangji anything, he had to keep his mouth shut. His brother-in-law had sent messages to assure him of his well being, but deliberately avoided his own cultivation partner.

"Wangji, I wanted to talk about last night's hunt but you didn't come to my chamber…"

He trailed off realizing that his brother was absolutely not paying attention to him. Well, that was rare. His brother was not one to lose himself in emotions. If this was the case then Wei Wuxian's absence must be really bothering him. He cleared his throat, then made his way towards the desk where his brother was still focused on his guqin.

"Master Wei's absence bothers you so much?"

Lan Wangji's head snapped up, his eyes wide and innocent, a raw emotion in them. But it lasted mere seconds before he pulled himself back together and placed his palms flat on the qin to prevent its vibrations.

"Brother," Lan Wangji bowed his head in greeting but offered no answer for the question.

"Wangji, I have told you before and I will tell you again. You can always share your problems with me. Restraint is one thing but bottling up emotions – well, that's not good." Lan Xichen couldn't help give a huff when his brother simply looked away. "Fine. Tell me what causes you such distress?"

"Wei Ying is in Lotus Pier. Doesn't send or answer any messages."

"But Lotus Pier is where he grew up. He was once the Head Disciple of Jiang Clan. I'm sure he is fine. Jiang Wanyin will definitely treat him better now that the misunderstanding has been cleared."

His own words felt shallow to him. While none of this was a lie, it bothered him to think that he was holding something important back.

Lan Wangji shook his head. "I'm going there tomorrow."

"Do you think that's wise, Wangji? We really mustn't go around interfering in Master Wei's relationship with Clan Leader Jiang. Maybe if they spend more time together and talk things out, they will be able to strengthen their bond."

"He tried to hurt Wei Ying before."

Lan Xichen couldn't help but smile. His brother could be so fiercely protective of those he cared about. It was a trait he admired the most. Unfortunately, this time it might not be very helpful. If only he could persuade his brother to wait.

"Yes, he did. But that was probably out of pain of losing his sister. Remember Wangji, the other sects deal with emotions differently. Restraint is a quality that mostly the Lan Clan follows."

Lan Wangji gave a curt nod but the expression of worry didn't dissipate. In that moment Lan Xichen knew he had lost his argument. No matter what he said, his brother was going to find a way to go check on Wei Wuxian. His next words proved it true.

"Brother, I just wish to make sure he is well. I will not overstay my welcome."

Overstay my welcome. Wei Wuxian had used the same words to describe his situation. These two were really made for each other, weren't they?