Chapter 4

It was quite late now and the lone cultivator could hear the crickets in the silence. As Wei Wuxian made his way back to his chamber, he couldn't help but glance at the clear night sky. It was breathtaking and to him, even a little melancholic. A gust of wind blew by, making him shiver. It wasn't particularly cold but the day had been long.

From waking up with haunting dreams and getting chased by Jiang Cheng to a somewhat public confrontation regarding his deteriorating health, it was both physically as well as emotionally draining. And now gentle and kind hearted Sizhui had confessed to caring about him and looking up to him. While this wasn't news, the way he had clutched him and cried in his arms, truly touched him. It was a memory he knew he would love to hold close to himself till his last breath.

Luckily though, the voices had left him alone. Maybe they wanted him to enjoy his last few moments in the world of the living or perhaps the song that Lan Xichen had taught him had done the trick, he wasn't sure. But he didn't care. Either way he could breathe in the familiar scent of Lotus Pier and relax.

Then again although the spirits had abandoned him, his mind kept bringing up his recent conversation with his beloved.

'Ugh what was that idiot thinking? Suggesting suicide so brazenly! There was no way he could allow that…' For a moment he even considered playing his flute to calm his mind. But immediately decided against it. There was no need to incur Jiang Cheng's anger to ruin the mood.

"Wei Wuxian!"

For a brief moment, he wondered if this was just his imagination. It wasn't possible to summon someone simply by thinking about them right? Right? Ugh, then what was Jiang Cheng calling him for!? He spun around and found the owner of the voice standing at the other end of the corridor.

Jiang Cheng looked far different from his morning appearance. He had taken off his hair accessories and his external Clan Leader robes. For a brief moment, Wei Wuxian could almost see him as the same young man who had accompanied him to Qishan as a representative of the Jiang Clan, the same brother who had found help for him while he was stuck in Xuanwu Cave and the same youth who had to take over the responsibility of a clan on his shoulders instead of grieving for his parents. He blinked and the moment was gone.

"Wei Wuxian, where were you?" Jiang Cheng asked, his voice a combination of annoyance and – wait, was it concern?

Wei Wuxian couldn't help but smile. Maybe he was still the same guy after all.

"Is that why you stopped me? Don't worry, I was just taking a walk."

"Well no… I mean," Jiang Cheng hesitated. Wei Wuxian calmly waited. For once, he was in no hurry. Then as if making up his mind, the clan leader made his way towards him. "I wanted to talk to you." He spoke very quietly.

"About what? Your undying love for me?" Wei Wuxian smirked.

"Why are you so difficult? No wonder people dislike you!"

"Oh! I am being difficult? Every single day I spent here till now, you made it pretty clear, you didn't want to talk to me. Yet, now I am the one who is difficult?"

"Back then you didn't tell me you were dying!"

"Right! Of course, so you have come here to show me your pity… I see. It seems that you need to know that I'm dying for you to come and have any civil conversation with me." Wei Wuxian huffed, turning away.

Jiang Cheng shuffled his feet, contemplating his next words. There was a moment of silence.

Then he spoke softly, "I don't pity you."

Wei Wuxian turned back to look at him, an eyebrow raised. "What was that? I didn't catch that."

"I said I don't pity you." Jiang Cheng repeated, mouth twisting in a grim line.

"Then what is it?"

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes. He looked like he really wanted to smack Wei Wuxian but was holding back out of some sense of social limits.

"What do you think? I'm worried about you, you idiot! And I'm sad that I have to lose you all over again. Happy?"

There was silence then. Again someone had left him speechless. Probably declaring so publicly that he was dying, wasn't a good idea after all. Now everyone was suddenly declaring their true feelings. And he had no idea how to deal with it.

So far his life had worked well because usually most people took an immediate dislike towards him due to his carefree attitude. It was often mistaken for arrogance even. But now, ever since he had come as Mo Xuanyu, things had changed. Well, people still hated him, but he wasn't interested in being cocky and rude.

Apparently now they didn't hate him so much…

"I'm not. Happy I mean. There's really nothing to be happy about right now." Wei Wuxian paused, his expression mirroring Jiang Cheng's. "And for the record, I don't want to put you in this position. I mean, I didn't until you forced me to tell you the truth this morning. Jiang Cheng, I came to Lotus Pier, so I could get a chance to talk to you properly. I wanted to reach out to you one last time and once that was over I'd planned to leave."

"Why?"

Jiang Cheng's voice sounded so broken that his brother had to look at him again. It reminded Wei Wuxian of Guanyin Temple, and that was not really a memory he wished to retain.

"Why what?"

"Why do you always hide your pain? Why do you need to hold back everything and pretend to be alright?"

"Aiyyo, as if I'm the only one who does that."

There was a moment of silence until they caught each other's eye and cracked up. Maybe they were too emotionally strung up, or maybe they laughed to ease up the atmosphere, Wei Wuxian didn't know. Whatever it was, it felt good. They could pretend things were normal and that they hadn't actually suffered so much.

It was in a way quite freeing, like saying 'we cannot change what is to come but we can definitely be better right now.' Wei Wuxian was okay with that.

"If you wish to leave, I won't stop you. But I won't ask you to leave either." Jiang Cheng spoke, once the laughter had receded.

"That's kind of you, but I really don't want to be a burden. If I die here –" Wei Wuxian began but was interrupted.

"– I'll finish your last rites. You aren't a burden. You never were."

"My my, A-Cheng, you have really changed. You have turned out to be a very responsible Clan Leader." Wei Wuxian grinned, offering a pat on the shoulder to which Jiang Cheng glared and swatted his hand away.

"Don't ruin the moment!"

"Chengcheng! I was just admiring how well you have progressed…"

"Wei Wuxian!"

Lan Wangji paced the length of Wei Wuxian's chamber, his hands behind his back. To retire for the night, he had let down his hair and taken off his outer robe. His sword was placed on the small desk in one corner of the room. And now he waited.

'The world needs you… promise me… live a little.'

Wei Ying's words seemed to go on in his mind on repeat. It hurt to think about it. Losing Wei Ying again, especially now that they were officially cultivation partners, was not an idea he would've entertained. But now it was real. It was inevitable, and the thought made him ache all over.

Then he heard the door open and Wei Ying appeared. He looked like he was in much better spirits than he was at dinner. There was a small grin plastered over his face, a spring in his step as he approached Lan Wangji.

"Ay, Lan Zhan, it seems like people really care if I die. I do have a bad memory, but I'm pretty sure last time was different."

But then seeing the look Lan Wangji was giving him, his smile slowly faded.

"Well, so you haven't yet promised me. I'm waiting." Wei Wuxian tapped his foot as if emphasizing what he just said.

Lan Wangji didn't immediately respond. The silence felt enough of an answer but Wei Wuxian refused to believe that.

"Lan Zhan? So all that lecture about how important you are was a waste?"

"You told me you were mine and I was yours."

"Yes, I did. And I mean it. What are you trying to say?"

"Then why don't you let me come with you."

Wei Wuxian gave a sigh, then flopped down on his bed lazily. He buried his head in his pillow for a few seconds before flipping over. Lan Wangji did not join him.

"Lan Zhan, I'm really exhausted. I don't want to think about any more explanations. Come join me."

He did. They lay there side by side until Wei Wuxian reached out and then Lan Wangji engulfed him in his arms. This was the kind of silence that Wei Wuxian enjoyed, a silence where they could feel each other's heartbeats, where there was no dishonesty. He could close his eyes and pretend that nothing had changed. He could simply breathe in Lan Wangji's familiar scent and feel content.

"Lan Zhan don't leave, okay? Stay with me."

"Mn."

"Don't die either. We will find a way to be together even after I leave." It was a soft request as if Wei Wuxian didn't want to disrupt the comfortable silence. Then he added as an afterthought, "Please, do this for me."

Silence, then –

"Mn."

"I actually have an idea already. Let's see if it works!"

Lan Wangji didn't respond to that, just held him closer while Wei Wuxian fiddled with the ends of his partner's forehead ribbon.