A/N: All right everyone, I know I left us on a huge cliffhanger last time, and I am about to drop yet another slightly angsty chapter in your lap… I know I know I am terrible! But the muse wants what she wants and as this story has come to me it's been very layered. These hard parts of the story factor so fully into the beauty I see ahead, and I feel like it would be doing a disservice to you all if I didn't give you the full context. That being said, this is a hard flashback, one that my more softhearted readers might want to avoid. There's still goodness and fluff and a little smut for good measure, of course, but the story is getting complicated. Never fear, CS is golden and together and committed. Nothing will be changing that as we move forward. They're mates and they are bonded. That being said, there's some work to be done before we can get to happily ever after, and I hope you will all stick with me through it! Thanks for reading and please, let me know what you think!
Smiling. It was a simple gesture to many people, something they were used to doing more often than not, but for Killian Jones it had been years since he had smiled with any regularity. That being said, there was simply no comparing his past and his present. At this juncture in his life, he was easily the happiest he had ever been, and he couldn't contain that exhilaration as he woke up a few days after the mating moon with a grin already plastered to his face.
The past forty-eight hours had been an incredible time, and Killian couldn't begin to decide what part was best. All of it had been the makings of the most wonderful dream, and though it was outrageous that he should be so happy after a life spent so long in darkness, he had to believe it would continue. Holding Emma in his arms right now as she slept, Killian could feel their connection clear as day. She was wrapped up in him fiercely, as if even her unconscious self couldn't bear to be apart from him, and he understood that feeling so acutely. The thought of leaving Emma's side for any reason tore at Killian too much to be abided, and in two days they'd barely left this cabin, choosing to lock themselves away and indulge in this alone time as much as they could.
In that time, Killian had learned more about his love than he knew before. They had been so connected, not just physically but emotionally too. In between their mating moments there was downtime and quiet, filled with shared thoughts and hopes and wishes. He'd listened as Emma talked about what kind of life she'd always seen for herself, a life filled with both the purpose of her work and the love and central importance of family and friends. He related to that wish most ardently, even if he didn't have the passion of a profession to keep him occupied. It was no matter to Killian. His work as Emma's mate would be to make every one of those wants that she confessed to him come true if he could. There seemed to be nothing out of the realm of possibility in what she'd confided, and since his drive to be the perfect partner and mate was unmatched, Killian knew his sheer force of will would find a way.
The thought of that endeavor and of building a life with his woman had Killian pulling Emma closer. He closed his eyes and inhaled her perfect scent, reveling in the feeling of her laying here, right where she belonged. He didn't want to wake her – God knew Emma needed the rest after the non-stop sex they'd been having for days – but she moved a bit in her sleep, cuddling closer and causing her golden hair to fall away behind her. The subtle shift in her position immediately drew the eye to the new mark Killian had left on her skin, one that would remain forever just as their first meeting marks did weeks ago.
In the midst of all of the passion and love that came with cementing their bond during the full moon, Killian's attentions to his other half broke 'normal' human bonds to something more. In the heat of the moment, as he'd reached yet another high at the hand of his love, Killian's animal had gotten out a bit more than it should, and he'd bitten Emma with enough fervor to leave a shifter scar. The moment was purely instinctual and more than a little primitive, and he knew it was common place for shifter mates. Bites and markings to signal love and a territorial bond was normal in his world, but the problem was that even if it felt so damn right to bite her and leave that sign of him and his claim, part of Killian hated himself for doing it. He might be a shifter, but Emma was human. She wasn't fragile because of it, but she did deserve so much more. She needed to be protected and cherished, and he'd allowed himself to be too rough, taking too much even if it felt fucking perfect in the moment.
When he came back down from that ecstasy point that making love to Emma always brought, biting back an actual howl of satisfaction, Killian was initially mortified, even as his blood pumped with pure adrenaline. He should be totally ashamed of hurting Emma. He knew that it was wrong to bite her like that, leaving the etched mark of his canines against her creamy and once pristine skin. It had to be wrong, right? But then he looked into Emma's eyes and what he saw there was nothing like pain. All that shone in those jade depths was a satisfied, simmering lust, and a love so strong it still left him breathless. Eventually her lips turned up at the corners, her knowing smirk lighting something inside of him and she laughed, the giggle sounding so bloody brilliant he could have died right there and been the happiest of men.
Unexpectedly, Emma managed to use the moment to flip their positions, taking the lead in their lust-fueled dance and leaving him mindless with want as she did. It was unfathomable how much he craved her, how badly he needed every last ounce of her desire and passion and love, but this time, as he felt her get close she was the one to lean down, her mouth latching on the spot that mirrored his bite to her. She didn't hold back and he felt the sharp sting only for a second before absolute euphoria hit his every last sense. He was powerless to not go over the edge, and when he finally came back to himself, it was Emma's turn to look a bit regretful…
"Sorry, I probably shouldn't have done that, right?"
"Emma -," he wanted to immediately reassure her, but she broke into his thoughts with more of her own.
"No, it's just you're a shifter. That's probably part of the ritual or something but I'm just…"
"The single most remarkable creature who has ever lived?" Emma's brow furrowed even as her cheeks stained a deeper shade of pink.
"That's not what I -," he interrupted her this time by flipping her back to a lying position as he moved above her, dropping kisses in between his words.
"The most beautiful woman the world over?"
"Killian," she breathed, the sound a mix of censure and desire all at once.
"The most incredible mate fate could ever design?" Killian asked, and Emma's tears grew misty as she reached up to where she'd placed her own mark on him.
"You're not mad?"
"Never, Emma. I'm yours to do with as you wish. I love you, and soon enough I think you'll realize that your wants are my wants. Always."
Those words were enough to set his mate's mind at ease again, but instead of resting up in the face of all this passion, the two of them were famished for it yet again, starting the cycle all over again and spending the whole night chasing that beautiful bliss…
"I don't get how you can be so bright eyed and bushy tailed this early in the day," Emma's voice said from beside him, pulling Killian from the recollections of last night. His mate hadn't even opened her eyes yet, but when she did, she found exactly what she'd been expected and she smiled despite herself. "Don't you ever need to sleep?"
"It seems not, love. And I suspect this will come in handy down the line."
"Oh really?" Emma asked, stretching her limbs and humming out a questioning sound as she awaited his response. Too late he realized it might be too much to say aloud. It was jumping the gun a bit, as people liked to say, but with Emma he wanted no secrets. So he had to tell her the truth of what he'd been thinking. It was the only way.
"Aye, love. Someday when we have little ones that need tending to, that lack of need for sleep might come in handy. I've no actual experience with pups, but I've heard in the beginning they're up all hours."
Emma stared at him without responding for a moment. She blinked a few times, and Killian waited to see what her response would be. Would she think he was mad for suggesting that children would be coming soon? He would wait as long as she wanted, but in his heart he knew he was ready for that step with Emma. He could just imagine her carrying their child, glowing with the life the two of them had helped to create and it had him hard as could be. Then his thoughts shifted to Emma as a mother, and he knew that no matter how young they were she would be the best kind of Mum. She had every proper skill and feeling and quality. She was a wonder, and any child of theirs would be so lucky to have her.
"Sorry, did you just say pups?" Emma asked, and Killian bit back a groan as he scratched behind his ear.
"I did. It's a shifter thing, love. They won't shift until their older if they inherit my abilities, but…"
"But baby wolves are called pups. That's so… strangely adorable. I love it."
Killian breathed a sigh of relief at Emma's words, but instead of saying how happy he was at her response he showed her instead, kissing her still smiling lips and sparking the fire that had been quelled only slightly as they had slept. It took no time at all for them to be ramped up back to the highs of the past few days, and Killian thought to himself that this was the only way to start his mornings – in bed with Emma and planning out which way to ravish her first
Bringing himself above her, Killian allowed his dirtier thoughts to guide him. His mouth trailed across her skin, making its way down her graceful form as Emma's breathing grew more and more labored. She should be spent still. They should both be completely exhausted, but there always seemed to be more energy and more love to give. He smiled at the thought, and at the way Emma almost flinched when his lips came to her breasts. Her jerked movement spoke to surprise, but the way she arched closer told him she wanted more. Much much more. And of course he was beholden to her every wish and whim. If his Emma wanted to be pleased, he would damn well please her.
"God, this mating heat might actually kill me," Emma said, her words sounding pained after he toyed with her for a few more moments, using his hand and mouth to have his wicked way with her. He chuckled at that, and he watched as the goose bumps broke out on her bare flesh.
"I told you, Emma, the heat has passed. It's just us now. Has been for hours."
"Oh right. See it's hard to tell because the sex just keeps getting better," she quipped and Killian growled out a sound of pure pride.
"Does it, love?"
"You know it does," Emma said with a feigned huff and Killian felt his gut tighten at the sight. Emma was always brilliant, but damn if there wasn't something about her faking disdain that turned him on even more. Who was he kidding? Everything she did turned him on. "And you also know that I can only take so much…"
Killian thought back to all he'd learned from both her words and her actions over the past few days and he grinned again. It was true – Emma had definite limits when it came to her lust. She needed to be sated, and in bed she could be a greedy little thing in the moment. When her body was wound tight it sought nothing in the world but release, but that was perfect as far as he was concerned. He wanted to give her so much they both nearly broke, taking things right to the edge and landing before it in that perfect state of bliss.
"I know, Emma. God above I know."
The moments from there began to blur together. So much dizzying pleasure was too much to follow closely, and soon Killian lost track of how many times they'd both surrendered themselves completely. He took her with his mouth, then he filled her as he wanted, losing himself in her more than once but never losing that stamina or want. The mating moon was gone, but there was still so much fire left between them. It was almost impossible to find contentment, but when they did… God it was unreal.
"That's it. You've officially ruined me," Emma said, her voice breathy as she shook her head before looking him in the eyes with love and trust.
"I thought I'd done that already," Killian hedged, his voice giving away a hint of worry at the fact that she might not have felt completely branded by him and only him before.
"Oh you had. You ruined me for all other men the day we met. I just meant bigger picture stuff. Like work and friends and a social life. I don't know how to do all that. It's gone. There's just…"
"Us," Killian filled in smiling. He knew it was exaggeration, and that though Emma might be wrapped up in him now, her heart had never lost any of its love for her family and friends. Still it filled him up with brightness to hear her say these words. It meant he was enough, and that somehow he was proving himself worthy of the most precious gem in all the world.
Emma's lips moved to form some sort of reply, one Killian was desperate to hear aloud, but before she could get her thoughts out a knock came at the door. Immediately Killian was on alert. Fuck! Who could that be? And more importantly how had he completely failed to hear any sign of an incoming visitor before now?
"Are we expecting company today?" Emma asked, sitting up a bit in bed and looking at him with genuine curiosity. Little did she realize that her words made his heart stutter in his chest. She hadn't asked if he was expecting anyone, but if they were at a unit. She was grouping them together, making them parts of a single whole and that was a gift of gigantic proportion.
But truth be told he was not anticipating anyone's arrival, and the fact that there was an unannounced caller had him more on edge than he'd been in days. There should be no reason for anyone to be out here. Graham and Tink would never think of it, and Emma's parents… shit maybe this was them. Mary Margaret Nolan was a determined woman, and she seemed to never find a line she didn't like crossing. Similarly there was the possibility it was Emma's friends. Anna especially seemed the type who might 'happen to drop by' but Killian certainly hoped not. If he were lucky it would be nothing, just an imagined noise that could be ignored. Unfortunately a louder knock came jut a moment later, this time more forceful, and Killian moved to respond. He threw on some clothes to cover himself and moved from the bedroom with one last kiss to Emma's forehead. Again their visitor knocked and Killian felt his jaw clench in aggravation.
"All right, all right. Just hold your-,"
The words died as Killian opened the front door, revealing his cousin and her grandmother and the shock was substantial. Ruby was here! But why? And dear God why did she have that look in her usually cheerful but impish eyes?
"Killian."
Ruby's voice almost squeaked as she spoke his name in greeting, and she looked both relieved to see him but also ghastly pale. She was clearly worried, and Killian couldn't think of a time his cousin had ever been in such a state. Ruby was normally so vibrant and at ease, even when everything had happened with his father, she was withdrawn and weary, not manic or stricken. To see her this way… it sparked a chill through his spine and a strong sense of the worst kind of foreboding.
"Ruby? Granny?" Killian looked to the older woman again and he saw her eyes were filled with tears, and not just tears, but fearful tears, ones born from true anxiety and stress. She showed the full effect of whatever was worrying Ruby, and it struck like an icy blow to his confidence and peace of mind. Fuck, whatever this was it was bad. Really bad.
"I'm so sorry, Killian. You weren't answering your phone and you have to know-,"
As Ruby was about to say the words that clearly haunted her, a floorboard creaked from further in the house and Killian turned back to see Emma, now fully dressed and waiting in the living room. She stilled when all eyes came to her and then she offered a small smile and a wave. "Uh, hi. Sorry. I thought you might be my parents or something."
"Not yet. Your Dad's still winning that fight to keep your Mom away… for now anyway," Ruby said with a smile of her own, one that Killian was shocked actually touched her eyes. Moments ago his cousin looked like she'd never be happy again, but being near his mate seemed to have a similarly comforting effect on his cousin as it did for him.
"You must be Ruby," Emma said, not shying away from Ruby's flaunting of her supernatural gifts as she stepped closer to them all. "And you must be Granny. I've heard a lot about you two."
"And we know so much about you, my dear," Granny said as she came inside, leading Ruby and bringing Emma in for a hug. "We're so happy you found our Killy. At the end of the day, that's a gift. Don't ever doubt that."
"I won't," Emma promised, looking back at Killian with a smile after Ruby pulled in for a warm greeting as well. When the niceties were through with Emma and his family, he came back to her, taking her hand in his before Ruby spoke again.
"It's so good to meet you, Emma. I've wanted to for so long. I know we're going to be such good friends – I've seen it," Ruby said with a laugh that was almost full, but still rattled with the shrill tones of an underlying fear. "I just wish our first meeting was under better circumstances."
"What's going on, Red?" Killian asked, her childhood nickname coming to the forefront thanks to his own mounting anxiety. The only thing keeping his heart rate somewhat steady was his mate's hand in his, but Killian knew. He felt that terrible sinking feeling even before Ruby said the words.
"He knows, Killian. He knows where you are and he's coming here, now."
And there it was. The coldest, most suffocating douse to the happiness they'd been feeling. Never in a million years did Killian think it would happen. He was supposed to be gone now. He'd done everything to block himself, to hide his tracks. How could this happen? And how could he ever make sure Emma was safe?
"Who? Who's coming?"
Emma's question hung in the air, but Killian couldn't say the words. He only looked at Ruby, silently pleading with her to say it was all a joke. Some wildly inappropriate joke, but a joke none the less.
"Killian…" Ruby said, looking back at Emma and then to him again, urging him to tell her but then Emma stunned them all by guessing who it was.
"It's Liam isn't it?" Emma asked and Killian's eyes found hers, and he wondered how the hell she could know. "You said your family was all gone, but you only ever said your Mom and Brennan had actually died."
Killian couldn't look away from her, instead pulling her closer and feeling the relief when she held onto him too. Even when she broke her gaze from his and looked back to Ruby and Granny, Killian still felt sure and stable. Despite the discomfort and alarm that Liam's knowing of his location brought, it was all out there now. For better or worse. Emma knew all of Killian's past, or at least she was starting to.
"He survived the bite, didn't he?" Emma asked and Ruby nodded.
"Yes, he survived. Well… part of him anyway."
And though he'd tried so hard to burn away the memory of that night forever, Killian couldn't help but relive every damn second of it as Ruby told the story aloud…
"He bit you."
Killian repeated the words aloud, but it still didn't compute. Even though the proof was irrefutable, and he could see the mark of their father's fangs there on Liam's skin it was too much to fathom. His brother had been bitten, and now he was presumably cursed. No, worse than cursed: he was fated to become the kind of monster they both loathed most, at least if Ruby's visions had been true.
"That bastard. He just couldn't help himself."
Liam's muttered words rang out hollow, not matching with the fear that Killian could still see etched in his brother's expression. The realization that he'd been infected had gone over just as one might think. Liam was horrified even while he was unwilling to believe it. But then something happened. A change came over Liam, and the energy of that earnest denial and fear shifted to something Killian never expected this early: acceptance. The sense of eerie calm that his elder brother seemed to emulate within only moments of finding out his new fate clawed at Killian, and his apprehension leapt to an all time high. It sounded and now looked like Liam was giving up, and Killian couldn't have that. He wasn't ready to admit defeat, not when it meant losing the one person in this world that mattered to him the most.
"It'll be fine, Liam. We'll figure something out. Ruby will see a way out of this. She always does. This isn't the end."
"Isn't it?" Liam asked, his eyes tracking back to their father's lifeless body, and his voice taking on an edge that made Killian's skin crawl. "Soon I'll be no better than him. Hell, I could be worse. I'm younger than he was. Stronger too. I've trained harder. Why shouldn't I be every bit of the monster that he so desperately wanted to be?"
"You couldn't – you won't," Killian stressed, reaching for his brother, but Liam recoiled from the comforting touch, giving him a crazed look and shouting with a fury that hadn't been there only seconds before.
"Don't touch me!"
Killian went still at his brother's reprimand. Never in their lives had Liam ever taken a tone like that with him, but Killian knew it wasn't truly his brother that he was dealing with. Because in that moment, the color of Liam's eyes had turned a darker shade of navy that ran to inky black. The brilliant blue with the flecks of gold only ever found in wolf shifters was tainted, making Liam look like a child's nightmare made real for the span of a few heart beats. The unnatural color was only there a moment, and then it was gone, but Killian couldn't deny what he had seen, as much as he wanted to. It was the bite, the poison and the demons that alpha sickness brought, and whatever this sickness was, it was already spreading and spreading fact. His brother was being taken over, blackened by it all, and Killian felt helpless to stop it.
"Killian, I'm sorry," Liam said when he returned to his senses, his eyes normal again and his face filled with remorse. "I don't – I can't… I can't control this."
"I know you can't. It's not your fault, Liam, but we have to go. We have to get Ruby and get the hell out of here."
Liam seemed almost wistful at those words and the mere idea of finding their cousin and then finding a cure, but he stayed where he was, rooted to his spot. "Brother, it's not that simple."
"Of course it's not simple. But fuck if that means we aren't trying! And if we have any chance of finding some sort of cure we have to -,"
"I can't leave," Liam whispered solemnly stopping Killian dead in his tracks.
"What?"
"I said I can't leave." This time Liam spoke with more volume, and when he did he was using that same calm but almost lifeless tone, and it packed all the same impact as it had at the start.
"Liam, you're talking craziness. Can't leave? What would possibly keep you? This place is toxic. Staying here is the worst thing you could do for yourself. We have to go, surely you see that."
"And what of the pack?"
It made absolutely no sense to Killian that his brother should speak of the pack at all. It was never in their original plan to have any interaction with the politics of this place once Brennan was dead – what the hell did they care about these people? In Killian's estimation they were all accomplices to his father's terrorizing rein. All the good members of the clan had either fled or been killed since he was a boy. It was only them now and Ruby and Granny. Everyone else could hang for all Killian cared.
"Fuck em. Fuck them all, Liam. We owe them nothing. Do you hear me? Nothing."
"There's more than just the bad, Killian. You know that. There are families here. Children – children in circumstances not so unlike our own."
As Liam spewed out words that Killian just couldn't bring himself to follow, he could feel a growing ache of pain at the back at the base of his head. The tension in his body was manifesting physically, cutting through the adrenaline he'd been running on, and he blinked a few times to try and fight it away. It was impossible to keep up with Liam right now, and how could he ever be expected to? His brother had just essentially received a death sentence that would be preceded by a seriously debilitating mental decline. This alpha sickness was toxic and destructive. It would erode the very goodness and good sense from his brother's being. It would ruin everything Liam had built his life towards… and then it hit him. This was the sickness striking again. That urge to be alpha and to stay with the pack was what was guiding this new vision. It had to be, and the only way to potentially pull his brother from this was to make him see reason.
"Be that as it may, it's not our problem. Brennan is dead. They'll all be fine. We've freed them from his tyranny, but we have to leave. Now." They'd already been here too long. In truth it was shocking none of the guards or pack members they took out had come back here already. Time was absolutely not on their side.
"You're wrong, Killian. There's no reason we can't start over here. We can right his wrongs. We can make this pack whole again… but I need you, brother."
"What you need is to be healed Liam, and that won't happen here."
Liam was silent in the face of the truth, but Killian could feel his brother's thoughts through the bonded pull between them. As brothers their animals had always been even more in tune than the average members of a pack, and whether it was the intensity of the moment or the sickness spreading in his veins, Liam was even more readable now than before. His thoughts were fragmenting a bit, racing at a pace Killian was never used to from Liam, but the intention was clear. It turned out Liam didn't believe healing would happen anywhere, and he wasn't grieving that fact as he should. Instead he'd internalized his new fate, and he seemed impassive in the face of his new future.
"I want you by my side in this, Killian. We could prove Brennan wrong. You wouldn't have to lead, I know you've never wanted to. I can do that, but if we're going to make this a smooth transition, we need to show a unified front."
"Liam, I love you. You know I do," Killian said trying to keep himself from breaking down in the face of this horribly sad turn. His brother was lost to him, he could sense it already, and it killed him to even think that, never mind accept it. "But there is nothing in the world that could ever entice me to do this. I won't be a part of this. Not even for you."
"Why can't you see that this is the right thing to do?!" Liam bellowed, his new found anger winning out again, and though Killian wanted to recoil he remained unflinching in the face of the outburst. "You really believe, Brennan, don't you? You think you're better than me!"
"I've never thought that, Liam," Killian vowed, and even now he didn't think that way. No, if anything Killian could see that it was he who was the monster. If it weren't for him, they never would have gone after Brennan in the first place and Liam would still be whole. All of this was thanks to Killian's inability to put down his craving for revenge. Their mother was gone and nothing was ever going to bring her back, but still Killian had been relentless in his pursuit. Now it seemed his penance was to watch the man he always looked up to crumble into madness, another casualty of the darkness that Killian couldn't fix or remedy.
"You're lying! I can see it all over your face. The hate you feel, the anger! Don't try and deny it!" Liam said the words while moving around the space, and Killian could see that though his brother was still in human form it was a wolf's pace. This signaled upcoming aggression, but Killian wasn't willing to fight his brother. He would truly do anything to avoid it.
"I do feel hate, and anger. But not towards you. Towards -,"
"Brennan, is dead Killian," Liam said with a sneer that was more like their father than Killian had ever thought Liam capable of being. "There's no reason to feel so much for him anymore. He's gone now, and we're still here."
One of us is, Killian thought to himself sadly, but he hadn't been careful enough in concealing his thoughts from his brother and the look of shock and hurt that crossed Liam's face was soon swallowed whole by a paranoid rage.
"So that's your plan then?" Liam said, his voice dripping in condescension and burning Killian even as it brought a bitter frost to the air between them. "You want to take me out because of this?"
"I never said that, Liam, I would never -,"
"No you won't, because I won't let you!"
Instantly Liam sprung back towards him, shifting in the blink of an eye and hitting Killian full on as he was mid-shift. The tussle was fraught with too much energy as adrenaline pulsed through both of their veins. It was terrifying for Killian, and undoubtedly worse than anything they'd faced before. Their mother's murder, their father's death… none of it compared to this fight where his choices were both miserable. Submit to his brother and die, having wasted so much of his life in a darkness of his own design, or rise up and stop his brother, ending this cycle of madness while also ending the last good part of himself in the process.
A moment finally came when that choice had to be made, and in the end it was instinct that instructed Killian. His wolf's will to survive was too strong, and when he got the upper hand on Liam he took it. He was trying to figure out a way in the few seconds he had the upper hand to knock his brother out and somehow get him back to Ruby, but then he heard the voice in his mind.
Do it, brother. Kill me. Save me and save yourself. Because if you don't…
Killian's heart stopped, both at the plea for Killian to kill him and the images that flashed through Liam's mind. It was the sickness's plan – to ascend not just to leader of the pack, but true alpha of their clan. For a moment Killian felt his heart would never beat again, but Killian could see in Liam's eyes the pain and anguish that such thoughts created. Still, he also saw the battle there. The beast inside of Liam had made this desperate plea the most impossible thing to beg for even as it was slowly eroding his brother's will to fight. In truth, this moment showed his brother's strength, and it gave Killian hope that Liam would somehow defeat the monster brewing inside, but then Liam's eyes went dark again and he tried to bite Killian and that moment was gone.
With his choice now made, Killian struck a final blow, knowing it would knock his brother out without killing him. It would deny Liam that last rational wish, but Killian could never have granted it. Not in a thousand years. He loved his brother too much, and maybe that was selfish, but he wouldn't be the one to kill Liam. It was asking too much of him, and after everything he'd done, and everything he'd become – he couldn't do that. That inability to act then made it so that now all Killian could was run. He had to get as far away from here as he could, and he had to do it fast, because if Liam's desire to be true alpha was real then he would never stop hunting for Killian. As the one who had killed their father, it was Killian, not Liam who had inherited the pack's true alpha spirit. Liam could technically rise to that post, but it would always be Killian who had earned it in the eyes of nature, at least until he himself was taken out.
Before he could leave, however, Killian knew he had to say goodbye to Liam. This would likely be the last time he ever saw his brother, for he was going straight away to Ruby and to Granny. The three of them would be gone as fast as possible, and they'd never come back, of that he was sure. That meant that he was leaving Liam forever, and that ate him up inside more than anything ever could.
"You can still fight this, Liam. I know that you can, if you find the will. I only wish I could help you, but I know there's no way that I can. If you can hear me, if the battle isn't already lost inside your mind, then please, I beg you to fight. Fight as long as you're able. Stay the brother that I know. You're more than Brennan ever could be, because you are good. Really and truly good. You're the best person I know, Liam,… God, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."
Tears fell as Killian crouched low by his brother, but then he heard the murmurings of others waking up, and he knew it was only a matter of time before Liam rose too. Killian's window of escape was closing and he had to get out. He would find Ruby and Granny and get them to safety, and then… Well God only knew what would become of him then…
"We fled that night," Granny said as she held onto Ruby's hand, squeezing it tightly. "It was the only home we had ever known, but it had to be done. We didn't know what would become of Liam, and Ruby's visions were scattered. He was too volatile. Too unknown."
"And you've never heard from him again in all these years?" Emma asked, her hands holding onto Killian's, pulling him back from the vivid and painful memories he'd been reliving.
"Never," Ruby said, the sound of tears clogging her voice even as she pushed through. "We didn't even risk checking in. My magic can only do so much. I've dedicated it to the block, and if we made the usual inquiries…"
"Someone could find you and it would all be for nothing," Emma said, filling in, sparing his cousin from having to speak more about it.
"And in the end he still found me," Killian said, his voice gruff with the intensity of all he felt. On the one hand, he had missed his brother terribly… but Killian was no fool. Years had passed since then, and every day that sickness would have fermented in Liam's system more and more. Killian could only imagine what his brother was like now. After their last meeting, Killian was half convinced his brother's intention is coming here was to take that earned alpha status once and for all.
The thought of that had always haunted him, but now things were so different. He had Emma to think of, and he had put her in such grave danger. She didn't realize what she'd done in bonding herself to him, and if he ever thought it possible that their mating would shift the block… well it suffice it to say he never considered such a horrible thing could come from such a miracle.
Part of Killian wanted to say that he would have never gone through with the mating given the trouble that was now en route, but that was a lie. Nothing in the world, not even such a peril as a bite-stricken Liam could have kept Killian from Emma. He just regretted that she hadn't fully known it all before. He never imagined it would be like this, that the power of their love would override his cousin's magic. Now they were all at risk. Emma, her friends, her family, and it was his fault. It was always his fault.
"Are we in immediate danger, Ruby?" Emma asked, surprising Killian and Ruby and Granny too. "I mean obviously he's coming here, you've seen that. But do we have time?"
"Days, maybe a week or two even? I see woods and forest, not highways or tarmac. But at the same time it doesn't feel like wolf form? I can't really make sense of it. I need to ask Elsa if she's seen anything in her dreams. Her closeness to you makes it possible. Liam is a threat to her family, so her gift has likely been tracking him."
"Elsa? As in my Elsa?" Emma asked, and Killian looked to his cousin, surprised that she'd make such a bold announcement so soon. He knew of course that Emma's friend was at least a little touched with magic, but from the genuine smile that turned up on Ruby's face he could see it must be more than that.
"Your friend is one of the most gifted witches the world has seen in a generation, and she has no idea. Her legacy is vibrant and beautiful, but she lost her mother and her grandmother too soon. I knew I was supposed to come and help her find her way eventually, but I saw it very differently before your mating. Very differently."
"A witch…" Emma mused aloud, her eyes fogging over for a moment before she shook her head and smiled. Her expression looked almost proud, and it touched Killian's heart even through the panic of the moment. "Well whenever you tell her, I have to be there, and so does Anna."
"That's a given. And before you ask, yes, we can make ourselves comfortable for a bit. You two have some talking to do, and we're all safe enough for now."
"Thank you," Emma said, before looking to Killian with hope in her eyes and he was helpless to do anything but follow her as she left the confines of his cabin and started moving through the woods he was starting to know so well. What he didn't expect, however, was that Emma would head out of the forest groves and towards the clearings of the coast. In a few short minutes they found themselves at the Storybrooke beach, not the stretch where they'd had that first date, but a rockier more private cove Killian had never really noticed before. Still, while the place was calm and quiet, Killian couldn't help but wonder why they'd come here.
"I'm assuming this extra sense of knowing things is the mating bond at play, but I could tell you were restless and that in the past the sea has calmed you."
Despite the weight of the world that Killian was carrying on his shoulders he barked out something like a chuckle, and a good memory from long ago filtered through his mind, lighting up a bit of the darkness as it did. "My mother used to tease me for very few things when she was alive. It wasn't in her nature to poke too much fun, and certainly not at her children, but when it came to my love for the water she couldn't help herself. She always found it so funny that I took to the ocean the way I did when we were on the run. I'd spent my whole life in forests, but part of my heart seemed to belong to the sea. I couldn't get enough of it in England."
"Should I be a little jealous?" Emma asked, her eyes lighting up with a gentle humor as he glanced her way and he shook his head as he pulled her into his embrace, letting out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding as he did.
"Nothing the world over compares to you, Emma, so jealousy has no place between us."
Killian only wished he could take that statement further. Just an hour ago he was thinking that there was nothing bad on the horizon at all. Now there was a fear and apprehension with his brother heading their way, and as much as he wanted to keep it from Emma and to protect her from those feelings he couldn't. They were tied together now forever; their fates were one and so must their path be, no matter what was in store for them. Still he couldn't help but feel like he had failed her, and so quickly in their union too.
"Oh no you don't," Emma said, tipping his face to meet her eyes, the bond between them no doubt telling her all the agony he felt. "You are not going to blame yourself for this, Killian."
"But it's my fault, Emma. Can't you see that? If I hadn't been so hell bent on ridding the world of my father none of this would have happened."
"Just because it was what you wanted, doesn't mean you bear the blame. Liam was old enough to make his own choices, Killian, and he knew the risks. And that's not just me trying to make you feel better, it's the truth."
"And how do you know that for sure, love?" Killian asked, wishing her statement were true in spite of himself.
"Because I was with you, through everything you remembered. Ruby and Granny might have been telling me the story, but I could see it all and feel it too. It was beautiful, to see things as you see them, but it was terrible as well, and not just because of what happened to Liam, but because of what happened to you."
"To me?"
"The guilt you've carried has been eating you up inside, day in and day out. It's been gnawing at you, much like the sickness must be doing to Liam, and making your life so hard and so lonely. You felt hopeless and totally alone, at least until…"
Emma blushed as she trailed off, but Killian brought his hand to cup her cheek as he filled in the rest of her thought. "Until I found you."
"Yes," Emma whispered, her hand coming to cover his as she took a steadying breath. "And I feel the same in a way, Killian. I might not have suffered all that you have, but I was missing something too. I was wishing for something that would bring me hope and happiness all along without even noticing it, and it's for that reason that I can't let you worry anymore, at least not about us. I'm not backing out. I don't have any regrets. I love you, Killian. I love you and I want you and I choose you."
"Even with all the unknowns?"
"Even then," Emma affirmed without a trace of doubt. "I don't know what we do about your brother, Killian. I have to hope that somehow it's not as awful as you and Ruby and Granny seem to fear. Maybe there's hope still. Maybe he found a cure, or maybe he wants to now. People can change if they really want to. I believe that it can be done. But either way, I'm with you. If we have to run, so be it. If we have to fight, then tell me what to do, but at the end of the day I need you, I need us."
"I'll never understand how destiny thought I could ever deserve you," he said pulling her to him so their lips were just an inch apart before he confessed the rest. "But God as my witness I will find a way to do so. I won't fail you, Emma."
"I know you won't," Emma whispered. "We'll find our way, Killian, and we'll make it through this. You'll see."
And truth be told, as remarkable as it was, Killian believed her. Despite the odds stacked against them, and despite the pain that was no doubt coming, Killian found he could still envision a future. He felt life could still turn out all right, and for better or worse he and Emma could pull through this. He only wished they'd had more time before hitting this first hurdle, but even so, he couldn't regret any of this, not when he had such a remarkable woman by his side.
"I think it's definitely time we tell my family though. My parents, and Anna and Elsa," Emma said after a while of staring out at the sea, trying to take in the serenity of the ocean and the love that flowed between them. "Who knows? My Dad might be a great asset in this. With his training he might be a real bad ass."
Killian laughed at Emma's joke, knowing that she was truly worried for her family but that she needed to try and make this all a little lighter. He respected that about her, and he ran his thumb across her knuckles, nodding in agreement.
"I think you might be right, love. And now's as good a time as any to see if you're right."
"Might be good to call Uncle Lance though, just in case. You haven't met him yet but he's big. Like really big."
"Lions usually are, love," Killian said with a soft chuckle, and Emma looked into his eyes with an earnest and honest sense of sincerity.
"Just so you know, when all of this is over, I fully expect you to keep telling me everything there is to know about shifters. I've still got a million questions, so don't think you've gotten out of that."
"I wouldn't dream of it," Killian said with a smile, and with his promise, Emma whispered that she loved him again and pressed her lips to his, kissing him sweetly and helping him ground himself in the goodness his life still held. For whatever came here after, Killian would always be sure of Emma and the bond that they shared. Nothing and no one could change that, not even the deep dark torments of his past.
Post-Note: So there we have it. Chapter twelve came bearing some big reveals, but I think you all had realized them at this point. It was mostly important for Emma and Killian to have to face this moment. That being said, things aren't slowing down any time soon. There's so much to do still and so many pieces of the plot still circling in my brain. Liam is obviously coming, but we also have Elsa's magic and a few other things I've planted the seeds for so far. I know some of you are eagerly trying to guess what will happen, and I love hearing what you all think and what you hope is coming. Full disclosure though, I do not have another chapter written of this story yet. My hope is that I can get a couple of chapters done over my very short school break, but I ask that you all be as patient with me as you can. If all goes according to plan, a new chapter will coming around New Year's but if not, 2019 will hold more answers, more questions, and more CS fluff. Thanks again for reading, and hope you all have a great rest of your weekend!