A shot rang out. The sound was unimaginable.
There was a faint cry of pain.
"Ryan! Espo! You guys ok?" Kate shouts from the other side of the wall. Her gun methodically trained on the corners of the room, any blind spot she can quickly eliminate.
A tall shadow catches her attention and it soon steps into the light. It's Ryan. And Espo following close behind.
"Who was shot?!" Kate exclaims, looking at the men in front of her, Kevlar vests intact and no visible injuries.
The trio looks up to each other, locking eyes and knowing instantaneously.
It all seems to click into place at the same time.
"CASTLE!" Kate screams out his name as she breaks into a full sprint into the next several rooms, throwing away the need to clear them. The longer it takes her to hear a response, the faster she's filled with dread. The sinking feeling that something is utterly and horribly wrong.
She turns the corner, bursting out the back of the building into the alley.
Not two feet in front of her is Castle slumped against the rough-hewn brick of the next building.
No, no, no, no, this can't be happening. She cannot be in another alley. Not with someone else she loves.
She drops to her knees, her gun falling to the side. She knows she shouldn't let it, her six now unprotected but she knows the boys aren't far behind. They'll always have her six.
But what about Castle's six? That was her job.
"Castle." She breathes out, running a hand along the length of his jaw, another following his arm to where it's falling.
"Where is it? Where is it?" She goes into crisis mode, quickly trying to pat him down. "Let me help, let me help, where is it?!" Her words trip over themselves, trying to get them out as quickly as she can. Time is tissue. That's what they're taught.
It's so dark and cold in the alley, and the smell of rotting garbage is unlike any other. But even with the flickering streetlight at the end, the bulb on its last legs, it's just enough to illuminate Castle's face. He looks pale, he's so pale. And scared and hurt and in pain and everything he shouldn't be feeling. All the things she's feeling and more.
"I tried Kate, I did what you told me, I tried to get the gun from him, kept his hand steady and hit it against something but the trigger. He had his hand on the trigger-"
"Castle, Castle, babe, stop talking and tell me where it is. Tell me where it-" Kate's voice cracks just as the door swings wide open again. She doesn't even look back. She knows who it is.
"Call a bus, we need a bus!" Kate calls over her shoulder, her voice as steady as she can manage it.
"Already on it. Bus'll be here in a few minutes." He's eerily calm under the pressure, must be the military training.
Castle takes Kate's hand and brings it just to where his shirt hem falls. She can feel the sticky blood coat her palm, pulsating against her hand. Her mind's racing with what to do first, the random facts she knows, the facts he's spewed off, first aid academy training, God, what did Josh say? How do I help him?
"I need a light. I need to see! I need pressure! Something to help! I need help! Somebody help him!" She's calling out to anyone she can, nearly hyperventilating but not really talking. Is this what her mother felt like?
Two beams of light shine over her as they position themselves in protective positions. Dear God, Castle. What did you get yourself into?
She rips the bottom of his shirt for an unobstructed view and as far as she can see and feel, the bullet lodged itself at kidney-level. At least she thinks it's there. All she knows it's where she kicks the punching bag strung up at the precinct gym. She also knows that the pressure she's trying to hold is doing nothing. He's still pulsating under her palm, soaking the thin blue fabric, turning it black and useless in seconds. She one-handedly strips herself of her vest, pulling her shirt over her head to have a larger makeshift bandage. She can't even use his belt as a tourniquet.
"Kate, it hurts." The anguish. She can't take it.
"I know, I know." It's all she can do to keep from breaking down. She wants to bring him closer but she's trying to visualize her high school anatomy. Bringing him closer wouldn't work, wouldn't all the blood would fall forward? Lay him on his back? No, all the blood would flow up. Right?
"Where is that BUS?!" She cries out, melted into the ground with her partner, bringing him closer anyway. She sits fully against the ground and tries to lean his torso parallel to her, like they could be sitting on a couch. She needs his touch to ground her to reality. She also needs it as a reminder that this isn't some despicable nightmare.
"It's still five minutes out, plus the time to the hospital. The only engine available is stuck across town."
Kate looks up, not wanting to say the words running through her head: he doesn't have all that time.
"Ok, ok, let's get him up. We're taking the car, we'll meet the ambulance." Kate decides, not letting another person she loves fall victim to an alley. She couldn't save her mom but she can save him.
Ryan pulls the car into the alley after what feels like an hour but is probably closer to thirty seconds. Espo's got his legs, trying to get him into the backseat with her.
Full lights and sirens they're a solid five miles away, maybe longer. They're in a strange part of the city and even she knows Mt. Sinai is still the closest.
"Faster, faster, we need to go faster." Kate calls out, Castle's head in her lap stroking his face and trying to keep it from falling in his eyes. He needed a haircut.
She's trying to double up the pressure, his hand underneath both of hers now, pressing as hard as she possibly can but easing up every time she hears a particularly pained groan. He's in so much pain. And he hasn't blacked out yet, she blacked out in seconds.
"Kate, it's ok. We're just taking a trip." His breathing is labored, his words coming out in spurts.
"Castle, I swear to God, you start making jokes-"
"Do I begrudge you of your-coping mechanisms" He squirms from her touch yet it stops nothing.
She wore light pants today. She'd just gone out with Lanie and she insisted she buy something happier. She never does that. Why did she do that? Because now she's covered in his blood. And the light grey, almost-taupe color is not camouflaging anything. Her hand flies up to the ceiling light, painting the yellow light, now refracting in red.
She sees it. The skin underneath her hand is a mess. She can't even comprehend more educated words. The bullet's nowhere to be found. What if it's lodged in some dangerous place and it's moving and causing more damage? She's watched too many episodes of Grey's Anatomy. So, she does what they do, the only thing she can think to do, the only semi-rational thought in her head. She sticks her finger in the wound. And he screams out. Her tears are falling freely now. She can't help it and has no intention of holding back. Her defenses are down. They're always down when it comes to Castle. But now he's shot. Where was his vest? Why wasn't he wearing that stupid vest?
"Castle, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but it's not stopping." It's taking too long, "RYAN!" She calls out again.
"Kate, I'm trying. I'm pushing ninety on this road, I can't go any faster. We're almost there, I promise. You hang on Castle, you hear me? You don't get to leave us, leave Alexis. Think of Alexis, ok?"
His eyes start to glaze over, "Castle, no no no no, you stay with me. Talk to me, tell me something."
"You smell like cherries."
She let out a breath, pausing before continuing, she had to keep talking to keep him talking, "What were you gonna do when you got home?"
"Alexis would probably be studying at the counter, or maybe they're eating ice cream without me. I really wanted a smorelette. Kate, have I ever made you one?"
"No, you really ought to now." There's a pained laugh that escapes her lips. "Tell me something else."
"I never told you, but do you remember when Raglan was killed? Well, your dad came to see me. He told me about how he fell in love with your mom. He said I was an idiot for hurting you and if I thought that I would just have all the time in the world, I wasn't the man he thought I was. Kate, I'm so sorry, you know I love you and I need you to hear it one last time. I'm sorry I didn't stay in the car. I touch too many things and I didn't bring my vest. I saw him come out the corner and I wanted to be the hero. I wanted to be your hero."
"I love you too. You're already my hero, Castle. You're-you're gonna be fine. It's gonna be ok." She bent down to kiss his forehead and the car screeched to a halt. They never caught up to the ambulance. That was a terrifying thought. The door flung open and she looked down, his eyes had slipped closed.
The doctors and nurses were shouting for things and asking questions and Kate's brain was so muddled she could hardly think, let alone answer someone coherently.
They got him onto a gurney but she didn't want to let him go. As bad as he needed the care, she wanted to hold him forever. Tell him all the things she never had. If she let him go, would she ever see him again?
She scrambled out from the backseat, nearly tripping and quick on the heels of his gurney. She heard something about blood and aortas and heart rhythms and trauma rooms.
It was just words. Nothing seemed to make sense.
The team of people pushed him into a trauma room. She stood outside the room, the two wide windows leaving no inch of the room out of view. She knew she shouldn't be watching-some things were better left to imagination-but she couldn't look away. Someone called out, and a set of defibrillator paddles were passed over. It was a horrible black and yellow machine.
She gasped when Castle's body shook and seized on the table. There was so much chaos in the room, yet even she realized the fluidity of it. His body shook three more times. By the fourth, her vision had clouded over and she just saw outlines.
Then nothing. It all went silent. Except for that high pitched tone. It was the unmistakable sound of an EKG machine. The unmistakable sound of death.
The blinds shut and she fell to her knees. She had already felt hurt like this-she shouldn't be feeling it again.
Espo was at her back and wrapped his arms protectively around her. And she sobbed.
She felt herself being lifted off the ground bridal style and couldn't bring herself to open her eyes. Everything was too bright, too dark, too loud, too silent.
Eventually, she was forced back into reality and led to a gurney of her own. She fought and refused but all too soon, she gave up. There was nothing else to give. Nothing left. Her mind was still back in that alley. The image of Castle in that alley. She'd studied the crime scene photos too many times to realize the numerous similarities.
She was led to a room and realized she must've looked like a horror show. Her entire right side looked like a casualty.
A nurse in too-happy scrubs brought out linens and toiletries and set up the shower for her.
Then, she saw the dark-haired figure of her best friend squatting down to her eye level. "Come on, hun." Lanie led her to the shower.
Her hair dripped down her back. It's what she focused on as she sat numbly on the bedside. She was clean now but she felt dirty.
Lanie had stepped out, talking to someone. She came back in with a tall, white-haired man. He initially checked her over, "I'm going to give you something for the shock, ok?" He held out two pills in a little container and then handed her a paper cup to wash it down.
She took them without a response, and laid against the uncomfortable mattress, the scratchy blankets, the too soft pillows.
The world seemed to fade to black.