CHAPTER 7: Between Freedom and Happiness

Warning: Underage sex and abuse mentioned.

Title is inspired by the quote: "The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better." George Orwell, 1984

"Hello?"

"Sev?"

"Isaiah?"

"You said to ring you in your last email. What's going on?"

"I'm not sure."

"You don't know why you asked me to ring you?"

"I hear a lot of noise in the background. Where are you?"

"Paddington Station."

"What are you doing there?"

"I had to stop by Uni to make a payment for next term."

"You took the rail to Bristol and back? Why not send a check in the post and save yourself the five hour round trip?" There was a pause. "Do you know Isambard Brunel?"

"Um yes. He designed Hungerford Bridge. Why are you bringing him up?"

"There is a life size statue of him between Platforms 8 and 9 at Paddington. I'll meet you there in half an hour."

"You live an hour outside the city. Are you going to fly here?"

"Something like that. Please say you'll be there."

"Brunel, half an hour."

"Sev, you came!" Isaiah leapt from the bench and was pulled into a hug by Severus.

"I said I would." They held each other for a minute before Severus composed himself. "Sorry about that. I'm usually more together than that."

"I don't mind." They sat on the bench in silence. "So, why did you want me to ring you? You could have just told me to come over."

"I thought neutral ground would be best."

"You seem distressed."

"Are you going somewhere?" Severus asked suddenly, pointing to the black duffel bag tucked next to Isaiah.

"No. Why did you ask me to call you?"

Severus took a deep breath. "I went by your house." He looked over at Isaiah quickly and noted that his expression hardened. When moments passed without a reply he continued. "I wanted to surprise you."

"That was very sweet of you. I'm sorry we missed each other." The words were strained.

"You don't live there." Again, no reply. "I knocked on the door and asked for you. I got quite the tale from the man who answered."

"I'm sure you did." Isaiah refused to look at him.

"He said Nia stole money from people in the neighborhood and ran without paying rent. He didn't know who you were. Said he wasn't aware that she had any children."

"What do you want from me?"

"Where do you live? What happened to your mother? Why didn't the landlord know about you?"

"I'm staying in Surrey until term starts up again." His tone was forced.

"Surrey? Since when?"

Isaiah sighed loudly. "On and off since May."

"May?" Severus replaced. "It's August. Why didn't you tell me you moved? Where's Nia?"

"I'm not sure where Mother is."

"What do you mean? When was the last time you saw her?"

"Sometime in April."

"April, Izzy! Where are you staying now? Who are you staying with?"

"I'm renting a bed at a hostel," he whispered, almost in shame.

"A hostel?"

Isaiah's voice was stronger. "It's in a nice area. By the Polesden Lacey estate in Dorking. Place looks out of a fairy tale, hatch roof and everything. Quiet peaceful. You'd like it, if it weren't for all the visitors."

"Why are you living in a hostel? What happened to your Mother? Did she leave you? Why aren't you staying with Joanna? She's your sister. Or Ben or Linda?"

"Mother. I'm actually not sure where she is. And Joanna wouldn't let me in."

"I am getting confused. Can you please start at the beginning?"

"It's a long story. A really long story."

"I have time."

Isaiah sighed in defeat. "The house you went to in Brixton isn't ours as you found out." He looked straight ahead. His voice monotone. "About ten years ago Mother met a woman named Jean at some party, she was always going to parties. Anyway, Jean got her into all the occult stuff. Jean's husband is a Priest. She went head first into all of it. Disappeared a lot to spend time with them and learn. Even went to the Caribbean for a bit. We moved into the house in Brixton with Jean and her family seven years ago. It's divided so we had our own flat. The followers and gatherings came next. Once that was going for a bit, the shop was opened. Supposedly it was to be run by all three of them. I used to see them all the time when I was younger then less and less as the years went on. I'm not exactly sure what actually happened but all of a sudden after the New Year everything was in shambles. I think they took off with all the money. Mother lost everything."

"Why didn't you say anything? It's been months, we've seen each other, written, called, we went on holiday recently."

"It wasn't your problem."

Severus huffed in exasperation. "What happened to your mother after they ran?"

"Apparently the business was only under Mother's name, and with the money gone she couldn't pay the employees and had to close it. The flat came next."

"So the house didn't belong to the Priest or Jean?"

"Nope. We got evicted. We didn't know that they stopped paying the rent since we paid them our rent thinking the house was their. Mother tried to get a hold of them with no luck. The landlord wanted us out, so out we went. It's not like she had the money for the back rent anyway."

"When did all this happen?"

"March."

"Where were you living between March and May?"

"We moved in with Isis. Until I had to leave."

"Isn't that the attendant that hates you?"

"Yes."

"What about Cara? She at least likes you."

"She wouldn't have taken me in after Isis. And she has three kids at home, it's a tight fit already. Isis lived alone, her kids are grown and moved out years ago. Plus she worships the ground Mother walks on. We didn't have anywhere else to go at the time. The entire community had turned their backs on us. Thanks to Jean and her husband scamming the lot of them out of a load of money and blaming Mother."

"What about your sister?"

"She's not really my sister actually. Joanna's dad and Mother have been on and off for years. We don't really get along."

"More drama then."

"I tried her first, after I left Isis. I rang her, she didn't answer. I went to her place anyway. She's living with someone in Covent Garden. She wouldn't even let me in the flat. Closed the door in my face."

"Why?"

"She likes Isis. Took her side. We had an argument the day I left. Isis and I. You saw what she's like last year. A bloody harpy. I tried. I really did. I was good for weeks on end. Kept my mouth shut, followed all her rules, did chores, even followed her ridiculous curfew. It all blew up that day."

"What was the row about?"

Isaiah closed his eyes. "She came onto me."

"Excuse me?"

"Mother had been gone for a week or so, probably looking for her next boyfriend. It has been just the two of us. I was reading in the sitting room, working on an assignment for Uni, and she was fluttering about cleaning. Next thing I know she's on top of me. I pushed her off. She kept trying to grab my cock. I know better than to put my hands on a woman even if it's to shove her away. I was trying really hard not to touch her but she wouldn't let up. It turned into a shouting match. A nosy neighbor threatened to call the cops."

"Were they called?"

"No, thank goodness. I locked myself in my room and grabbed all my stuff. Not that there is much. We had to get rid of a lot when we got evicted. Everything I own is in this bag. I don't like leaving it at the hostel." He kicked the duffel bag. "It took a lot more shouting for me to finally get out of the flat. I legged it. Well, you can't run with a black duffel in a shady neighborhood, so I walked as fast as I could without looking like I'd nicked something. After about a mile I rang Joanna."

"Why didn't she help you? She might not be your real sister but you've known each other for years."

"By the time I got to her place, Isis had already rang her about our fight. I kept trying to interrupt her rant but she wouldn't shut up. She went on and on about how I was disrespectful and how Isis has been nothing but kind, how I was out of line. I gathered that Isis didn't tell her the real reason about our fall out and I'm relieved she didn't make it seem like I tried to sexually assault her because I'm sure Joanna would have slapped me and then called the cops."

"What did you do?"

"What could I do? I let her shout at me. When she ran out of steam I told her that I wouldn't bother her again and left. I tried Ben and Linda but their line was disconnected. They moved to Portsmouth after the New Year and I didn't want to make that trip in case the same thing happened. I wandered around for a while. Ended up here. Walked around the station. Freaked out. Sat for a while. Stopped freaking out and followed some backpackers to the hostel in Surrey. Been there on and off since whenever I'm not with you."

"I'm not sure what to say."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you any of this before but my dog's dinner isn't yours."

"Why didn't you stay with me? Or get your own place?"

"I can't get a place on my own. Not a legal one anyway."

"Why?"

"My age."

"How old are you?

Isaiah took a deep breath. "Eighteen." He paused shortly. "As of two weeks ago."

"WHAT?!" he yelled.

"Shhhh, lower your voice. It's bad enough telling you my problems in public without you drawing even more attention."

"You're a child!" Severus hissed.

"For fuck sake Severus. I'm of age."

"Barely!"

"I haven't been a child for years. You don't go through what I did without growing up quickly."

"I thought this was your last year of University. I was hoping you were at least twenty."

"I finished high school as soon as I could then started Uni when I was fifteen."

"Fifteen at University? What else haven't you told me?"

"I've done things. Things I'm not exactly proud of, to survive."

"God, I'm old enough to be your father."

"I don't care. What does our age difference matter."

"Are you going to try to get a hold of your Mother?" Severus tried to change the subject.

"No. She pushes me aside when she gets a new boyfriend. Plus she wouldn't give up Isis for me."

"You're her son. I'd hope she would pick you over an overzealous follower or lover."

Isaiah shrugged and looked away. "She wouldn't. Never has."

"What…"

"I thought about calling one of my co-workers. That wasn't a lie by the way. I do work at an accountants office, it's just a turf accountant."

"You're a bookie?"

"I don't deal with bets. Regardless, the place is legal. You've seen it. I didn't introduce you to anyone because the owner's grandson used to go to my high school. That's how I got the job. It's who you know in this world, right. Anyway, I thought about calling his son, who pretty much runs the place, or his grandson, Alex. We were sorta friends in school. Sat together during lunch. Nothing major. We've only shared one class 10th year which is how we met. But then I didn't want them to know, you know. I would have to explain why I needed a place to crash for a bit. And when someone opens up their home to you, it's really hard to lie. I mean, I wouldn't have told them everything, but even a little bit is enough. I hate the looks. The looks of pity. I was already the skint kid in our school, everyone knew that I didn't come from money. It's hard enough dealing with little rich pompous assholes without them finding out I'm homeless as well through the alumni gossip."

"What have you done? The bad things you mentioned."

Isaiah's voice got even lower. "Anything, everything. I've stolen, bartered, flogged things."

"Drugs?"

"No, I'm terrified of them."

Severus looked relieved. Then tensed before asking "Sex?"

He nodded and closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. He stared at his hands. "I was a bright kid. Top marks. My English teacher in seventh form had a nephew or something that went to a boarding school in Bristol. They liked to scout talent, basically glorified tax breaks. You also get a tuition discount for recruiting. She got me an application. I forged Mother's signature. I stole money to get to the interview and entrance exam. I pulled a blinder. I thought I was free."

"Free?"

"Mother is not an easy person to live with. There were a lot of rules. Clean up after yourself, always say please and thank you, be quiet at all times, don't walk, talk or breathe loudly, don't eat in front of her, don't look her in the eye, permission must be given to sleep, shower, eat, drink and even use the toilet. There are more. Too many rules to list at the moment. Mother. Moselantja. My personal scaly skinned, sharp tooth, yellow eyed monster. Like the story. Though, I didn't rip her apart and burn the pieces, I am free now."

"She limited your bathroom use? She starved you? Abused you?" Severus asked, horrified.

"She decided what I needed. Even taking a piss. I learned to hold it."

"I always wondered why you never used the facilities as often as I do. You're like a camel. We could spend the entire day together and you never excused yourself. Or why you always waited for me to take a bite before eating your own food."

Isaiah nodded. "It's a habit, even when not around Mother. Better for me if I didn't forget."

"So you went away to a boarding school?"

"Yes, at least that first year. I got a scholarship and was given a grant for room and board for my eighth year."

"But not the rest?"

"No, I had to figure out how to pay for it all."

"How did you manage?"

"Like I said. I stole and bartered."

"Sex?"

"Yes."

"How? I can't imagine how you would..."

"A classmate's father. We met on Parent's Day. I was on clean up duty. He was looking for his kid. Next thing you know, we're in the broom closet. He gave me money before leaving. I didn't ask for it. I was still high from the orgasm when he ran out. It clicked then. It was a doddle. The school fee was by year not class, so I took the fast track to finish. I was clever enough to make it happen."

"How old were you when you first…"

"Thirteen."

"That's disgusting."

Isaiah snapped his head up and glared. "Fuck you," he hissed. Then grabbed his bag and walked away. He didn't make it far. "Let go," he snarled at Severus who had grabbed his arm.

"No, don't go."

He angrily whispered, aware that they were in public. "I don't need your self righteous judgement. Or do I need to remind you that I was seventeen when we met. You might not have known my age but you knew I was young. That didn't stop you from letting me cum down your throat," his voice was hard.

Severus let him go like his hand was burned. "I…." Isaiah started walking away again. "Come home with me."

"What?" he whipped around startled.

"You're right. I shouldn't judge you. I'm not a saint either. I've done worse."

"What's worse than whoring yourself out to pay for school?" Isaiah walked closer, they were very close now.

Severus looked around and closed the distance between them. "I've killed," he whispered in his ear.

Isaiah stumbled back a bit in shock but recovered quickly. "No shit?" Severus nodded and looked resigned as if waiting for judgement. "Did you enjoy it?" he leaned forward in interest.

"Only with those that deserved it?" Severus replied honestly.

"Who deserved it?"

"Rapist, abusers."

They stared at each other without blinking. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"I'll go home with you."